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Home Again
The black-painted haversack on the porch caught Hoss' attention. He pushed it over to see what looked like faded stenciled regiment numbers and then he knew. Adam must be home. But maybe not and his heart skipped a beat at the thought that Adam's belongings had been returned to them but "Pa wouldn't leave them out here," Hoss thought. Adam had to be home. Hoss opened the door and tossed his hat aside. Adam stood up, grinning, hoping he wouldn't embarrass himself by crying at seeing his younger brother's beloved face. "Adam, you dadburn hornswoggler! Welcome home" Hoss wrapped his arms about Adam and lifted him a foot off the ground.
"Put me down," Adam said, trying to push away. "before you break my damn ribs or try to kiss me!"
Hoss sat Adam back on his feet and stepped back, grinning widely. "I could snap you in half 'cause you're 'bout skinny as a starvin' coyote but you're too damn ugly to kiss. Course, considerin' I've kissed some women uglier 'n you… I swear, boy, you lost 'bout twenty pounds. Ain't nothin' of you left. I could toss you acrost the yard." He noticed how Adam's trousers required suspenders and his shirt hung on his frame.
"Well, looks like you've gained about 30 pounds. But I guess you felt you had to eat for three now that Joe's moved out as well."
"Well, Hop Sing still don't know how to cook for just Pa and me." Hoss sniffed the air. "Fried chicken…biscuits…white gravy and that apple pie I swore all afternoon I was smellin'!" And as if on cue, Hop Sing paraded out holding a platter of fried chicken.
"All sit! Dinner ready now Mistah Hoss home! But go wash hands."
The three Cartwrights sat at dinner, Adam at his usual place at the foot. "But, Pa," Hoss said, holding a chicken leg with the thigh attached, "we gotta have a party for Adam. Ain't everyone got home from the war."
Adam looked at his father and then to Hoss. "That's why I don't want a party, a celebration, or anything else. I just want to get back to punching cattle and getting the mill up and running again."
"Yeah," Hoss said, staring at his plate. "Guess that would be, well, kinda…" Hoss looked up. "Guess we shouldn't parade you about, happy you're home when so many people done lost a son, brother or such. You know Mitch Burnett was killed short after you left. And Carter Morgan and, well…don't wanta go into all the bad news but you won't believe this; Bessie Sue Hightower done got married."
"You let her get away?" Adam teased. "How'd she find another man big enough to make her happy?"
"Seems some travelin' cowhand her pa hired, name of Ross Gilman, romanced her 'bout two weeks and then married her. Now they got a boy 'most as tall as me and only two years old. Old man Hightower got the son he's always wanted and he don't gotta pay him long as Bessie Sue is kept happy and since Gilman seems to always be grinnin', I'm guessing she uses them long legs to keep 'im locked-in until she is."
Adam laughed and even Ben had to grin despite often discouraging ribald conversations at dinner. But Ben realized this was what had been missing from life—his sons' easy conversation with each other. And he suddenly wished Joe had never married.
"But, Pa, we gotta let Joe know Adam's home. And, Adam, wait 'til you see them two nephews of ours; handsome and mischievous as can be and then Amy, Joe's little girl, why she's the prettiest little thing on two feet, even prettier than her mother."
Ben sat up straighter. "I thought we'd have Joe and Melinda over Saturday night for dinner, just a small family celebration. Mrs. Banning can stay home with the children and then, well, we won't have to worry about their bedtime. Sound all right to you, Adam? You're not too…it wouldn't be too much too soon, would it?"
"Oh? Mrs. Banning is living with them?"
"Well, yes. She had no one else and no way to…" Ben was at a loss.
Hoss spoke up, sensing his father was uncomfortable for an unknown reason. "Mrs. Banning helps take care of the kids and cooks some and helps 'round the house. Joe wasn't quite sure at first, but he said she does her best to stay outta the way. I think they all get along pretty well or Joe woulda said somethin''. You know how he can complain 'bout things."
Adam chuckled. "Dinner Saturday would be fine." Adam reached for his coffee cup and took a sip. His father had written him of Horace Banning's death and Deborah and Melinda Banning arriving at the Ponderosa. Then, a few months later, another letter arrived with news of Joe marrying Melinda in a small ceremony. But Adam had had little time to muse over such news, just happy his family was well.
Hop Sing came out with the whole apple pie and placed it on the sideboard before he went back into the kitchen but not before surveying the chicken bones on Hoss' and Ben's plates and judging how much of the mashed potatoes, peas and gravy had been eaten. As much as Adam had wanted to eat the apple pie, he had only been able to eat two large slices. He then regretted having eaten so much, not just of the pie but at lunch because he cramped up, spending quite a bit of time in the outhouse. Over the past few years he had managed to digest rancid rations during the war, roots and roasted squirrels and rabbits while traveling home along with the random meals received while sitting on a homesteader's porch, but when given Hop Sing's delicious, finely seasoned food, his stomach and gut revolted and did their best to rid him of the food. Because of that, and despite Hop Sing's dosing with one of his bitter concoctions, all he'd eaten at dinner was mashed potatoes and two biscuits with apple butter; Hop Sing said the apple butter would bind him.
"Tomorrow mornin', you gotta come with me to Joe's house. Matter of fact, you'll think it's yours 'cause you know them blueprints you made for…"
"Hoss," Ben said, raising a hand, "Adam'll see the house tomorrow."
"Well…sure, Pa." Hoss looked a bit bewildered, not knowing how he'd misspoken.
"Actually," Adam said, "Pa told me about the wolf packs. I thought I'd head out tomorrow, maybe get a few. It'll also give me an idea about how many there are."
"We not only got wolves but coyotes and then them cougars. Last spring we lost 'bout half the calves. Should be a good market for beef this comin' year, that is iffen we make it through the winter. We'll also need more hands for the drive."
"From what I've seen happening, timbering will be the more lucrative. With reconstruction in the south and people traveling out here, the price of lumber is going to jump. I'm guessing it'll double—maybe even triple."
"But we ain't been able to get repairs made or anyone who'll do it," Hoss complained. "Hell, we can't even get parts."
"Well, before I head out hunting tomorrow, I'll ride over and take a look at the place. We need to thin out some of these trees or we're just looking for a fire come the storm season or a careless traveler. We have any lumber men in the bunkhouse?"
"Well," Hoss scratched his head, thinking. "Might be Andy said he worked cuttin' once. But no one from old times. We're gonna have to ask around, put up signs in Virginia City and Carson. Pa, what d'you think?"
"We'll think about that when it's time," Ben said. "But right now, let's have a piece of Hop Sing's pie." Ben started to stand up, reaching for his cane which slipped away and in trying to pick it up, gave a cry of pain, grabbed his knee and sat back down. "Damn this knee!"
"Pa," Hoss said, standing over his father, "I'da gotten the pie. Why you always tryin' to best yourself, won't take it easy?"
Hop Sing, upon hearing Ben's cry, rushed out of the kitchen and immediately began chastising Ben. Now that Adam was home, Hop Sing felt he might have a stronger ally. "You stubborn old man!" Hop Sing said. "Why you be like mule? Mistah Adam, doctor put splint on father's leg and him take off! You make him wear it!"
"All right, Hop Sing. All right," Ben said, breathing through his pain; it was receding, leaving just a throbbing behind.
"Pa, I wondered about you limping around here—kept meaning to ask. Guess Hoss and I are going to have to tie you down until your knee heals. You know, you keep tearing it up while it's trying to heal, it never will."
"See!" Hop Sing said, glorying in his vindication. "That what Hop Sing say! You listen now!"
"Yes, yes." Ben knew when he was outnumbered. "I'll put the splint on in the morning. Now can we have our pie and coffee in peace?"
Hoss brought the pie to the table but Adam declined, claiming he wanted to sleep through the night and not have to run to the outhouse in the dark, especially with the wolves and coyotes about.
"I learned," Hoss said, as he sliced himself a large slice of pie, "gotta take your gun and a lit lantern out with you. Never thought a man'd have to worry about havin' his throat ripped out by a hungry cougar just goin' to take a shit."
~ 0 ~
Hoss went to bed and Adam helped Ben hobble to his chair where he sat and lit his pipe; it would help with the pain. Dr. Turner had told him no laudanum because then his knee would feel so much better, as stubborn as Ben was, he would only injure it more. Hop Sing was told to give Mr. Cartwright only one grain at night to help him sleep.
"Adam, I'm sorry your homecoming isn't what you might have pictured." Ben inhaled and the warmth of the tobacco filled him, relaxing him.
"Let's put your leg up," Adam said, moving the low table closer to his father and placing a couch pillow on it for his foot. Then he lifted his father's leg and gently placed it on the cushion. "That okay? Not too high, is it?"
"No. That feels good." Ben lay his head back, trying to rid himself of the nagging worries that had been his companions ever since Adam left. His mind, set in habit, kept him feeling anxious. But Adam was home. He was home and in the same room and tonight would sleep in his bed just down the hall.
"Pa, why did you shush Hoss about Joe's house? Did he use the plans for Laura's house?" Adam built up the fire as the room had become chilly.
"Yes, he did. He asked me if I thought you'd mind. I said no, I didn't think you would. I'm hoping it was the right answer."
"I don't mind. Gives me another reason to visit tomorrow. I'd like to see my idea in wood and masonry."
"Turned out well. He cannibalized the stones from the old chimney you started and…well, you'll see. And, Adam, I had my doubts about Melinda, if she really loved Joe or not and I believe she does."
Adam sat back in the blue chair and or a few moments, it was as if the past few years had slipped away and he was still the same happy man he had been before the war upended his world. "After having three children with him, she better," Adam said and Ben chuckled, closing his eyes. "Wait. My guitar." He reached to the far side of the chair and grabbed the guitar by its neck, pulling it into his lap. "Has this been sitting there all these years?" He ran his hand over its belly which was still smooth and turning it over, saw all the strings were intact. He strummed them and heard a slight cacophony; some strings had loosened and would need tuning. The thought struck him as his hands and fingers knew just where to go, that it must be like a man returning home to his wife, holding her, caressing her while recalling all the previous pleasure she gave him.
"Guitar?" Ben leaned forward. "Oh, Hop Sing must have brought it down. He'd put it back in your room, thought it would collect dust sitting down here but I think he really thought it was a constant reminder to me you were gone." Just then, Hop Sing came out with a glass of water.
"Here," he said, handing it to Ben. "Doctor say take before sleep. You drink now." Hop Sing waited while Ben drank the mixture and handed back the glass, expressing distaste "Hop Sing say goodnight. Sleep good, Mistah Adam. Mistah Ben—you go to bed. Now."
"I will, Hop Sing, I will. I want to finish my pipe. Is it all right with you if I finish my pipe?" Hop Sing, recognizing the sarcasm, harrumphed and left for his room.
Adam softly strummed the guitar while adjusting the tuning pegs. Although he didn't read music, as a child, he had learned quite a few things from a hired ranch hand who told him he had a good ear. All the rest, Adam had taught himself. As he sat by the fire, he was filled with uneasiness and he didn't know why. Perhaps it was because so much had changed—or maybe it was just he who had changed?
Adam's thoughts went to tomorrow and seeing Joe and Melinda. He had said he wanted to hunt wolves but he also needed a haircut. But going into Virginia City… He struggled to take a breath, his throat suddenly closing from fear. He was afraid, but of what? He looked to his father who was asleep in the chair. Adam rose and placed the bowl of Ben's pipe in the ashtray. He should wake him but it had been a difficult day, so Adam pulled a blanket from a drawer of the chest by the front door and placed it around his sleeping father. Let Hop Sing fuss in the morning about his father sleeping in the chair. "Goodnight, Pa." Adam whispered and suddenly he was overwhelmed with love for the man and bending, kissed his father's forehead.
While the house was asleep, Adam lay awake. The fear that earlier gripped him was still there, causing him to sweat and shudder. He didn't want to go anywhere, see anyone, just hide here in the house. Let the world come to him. He didn't want to face things, face the fact that he was halfway and still had nothing to call his own.
Mail call was the biggest event in a soldier's life, that and clean water and a chance to wash. Men would sit about and read their mail, crying or laughing and many read parts of their letters aloud. And just about everyone had someone who wrote them. On occasion, there were sad letters, a wife who decided to move on with another man or a dead father or mother or worse, child. And by the light of a camp lantern, Adam would write letters to the wives and families of the fallen soldiers under his command, often wondering if soon, someone would write a letter to Ben Cartwright telling him of his son's brave death. There was no Mrs. Cartwright to inform, to console for her loss. Suddenly, Adam felt overwhelmed with loneliness but how could he be, he asked himself? He had family about him, those who loved him so how could he be lonely? He needed more, he realized. He needed and wanted a wife, someone into whose arms he would find acceptance and whose body would fulfill his carnal desire. But there was no one he loved or who loved him and that left Adam bereft.