Regan leaned back in the chair rubbing her pregnant belly slowly.
"Name?" the Voice asked gently.
"Regan Wyngarde Alvers," Regan stated still rubbing her stomach.
"Codename?" the Voice asked in a more pleasant tone.
"Lady Mastermind," Regan said in an obviously an uninterested tone.
"Any important hobbies or interests?" the Voice asked with a sigh of relief at the ease of the interrogation.
"Well I'm studying for my medical degree, I used to take my clothes off for money and I find myself absolutely giddy whenever Lance washes his car in those tight little cut off shorts," Regan said biting her bottom lip.
"I hate this job…" the Voice trailed off.
-The next day in the mess hall-
Karima sat at one of the long tables, a bowl of cereal, a single banana and a muffin sat on a tray. Her cereal had become soggy long ago so she had spent the majority of the time just poking at it.
Wanda sat next to the younger girl and reached for her tray, "Do you mind?" she asked.
It took a moment for Karima to respond, "Huh? Oh… yeah, go ahead," she said quickly.
Wanda grabbed the muffin and ripped it open, "What's wrong?" she asked eating the muffin slowly.
"Your brother," Karima said in a whisper.
Wanda grabbed the younger girl by the shoulders and shook her slightly, "Kari, if you're having a crisis of sexuality my door is always open," she said almost too excitedly.
"I just want him to make me feel special," Karima said with a depressed sigh breaking eye contact.
"Oh Kari…" Wanda patted Karima's back, "Honey… he can't do that," she said in the most comforting tone her tiny ruthless body could manage.
"Why not?" Karima asked rubbing her eyes.
"He's a whore baby," Wanda responded with a small laugh, "He doesn't know how."
"Really?" Karima asked in a sarcastic tone.
Lance walked by the two women eating a bowl of cereal wearing only his boxers, favorite shirt and lucky gloves.
"Lance!" Wanda called the older boy over, "Tell Kari the story you told me about Pietro," she said leaning back in her chair.
Lance walked toward the trashcan and dumped his cereal in the trash.
-Flashback-
Lance descended the stairs in his boxers, t-shirt and lucky gloves. He walked into the living room only to be met by Pietro sitting alone on the couch reading the newspaper.
"Hey Pietro, where'd you go after the dance? You missed dinosaur things showing up," Lance said plopping down on the couch next to his friend.
"Oh I just decided to spend a relaxing night at home," Pietro responded handing Lance the sports page.
A light skinned raven haired girl rushed down the stairs and into the room, "You were great last night," she said pecking Pietro on the cheek before darting out of the front door.
"Oh man you never quit do you?" Lance asked with a soft laugh smacking Pietro on the leg with the paper.
Pietro only threw his paper on the table and relaxed into the couch.
At that moment a Blonde girl came down the stairs, made her way into the living room and planted the biggest kiss on the fleet footed boy Lance had ever seen, "One word… amazing," she said huskily then reluctantly left the boarding house.
"No way…" Lance said slowly in utter disbelief.
Pietro held up a finger signaling Lance to pause for a moment.
A moment passed and a red haired girl walked down the stairs, "Call me," she said meekly biting her lip in the process before exiting the house with a blush staining her cheeks.
"The hat trick?" Lance asked in complete amazement, "You pulled off the hat trick!?" he threw the sports page onto the coffee table.
Pietro only smirked at him.
At that moment a lightly tanned brunette descended the stairs and looked into the speedster's eyes, "Hey Pietro… I lost my underwear… if you find them, keep them," she said seductively then left through the front door.
"Four women!?" Lance exclaimed in shock, "You dog!"
"Eh…" Pietro said with a shrug, "It's not all it's cracked up to be. It's actually a lot more work than people realize."
"I hate everything about you," Lance said in a deadpan tone.
-Present time-
"And that's when I knew Pietro was my hero," Lance said whipping his lip clean.
"What?" Regan asked in an annoyed tone.
"I mean…" Lance thought for the briefest of seconds, "A terrible role model who should never be emulated," he said giving his vengeful wife the Patented Brotherhood Smile of Innocence.
"Well, he's my hero," Wanda said with a shrug.
"How was that supposed to help me?" Karima asked putting her spoon down on the tray.
"Help you?" Wanda asked in confusion, "That's just my favorite bedtime story."
"Thanks…" Karima trailed off.
"Look… If you want him, you have to take him," Wanda said with a sure nod.
Karima mulled over the witch's words then started floating into the air, after a moment she shot out of the room.
"Something you said?" Regan asked taking a seat next to the witch.
Wanda shrugged, "I have that effect on women," she said taking a bite out of her muffin.
-A S.H.I.E.L.D. rec. room-
Todd and Freddy sat across from each other engaged in a game of cards while Pietro sat lazily across the couch reading the newspaper.
"Huh, Bigfoot's engaged to the Loch Ness Monster," Pietro said in a flat tone.
"Really?" Todd asked, "I thought Bigfoot was goin' out with the Jersey Devil."
"Wait… I thought Wanda was the Jersey Devil?" Freddy asked in confusion.
At that moment Karima Shapandar, the Omega Sentinel, flew into the room and glared at Pietro.
"Hey, Kari. Where've you been?" Pietro asked as she grabbed him by the shirt collar and slammed him against the wall, "Owe… ribs not done healing yet…"
"What is it with you and super strong women?" Freddy asked stroking his beard.
She gave him the deepest most passionate kiss of her young life.
Todd and Freddy looked on in interest as this wasn't the first time they had witnessed a woman attack the speedster only to kiss him ten seconds later.
She broke the kiss to take a much needed breath, "You are mine! Do you understand that!? Mine!" she exclaimed releasing her grip, allowing him to slide to the ground in complete silence. She looked at him for a moment then left the room in a triumphant manner.
"How does he do that, yo?" Todd asked as he hopped to the speedster's side.
"It's the hair… Chicks dig the hair," Pietro replied still slightly in shock.
Freddy rubbed his bald head, "Really?"
-Several hours later-
The Brotherhood had regrouped and ventured to the Medical Division. They were met at the door by Eileen.
"Before you can become full S.H.I.E.L.D. agents you must submit to and pass several tests," Eileen stated holding several brown folders. She opened the doors and walked the Brotherhood into the Medical Division.
"What kinda tests, yo?" Todd asked hopping along side her.
"Oh you know… drug tests, physicals, maybe even a psychiatric exam," Eileen responded looking at St. John, "Or six…"
The esteemed Brotherhood members could only exchange looks of fear and doubt.
"We're all gonna die…" Todd said with a gulp.
They walked into a large spacious examination room and were immediately surrounded by doctors and machines.
"If the tests don't kill us, Fury sure as hell will," Lance said, his eyes never leaving what appeared to be a probe.
The Brotherhood members were quickly separated and connected to different machines.
"If you want to keep those hands I suggest you removing them from my tits!" Wanda exclaimed unleashing several hex bolts.
The Doctor remained unfazed, "I'm sorry ma'am, I have to connect the sensors to monitor your heart rate," she explained softly.
"Why?" Wanda asked skeptically.
To answer her question the Doctor flipped a switch and suddenly Wanda found herself on a treadmill.
"Hey! No one said anything about exercise!" Wanda exclaimed as the treadmill picked up speed.
The Doctor looked around the room to see all the Brotherhood members in some stage of testing.
"I do not envy them," Eileen said with a smile while crossing her arms.
"Oh really?" the Doctor asked, "Because I've checked your file and it's time for your annual check up."
In response Eileen's face went white.
-A few hours later in a meeting room-
Fury sat at the head of a long metallic table with three other men. A doctor, a lawyer and General Ross.
"Fail," the Doctor said tossing Freddy's file onto the table, "Fail," she said again tossing Todd's file on top of the other, "Depressively fail!" she exclaimed tossing St. John's file on top of the pile, "One toxicology analysis revealed a new species of, what I can only assume is… super marijuana."
Fury took a deep breath and removed his jacket, "All right so they like to engage in some recreational marijuana use…" he trailed off.
"This marijuana could put down a bull elephant," the Doctor stated rubbing her temple.
"Some of these kids have accelerated metabolisms," Fury explained slowly.
The Doctor only stared at him.
"Can they survive active field duty?" Fury asked crossing his arms in an aggressive manner.
"Shit! I don't even know how they survived the tests!" the Doctor exclaimed in utter disbelief.
"This is about the sorriest group of people I've ever seen in my entire military career," General Ross grunted out throwing Lance's file onto the table with the others.
Fury turned his attention to the S.H.I.E.L.D. Lawyer, "Anything I should be worried about?" he asked knowing he wouldn't like the answer.
The Lawyer let out a sigh as he grabbed his notes, "We have robbery, assault, arrest, resisting arrest, indecent exposure. We have warrants, bail bondsmen, bounty hunters. One of them has done time, one of them was in an asylum and a few of them are illegal aliens," he read off losing more and more patience in the process.
"I have your support?" Fury asked with a smug smile.
"Ignoring the medical aspects…" the Doctor trailed off, "They have terrible attitudes, I just wanted to throw that out there… but you have my support," she said with a nod.
"Hell I love their attitudes," General said with a smile, "I hope they give you hell! Suit 'em up!"
"Speaking off the record?" the Lawyer asked, Fury nodded his agreement, "They're perfect in every way shape and form."
Fury nodded and reached into his jacket pocket. He pulled out a match and scratched it, "I guess all that's left to do is call in Samson," he said as the stick caught fire, he then threw it onto the files, burning the only remnants of the Brotherhoods' criminal past.