Everyone was excited about what's gonna happen the next time Brooke and KYle talk, well looks like you'll find out in this chapter. It's specifically about those two for awhile, maybe with some Nathan and Haley in it, but i'm not sure yet. To Mony, yeaa your idea seems pretty straight forward, and it would be easier, we'll see what happens. I want Lucas in as much as possible, actually i just might have him in this chapter also, we'll see. Last chapter you couldn't really help but like Peyton lol. I never really liked her in the show, so when i started writing, i decided to make Peyton more likeable. I have another fic called Things We Never Thought, and it shows a much more likeable Peyton. All my reviewers have said they hated Peyton, but they can't help but like her lol. So check it out, it's Brucas, so some of you will like it alot.
I might be ending this story in the next couple of chapters. I have the idea of what i wanna do for the ending, so maybe i'll post three or four more chapters before we get to the last one. I didn't plan on it, but i was just thinking about it yesterday and i just decided to end it in the next couple of weeks.
ENJOY AND REVIEW!!!
OTHOTHOTHOTHOTHOTHOTHOTHOTHOTHOTHOTHOTHOTHOTHOTHOTHOTHOTHOTHOTHOTHOTHOTHOTHOTHOTH
It's times like these when you know you're in deep shit. Your heart feels like it's dropped all the way to your stomach. You don't notice it, but you haven't took a breathe in about a minute. And you're mind goes completely blank, telling yourself that if you rewind your brain far enough, this will all be a dream, that nothing about this moment is real. But there's always this voice, this nagging that tells you that it is real, and you might as well accept it, because you're going to have to face it anyway.
Brooke continued to hope it wasn't real, but once again life wasn't on her side. She paced slowly around her bed, wheels turning in her brain. Personally she would've been the first to admit that she was way in over her head, but that would be an understatement. For a long time Brooke lived her life the way any other teenager would, probably even more worse. But there came a time when she had to grow up, and face things that were hard to deal with. It's one thing when it involved yourself, but it's a whole other when it has to do with other people. Other people that could get hurt in the process.
Peyton didn't exactly read the whole thing, but she scanned through it, and even she had to say it was bad. It didn't always make sense, but it was bad as it could get. She didn't blame Kyle for being mad, but that was the way Brooke was, disfunctional and confusing. Peyton wanted to help Brooke in any way she could, but they both knew that this was something that Brooke needed to do by herself, otherwise nothing would get done.
"So, he read the whole thing?" Brooke asked slowly, even though she really didn't feel like hearing the answer.
"Actually, that's the good part. I only let him read the last one, the rest he never looked through," Peyton said encouragingly.
But the fact of the matter was, Kyle had read probably the worst question. At first glance, it wouldn't seem like a big deal, or mean anything significant, but one sentence spoke volumes in Brooke's eyes, and she was pretty sure Kyle felt the same way. Lord only knows what he thought of her after reading it.
Brooke groaned, "Gosh i'm so stupid. Where the hell did he find it at?"
"In the library in this little slit between the desk and the computer monitor. It must've accidentally slipped through there before you left last week."
"Somebody somewhere is getting a kick out of this," Brooke mumbled as she unfolded the paper.
"I know this isn't really my business, but, what are you gonna say to Kyle the next time you see him?" Peyton asked curiously.
"Looks like i have to start thinking. Kyle will be here in less than 3 hours," Brooke said, scanning through the paper, her eyes getting wider with each sentence read.
Peyton sighed before sitting on Rachel's bed, taking a breather from all this madness today. For a long time, Peyton had been used to it, it came with the territory of being best friends with Brooke. But now she was just getting back in the swing of things, and she was definitely a little rusty with handling dramatic, overexaggerating Brooke Davis.
"So like, what did he say about this," Brooke asked sadly, gesturing to the paper in her hand.
"Well he wasn't exactly happy about it. But he seemed confused more than anything," Peyton explained lightly.
"Great. Now he probably won't even talk to me anymore. Hell, he's probably not gonna wanna talk about this today," Brooke whined, landing on her bed.
"Brooke, you know he's not gonna do that. If anything, Kyle's gonna want to figure things out with you today after school," Peyton said, trying to make Brooke feel better.
"He might. But i don't know what to say to him. I am just so confused about this whole thing."
Peyton snorted, "I'm pretty sure he knows just how confused you really are."
"Gee thanks for the help. Wait, where are you going?" Brooke asked, noticing Peyton sling her bag over her shoulder.
"I would love nothing more than you hear you droan on and on about this, but i do have a Chemistry quiz in like 15 minutes, so i better get going," Peyton said, heading for the door.
"Alright. I guess i'll see you later. That is, if i haven't buried myself alive in the Tree Hill Cemetery."
"Brooke, just, whatever you do, don't get mad when you talk to Kyle. He's just as confused as you are right now, and you two arguing isn't going to solve anything. If you do, nothing good is going to happen," Peyton warned before diappearing from the room.
"Looks like i'm right back where i started," Brooke said to herself.
--
Unless you wanted to be a teacher, or be a research specilist or something, there is no way in hell you would like World History class. Now, if you had a cool, down to earth teacher, then that's another thing. But sitting in an uncomfortable desk with 72 year old Mr. Donovan, it was pure torture. And on top of that, Kyle was confused, mad, and hurt, so he couldn't wait for the day to be over. Mainly because he didn't want to be in school when he couldn't concentrate, another being he could finally talk to Brooke about everything.
Ever since they became cool again, they had only seen each other and talked twice, and both times it wasn't exactly serious conversations. Him and Brooke had always been flirty and playful to some extent, in a friends type of way. But they both knew it was to cover up what was really going on. And as much as he didn't want to, issues had to be brought up. And to think that him telling Brooke about the accident would make or break them, he was seriously mistaken.
Just like first period, he sat at the edge of his seat with two minutes until the bell, signaling the end of the day. He had told Brooke that he was gonna go by her house right after school, but now Kyle would do just about anything to avoid it, at least for a couple of minutes. He hadn't seen Peyton since the library, but he knew that Peyton had in someway let Brooke know that he knew just about everything, it didn't mean that he understood it, but he knew.
Of course, the bell just had to ring when he was too deep in his thoughts. But instead of running out like he had this morning, he walked very calmly out of the classroom. It was the least he could do for Mr. Donovan, and himself.
Reaching his locker, he felt a certain uneasiness spread over him at just the sight of Brooke's locker, which hadn't been opened in a week. It was definitely an uneasy feeling that went along with his anger and resentment.
Walking across the quad to the parking lot, he saw Haley sitting content at a bench. Kyle liked Haley alot. She was definitely perfect for Nathan. He had heard people say that Haley was the person that had changed Nathan, but Kyle never believed that. Kyle had always known Nathan as an asshole on the court and at school, but as a friend Nathan was one of the best guys he's ever met in his life. He didn't like to think that Haley had changed him, because Nathan was always a good person. It just took Haley for him to show it to everyone else.
"Hey Haley," Kyle greeted, standing in front of her. Haley's bump was getting bigger by the minute, and no doubt Nathan was happy about that. The bigger the baby the taller the player.
"Oh hey Kyle," Haley answered, hand on her bump.
"So, you waiting for Nathan?"
"Yup, apparently it takes him a whole five minutes to get his backpack out of his locker," Haley laughed.
Kyle shrugged, "Well i have seen the inside of his locker, and i could kind of understand why."
Haley laughed before becoming serious, "Uhh yeaa so Nathan kind of told me about what happened earlier, at the library."
Kyle sighed, "Yeaa, that was definitely not the highlight of my day," he said, sitting down next to her.
"I would hope not. Are you mad at her?"
"Honestly i don't know. I mean, i can't blame her for being confused in all this, but it just feel like i'm doing this all for nothing, becuase in the end she won't know what she really wants," Kyle explained.
"Yeaa you're right. But Brooke needs you to stick around because whether she picks you or not, you're still a big part of her life, and i think you know that."
"I know, it just sucks that we're right back where we started. Not really knowing how we feel about each other," Kyle said, standing up.
"Both of you already know how you feel. It's just everything else that's going on around you that makes you question that," Haley pointed out.
"Thanks Haley. I'll see you later," Kyle smiled.
"No problem."
Yep, Haley was perfect for Nathan. It was nice to have someone that was sane, someone to hold you down. If he was in a relationship with Brooke, Kyle was pretty sure it would be him holding Brooke down. It seemed like the boring role, but with Brooke nothing is ever boring, he knew that was for sure.
--
If there was one thing Brooke was fond of, it was talking. Alot. She loved running her mouth all the time. And people didn't really seem to mind. The girls hung onto her evey word, and the guys just wanted to hear her raspy voice. But, she really didn't want to have the conversation she knew was coming.
Before, talking to Kyle seemed like the most easiest thing to do. And at the time it was, until emotions took it's toll on both of them. Brooke knew Kyle was mad, and that he would want some answers from her. But the truth was she didn't even have them herself.
Lucas had texted her after Peyton had left. He wanted to know how she was doing, and that he loved her. She said all the right tihngs like a class act, but somehow she felt like she was betraying Kyle, and turning her back on her feelings.
For a long time Brooke thought that Lucas was the one for her. He was so perfect and she made Brooke want to be better for him. He was able to just completely make her feel safe and that nothing bad would ever happen as long as he loved her. And so far he had done just that since their reconciliation, but she felt like something was missing that whole time. She wasn't sure of Lucas felt it too, but the feeling was alive and well in Brooke's gut.
Sometimes she asked herself if this would all be worth it. She had a perfectly good guy that loved her and would take care of her, so why would she risk that for something she wasn't sure was gonna work? It was much easier to play the fool and settle for what you have, but like Rachel had pointed out, Brooke Davis never settled for anything less than the best. But right now Brooke wasn't so sure what was the best, and what was settling.
Pacing her room once again, she knew it was only a matter of minutes before Kyle would show up. Peyton tried to make it better, and say he wasn't that mad, just confused. But any warm blooded guy would be mad. Kyle never really had a strong temper, only when it counted, but this definitely pissed him off, whether Peyton admitted it or not.
Good thing she didn't have time to think about how mad he was, because Lucas had just called her cell phone. Brooke held the phone in her hands, comtemplating if she should pick it up or not. It might've been better if she didn't, but if she didn't answer, then he might stop by to see what was wrong, when Kyle was over. And as much as she didn't want to deal with Lucas right now, she knew she had to, or else she would be dealing with it alot sooner than she had planned.
"Hello?" Brooke spoke, switching from miserable to cheery in seconds.
"Hey Brooke, i miss you so i thought i'd call. How are you feeling?" Lucas asked.
"I miss you too. Actually i just took my pain meds, so i'm getting a little sleepy," Brooke answered, toning down her voice a little bit.
"Oh, i was going to come visit you. But you need your rest so i'll just come by tomorrow," Lucas said lightly.
"Sounds like a good idea. I feel like i'm going to fall asleep any minute. I'll just see you the."
"Alright, i love you," Lucas said, it broke Brooke's heart because he sounded so sure of himself, in them, when he said that. Too bad his other half didn't feel the same way.
Brooke hesitated, "I love you too," before hanging up. She inhaled deeply, like the short conversation had took everything out of her, and it might as well have.
"I bet you do," a calm voice said from behind her.
The exhale never came. But the familiar feeling once again took over her body. The denial, the mind games, and the unbelievability that Kyle was standing behind her, and had heard the whole conversation she had with Lucas. She had been so busy, trying to fake her mood for LUcas, and that didn't even hear him, hear the door open and close downstairs. Apart of her wanted to yell at him, for listening to her phone conversation, but that would just be a last save for herself because she had no reason to be mad.
His tone spoke for itself, he was pretty mad. And Brooke had no one to blame but herself.
--
It wasn't until he was standing at her door, that he realized how bad he felt for Lucas. Ever since he got here, Kyle never really liked Lucas, all because of what he had done in the past. But he was looking at Lucas in a total different light. The guy had no idea that his girlfriend was lying to him, or come to think of it, maybe she wasn't lying to him. Maybe she meant it when she said she missed him, and that she loved him. Maybe she wanted to be with him all along, and not Kyle. But maybe Kyle was the one Brooke was lying to.
She had never sounded so innocent than she was talking to Lucas on the phone. Which just completely backed up his suspicions and his fears, that maybe him and Brooke were a lost cause, because from where he was standing, it literally looked like he was the only one that wanted them to be something more, something better.
In any other situation he would've laughed at her reaction. Hell, she might've even laughed and slapped him, yelling at him for scaring her in the first place. But this wasn't the case, because she got caught, and now they would actually have to talk about all of it. And driving here, Kyle promised himself that he wasn't going anywhere until they talked about what was in the note, and how she really felt, that is, if she figured it out.
"Pretty believable what you said on the phone to Lucas. Did you really take your pain meds or is that a lie too?" Kyle asked, gesturing to the pill bottle on her nightstand.
"Yeaa i really did take them," Brooke said quietly, throwing her cell phone back on her bed. "Listen, we really need to talk."
"You bet we do," Kyle answered quickly. At first he had no intention of being mean about this, but everything that had happened the past month was taking it's toll on him.
"I know you're really mad at me, for more than one reason. But you have to just let me explain..."
"Do you really know what you need to explain. Because i'm more confused and angry than i thought i've ever been. To me there's nothing for you to explain," Kyle sighed, leaning against the wall.
"Okay, you're really really mad," Brooke said to herself.
"Yeaa well i'm not exactly jumping for joy," Kyle said sarcastically.
"Can you just listen to me for a godamn second? I know i screwed up, and i'm just as confused as i was when i was writing this!" Brooke yelled, waving the paper in the air, "But i never lied about how i felt for you."
"Really? Because i'm seriously starting to doubt that. You see, that little phone call you had with Lucas, made me realize it just now. It made me realize that you're a pretty good liar when you wanna be. He believed you when you said that you were getting tired, he completely believed you. WHich makes it alot more confusing, because i don't know if you're lying to me either."
"Why would i ever lie to you?"
"I don't know. Why wouldn't you? You know how i get when i'm hurt or when i'm down. That list of questions and answers, it just brought out all these other questions, but you have no answers do you?"
"I wish i did. BUt i never lied to you about how i felt Kyle. You have to believe me about that."
"So if you really were telling the truth about how you felt, then does that mean you're lying to Lucas too? Or when you say you miss him and that you love him, is that the truth?"
"I don't know..."
"BUt if you don't know about that, then how can you know how you really feel about me?"
"I don't know okay?!?!" Brooke yelled, tears spilling out.
"Well Brooke figure it out please! You've had months to think this through. Nathan kept on telling me that maybe you felt differently now, so much has happened since you wrote those things down, maybe you've changed your whole answer to that piece of paper. But something tells me you didn't, and that you're just as confused as ever."
"You're right about that. I'm still really confused, and i don't know what i want. I'm an idiot i know, but when i wrote this down, we weren't talking. And i thought that things would never be the same, but it got better Kyle. And the love i have for you never went away. But you have to understand that Lucas loves me, and i love him too."
Ouch. It was evident that they loved each other in some way, they were in a relationship, but hearing Brooke say it was completely a kick in the stomach. Or a bullet, since it hurt so much that he thoght he was going to faint right in her bedroom.
"I know you, love him," Kyle said, struggling with words, "but the fact is that you're getting too comfortable, with having both of us around. It's not fair to your heart, and it's not fair to Lucas or me."
"So, what are you saying?"
Kyle sighed, a deep deep sigh. He didn't want to be away from Brooke, not talk to her anymore. But it was all for the best, and if it saved him some heartache, or it brought love to his doorstep, then either way, he would do it.
"This isn't a game to me Brooke. I've been burned before and i won't be that way again. You can't figure this all out, when you have both guys that will jump when you tell us to. Because everytime you see one of us, you're gonna start thinking about what you're gonna do, and it's just gonna get harder. So, i think it's best if i keep my distance. I'm not saying the same for Lucas, because you know, he is your boyfriend. But since he doens't know about this, then i'll stay away from you. ANd believe me, i'm serious this time. I won't text you, or pull you in janitor closets," Kyle explained, his heart beating faster with every word.
"So, we can't be friends until i figure out which guy i wanna be with? How can i figure that out when i'm not around you Kyle? Gosh, i can't even go a whole day without wanting to see you and talk to you!"
"I know, and i feel the same way. Why we're not together, i'll never know. BUt it has to be this way for you to be able to know which guy you can't live without. Me and LUcas have pretty much been around all the time. Even when i was gone, you know that if i didn't think that was best for you, we would've talked all the time. And that i would've been there when you were hurt about Peyton and Lucas, and everything else after. Lucas has definitely been here the whole time. You said in that list of questions that you didn't know who you couldn't live without, because you never had to live without either of them. You need to know that answer Brooke."
She knew he was right, which was why she couldn't say anything. All she heard was her heart breaking and all she felt was the tears streaming down her face. All she saw was Kyle looking at her with sadness, anger, and love in his eyes, all at the same time.
"What happens when i find out that answer?" She asked, voice blank.
"Depends. If it's Lucas, you really don't have to do anything. If it's me, you know where i am," Kyle said, looking at the window by her head.
She closed her eyes shut, "You're hurting me again."
That was all it took for Kyle to pull her into a hug. He didn't know if she was doing this so he would take back everything he said, and frankly he didn't care. It would kill him to be away from Brooke, to pass her at school but not talk to her. But sometimes there are things that people need to do, they dont' always like them, but when it all comes down to it, you'll be happy because you finally know what you need to know. It might be good or it might be bad, but at least you're not left wondering what the true answer is.
"I don't want to hurt you Brooke. But, you're hurting me by not figuring this out. You're also hurting yourself, and Lucas, even though he doesn't know. Whether we're together or not, i still love you. And if we're not meant to be together, you're still apart of my life. But you need to know this for yourself," he said, resting his chin on her head.
Brooke held onto his waist for dear life. Like if she were to let him go, then she would never see him again, which was really the case. Brooke knew that this needed to happen for her to finally figure everything out. She just didn't expect it to hurt this much. BUt she finally let him go to wipe the tears away.
"You're right. I know you are. BUt, what if you decide that you don't want me anymore?" Brooke mumbled, playing with the hem of his shirt.
KYle laughed, "That should be the least of your worries. I know that i love you Brooke. After everything we've been through i'm pretty damn sure about that."
She turned away from him and looked out her window, "So i guess we're not friends until i figure all this out?" Brooke asked.
"I realize how selfish it sounds, but i really think this is the best. That way you can figure it out without me always being around all the time. Trust me on this okay?" Kyle said, standing behind her.
Brooke nodded, "I trust you."
"Good. That makes me feel better about this," Kyle said, relieved. "I really need to go, i said i would go over Haley and Nathan's for dinner," he said sadly.
Brooke laughed, "Gosh, it's like we're breaking up or something."
Kyle laughed with her, "Yeaa, well we were never like normal friends."
"You're right about that. Well, i guess i'll see you next week or something," Brooke smiled sadly.
"Brooke you'll be fine," Kyle said, kissing her forehead before leaving her room, for probably the last time in a long time.
It was all of a sudden quiet. Only her own breathing was heard throughout the whole house. She waited, until she heard the door close before completely breaking down. After the first time with Lucas, Brooke promised herself that she would never lose it again over a guy. BUt low and behold, there she was, crying like she was about to die, and she might as well have. Because after this she knew that nothing would be the same for awhile. She wouldn't be the same. Sure, she could realize that KYle was it, but would she be in the right mind to even tell him? And how much time would it take? They were graduating in two months, and they were going to the same college, but still, things would be changing. They would be changing. There was never a right time for Kyle and Brooke, and maybe there would never be.
She picked up her cell phone from the bed and dialed his number. Lucas was planning on coming by the next day, but this really couldn't wait. Kyle was right, this wasn't fair to him. Lucas was apart of a triangle, and whether he knew it or not, things were getting messy. Brooke held in her tears as she waited for Lucas to answer her phone. Brooke always hated to be the bearer of bad news, but this one compltetly took the cake.
"Hello?" Lucas said into the phone, his contentness evident.
"Can you come over now? I need to talk to you."
--
Right after Brooke's house, Kyle didn't want anything mroe than to lay on his back, staring at his ceiling again. BUt, his stomach called for Haley's macaroni and cheese, and his mind called for spilling his guts to the happily married couple.
He hadn't told anybody about his idea, not even NAthan. He figured that if he told anybody about it, they would make it seem like it wouldn't solve anything. But in reality it somehow made things easier. He and LUcas were always aruond for Brooke, that was a given. So there would be no way she would be able to figure out which guy she's meant to be with. Kyle just decided to make it easy for himself and Brooke, and just completely stop hanging out with her and talking to her. That way, she would know what it felt like to not live with him in her life, and maybe she would realize it. There was always Lucas also, but he had no idea, and something told him he never will.
In his mind, the more he was away from Brooke, maybe she would make her decision more easier and accurate. It sounded like a test or something, and in a way it was.
At the moment, the only regret Kyle had was that he didn't know it sooner. For a long time he thought that Brooke knew that she wanted to be with him, she just couldn't bring herself to lose Lucas. But with his perspective completely changed, time was running out and soon there would be no time for them to have any type or relationship.
A good idea it was, he just wasn't sure what Brooke would do if Kyle wasn't around. He hadn't really thought about it. Most of the time he imagined her going through her day like normal, but feeling sad and empty inside, then she would realize she could live without him. That was one scenario.
The other one was something he didn't even like to think about. It would only occurr if Lucas was out of the picutre. Brooke would go back to being the person that he didn't even like to imagine in his mind. The slutty, reckless, alcoholic Brooke Davis. It was a possibility, but Kyle just hoped that Brooke had enough strength in her to deal with it the right way, not the way she had been when he left two years ago.
But he knew Brooke, probably more so now than he did before. And when Brooke got scared, or nervous, or just plain depressed, she turned to alcohol. It wasn't her best trait, but that was how she dealt with things. Then came the one night stands, waking up in a random bed, with a face that you had never seen in your life. Usually it was him who would pick her up and take her to Peyton's house. He hoped that wouldn't have to happen again. But Brooke never did what people wanted her to do. She did the exact opposite.
Kyle didn't like to think about the whole situation, Brooke being that way. But the more he thought about it, and the more he tried to ignore it, the more his gut told him that it was only a matter of time before Brooke completely self destructed.