A/N: I've been contemplating retirement from writing fan fiction for quite sometime. So, I started writing this retirement speech, for the fans that genuinely care, to explain that I am not abandoning you, but I simply dislike the direction Fanfiction has taken in recent years. But who really knows what the future holds? Maybe I'll come back like Jordan wearing the four-five and lead my loyal fans through another championship season! But if that day never comes, it has been an honor to serve you, the fans, my fans, with the greatest run on the Brotherhood in all fan fiction-dom! And now, on with the finale!
The Brotherhood members had been gathered in the interrogation room in complete and utter boredom.
"Are you ready to meet the man behind the voice?" the Voice asked over the speaker.
The Brotherhood exchanged glances amongst one another until the door slid open.
Eileen then walked into the room carrying a microphone, "Name, Eileen Harsaw. Codename, Phantazia. Interest and hobbies, shock and awe," she said as the Voice's voice emanated from the speakers.
"Well the 'man' certainly has a nice rack," Wanda said with a small nod.
"Thank you, S.H.I.E.L.D. paid for it," Eileen said giving herself a firm squeeze.
-The Mess Hall-
The esteemed members of the Brotherhood were in a state of shock. They had no idea whether Fury's statement meant that they were returning home failures or quite possibly in body bags as they had failed to do anything aside from causing millions of dollars in property damage and constantly being at the throat of the other squads.
"What do you mean going home?" Lance asked skeptically, eyeing Fury carefully.
"Where better to put my mutant task force than in the city the media has so affectionately dubbed Mutant Town?" Fury asked crossing his arms in a triumphant manner.
"Yeah, and next you're gonna tell me Santa Claus needs our help to fight off the Easter Bunny," Todd said sarcastically as he leapt onto a table.
Eileen made her way to Fury's side, "Santa singlehandedly won the civil war amongst the mythical creatures," she stated with a small nod.
"Wait…" Todd said as he scratched his head in confusion, "Santa's real?"
"I guess that explains the eight reindeer heads in Mystique's bathroom," Pietro said now leaning against the table.
"You punks have one hour to get packed and ready before I ship you off to the glue factory," Fury said in a gruff tone as he left the room, "And stay away from my Avengers!"
The Brotherhood members could only exchange puzzled looks as they slowly left the room.
-Several minutes later in Wanda's quarters-
Wanda packed the twins bags as the played on her bed.
"Well boys… Looks like mommy is going to get a better chance at finding a daddy for you," she said as the twins became silent.
She looked over at them and they silently stared back at her.
"Yeah I know… I'd prefer a daddy with breasts too… but I have the perfect daddy picked out for you," Wanda said as she bit her lip, "If it makes you feel any better he screams like a girl."
The twins' gaze shifted to the door, which prompted Wanda to turn towards it.
"You don't seriously have feelings for him do you?" Pietro questioned, leaning against the door frame.
"And what if I do?" Wanda asked returning to her packing.
"Christmas is going to get awkward… even by our standards," Pietro said shaking his head.
"When do we leave?" Wanda asked slinging the bag over her shoulder.
"Would the Brotherhood please report to the hangar in ten minutes?" a random S.H.I.E.L.D. agent's voice sounded from the speakers.
"Are you ready to go home?" Wanda asked as she picked up the twins.
"I'm ready to make sweet, sweet love to Karima in your bed," Pietro said narrowly avoiding a barrage of hex bolts by speeding out of the room, "I love you too!"
-A few hours later on the open road-
Two humvees travelled the great state of New York, toward the hometown of a certain criminally inclined mutant team. Lance, Regan, Todd and Freddy rode in the lead humvee with Fury himself.
Regan looked out of the window just as the 'Welcome to Bayville' sign came into view, "We're almost home," she said with a small smile.
"The nightmare's almost over," Lance said with a hint of relief in his voice.
"Well I kinda like to think of it as a vacation," Freddy said with a small shrug.
"Some vacation…" Lance said shaking his head.
"Hey, remember the last vacation we had?" Todd asked taking the Brotherhood on a trip down memory lane.
-Flashback-
Raven had taken her boys on a vacation to the beach.
"Should Freddy be that far out in the ocean?" Lance asked as he watched Freddy drift out to sea on his inner tube.
Pietro made his way to the rock tumbler's side, "You want to go get him?" he asked crossing his arms.
"No," Lance stated flatly.
Freddy sank under the water, his inner tube surfacing shortly after.
"Freddy's gone!" Lance exclaimed as he ran to the water's edge.
"He had a good run," Pietro said with a shrug.
At that exact moment Freddy walked onto the beach dragging a shark behind him, "I caught dinner!" he said with a large grin.
-Present Time-
Lance pulled his head back into the truck, "I hate memory lane…" he said whipping his lip.
"We're here," Fury said as they pulled in front of the Brotherhood Boarding House.
The boys unloaded the vehicles and slowly made their way to the only place that truly felt like home.
"Don't skip town!" Fury called out as his military truck screeched away.
Todd leapt onto the front step from the driveway and studied the front door intently, "There's a note on the door," he said pulling a small piece of paper off said door.
Freddy pushed his way to the front of the group and began poking the door gingerly, "Is it rigged to explode?" he asked looking down at the young amphibian.
"The note or the door?" Todd asked skeptically now holding the note carefully.
"Gimme that!" Lance exclaimed as he snatched the note from Todd's hand, "It's from Mystique… Dear Thor help me St. John gets the house," he read in a rather surprised tone.
Pietro walked to Lance's side, "She gave him her house?" he asked in bewilderment.
Lance stared at the note, "I guess so," he stated slowly.
Pietro ducked down to look at the other side of the note, "There's something on the back," he said looking back at Lance.
Lance promptly flipped the note over, "On second thought Amara gets the house," he read aloud in mild amusement.
"I wonder how he's going to take it," Pietro said as they turned to the Aussie.
St. John threw open the door, "Come on 'Mara, Dad left us the house! Let's go see if she left us any food in the fridge!" he exclaimed with a large toothy grin as he dragged his pregnant wife into the house behind him.
"Oh I think he'll be okay," Wanda said as she pushed her way into the house.
"No place like home," Lance said as he tapped the top of the door frame when he walked in.
-Several hours later in the living room-
The boys, minus Pietro, sat in the living room watching T.V. They had been settled back into the place they called home. A peaceful atmosphere had taken over the Brotherhood members, until…
"Lance!" Regan exclaimed from the kitchen, "There's a giant rat in the pantry!"
Before Lance could even respond a nude Pietro burst through the basement door with an equally nude Karima in his arms, their respective nudity being covered by each other's strategic body parts.
"Well, I have some good news Lance," Pietro said slightly out of breath.
"Yeah?" Lance asked with a sigh.
"One of the pipes burst," Pietro said in an optimistic tone.
"That's good news?" Lance asked in shock.
"Well… the larger slower rats are drowning," Pietro explained with a small nod.
"What about the smaller quicker rats?" Lance asked sarcastically.
"They're coming this way!" Pietro exclaimed dashing upstairs and then dashing out of the front door fully clothed.
"Who's up for a movie?" Lance asked as he made his way to the door.
-Several minutes later in the local movie theatre-
The Brotherhood members occupied an entire row of chairs, Deuce the Devil Dog sitting next to Wanda.
"Excuse me ma'am, you're not allowed to bring animals into the theatre," a movie usher said standing behind Wanda.
In response Deuce grew into his demon form and looked down at the usher.
"Carry on," the usher said as he made a dash for the door.
"Good boy," Wanda said as she tossed a hotdog to the Devil Dog.
"It's nice to do things as a family instead of just an angry mob," Lance said wrapping his arm around Regan.
"Hey, shut up," a random movie patron said forcefully.
"Todd, save my seat," Lance said getting to his feet.
Regan grabbed Lance's arm causing him to stop, "Lance don't," she said forcefully.
Lance gave her a small smile, "I'm just gonna explain to him how rude he's being," he said as he hopped over the seat.
Lance promptly laid in several crosses and short jabs, when the guy finally slipped into unconsciousness, Lance promptly stole his bucket of popcorn.
"I'm so proud of Lance," Regan said with a smile, "His anger management has come a long way."
Lance hopped back into his seat, "Gave me his popcorn," he said holding up the bucket.
-A few hours later-
The esteemed members of the Brotherhood walked out of the movie theatre and onto the sidewalk.
"What do we do now yo?" Todd asked hoping along his comrades, "Exterminator's gonna have his hands full for another hour."
"At least," Pietro said shoving his hands in his pockets.
"I guess we should tell the neighbors we're home," Lance said gaining smirks and smiles from his brethren.
-Several minutes later in the X-Mansion-
Logan sat at the kitchen table seemingly staring off into space.
Ororo approached him slowly, "Logan… are you sick?" she asked in a concerned tone.
"Just bored…" Logan responded with a growl, "Didn't think I'd miss those punks this much."
"Well I for one have enjoyed the quiet," Ororo said taking a seat next to him at the table.
As is typical with the universe, a large tremor shook the foundation and the mutant couple out of their chairs.
Ororo looked to Logan who had a smirk on his face.
Several moments later a large group of X-Men rushed out of the mansion only to be met by… the Brotherhood of Bayville.
"Hey neighbor, borrow a cup of sugar?" St. John asked with a loud Acolyte cackle.
Logan unsheathed his claws, "And here I thought I'd never get a fight in before dinner," he said leaping at the Aussie.
Lance watched as his comrades leapt fists first into the fray, "I love a hostile work environment," he said as he unleashed a massive tremor.
-A few hours later at the Boarding House-
Karima walked up the stairs and down the hall to Pietro's room. She opened the door to see Pietro laying on his bed playing with the twins.
"You're taking care of the twins?" Karima asked taking a seat next to the speedster.
"Yeah, Wanda asked if I could watch them while she went out," he replied with a smile.
"Where'd she go?" Karima asked taking Billy in her arms.
Pietro could only shrug in ignorance.
-Meanwhile-
Kurt laid in bed with a look of complete shock on his face.
"Vhat did Logan always tell me?" he asked himself in a low tone.
"When confronted by a succubus run, run like hell and don't look back. No matter how hot they are they're twice as crazy," Logan's voice played through Kurt's head.
Kurt looked down at the sleeping Wanda, "Hmm… probably should have remembered that before the sex," he said as she snuggled up to him, "Totally vorth it."
-A few hours later in Pietro's bedroom-
Pietro laid on his bed staring at the ceiling with a smile on his face.
"And what has you so happy Mr. Maximoff?" Karima asked playfully laying down next to him.
"Well, Ms. Shapandar…" Pietro started slowly, "My life, our lives, is great. Mystique taught us to hope for the best and she prepared us for the worst. With out her, none of this is possible," he said pulling the cyber girl into a hug, "I dedicate this sexual romp to you Mystique!" he exclaimed attacking her neck.
Karima only giggled as the couple disappeared under the sheets.
-Epilogue-
It's been ten long years since last we saw the Brotherhood, ten years since they had become full fledged S.H.I.E.L.D. agents and ten years since General Nick Fury had been this pissed off at them.
The six Brotherhood members sat in the back of a S.H.I.E.L.D. helicopter, strapped into their chairs anxiously awaiting their orders or quite possibly death sentence.
"Fury! Where the hell are you taking us!" Lance asked, staring into the cockpit.
"Yeah, I didn't even get to brush my teeth!" Freddy exclaimed clutching his safety straps.
"First off this is a punishment for blowing up the Inhuman King Black Bolt's pet leviathan!" Fury exclaimed over his shoulder, "And second, your evaluation is up and I thought this would be a 'fun' test!"
"We're gonna die…" Todd said in a slight panic.
"Prepare to deploy!" Fury called out as each Brotherhood member unstrapped and readied themselves to jump out of the helicopter, "Go!"
And with that command they jumped out of the helicopter and went into free fall. After a few moments they deployed their parachutes and made a soft landing.
"Our evaluation is to watch an empty street?" Wanda asked sarcastically.
"He's probably trying to bore us to death," Pietro said in a mildly annoyed tone.
"Oih say we go home and play with the rug rats!" St. John exclaimed pointing his flamethrowers at random inanimate objects, "Moihy little Ildri is burning things at a hoihgh school level!"
At that exact moment the street erupted into rubble revealing a jade giant, "HULK SMASH!" the Hulk exclaimed throwing his massive arms into the air.
"FURY!" the Brotherhood exclaimed unison.
Fury flew overhead watching the fight unfold, "Best damn team I ever put together," he said his eye taking on a yellow sheen, "My boys."
A/N: Never forget…