DISCLAIMER: I OWN NOTHING RELATED WITH TWILIGHT

Chapter 18

CONFESSIONS

"What?" this woman must have something wrong in her head! After all she knew, after all she saw and still, she wants to lose her human life!

I was extremely angry with her but I couldn't claim her anything: first, she wasn't mine, yet so, I had no kind of right on her; second, I couldn't take decisions for her; so I set my jaw tightly. I took her in my arms and jump out the window. Once outside, I got her on my back and ran towards the dark forest.

Running always have been one of my favorite activities, especially since Bella came with me but tonight, that feeling was lost on me, even with Bella on my back. My body and my mind were overwhelmed by anxiety, fear and insecurity.

The minutes passed and Bella still said nothing, but there has a small improvement, another small detail that helps me to keep hope: my sweet angel's face wasn't hidden on my back as the other times; now, she had her chin resting on my shoulder, I could feel her warm skin touching mine and her sweet breath mixing with my own. Out of nowhere, I felt her head turn and she kissed my neck tenderly.

That simple act swept away completely all of my fears and doubts, making my stomach shrivel and my breathing speed up-"Thank you"-I said followed with a sigh of relief; now I was sure that I would be able to reconquer her, to be with her and make her happy, to make her forget the horrible nightmare that I put her through-"Does that mean you've decided you're awake?"-I teased her. I felt so light that I felt I was able to fly.

Her answer was her beautiful laugh, so light and carefree, so full of happiness that I felt that my heart was about to beat again. THIS should have been our reunion, not that Italian nightmare.

"Not really"-This response somewhat undermined my happiness, since she was still somewhat undecided about my feeling towards her-"More that, either way, I'm not trying to wake up. Not tonight"

Even though it seemed a wonderful dream for me too, I had to convince her that this was real and, to achieve that, she had to trust me the way she did before.

"I'll earn your trust back somehow. If it's my final act"

I would spend each and every day of my existence trying to recover her trust completely, without doubts or fears.

"I trust you. It's me I don't trust"-she said with such determination that confused me.

"Explain that, please"

I slow down to a walk, we were quite close to the house and I wanted to feel her warmth a little bit longer; so much time has passed since the last time…

"Well…"-She began slowly, weighing the words before spoke them-"I don't trust myself to be…enough. To deserve you. There´s nothing about me that could hold you"

"God! The damage I did would never end?" I thought desperately. I didn't know how much it had to be her insecurity and how much there had to be my stupid lies in her words. All I knew for sure was that my sweet Bella would never doubt about US any more.

I stopped a few miles away the house knowing that, as soon as we entered she'll became quiet and, the most plausible is that I didn't had another chance to ask for an explanation about "THAT".

I stretched and get her off of my back, not very sure that her balance has improved as much as her "love" for speed; when she was on the ground, the absence of the warmth of her body on mine made that that nasty hole in my chest, that I thought now inexistent, shake annoyingly, taking my breath away so, I turn quickly and hugged her tightly against my chest, saturating my lungs with her luscious scent.

"Your hold is permanent and unbreakable"-I whisper-"Never doubt that"

In an attempt to change the subject, I asked something that was in my mind since the very moment she avoided the subject.

"You never did tell me…"

"What?"-She asks confused.

"What your greatest problem is"

That damn hole shuddered in my chest; now fill with fear and despair to find out that, despite all my efforts and words, my sweet Bella still doubt me "Goddamn you a thousand times, Edward Cullen. This pain is your entire fault!"

I hated me so much that, despite her sweet attempts to make me feel better, I couldn't think in anything else. Leave was not an option, never more so, because that would destroy us both immediately and completely.

I was looking for a solution, some kind of relieve from this unbearable pain, when Bella has an "epiphany". She remained silent for so long that, beyond my fears, now anxiety sized me.

"Oh!"-she said gasping

I waited but no other single word or sound came out of those tantalizing lips and the silence was driving me crazy.

"Bella?"

"Oh. Okay. I see"

"WHAT? C'mon love, say something!"- "Your epiphany?"

"You love me"-She told me marveled as those beautiful brown eyes found mine.

"Truly, I do"-I whisper, overtaken by emotion. I can see how that unconditional love, that blind trust returned to her. At that moment I felt how relief swept on everyone of my cells, it felt like my silent heart shake with happiness to the point that I could have sworn it was about to beat.

I took her beautiful face in my hands and kissed her with all the love and passion that boiled in me. THIS should have been our reconciliation kiss, free of negative emotions; only love, acceptance and forgiveness.

When we both were panting, I release her just enough to lean my forehead on hers, struggling to catch my breath.

"You were better at it than I was, you know"

"Better at what?"-She asks completely confused.

"Surviving. You, at least, made an effort. You got up in the morning, tried to be normal for Charlie, followed the pattern of your live. When I wasn't actively tracking, I was…"-dirty, senseless, pathetic, even maybe stinky-"totally useless. I couldn't be around my family-I couldn't be around anyone. I´m embarrassed to admit that I more or less curled up into a ball and let the misery have me"-I smiled ashamed and, if I could have been able to flushed, it could've be seen even in this darkness-"It was more much pathetic than hearing voices. And, of course, you know I do that, too"

Despite the fact that anyone would have thought she was crazy I knew that wasn't the case, that our love was the one who had spoken, which had put my voice on her head and force me to see her beautiful face again and again, pulling me to her side.

"I only heard one voice"-She corrected me and I could distinguish a note of relief in her sweet voice.

"See, Edward. I told you there was nothing to worry about"-Alice though proudly.

Hello!!!!

LOL now I decided to put my note at the end... what do you think????
I hope you like the chapter, I remind you this is the penultimete chapter and that the next will be divided in two!!!! (I hope you chatch that because I don't!!! hahaha)
This chapter have no specific song, but you can hear:
"I Will" "I Promise You"- BSB form Black&Blue album
"No One Else Comes Close" "I Need You" "Don't Wanna Lose You" "Back Tou You Heart"- BSB from Millenium Album
"Unbreakable"-Westlife from The Greatest Hits Album
With them you might catch my mood when I write the chapter and the next one. Hope you like it...
Also!!! Just like in the previous chapter, the thoughts in here are from Edward exceot the last one, but you could easily tell sice it says it was Alice...
Hum... I think that's all. The next chapter shoud be up next friday since it is the last one... Mwa ha ha ha I love suspense... EDWARD'S BABY should be up... I don't know... What you think about friday also???? Let me know what you think!!!!!

Thank you so very much for reading and for leaving me some love...I love you too
This chapter is dedicated to "demelza12" for being so suporting and fun!!! LOL and for all of you whom made me smile!!!!