She's hearing voices

Makoto…Makoto…Makoto….

She heard her name echoing away into a distant void. Fear and confusion boiled at her insides as she realized her concept of space and time was lost. She tried to remember anything about life, a hint of where she could be, but it was useless against her empty, delirious mind. Makoto slowly opened her eyes and basked at the scene before her. It was house. The two story building gleamed in the sunlight; red bricks mounted on each other to form a rectangular shape, two lustrous windows filled with pots adorned the higher floor, a wooden roof stood out giving a slightly slanted shadow, the door was carved exquisitely with graceful patterns, vines filled with white and yellow draped the rural house.

Makoto stared in awe. It was so beautiful but for some unknown reason to her, it felt painfully nostalgic. The fresh smell of grass invaded her senses as she inspected the area. A garden surrounded the house; heavily scented green, decorated by red and yellow blossoms, on the outskirts magnolia trees stood side by side. An untainted blue sky surveyed from above the wonderful scenery.

I'm glad to see you're awake.

A familiar voice rang next to her. Makoto turned but saw no one. She looked around nervously, the trees swayed and birds flew over graciously, but there was no sign of any other moving form. "Who's there?", she demanded into the cool breeze.

Don't you recognize my voice?

Of coarse she did, it was her own. Makoto looked around again but nothing had changed. "W-where am I?", she asked feeling completely perplexed by the situation.

You mean…you don't remember?

"No", answered Makoto feeling a little stupid. "Should I?"

I should think so. What do you remember?

"Nothing really. Except my name, apparently. Am I…dead?"

Maybe. Maybe not.

Makoto huffed in frustration. "Where am I? Who are you and why do you have my voice? Is this a trick?, she bombarded the bodiless voice with aggressive questions.

I thought you would have figured it out by now. But then again, sensible thinking has never been your strong point. I'm here to help you Makoto.

"Help me with what?", asked Makoto feeling slightly offended.

You'll see in time. Isn't it lovely?

Makoto took a few seconds to comprehend the message. She took a swift look around again but felt too puzzled to enjoy it. "Yes. What is it?"

Look! Behind the hedge!

From behind the green wall a little girl peeked her head out and then noisily ran between the lane of magnolia trees. Her shiny brown hair, tied into a pony tail, bounced graciously as she skipped happily through the vibrant garden. The child's emerald eyes glistened against the warm sun as she stared aimlessly at the birds above her.

"W-who is that?", asked Makoto staring at the little girl. Reminiscence tugged at her aching heart. Her brain felt empty except for a tinge of hope; like a stone cast into a never ending well, breaking the silence of the chasm for a brief moment.

It's quite obvious. That's you. Remember that day?

The little girl caught a butterfly. She stared at the magnificent creature with wonder, her small index finger carefully touched it's wings before it flew into the clear sky. A grown woman and man crept behind her, the grass crunching at their feet, but the little girl didn't move as she gazed at the flying beauty. The tall handsome man jumped behind his unsuspecting daughter and lifted her high above his head. The child broke into a fit of laughter as she twirled in the air, the radiant sun colored her smiling white cheeks.

The memories came flooding back. Heart wrenching and fulfilling. Everything about that day thundered down on Makoto with such impact that she felt seconds away from fainting. "My…parents…", she whispered desolately. Her eyes filled with tears as she grasped the moment with all her might.

Yes, your parents. They loved you dearly. But…do you remember that day?

The delicious scent of fresh flowers, the cool wrapping breeze that whistled through the swaying trees, the inviting warmth of the sun, the gentle hands that tickled her so playfully but lovingly. It all came back to Makoto. She could feel it travel rapidly through her senses; the smell, the sight, the taste, the touch, the feeling…of not being alone. "Yes. I remember"

I'm glad. How do you feel?

"…I don't know", said Makoto slightly smiling as she watched her mother carry the little girl. "Happy like I was but sad like I am", she said not really understanding what she meant.

That's good. It's been awhile since your last visit.

"Yeah, it has. I can't even remember the last time I thought about this. I wonder why?"

It's not hard to understand. The way you…run away from things.

"That's not true!"

Oh, it isn't?

Makoto sighed. It was useless to lie in a place so far from reason. "It hurts too much to go back, it's just… easier to forget", she said finally detaching herself from the present memory.

Yes, hide everything that hurts inside. How practical of you.

"You don't know what it feels like!", burst Makoto from the overwhelming grief of her memories.

I don't? Then you must have misunderstood who I am.

Makoto watched her mother clean some dirt from the little brown haired girl's face. "You sound like me but you're not", she whimpered.

Think Makoto! Your heart is in the right place but your head is not! Your dreams, memories, fears…where do they all come from?

"My…subconscious?", guessed Makoto embarrassed.

Good girl! That wasn't so hard, now, was it?

"You should know", answered Makoto with a hint of resentment. "What now? Are you going to refresh all my memories?"

Not all of them, but don't fret, they'll come back to you when we're done. What concerns me is your inability to truly grasp the crucial moments in your life that you chose to ignore.

"What's the point? What's done is done and that's it"

Not quite. A clear perspective of the past can certainly affect the future, especially the choices you will inevitably have to make.

Makoto sighed. She didn't understand anything. How could watching herself as a child help her in a future she was yet to remember?

The yellowish morning sun had now turned into a reddish afternoon hue. She watched as her mother walked out of the bucolic house with a plate of freshly cut watermelons and offered her husband and daughter the treat. The little girl dove straight into the watery fruit, her mouth completely covered in the sticky juice, she swallowed the watermelon in four hearty bites. Her father chuckled while her mother, wearing a scornful yet amused smile, attempted to wipe her squirming daughter's filthy mouth.

"This still seems pointless", said Makoto finally coming out of her reverie.

Well it's not. You're still too confused to understand it, but it'll all make sense in due time. Tell me, what do you miss the most about this day?

"My parents", scoffed Makoto, the answer felt ridiculously obvious.

Of coarse, but what aspects of your life changed so dramatically because of their absence? What part of your current personality attributes itself to that?

"How should I know? I can't even remember who I was - or am-whatever! How is this going to help if I don't even know where I live or who my friends are, if I even have any. Heck! I can't even remember where I was before I fell into this surreal dream!", complained Makoto.

You are beginning to understand how important choices are, very good.

"I still don't get it"

Patience. Let me rephrase my question. In this very moment, aside from what you've become, how do you feel watching yourself enjoy the company of your parents.

Makoto thought for a moment. A painful hole in her heart made itself known, the kind of aching she thought was in her control and long forgotten. "Alone…scared". Embarrassed, she quickly wiped some escaping tears.

No one here is going to laugh at you, cry feely if you wish. Doesn't it feel better?

"No. it feels stupid", said Makoto childishly.

The fact that you don't cry doesn't make you brave, it makes you foolish. Doesn't all that bottled up anger bother you at all?

"No, it doesn't", answered Makoto smugly. "What? Are you a shrink now?"

As cheap and efficient as they come. What wonderful parents you had.

"Yeah…". Makoto watched herself cry joyously on her father's shoulders. Her mother tickled her from behind as the family pranced around the flower filled garden. "Can I…join them?"

You can but they won't notice you. It's a closed door memory, even for you. If you do decide to join them, which you are free in your own mind to do, then it merely becomes your imagination and nothing more.

Makoto nodded sadly and watched longingly the happy threesome. Her nostalgic moment was broken when all of the sudden her eye caught the faint site of something bright yellowish moving on the other side of the garden. She squinted her eyes carefully to get a better view. In a split second the thing dashed into a cluster of bushes and moved feverishly inside, small leaves scattering in every direction. Then the moving stopped. Makoto held her breathe as she stared anxiously, she completely ignored the sounds of her mother scowling and her father howling with laughter at the other side.

Seconds that felt like hours passed. Makoto sighed as nothing happened. Beginning to lose hope she slowly turned her head when, sudden but surely, the bush moved and a little red bow popped up from the top. Gradually the bow was followed by a set of blonde bangs, a pair of dazzling blue eyes, a tiny delicate nose and a mischievous grinning mouth. The little blonde girl with the red bow peeked out from the bush and stared fondly at the little brunette girl on the other side of the garden.

Makoto blinked. She didn't remember this at all. "W-ho is that? I don't remember her", she asked, the sight of the little blonde girl felt strangely exciting to her.

I was just wondering when she would show up. I was sure you would remember but I'm not entirely surprised that you don't. She's not part of this memory so please try to ignore her.

"What do you mean she's not part of this memory?, demanded Makoto as she gazed fascinated at the little blonde girl who was now down on all fours creeping towards the family. "I thought you said this was a closed door memory, how did she get in?"

Ah, if only you could remember her this would be so much easier to explain. It seems, and I do apologize, that she was able to jump out of your memory of her and into others where she never existed. I've tried countless times to get her out but she just won't leave, but then again…she is in here because of you.

"…Y-you mean…I know her? Who is she? Where did I meet her? Is she my age? What's her name?", asked Makoto urgently. Her heart pounded excitedly as she watched the little blonde giggle, she lay on her stomach still watching the little brunette run away from her playful mother.

You'll see soon enough. Look how happy you were, what a gorgeous sight.

But Makoto didn't listen or move, her eyes still fixated on the blue eyed child. It was strange gazing so captivatingly at the little blonde girl who, in turn, gazed in the exact same way at her former and younger self. Makoto drowned out the world around her, and watching the little girl, tried mightily to remember who she was and why she was so seemingly important.

I know she's very distracting right now but please try to focus. We don't have much time here.

"Just wait a little…", replied Makoto dully.

You'll be seeing a lot of her, you can be sure of that.

"Wait, I just want to see what she does", said Makoto. There was nothing fascinating about the little blonde girl who would burst into fits of laughter when the little brunette taunted her mother, but Makoto couldn't help looking. A warm, homely feeling tugged comfortingly at her heart.

The reddish afternoon sun vanished as night crept over and a chilly wind blew through the trees. Makoto was so taken in by the little blonde that she failed to notice the family shuffling back into the house. All was silent except for a few cluttering sounds from inside the cozy home. The little blonde girl sighed glumly, she lazily got to her feet and walked a little towards the outskirts before instantly disappearing.

"Hey! Where'd she go?", demanded Makoto angrily, still oblivious of the silence that surrounded her.

The memory is over. There's nothing more to watch. I wish you wouldn't have wasted so much time looking at her instead of your parents. That was a silly thing to do.

"Yeah…", slurred Makoto regretfully. Why did she spend so much borrowed time on the little blonde who she couldn't even remember and neglect her parents so easily? Was she that important to her? She looked up at the house which was now completely dark except for a single light in one of the top rooms.

Well, there's no point complaining about it now. We still have much to see.

The light went out, it was now entirely pitch black except for the glowing light of the moon which showered over the lustrous garden.

"I-I'm sorry…I don't know what happened to me…", stammered Makoto awkwardly.

Forget it. Now, if you'll please, tell me why you would remember this day?

Makoto cleared her stinging throat and wept unabashed. "Because…it-it was the last day I saw them alive…", she sobbed. An instant later, the world around her was sucked into a whirlwind of colors and sounds, like traveling through another dimension. Before she could even realize what was happening, Makoto fell unconscious again, her whereabouts a complete mystery.

To be continued….