Now most people would consider that the end of it. All there was left to do was make it official and live happily ever after, right?

Life with my two bondmates had never been that easy. Why would it start now?

Of course, it would have been easier if the problem had been obvious. It wasn't what you'd expect. No, I didn't resist their presence within me. They bashed me over the head with enough love that I got the point. Spock? No, he didn't hide his feelings from us. By then, he had already been around us enough to know that we needed reassurance, even if it was just a caress in our minds.

This time it was *Jim* who was the culprit. Of course, Captain James T. Kirk never did anything halfway. He was such an idiot that he ended up treating us as if we were his stepfather. Hiding your real feelings from a guy who didn't give a shit was probably a good idea. It saved you grief in the long run. But hiding them from your caring spouses? That was just inviting trouble.

To make matters worse, I'm sure that if he hadn't taken that vow, none of this would have happened in the first place. The bond was responding to his choices and his hidden feelings when it pushed him away from us. But none of us knew it at the time.

To be honest, though, the whole situation seemed reasonable when it started...

When I woke the morning after that first time with Spock, I was surprised to find myself in their bed. Damn, I thought, I must have been out like a light after that mindblowing orgasm. Because normally, I would have remembered being dragged, or, knowing the Vulcan, carried.

The change of venue was confusing enough. But when I turned my head, the vision before me positively baffled me.

Spock was laying next to me, gazing at me thoughtfully. He was relaxed, with touseled hair and propped up on his arm. But even in his casual state, those intense Vulcan eyes were examining me as I held the secrets to the universe.

Since when was I so interesting?

I knew he heard that through the bond, so I waited for him to tell me that it wasn't me, that he was examining the blanket covering me. But after a few minutes, not hearing a reply in my head, I began to get nervous.

So I turned to my usual course of action when I was with him. I shot off my mouth.

"So, do you regret last night enough to throw me out before breakfast, or can it wait until after?" I asked gruffly, trying to hide my fears.

Spock, in true hobgoblin fashion, reassured me, but chose the long route to get there. "If you will cease your illogical prattle, you can practice your psychic skills by looking within and concentrating on the bond for a moment. Your physical needs will be met momentarily, but if you depart afterwards, it will be of your own inclination, not mine."

Translated from Spock-speak, that was 'Shut up and listen, and quit your bellyaching.'

But he was only half-serious. Even after our sharp exchange, the Vulcan was still looking at me with those curious eyes. And I wanted to know why. So, I followed his advice and closed my eyes.

It was then that I felt Spock's soothing touch in my mind.

Instead of the intense feeling of love that characterized last night's caress, this one was like a gentle breeze. It was like the soft winds that stir the tall grasses in summer, but only help you fall asleep if you're lying in a hammock.

That mental touch calmed me, loosened my panic's hold on me. So much so that without thinking, I reached out to grab his hand.

Normally, I wouldn't even think of doing such a thing. Although I had been plastered to Spock's body the night before, in the light of day (even though it was a faux incandescent diode), it seemed too intimate for a Vulcan. But, then, so was his caress. So I took a chance and let my hand find his.

I was glad I did. Because almost instantly, I could feel Spock's joy and contentment.

We laid like that, me caressing his hand and him caressing my mind for what felt like a lazy Sunday afternoon, but was probably more like fifteen minutes.

Then Jim approached us. I smiled up at him, wanting him to share the gentle rapture that flowed between Spock and me.

But before he could get to the edge of the bed, I could feel the resistance in the bond.

What the hell? The thing still wouldn't let Jim join in the fun? Something in me suddenly quaked in fear. This could ruin what we were creating. But I pushed the feeling down. I was overreacting...wasn't I?

My bondmates didn't seem terribly concerned. Jim looked a bit put-out as Spock tried to soothe us both. But after a moment, Jim took the bond's action in stride. "It's still not ready for me, huh?"

"Guess not," I said softly, worriedly. I looked to Spock, but he shook his head. He didn't know what the problem was either.

I sat up and reached out to Jim, wanting to see if I could get around the connection's sepraration. But he just waved me away. "I guess whatever is growing between you two needs more time to settle. I'll just end up being celibate for a little while longer, that's all." He laughed humorlessly. "Don't worry, I'm not ready to go off the deep end yet." Although his strained smile did all kinds of things to me, giving me reassurance was not one of them.

I groaned. "Isn't there anything we can do?"

'Bonds are fickle,' Spock said into my mind, possible so he didn't upset Jim, who was also blocked from mental communication. 'Much like love itself. If it is in need of something, it will respond to the need by being uncooperative. Such reactions usually lead to mates jointly working toward a solution. When all is resolved, it will return to normal.'

I sighed. 'Then it should tell us what needs to be resolved! The damned thing's not motivating us. It's leading us around like we're puppets!'

"It is attempting to achieve balance," Spock corrected me out loud so Jim could hear.

But I was in no mood for a lesson in Vulcan parapsychology. "Balance? It feels more like a lopsided seesaw right now," I grumbled.

"Give it time," Jim advised as he got breakfast for all of us. I should have been suspicious then. He looked way too calm for a man who was just locked out of his spouses' heads.

But Spock's argument was a logical one. He and I did relate differently than Jim did to either of us. It was conceivable that the bond needed to concentrate on us for awhile.

That didn't mean I was happy about it. "You're the one who will suffer the most, Jim. Don't tell me that doesn't bother you."

Jim shrugged. "It's what we need. I'll be okay."

Then he changed the subject as we sat down to eat. That's the last discussion we had about it until it almost came crashing down on us. Because the kid hid the real problem from both of us.

We had nobody to blame but ourselves, though. We were the ones who knew Jim best. He told us his deepest, darkest secrets. So the shielding between him and us should have been a huge sign of trouble.

But we ignored it because we thought the bond's actions were about us instead of him.

Now, we did what we could to keep him healthy. We did give Jim what the bond allowed. We gave him casual touches, the type married people exchanged every day without thinking. We sent him feelings through the bond, on the occasions it would allow them.

We made sure he watched us when we made love so he could feel like he was a part of us in some way.

The bond wouldn't let him get close enough to touch us when we had sex, but we made sure he felt every touch and emotion through the bond, for then it opened up a little. Spock nd I desperately wanted him to be part of our loving. But none of us could figure out why he couldn't.

Luckily, watching us provided him some sexual release, since he seemed determined to ignore his hand. But this went on for two months and it wore on us all. He wasn't the only one suffering by that point.

We started snapping at each other. Yeah, Spock and I always snapped at each other a bit, but it started to get worse again, just like when I was denying what was right in front of my face. And snapping at Jim wasn't my usual reaction. But more and more, what had been a tolerant look and rolling my eyes at his antics, now turned into orders to get out of my sickbay before I threw him out.

The bond was getting sick, but we didn't know it. It had the disease of 'imbalance' and because we didn't recognize the signs, we did nothing.

Until those signs became obvious even to the ignorant.

It started simply enough. Jim ordered Spock to help me take inventory of the medical supplies we were to deliver to Bajor. The had had an outbreak of Rigellian fever on the planet, so we were going there to provide support for their strained medical facilities.

Spock and I enjoyed the time to ourselves, as we were the only ones allowed to touch the precious vials. We got a chance to resume sniping at each other just for the fun of it. We had stopped doing it in our cabin because it was beginning to annoy Jim. Neither of us wanted to make him uncomfortable when he already felt a bit like an outcast.

Now, he's seen us argue practically since the day we met, so I did get a little concerned at his request. But Spock assured me that it was just the stress of being separated from us for so long. Once the bond allowed us to all resume our lives as we chose, Jim would be fine, or so Spock claimed.

Vulcans aren't often wrong. They check their facts too thoroughly to make the stupid mistakes we humans do. But when the facts are hidden from you, and all you have is conjecture, well, being *spectacularly* wrong is even possible for the most logical beings in the galaxy.

We found that out when Jim called Spock to Conference Room 3 a few hours into our inventory.

Spock and I exchanged a frustrated glance when we heard Jim. The strain in him was becoming obvious. It was so bad that the crew was beginning to suspect something was wrong.

So my loving adversary brushed a finger over the back of my hand in a parting caress and went to see what the captain, or our bondmate, needed.

Because I wanted to check on Jim without agitating him with my scanners, Spock agreed to leave his shield down. I could close my eyes and the Vulcan would send me all the sights and sounds of his conversation through the bond.

So the minute Spock arrived in the conference room, I sat in a corner of the cargo bay and looked within.

That's when I realized there was something seriously wrong with Jim.

"What the hell were you two doing in the cargo bay that long, huh? You were having sex with him without me, weren't you?" Jim blasted Spock as soon as he entered the conference room.

"No, Jim, I was not," Spock said calmly. "You requested that we finish the inventory of the medical supplies. As there is enough for fifty million people, it took a considerable amount of time, even at our most efficient."

But the captain chose to ignore his explanation. At that, warning bells started ringing in my head. But I could only listen as he exclaimed, "How could you? You know what this has been like for me. For God's sake, I've barely touched either of you in two months!"

I felt Spock startle. Through his eyes, I could see that Jim was most definitely beginning to lose it. He looked haggard, tired, and Spock told me that there seemed to be a sense of paranoia in his eyes. I could believe it.

The bond and its demands were beginning to take its toll on our mate.

I couldn't stay still any longer. We needed to help him. So I grabbed the medkit I had brought down to the cargo bay in case of emergency and ran to the conference room, telling Spock to try to keep Jim calm until I got there.

While I was making my way up the saucer section, Spock was attempting to get around the shield between him and Jim. Up until now, we had assumed that the shields separating us from Jim were the bond's attempt to keep him out of the way while we worked on our own link.

But when Jim hurt Spock with a punch to the Vulcan's heart, we realized that we had screwed up. Badly. The shields weren't meant to keep him away from us. They were meant to keep *us* away from *him*.

The minute I walked into the room, I pulled Spock aside and after checking his side, stared at him worriedly. 'He's hiding something.' I growled into his head. 'Something big.'

'Most likely he is attempting to conceal his sexual frustration.' Spock countered logically.

I shook my head. 'It's more than that, and don't say paranoia, 'cause my gut is saying it's not that either. This isn't his frustration. This is bigger, and has been going on a lot longer. I can see it in the lines on his face.'

We both glanced at our bondmate. True to my word, the strain looked like it was carved in the lines of his forehead and the frown gracing his lips.

But although I discounted paranoia as the cause of Jim's difficulties, there were definutely shades of it possessing our mate. He was glaring at us as if he thought we were discussing how to keep him away from us for the next ten years.

Then Spock brought me back to our conversation with the question on both of our minds. 'What do you suggest we do to find the answer? He is shielding and at the moment, does not appear inclined to raise it.'

'Can't you break it down?' I glared at the Vulcan. He was the strongest of us. Although he had told us that disturbing a mental shield was considered quite rude in Vulcan society, we needed to see what Jim was hiding on the other side before he hurt us or himself. Serious actions needed to be taken and ettiquette be damned.

'He has continually found ways of thwarting my attempts.' Spock sighed. I could hear the exasperation come through the bond. He knew how serious this was, but he was out of ideas as to what to do. With Jim being unreasonable, the next step might have to be restraining him, and neither of us wanted to do that.

So it was my turn to try something. I sighed and nodded. 'I'll talk to him, then.'

I went over to where Jim was seated at the conference table. He grimaced up at me as I pulled a scanner out of my kit to check his vitals.

"Hey," I whispered softly. "What's going on? Is this enforced separation getting to be too much for you?"

Jim shook his head. "You guys need time to figure things out. I'll be fine."

I tried to break it to him gently. "No, Jim, you're not fine. You're getting paranoid and unreasonable again. I can see it, Spock can see it. Hell, the rest of the crew can see it. Come on, let's go to our cabin and see if we can convince the bond that it's time to let this thing between us become what it really is."

"But you need more time," Jim insisted.

I shook my head. "We have things worked out. Hell I think we worked things out the best we could about a month ago." I paused and studied his face. Yeah, it was about a month ago that Spock and I had worked out the basics of how to relate to each other, with a delicate balance of love and animosity. Hey, it works for us.

But this was getting very suspicious. Jim was lying. I could see it in his eyes. So I tried another tactic. "Do *you* need more time?"

Me? Time for what?" he asked a little too quickly.

"I don't know. To adjust to me being with you like this?" I shrugged. Hell, it was disconcerting to Spock, and if it bothered the calmest of us, I'm sure it had to bother Jim at times.

When he shrank into his chair, I knew I was onto something, so I went further. "This is all happening so fast. I know it takes time to adjust. You don't need to be strong in front of us. We're your husbands, for Pete's sake!"

Jim just shook his head, apparently not wanting to talk about it. But this had to end. He was in pain, I could see it.

So I did what Spock couldn't. I pushed on the shield. This time he didn't resist. Whether it was because my human skills were different that Spock's Vulcan ones or because Jim was afraid I'd get hurt if he did, well, I don't know. All I know is that it worked. I pushed gently, not wanting to hurt Jim, but knowing if whatever was behind it was causing his frustration, we had to get rid of it.

Slowly, from my pressure, the shield began to give way. Now I could feel Jim resisting me, trying to hide whatever the barrier was covering. I did my best to soothe him, to tell him that it was okay. Whatever he was keeping from us, we would deal with it.

Knowing how necessary this was, Spock lent me his psychic strength so I could overwhelm the shield. Finally, it snapped it two and freed the thoughts and feelings behind it to flow into the bond.

A minute later, I was startled to find myself floored by a huge wave of fear.

end part 5