That evening sleep is an elusive acquaintance. Olivia leans against the headboard wondering if she'll ever sleep again. Between worry, and constant trips to the bathroom her batting average for shut eye is pretty poor. Her phone vibrates from its resting spot on her bedside. She puts it to her ear.
"Do you know what time it is?"
"I thought perhaps you might still be awake."
"Rafa, what would make you think a silly thing like that?"
"Your penchant for insomnia, and a rapidly expanding uterus pressing against your bladder."
"Well I am guilty as charged."
"I am honestly surprised that you answered me. It seems as if you've been avoiding my communication."
"Because I have."
"Olivia why is it so hard for you to choose happiness?"
"Rafa that is oversimplifying things. I am going to be bringing new life into this world soon. Their future is all I'm worried about."
"I am in this thing. Good, bad, or ugly I am here for it."
"No matter how much I want that… I can't promise you anything. I don't think I have the time or energy to invest into making a relationship work right now."
"So you're not even willing to try?"
"This is what I'm talking about. You are ego-centric. I have two babies to think of. Every single decision I make has to reflect that they are the priority in my life."
"Them having two parents is not a priority in their life? Is it so wrong to want them to have two loving adults behind them every step of the way?"
"I know I have created this mess, but I just can't make this decision right now."
"I want to be in your life. I want an active role in their lives."
"It is really late. We should discuss this another time."
"You say that, but another time never comes."
She hangs up the phone without another word.
The following morning she drops Noah off to the park for a birthday party. She finds Elliot sitting on a bench waving at her.
"What are you doing here?" She inquires.
"I'm stalking you," he pulls no punches.
"My phone is in working order. You could have tried calling."
He holds up a bag, "But then I wouldn't have been able to see your face when I said that I stopped by your favorite doughnut place. We both know it's actually your second favorite place, but your first one has too many health code violations. So I brought these doughnuts."
She reluctantly takes a seat next to him as she accepts the bag of doughnuts. "I doubt a bag of doughnuts holes is what the doctor meant when he mentioned a healthy well-balanced diet."
"I knew you would say that. That is precisely why I ate half of them on the way over here."
"What a guy," she elbows him.
"What's on your mind?"
She gesticulates to her mid-section, "Isn't it obvious? The same thing that has been on my mind for months now."
"Beautiful babies," he smiles.
She reaches into her bag, and pulls out a worn, folded piece of paper. She hands it to him. He furrows his thick brows.
"What's this?"
"It's the amniocentesis. I've been hanging on to it for months. I can't bring myself to read it. I have decided that I don't want to know. You deserve to know either way, though."
"Are you worried something is wrong?"
She shakes her head, "No. All of the genetic testing came back within normal limits. That is the paternity test."
"Did you find out if they are identical, or fraternal?"
"They are identical."
"Boys, or girls?"
She shrugs, "I don't know."
"That surprises me. I figured you would want to know."
"There aren't that many surprises left in life. I thought it might be nice to have one pleasant surprise."
He waves the piece of paper in his hand, "What do you want this to say?"
"I don't even know. At this point I have no idea what I am rooting for."
"I'm not sure I should read this. My face isn't going to be able to keep it a secret."
"What are you rooting for?"
He leans back, and scratches his lip. He places his hand against her stomach, "That you have to healthy babies, and that you are happy."
"You're dodging the meat of the conversation."
"I would be thrilled if they were mine, but on the other hand I don't know how much wherewithal I have for a couple more kids. My kids have taken a backseat to the job their entire lives. I'm not sure that I am capable of slowing down the way that little ones need. I would co-parent with you any day though. I talked to Barba, and I think it will kill him if they're mine."
She furrows her brow, "What are you talking about?"
"He wants all of this. You and I can never give these kids what they deserve on the scale that we both want, Liv. We're too dedicated to our jobs. You and I are never going to be a couple. We are just a couple of people that have too many reasons a relationship between us would never work. I'm not sure I want to read this either."
"Please read it."
He nods as he quietly unfolds the paper. He reads the results to himself. His lips curl into a smile.
"What's the verdict?"
"You deserve all the happiness the world has to offer you. More than anyone I have ever met."
"That is you, not that shitty shred of paper."
"What does your gut say, Liv?"
"That half their DNA is from this thick skulled cop I know."
He nods, "Of course that's what it says. I'm not sure how you want to proceed with that information."
She shrugs, "I think that is why I didn't want to read it."
"Because we wouldn't make cute babies? Or because part of you wanted the sweet, caring guy who is deeply in love with you to be responsible?"
"Shit!"
"And you want to be committed to him, but you don't know how to do that." He waves the results at her. She carefully reads them, and confirms what he's said.
"So now where does that leave us?"
He smirks, "It's your move, Liv. You don't have to sabotage your happiness at every turn, you know."