Rays and Kali'sto
What Rays chose to do next was something he did not record in his logs.
It was during a quiet night during the battle of Vorhegrihn, as we stood perched within a triad of hills, preparing to advance the next day. We stood alone, overlooking the city in the distance, and the winding, mile-deep ravines that snaked through the plateaus between us and the city. It was late in the evening, just after the sun had fallen, and many of our troops were asleep.
I chose to keep watch on the hilltop, and meditate alone, as the anticipation overpowered my fatigue and left me unable to rest. Rays approached me, but did not say anything: I knew he did not wish to interrupt me. Sitting down a few meters away, he waited patiently for me to acknowledge him. I knew he was there, happy that he had joined me by on that hilltop and after a few minutes, I called out to him.
He sat down beside me, and we discussed many things: the upcoming battle, the state of the troops, the culture of Kabal. Throughout the conversation, Rays was holding something in reserve, something he greatly desired to tell me. Eventually, the subjects became more personal, migrating to the well-being of the troops, which soon prompted me to ask how Rays was feeling.
Rays then told me that he greatly cared for me, and loved to work and spend our time side by side with me, like he did with no one else.
Rays was not one to dance around subjects like this, but I was starting to realize what he was saying very quickly. It was unspoken, but understood. I knew how he felt, and I think I realized how I felt, as well.
And quickly I told him that I couldn't. I was a Jedi, and I could not risk attachment in that way. I played upon his love for his troops, and how he couldn't risk his judgment as a commander being compromised.
In retrospect, I was just using that argument to save myself. Rays had already proved that he could love and lose, he did so every time we went into battle.
Rays nodded stiffly, replied, "Yes, sir." He went back to check in with our troops. Outwardly, he had shifted into his professional demeanor as a commander, but I could tell he was angered, hurt. And I felt awful saying what I had said to him here.
We refused to speak of this for several months afterward. As I did then, every time I thought of it, I recited the Jedi code to myself. It gave me no solace.