A/N: Sorry about the delays, between band camp, summer work, and a wicked case of writer's block I came up with this. I hope you enjoy this next chapter in Edward life 3.
-Music Manic 101
College
The first few days in Ithaca went by in a blur. Everyone was busy tying to bring the nearly 200-year-old house to the 21st century. When I arrived I almost couldn't find it. If not for my vampire instincts the hidden driveway on the side of the mountain would be invisible. The mile long driveway led up the mountain into the dense forest. This forest was older than Washington, yet I felt that it was more forgiving. It held fewer mysteries, and less sorrow than Washington.
The house itself was a masterpiece. Carlisle had built it in his free time, when the rest of the town thought he was sleeping or off. Apparently this is what Carlisle did before he founded the family. The colonial architecture of the house also had medieval hints within the house.
Nothing had inhabited the house except the occasional spider for nearly 180 years. Needless to say we had more to do than just unpack. We had to paint, and add modern plumbing and electricity to the house. Due to our vampire nature, what would take a mortal six weeks to do we got done in one. The house was livable and Esme would take care of the rest of the interior decorating as her personal project.
Carlisle was able to find a job working the night shift at the local hospital. He was the only one to volunteer for the night shift. Rosalie and Emmett spent their days in Ithaca planning an elaborate fourth honeymoon. Alice was transferring into the local high school to finish out her senior year. I would not be joining her; high school students would be a painful reminder of the past month. Jasper and I would be going to Cornell. Due to a generous donation to the schools library Jasper and I were able to join the schools philosophy program mid semester.
***
As Jasper and I walked into our General Philosophy class, I could tell from experience that the reaction to the new "kids" would be typical. Jasper felt the surprise as we walk into the classroom. He also felt lust from many of the females that noticed our presence. I was able to hear the emotions in the students' heads.
We took a seat in the back of the class while I scanned for any accurate suspicions.
Wow they are beautiful, I wonder if they have gir friends, thought the blonde girl three rows in front of us. Probably, although they are too good looking... possibly gay, like that guy in my English comp class. I smiled at that remark. It was the first time I heard that explanation for our good looks. Jasper eyed my smile suspiciously.
That's the first time I've seen you smile in weeks, he thought, why? My smile disappeared as I told him the comment I overheard. Jasper's comment reminded me why I wasn't smiling anymore.
A young man in the front row was suspicious of us, just not for the right reason. Why are two pretty boys transferring mid-semester. They must be rich... really rich. Good looking and rich and now I have to compete with that? FML! I found his mind remarkably similar to Mike Newton's. That other reminder of Forks sent another dagger through my lifeless heart.
Before I could dwell upon my misery, another mind entered the mist. The professor had arrived. His mind was straightforward and professional. He looked to be in his mid 60s and looked at us, the rich transfer students, with contempt. Rich kids think they can do whatever they want 'cause of a donation to the school, and sucking up to the board. Let's see how they'll do on their first test. If they fail I get to kick them out. "Hello, class today we begin to study how the heart affects the mind." Let's see if these pretty boys know their stuff. "Perhaps Mr. Jasper Cullen could tell us some of the effects." Obviously the professor thought that we couldn't memorize the entire two thousand-page philosophy book between the hours of three and five in the morning.
"Well professor, the heart affects logic, therefore the logical solution is no longer possible if the subject thinks that it will affect a loved one. He is no longer a rational being and he will go with an illogical solution, which he will view as logical." Like moving away. I flashed a quick frown at Jasper. Even though he couldn't read minds he could interpret the frown. Fine, I overstepped, sorry. Hey! Look at the professor, he must be pissed that I showed him up. How's that for a rich pretty boy, jerk!
His joke was trying to cheer me up, but I just felt guilty. My family should not have to suffer with me.
The rest of the class passed in a blur. Every mention of the heart or love sent a crystal clear memory of my last day in forks and of her broke heart. To put a name to the face in my head would be too much pain.
As soon as class ended I ran out (at human pace). I didn't go home with Jasper. I didn't want him to know how badly I was damaged, mentally because he would tell Alice. Then Alice would tell me to go back. In the mental state I was in I might lose that argument. I didn't want to take that chance.
Instead of driving home I ran and stopped to hunt.
***
When I arrived home, I could see Alice waiting for me on the front porch. "Jasper told me about what happen today. He said he knows it's none of his business but he was reading a lot of sorrow from you and he's worried about his brother." There was no way of escaping Alice; she had all the escape routes covered.
"And?"
"Oh Edward, are you going to run away from every thing that reminds you of Bel... Forks." She saw me quitting Cornell.
"No, but yes for now. I need more time, Alice, and distractions and collage isn't doing anything for me." I just got another idea.
Alice vision blurred as I decided to act upon my idea. She saw me in a dingy pub talking to Alistair. "Are you going to say goodbye to everyone, or should I?" she asked in a sour voice.
"I'll say goodbye" I'm getting good at goodbyes, I thought to myself sourly.
***
Alice got everyone together. Rosalie and Emmett were going to say goodbye anyway as they were embarking on their fourth honeymoon tomorrow. Their goodbyes were quick because the family knew of their travel plans. When the happy goodbyes were over I started my monologue.
"Carlisle, Esme," I started to get their attention. It worked as they looked at me with confused and worried thoughts. "I appreciate everything you've done for me recently more than ever. I can't tell you how much its means to me that we moved, and you have supported all my decisions without question. However, I'm afraid I have to made one more decision that I'm asking you to support. I decided to go to Europe, alone, to clear my head and heart." My "parents" were stunned.
Carlisle was the first to recover, "What do you plan to do in Europe?" He was worried I might revert to my old ways like I did during my first two decades into this life.
"I plan to learn how to track. I'm going to England, first, to find Alistair. From there I don't know where I'll go, but I promise to stay in touch. I just need time to clear my head and move on. I believe that going to Europe, alone, will help."
"Plus, I'll be keeping tabs on him." Alice said to Carlisle and Esme. To make sure you don't do anything stupid or suicidal.
Esme seemed a little more at ease after she heard Alice's promise. "I hate to see you leave, but if you have to go, go. And know that I love you, never ever forget that you have a family who loves you always."
"And we'll support you always, no matter what," Carlisle completed as he put his arm around Esme's waist. I used to do that same subtle move, in what seemed like a different life. It was just another reminder of pain. Each time I thought about Forks it sent a dagger in my heart, the pain was never fading.
Carlisle dropped his arm when he saw the hurt in my eyes. "Do you need anything?" he asked.
"Just time"
Alice drove me to the airport the next day. "Don't forget I'll be watching your future Edward. So be careful and don't do anything stupid. 'Cause I don't want to fly all the way to Europe to stop you." And stop acting so glum, you wanted this remember? You want to exile yourself from everyone who loves you.
Alice didn't know it, but she hinted at the other reason I was leaving. I didn't want my family to hurt because I hurt. I wanted them to be happy and not guilty that they were in love and I wasn't.