Looking back on it now, I realize that my dying actually wasn't nearly as painful as I'd imagined it would be.
Sure, there was pain. Heck, there was a whole lot of pain. More pain than I'd ever felt in my life. I'd probably be mentally ill right now for surviving, if only halfway, through that, if it wasn't for...something. I don't know what, but something happened.
The pain was filling me to the brim. My very soul was screaming. I felt like I was being ripped out of my own body, taking nothing with me except myself. There was no life-flashing, no time-slowing, no entering a tunnel of light...though that may be just because I didn't die all the way...but there was one thing that people must only experience when they die and never come back. Or maybe something that only happens if you become a half-ghost, I don't know.
Even though I was still being shocked, and my molecules were still rearranging themselves, and I was still being bombarded with ectoranic, or some kind of energy...the pain suddenly stopped. It was replaced by this overwhelming feeling of...some emotion I could never describe accurately enough...it was joy, and love, and transformation, and acceptance...it was the most incredible feeling ever.
And it wasn't my ghost powers, either, because as soon as the portal stopped going, the feeling went away...and I wasn't sore, or hurting, or anything either...I was just there. I guess that's why I went unconscious. It wasn't my brain struggling to come up with a sensation of pain strong enough, failing, and offering up a massive release of endorphines instead...these feelings were coming from outside of me, entering me...making me whole.
Now that it occurs to me, it can't happen to all dying people, because then, I can promise you that none of the ghosts in the ghost zone would be evil. That feeling went away as soon as I stopped dying, and would have stuck around if I had died. I know it. And people wouldn't be going screaming, begging whatever not to die, fighting it, if this happened to everybody. So...
...why did it happen to me?
What made me special?
And if this feeling was only supposed to happen to certain people when they died and didn't come back, then why did I experience it? I came back, at least halfway. Did I maybe only experience half of it? Is that why about half of my experience in the Ghost Portal was painful, and half made it worth going through, superpowers or no?
And, did I really hear a voice?
The more time passes, the more I become confused as to whether I was hallucinating, or whether something greater than all of us was whispering in my ear...
Whispering a message I will never forget.
Do not be afraid. Stay a little longer, for I have chosen you to be this world's protector. You will face many pains on the road ahead, but I promise you it shall be worth it in the end, for you and for so many other people. A burden has been placed on your shoulders, but I know that you can bear it. I chose you out of all the people in the world for a reason. I am proud of you, Danny...so very proud.
Could I have really created something so profound and life-changing within my own brain just to convince myself everything would be okay? Some days I seem sure that must be it, other days I am sure that there is somebody watching me and my every move, silently telling me how proud they are of me...
But who?
I'm sure you all know whom AMSoG would say would say was and is the voice, but I can't be sure. I'm not a religious person, of any kind of religion. I'm still soul-searching...I'm barely out of my teenage years!
But if someone really was talking to me that day...if someone really did choose me to be this world's hero...I'm sure they wouldn't let me just slip into the darkness of some false religion or belief. If there really was a voice, I am confident I am protected. If there wasn't...then it doesn't matter.
I don't know what I believe, but...
...I do hope that it is the first option.