A/N: Don't call it a comeback! I've been here for years and I'm stronger than ever! Did you miss me? I tried something a little different with this story. Every chapter is named after a Brotherhood member who will then be interrogated at the beginning. I own nothing. Enjoy!
A bare light bulb flickered to life, illuminating a tiny eight by eight room and a lone individual inside the room. This individual was none other than the leader of the Brotherhood; Lance Dominic Alvers dressed in full Avalanche garb.
"Name," an ominous voice echoed throughout the room.
"Lance Fucking Alvers, who wants to know?" he asked fixing a glare on the one way mirror.
"Codename," the Voice asserted more forcefully.
"Mystique named me… Avalanche," he said his voice dripping with pride.
"Any special hobbies or interests?" the Voice asked.
Lance smirked, "Making a good first impression," he said stomping his foot on the ground causing a tremor that cracked the one way mirror.
-Three days earlier-
It had been one month since last we saw our heroes stop a God-killer and watch as one of their own ascended the noble ranks. Yes, it had been a welcome slow paced month for the boys. But as we all know… a slow pace does not suit a speedster.
Moans of pleasure echoed throughout the halls of the Brotherhood Mansion.
"Wow, sounds like Pietro and Kari are going at it again," Regan said continuing to paint her toenails.
"Which is amazing in that we can hear them from the other side of the mansion," Lance said putting down his magazine, "Think we can keep up?" a smirk came onto his face.
"Sure you have the energy for that?" she asked in a sultry tone.
"I had a sports drink and an energy bar for lunch," he said lying down on his back.
She climbed on top of him, "I love when you talk fitness to me," she stated turning her gaze to the window; "Lance?" her features suddenly became sullen.
"Yeah babe?" he questioned looking up at his wife with worry.
"Why is Fury standing on my front lawn?"
-Five minutes later-
The esteemed members of the Brotherhood gathered around a single window in the living room and peered out at the lone man standing on their lawn.
"Why do you think he's here?" Freddy asked peeking out of the window.
"He's come to steal our secrets!" St. John exclaimed readying his flamethrower.
"Well, sucks to be him! We don't have any," Wanda stated pushing the Aussie out of her way.
"What happened to the lasers Forge built?" Pietro asked crossing his arms.
"We turned them off after Todd got shot mowing the lawn," Regan said with a shrug.
"Oh man, yo, what're we gonna do?" Todd asked in a slight panic.
"I don't know about you..." Lance said cracking his knuckles, "But I feel like making the five o'clock news."
-Outside-
"Brotherhood, come out peacefully or I will order a tactile airstrike on that rust bucket you call a car!" Fury spoke through a bullhorn.
"Oh yeah!? You and what army!?" Pietro exclaimed through the window.
"How bout this army?" Fury questioned as a cloaking field deactivated revealing the Avengers.
"That's a good army… but I have diplomatic immunity!" Pietro promptly yelled back.
Fury turned to his team, "Thor, first chance you get hit the white haired kid with a bolt of lightning," he said off handedly.
Thor gripped his mighty hammer and aimed it at the window. A lightning bolt shot from the hammer and through the window striking his intended target.
"Oh he's good," Wanda's voice came from the house, "But no one attacks my little brother but me!"
Fury braced himself for Wanda's inevitable attack but alas it never came.
The door slowly opened revealing a Lucky Red Speedo clad St. John.
St. John promptly lit the surrounding shrubbery on fire, "You shall not pass!" he exclaimed creating a wall of fire.
Fury pinched the bridge of his nose, "Steve?" he asked with a sigh.
Captain America jumped through the flame and began slapping him around a little.
"Hey!" St. John exclaimed mid-beating, "Oih said you couldn't pass you bushwhacking trespasser!"
Before Fury could issue another order Steve flew through the flames and skidded to a halt at Fury's feet.
"Hands off the baby's daddy!" Amara exclaimed as she stepped through the flames in her molten form.
Fury looked down at the leader of his squad, "Steve… you're losing to an Australian psychopath and the pregnant Brazilian woman he married," he said in a tone of disappointment.
"I'm on it sir," Steve said leaping to his feet reading his shield.
"Remember! Pregnant!" Fury exclaimed.
Steve leapt through the flames again, quickly followed by Amara. Fury waited for the briefest of moments as the fire inexplicably died. Steve walked out of the mansion, a flailing Amara thrown over his shoulder and an unconscious St. John being dragged by his foot.
"Steve's set the bar, who's next?" Fury asked smirking at his squad.
As if to take on his challenge, a very familiar classic car roared to life.
"Tony, bring back Bonnie and Clyde," Fury said crossing his arms as Lance's Challenger flew past them.
And with that Iron Man shot into the air in pursuit of Lance Dominic Alvers and Regan Wyngarde Alvers.
"She's pregnant too," Fury said into his comm. link. He then turned to the rest of his squad, "Round up the rest of 'em. Non-lethal force."
With that Carol Danvers shot through the front door and into the mansion. Thor then took flight over the mansion. While the Pyms decided to take the scenic route around to the backyard.
-Meanwhile with the Alvers Family-
"Quit looking at me like that!" Lance exclaimed never taking his eyes off the road.
"Why?" Regan asked.
"I can't go all out with you and Amara being pregnant and Wanda having her kids back," Lance explained slowly, "Earthquakes aren't the safest things in the world," he placed a hand on Regan's pregnant belly.
Suddenly electricity began to crack along the car, "Oh man… perfect! The radio quit working!" he exclaimed playing with the dials.
"My E.M.P. didn't work!?" Tony exclaimed as he cruised to the driver's side window.
"Ha! You idiot, my car doesn't have a computer! It was made in the seventies!" Lance exclaimed with a smirk on his face.
Tony promptly hit the door causing a sizeable dent.
"You son of a bitch!" Lance exclaimed sticking his head out of the window to see the damage, "Regan take the wheel!" he then leapt out the window and onto Tony's back.
"I should have stayed in Vegas…" Regan said as she scooted into the driver's seat.
-Meanwhile in the Brotherhood Backyard-
Wanda burst through the back door of the mansion, a twin in each of her arms. She then sprinted across the backyard. Karima soon followed her, a babbling Pietro thrown over her shoulder.
"Wanda, where are we going?" Karima asked fear etched into her words.
Wanda slowed into a hurried walk, "Need time to make a portal," she said more to herself than to her comrade, "He should emerge here," she made several small hand gestures causing a mystical vortex to roar life.
"Who should emerge there?" Karima asked quickly.
"My father got me a late graduation present," Wanda said cryptically.
"Your father will not interfere in this matter, Ms. Maximoff."
The girls looked up to see the God of Thunder himself, his holy blondness, Thor!
"Kari, do you think you can buy us some time?" Wanda asked.
Karima looked at Wanda as if for the first time. She stared at the young witch finally understanding why this time was different, Wanda Maximoff, the most powerful member of the Brotherhood, was scared.
Karima raised her hand to Thor and made a fist.
"A little girl stands against the might of Thor?" Thor asked crossing his arms in an unimpressed fashion.
"A little girl with a BFC," Karima said in an all too serious tone.
"What is a BFC?" Thor asked, confusion crawling onto his face.
Her arm promptly exploded into the Sentinel Cannon.
"You mortals never cease to amaze me," Thor said just before he got blasted over the mansion.
"Big fucking cannon, when a girl needs to bring her own protection," Karima said blowing the smoke off her sentinel cannon, "I hope you have a plan, cause that won't work again," she turned to face a now smirking Wanda.
"He's here," she said just as her magical vortex reached its fastest rotation.
The magic slowly dissipated, allowing a behemoth of a man to leap for freedom. He landed between the girls and began stretching his tree trunk arms.
"I'd like to know how you got here but I'm programmed to shoot first and ask questions later," Karima said, readying her cannon for another round.
"Kari, I made a call to my father the second Fury showed up on our doorstep. He thought it would be best for us to have a little extra muscle," Wanda quickly explained before the cybernetic woman could get off a shot.
"A little!? He almost killed your brother!" Karima exclaimed, now short of breath.
"You dare bring my father's assassin here!?"
The girls looked up to see an enraged Thor, electricity cracking along his body.
"He's all yours Juggernaut," Wanda said clutching her children tightly.
"I still don't like it," Karima added, gripping Pietro.
With that the Unstoppable Juggernaut leapt into the air and met the Prince of Asgard in the air.
"Gonna cry thunder boy!?" Cain exclaimed unleashing earth shattering punches on the Thunder God.
Cain's taunt was met with an incredible blast of lightning that sent him hurdling to the ground.
"Might not have the juice of an Elder God, but I still got more than enough to handle you goldilocks," Cain said as he picked himself up from the ground.
"How dare you address a God in such a manner! You are just a human!" Thor exclaimed throwing his hammer with all his might at the behemoth.
The hammer slammed against Cain's body failing to move him, "Wrong again hippie I ain't human," he said now clutching the hammer, "I'm the Unstoppable Juggernaut!"
"You should not be able to pick up Mjolnir, you are not pure of heart!" Thor exclaimed extending his hand, "Mjolnir! Return to your master!"
Cain held onto the hammer, preventing it from flying to Thor. Thor balled his fist and concentrated on his hammer's return. Then suddenly… a sick smirk came on Cain's face. He then leapt towards the Thunder God, allowing the hammer to add to his own momentum. Cain cocked back a fist and rode the hammer to within an inch of Thor, then unleashed the most savage haymaker in the history of all haymakers.
Cain stood over Thor and smirked, "Juggernaut one, thunder chump zero," he said with a nod.
"So this is the power that killed my father…" Thor said shaking his head and grabbing his hammer, "Be gone demon," he raised his hammer at Cain, "I banish you to a land most foul!" a pure white light exploded from the hammer and engulfed Cain sending him on a journey of pure terror.
"Where do you think he went?" Karima asked readying her cannon.
"To a land you mortals call, Canada," Thor said dusting himself off to continue his assault, "Now to collect you she-demons for Fury."
Karima stepped in front of Wanda, Pietro still draped over her shoulder, "Any ideas Wanda?" she asked staring down the Thunder God.
But alas her question was met with a soft thud.
"Wanda?" Karima asked as she slowly turned to face her dear friend, "Wanda!" she exclaimed looking at Wanda's unconscious form on the ground, "Where are the twins?"
"Hey Janet, we look good with kids," a masculine voice stated from nowhere.
"Maybe we should adopt these two after their mother fails out, Henry," a female voice said.
Suddenly, Janet and Henry Pym grew from seemingly nowhere each holding a twin.
"Two down, one to go Thor," Henry said patting Billy's back.
"It would seem so," Thor responded with a slight sigh.
Before Karima could spin around she slipped into her own world of unconsciousness.
-A few minutes later in the Brotherhood front yard-
Fury smirked as the pieces of his master plan fell into place.
Iron Man flew into yard carrying Lance's prized Challenger over his head. He gently set it down and allowed Regan to exit the car and sit on the hood.
"Why can't I control your mind?" she asked crossing her arms in frustration.
"Psi-shields," Tony responded taping his helmet.
Thor then descended from the sky, Wanda and Karima under each of his arms.
"Any problems?" Fury questioned.
"Juggernaut," was Thor's only response.
Janet and Pym finally walked around the house.
"Henry all I'm saying is if you worked out a little more your ass would feel like this," Janet said grabbing Pietro's ass, "So, firm…" she trailed off, a surreal smile on her face.
"Your new mommy is crazy," Henry said looking down at the twins, "Are they glaring at me?"
"That only leaves…" Fury was promptly interrupted by an explosion on the third floor.
Suddenly, Todd and Freddy crashed through a wall and landed at Fury's feet.
"I told you, you were holding it backwards," Freddy said spitting out a chunk of drywall.
"It was a Chinese fuse! It's supposed to be backwards!" Todd exclaimed his head still firmly planted in the ground.
"They had enough C-4 to take down a small country."
Fury looked up to see Carol Danvers floating down to ground level.
Carol's eyes landed on the body draped over Janet's shoulder, "When do I get my turn?" she asked with a malicious glint in her eye.
Fury reached for his ear and activated his comm. link, "We need pick up, especially before…" Fury was cut off yet again by a most fearsome sight.
"What the hell did you do to my house!?"