I know it seems kind of bad that Brooke cheated on Lucas, but her sub conscious doesn't want her to feel that way for KYle, but she just can't help it lol. SHe felt sparks! lol.
ENJOY AND REVIEW!!!
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As Kyle stared at his ceiling, he felt a sudden wave of deja vu.
If his memory was correct, he rememberd being in this same postition, except in his house in Virginia. BUt last time his mood had not been because of Brooke, but because of Ally.
It was a couple of hours after they broke up for good. Kyle remembered feeling hopeless, like things would never be the same between them. And there was nothing he could do or say that could change that. For most people that would be just annoying but to Kyle it was heartbreaking. He spent weeks suffering, only getting through the day. He couldn't eat. The smell of food nauseated him. HE couldn't sleep. Instead he would stay up thinking about Ally. There was nothing for him to do, basketball season was over, which left his schedule wide open, to mope.
So basically he was pathetic. Ally was walking around school like nothing happened. But in his heart he knew that she wasn't. It was killing her as much as it was him. BUt she hid it. Kyle could never do that. He couldn't walk past her without even giving her a glance. Instead he would ignore her all together.
After awhile he started accepting it, and tried to move on. There were his random hookups and his one night stands. But none of them could replace the emptiness that he felt at that time.
Which brought him back to his situation with Brooke.
Brooke had to be the most complex person Kyle has ever met in his life. Sometimes he thought she was bipolar. She was happy and laughing with you one minute, and the next she's tearing your head off with insults. Kyle never really understood her all that well, but he listened and learned. Brooke pushed people away, to test them. SHe wanted to know if they really cared abouit her enough to put up with the bitch fests she would throw. You would have to make some huge speech about how much she means to you, which would results in her opening up. She was all yours from there, you had her heart and soul, which was rare. But one mistake is all it would take for her brick walls up rebuild themselves up again.
Lucas obviously knew alot about that.
So, the feeling of deja vu, and the falling feeling in his stomach, familiarized themselves with him once again. Kyle had seen all these shows and movies about guys or girls falling for their best friend of the opposite sex. Things would never be the same. And that killed him. He had known Brooke for the longest time. He comforted her, took care of her, and just listened to her problems. KYle always had her back, not matter how wrong she was. He would defend her to the very end. But now that his feelings were all on the surface, he didn't know if he could handle it.
He heard a sudden knock on his door, and Nathan's head peeked through.
"Hey, ya busy?" Nathan asked, entering the room and closing the door behind him.
"Nope, just laying around," Kyle saidas he sat up.
"I never would've guessed. I didn't see you after school, where were you?"
"Ohh you know.. here.. there...umm... everywhere," KYle said looking away.
"Yeaa, i almost believed you. Are you gonna tell me or do i have to beat it out of you?" Nathan asked.
Kyle got up and rubbed the back of his neck, "You're right."
"I'm right?" Nathan asked confused.
"Yes. You're right." Kyle repeated.
"I'm... right...oh. OH!" Nathan yelled.
"Yeaa," KYle said, his head down.
"Dude, that's great that you admitted it. Is that where you were after school? Telling her?" Nathan asked excitedly.
"No, i didn't tell her, but i was with her... in the janitor's closet," Kyle cringed.
"You had Brooke in the janitor's close?!?!"
"NO! She pulled me in. And this morning when i got to school, she was about to kiss me, then the bell rang," KYle admitted.
"Dengg. So after you guys kissed, what happened?"
"It almost went farther, but i pulled away and asked her what was going on. And she told me that when she figured it out, she would let me know," Kyle said quietly.
"Well it's something KYle! She has some feelings for you," Nathan said happily.
"But that's the problem Nate. She can't be. She's with Lucas. SHe loves Lucas. She kissed me when she was with him!"
"You're right, yeaa, she shouldn't have done that. But Kyle, come on, you guys can be together!"
"No, we can't. Because she's still with Lucas, and you know hwo she is. She's gonna stay with him. And i'm not gonna wait."
"Why not? YOu guys will be together in the end?"
"We don't know that. Look, when me and Ally broke up, i was devastated. SHe was my best friend, and now we didn't even talk. I spent weeks moping. I couldn't eat. I couldn't sleep. I was barely there. ANd now i'm finding myself in this same situation. Me and Brooke will never be the same. We can't be friends anymore. NOt like before. We can either be together or not be anything," KYle said seriously.
Nathan stared at his best friend. He could honestly say that any girl would be lucky to have Kyle. But when he got hurt, he hurt bad.
"So, what are you gonna do?"
"I don't know. I just have to pull myself away from this situation before i get seriously hurt," Kyle said quietly.
"But what about Brooke?"
"She can be with Lucas, without all this confusion and drama. As long as she doesn't have to deal with this again."
"If you take yourself out of this situation, that means taking yourself away from Brooke. Can you do that?" Nathan asked seriously.
He shrugged, "I don't know, but i have to try."
"Are you even gonna let her know?"
"She should figure it out. I just, i can't wait for her to make up her mind. I won't."
"Kyle think about this. What if she truly decides it's you who she wants to be with. What then?"
"It won't happen. I know Brooke. And she's gonna stay with Lucas because she knows what Lucas is life. She won't step out of her comfort zone."
Nathan sighed. Kyle wasn't gonna let up anytime soon.
"So what now?"
"I don't know. Ignore her i guess. Which is gonna be kind of hard since i have all my classes with her."
"Well i'm gonna head out. Call me if something's up alright?"
"Yeaa, i will."
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As of lately, Peyton felt a little out of the zone for a ltitle bit.
She had purposefully excluded herself from the group, not wanting to get into all this drama and secrets. Instead she was spending time with Jake and Jenny. SHe finally felt like she was where she needed to be, like everything was in its right place.
Yeaa, she hadn't really talked to Lucas or Brooke, or anyone for that matter, for awhile. But they all needed their time to regroup and just do their own thing.
For the second time that week, she found herself at the bridge. It was comforting to be able to just sit there and look over the lake, and the rest of the town. ANd she was on her third sketch of the day. Kyle had inspired this one. She had drawn a classroom, with Brooke and Kyle sitting next to each other. There was a cloud over Kyle's head that said "i love you, but you'll never know," and he was staring at her with longing. Brooke was looking at him through the corner of her eye, all composed, and she was thinking, "I love you, but you'll never know," also. To some people it might seem a little too assuming, but it was the truth.
She was just finishing the outlining when she heard the engine of a car. Soon after she heard footsteps and the grunt as Kyle sat down next to her.
"We've gotta stop meeting like this," Peyton said jokingly.
"I think you've gotta stop following my Sawyer. People might get ideas."
"People like Brooke? That wouldn't be good for you."
Kyle's face all of a sudden turned serious. He had seen the picture.
"Why would you draw that?" He asked helplessly.
"Because it's the truth." Peyton stated.
"But it'll never be," he replied.
"Why not? Nothing's stopping you."
"Everything is stopping me. Stuff that i'm not even gonna get into. But the point is, we'll never be anything anymore. Not even friends."
"WHAT? Why?" she asked frantically.
"Because i can't handle it. You know what i mean Peyt," he said quietly.
"Yeaa i have an idea. But something happened didn't it?" she asked gently.
"Well, we almost kissed when i got back, and after school she pushes me into the janitor's closet," he said sarcastically.
"So you guys.."
"No, we almost did though. I stopped it, asked her what was going on. And even she didn't know. Her exact words were, 'when i find out, i'll let you know,' " he said frustratingly.
Peyton smiled, "Brooke could never figure out what she wanted."
"You're probably the second person i've told today. But when me and Ally broke up, i was compleltey broken. I was so out of it for weeks. I didn't eat or sleep. And i promised myself, that i would never let someone get that close. I won't wait around for Brooke, i can't."
"So are you guys just gonna be friends?"
Kyle chuckled, "I don't even think we can be that anymore. It hurts too much. Now that my feelings are all on the surface, i can't go back now. We can't be anything."
"I know what you mean. Well, not completely, but i have an idea."
"Nothing will ever be the same. ANd there's nothing i can do anymore," he said quietly.
Peyton stared at him, "You really love her don't you?"
"I do. More than i thought i did. The thoguht of not saving her, or having a meaningful conversation anymore is just too surreal."
"Then why hurt yourself like that? Why not just wait for her if she's worth it?"
"Because i won't hurt myself, and i won't hurt her either. YOu know how Brooke is when she's confused. She goes and does something stupid. If she can go on without me, then that's it."
"What if she can't?"
"Then it's either all or nothing. I know that seems unfair, but it has to be this way."
"What did she say when you told her this?"
"She doesn't know. I'm guessing after a couple of days she'll get the hint."
"She's gonna be hurt you know."
He nodded, "I know. But she'll be fine. Lucas'll take care of her. I can't be her friend if i have to watch her be with somoene who's not me. It wouldn't be fair to Lucas either."
"That seems like a really big sacrifice. Even i couldn't do it. Are you really willing to?"
"I don't want to. But it's what's best. If i go on, then it'll kill me. And Brooke will be free, without any guilt."
"Well i don't totally agree with it, but i'm not that selfless."
"Neither am i. But it's what's best," Kyle said as he stood up and headed over to his car.
"Oh and Peyton?"
"hmm?"
"Work it out with Brooke. She'll need you."
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Her alcohol buzz wore off just in time for Lucas to unexpectedly stop by.
Brooke had spent the rest of her afternoon sitting next to her bed, drinking. Her mascara had run, and her eyes were puffy. SHe wasn't very attractive at that moment. She rushed to the bathroom and cleared all signs of crying. SHe was in the process or reapplying her make up when Lucas had rung the doorbell and let himself in.
"Hey babe. Where were you today? I looked for you, but not Brooke. So i left," he said smiling.
"I'm sorry. I stayed behind to talk to Mr. Ozbeck," Brooke lied.
"Is everything alright?" He asked concerned.
"I will be," She said smiling. SHe just didn't know what she meant by that.
"So, what do you wanna do?" He asked casually.
"Umm, i don't know. Lucas, what are we doing?"
"Uhh, nothing." He said, confused.
"No, i meant us. Me and you. Is this a long term thing, or is it just for this year?"
HIs face suddenly went serious, "Umm i don't know. What do you want it to be?:"
Brooke sighed, "I don't know, that's why i asked you. If this is going somewhere, then fine. But if it's not, then i don't wanna wait around. We're graduating in months Lucas."
"I know. I just got you back. I don't wanna let you go again. But i don't wanna go through the notions of drifting apart either," he said as he sat down next to her.
"I know what you're saying. So, what do we do?"
"I wanna stay together. I know we can make this work. You have me completely this time," Lucas said.
Brooke looked in Lucas's eyes and knew he was being truthful. Which made it all the more harder. How could you love two different people? She could either break up with Lucas, and not know where she stood with Kyle. Or she could stay with Lucas, and try to ignore that ache in her heart. She chose the latter.
"Then we'll stay together," Brooke smiled.
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Kyle could always lose himself in basketball. It was so soothing to hear the sound the ball made as it hit the pavement. The swish you heard when you made it in. Sometimes when you play in a school game, or a competition, it's kinda hard to forget to play for fun. Yea, there's times when you have to get serious, but what's the point in that if you don't enjoy it?
Nathan understood that in the beginning. But slowly it had disappeared into this strive to win, and be the best. Eventually it turned him into an asshole. Thank goodness he wasn't like that now, or Kyle would've beat the crap out of him.
But Kyle didn't really have that father to push him to the limit. And in a way he was glad. Nathan was sinking so low at that time. SOmetimes it's amazing to see hwo he got out of it. It sounds cheesy, but the power of love did it. That was the kind of love that Kyle wanted, but was scared of. The kind of love that when you lose it, you die inside. It was the kidn of love his father had. When it was there, everything was perfect. But when it's gone, you just exist, you don't matter anymore. Kyle never wanted to feel that way.
He was so wrapped up in his thoughts he didn't notice Brooke come up behind him. Kyle sunk a three pointer.
"Nice shot," Brooke said.
Kyle froze. He didn't expect to see her so soon. Just a couple of hours ago he had made the decision to refrain from her.
"What are you doing here?" he asked, not bothering to turn around.
"Looking for you," she said as she walked closer.
"There's nothing to say," Kyle said as he picked up his ball.
"I think there's plenty to say."
"Well i don't."
"Kyle, we have to talk about this," Brooke pleaded.
"Talk about what? You pulled me into the janitor's closet and kiss me. Then you dont' even know why you did it," Kyle said harshly.
"Well it wasn't just me who did the kissing," Brooke said defensively
"I'm not saying you did. But at least let me know what you were thinking cause i really don't need people playing with my feelings," Kyle said turning around.
"Who says i'm playing?"
"Who says you aren't? Just tell me why Brooke," Kyle asked quietly.
"I don't know. I just felt like i wanted to, needed to. I know it was wrong, but i don't regret it," she said strongly.
"I really wish you would," he whispered.
She came closer to him, "But why? We both wanted it."
"Because it wasn't right! You have a boyfriend, and i'm just someone who has feelings for a girl who's taken and doesn't feel the same way," he said as he walked farther away from her.
"Yes, i'm taken, but who says i don't feel the same way?" she asked sadly. Kyle suddenly spun around and faced her.
"God why are you doing this?!?! You have a boyfriend who loves you! And you probably didn't even tell him. Now everything's complicated, and we can't go back."
"Kyle i can't help how i feel about you! I went straight home and drank because i wanted to feel guilty about what we did! I wanted to so bad, but i couldn't. I didn't regret kissing you and i don't feel guilty about it."
"Well you should. It'll make it alot easier to stay away from me."
"WHy should i stay away from you?" she asked sadly.
Kyle rubbed the back of his neck and looked down.
"Because i can't handle it. I know it sounds selfish, but it's the best for you. Okayy you know me, right? I don't ever really show my emotions, unless they're really strong. I can't be your friend and see you with another guy, Lucas for that matter. And i can't confuse your feelings, it wouldn't be fair."
"Kyle for once can you stop thinking about what's best for me?!? You might know what's best, but you don't know what i want. I don't wanna stay away from you, it's too hard. I don't wanna give you up," she said, tears streaming down her face.
"But i can't watch you love someone else. I don't wanna get hurt liek that again. And i know you'll stay with Lucas, because i know you. So stay with him, and just try to forget about me."
"You're a selfish bastard, you knwo that right? You're making me stay away from you, because you can't handle it!! Like what i want means nothing to you! I have known you for the longest time, you're my best friend! You take care of me when i need you, and you just care. What am i supposed to do?--"
"You're supposed to go on with your life, and forget about me. Be happy with Lucas, go to college, live your life. Don't worry, please," Kyle whispered.
"Why are you doing this?" she asked. Tears cascading down her porcelin cheeks.
"Because i love you."
And he walked away.