Regina VI
Regina spent the past two weeks distancing herself from Emma, and it felt like she was being punched in the stomach every time she saw her. Today marked the start of the third week. She went through her usual morning routine of several phone calls and Zoom meetings and planned several trips to conferences in the spring and summer.
She ate her pre-cooked lunch. She always spent Sundays meal prepping, as she loved to do. Her doorbell rang just as she put away her clean dishes. Regina answered, surprised to find her friend Kathryn there, all done up in English riding attire.
"I am so sorry Kathryn, I completely forgot," Regina said. They exchanged pleasantries and Kathryn was very understanding about Regina's uncharacteristic forgetfulness about their planned riding session. The sessions used to be a rare event but were occurring more in recent weeks.
Regina went upstairs to change. She stared at her cowboy boots, the new ones, a pair she had grown accustomed to, but for some reason they made her heart hurt today so she opted for her traditional English-style boots instead.
They went to the stables and as they were entering Kathryn was nearly knocked over by Morningstar's resident blonde.
"Oh, I'm so sorry! Are you okay?" Emma asked while looking over Kathryn for any signs of injuries, a habit no doubt borne out of being a mother Regina thought.
"You gave me a fright, but yes, I'm fine. Thank you for asking," Kathryn said. "Regina," Kathryn was looking at her expectantly, "aren't you going to introduce us?"
Regina cleared her throat, "Kathryn, Emma Swan; Miss Swan, Kathryn," she introduced them perfunctorily.
Kathryn eyed Regina further, then checked out Emma, "It's nice to meet you, Emma."
"You too," Emma said, without so much as a glance at her boss. "Sorry ma'am, but I have to get back to work," Emma stated as she turned to leave. No tip of the hat either, Regina noted through her discreet glances. Not that she needed to be discreet, as Emma wasn't looking anywhere near her.
Kathryn stopped Emma, "Actually, I could use your help saddling my horse. If you have a few minutes to spare, that is."
Regina's eyes widened as she glared at Kathryn.
Emma took a deep breath, "Okay, which one is it?"
"I usually ride Juno," said Kathryn, pointing at the reddish-brown mare next to Rocinante's stall.
"I haven't seen her ridden yet. Is she a good ride?" Emma asked as she entered Juno's stall and walked her out into the thoroughfare.
"Oh, yes, very smooth. Just like her daddy," Kathryn said as she grabbed the grooming brush to assist in preparing Juno for the saddle. "Please, the Amerigo Vega saddle. It's my favorite and fits me the best," Kathryn requested.
Regina fought rolling her eyes; Kathryn could do all of this herself.
Emma nodded at Kathryn's request as she tied Juno up and said, "That's a gorgeous saddle, expensive too." Regina pursed her lips.
While Kathryn finished the pre-ride groom, Emma gathered the saddle pad, the Amerigo Vega saddle and stirrups, and the bit, bridle, and reins. The gear had been prepped and laid out within reach. Kathryn was done with the pre-ride groom, and Emma checked Juno over for any spots of concern that might interfere with being saddled, such as sores.
But as expected, Juno was in perfect condition. Emma stood to Juno's left and began with the saddle pad which she threw gently on top of the horse.
Regina retrieved Rocinante from his stall and tied him in the thoroughfare and began his pre-ride groom. "So, how do you like working at Morningstar Ranch?" Kathryn asked as the younger blonde continued her diligent work. Regina looked up to see Emma as she responded.
"I love it. Live in a great home, do the work I love, and spend more time with my son. What's not to like about it?" Emma said with a smile that didn't quite reach her eyes. Emma grabbed the saddle and positioned it on Juno, careful to raise it high enough to settle it in position in one go.
"Yes. The job and the benefits are the best in the state; I dare say," Kathryn said. Emma's eyes met Regina's, but Emma looked away quickly, re-focusing on her task. Regina's chest hurt, but she also focused on her task, brushing Rocinante.
Emma cinched Kathryn's saddle and did a check of the saddle before untying Juno and securing the bit, bridle, and reins. After a final check, Emma handed Kathryn the reins. "She's all good to go," the blonde confirmed.
"Thank you. I appreciate it very much. You do great work," Kathryn stated, stepping up to pet Juno on the neck.
"Thanks. So, I'll be heading off," Emma said.
"Actually," Kathryn stopped Emma again, "Regina needs your help, too. She's a bit sore from working out with me the other day." Regina whipped her head around at this blatant lie. Kathryn raised her brow, indicating for Regina to take note that she was still brushing Rocinante and hadn't gathered any of her equipment.
Emma raised her brow, then shook her head, "Fine. Sure." She began taking the items off the hangers and rack. Emma looked at Regina, for a moment after gathering the saddle pad, bit, bridle, and reins. "I'm assuming you want your Pessoa saddle?" the blonde was already moving toward the rack.
"Of course," Regina said, "But really, you don't need to do this."
"If you're sore, you might hurt yourself," Emma said in a patronizing tone. Emma came up on Rocinante's left and placed the saddle pad. Regina noticed Emma was limping.
"What happened to your leg?" Regina asked.
"Nothing but a day's work on a ranch, something you know very little about," commented Emma as she lifted Regina's saddle in place. Regina narrowed her eyes while the blonde cinched the saddle and patted Rocinante. Emma untied him and put on his bit, bridle, and reins, then did a quick walk around. Attentive and diligent but with none of her usual warmth. "He's good to go. Happy riding," Emma said, already walking away. She left without waiting for another word.
Regina frowned and glared at the limping blonde's back.
"Well, that went over well," Kathryn said as she put on her helmet and led Juno out of the stables.
"What the hell were you thinking?" Regina demanded as she did the same with Rocinante.
"Just gauging the situation," Kathryn commented with a mischievous twinkle in her eyes.
"You know the situation; why are you inviting trouble?" asked Regina.
They situated their stirrups, mounted their horses, and began to ride. Kathryn continued, "I needed to know how you both interact with each other. Call it curiosity."
"Curiosity killed the cat, Kat," said Regina pointedly. "Besides, all you've seen is how short we are with each other now."
"That I did. She was a bit rude. But as we discussed, it is best to keep her at a distance," Kathryn insisted. "She is beautiful, though. I can see the attraction," Kathryn glanced over at Regina, who couldn't disagree.
Regina got a bit lost in her thoughts. The attraction took on a new meaning for the two of them. There was something like a magnetic force pulling her toward Emma. She weighed the options in her mind while discussing other irrelevant things on the ride with Kathryn.
Were she to pursue Emma, it would complicate their working relationship. If something went wrong it would jeopardize Emma's status at Morningstar, which would put her and Henry on a track for a new place to live and work. If she didn't pursue Emma, she knew Emma might continue with her rude behavior for a while, but she hoped that the blonde would cool off . Both of them would have to get over the attraction and move on.
One thing was certain; she didn't want to lose Emma. Regina had a session with Dr. Hopper the next day. She would address this more in-depth with him.
The following day, she pulled up to Archie's office, taking a few calming breaths before leaving her car and going into his office. It was her ritual before every session to ground herself in the present moment and get more oxygen into her brain before addressing distressing topics with the therapist.
Regina sat on the couch and crossed her legs, setting her purse on the coffee table in front of her. They went through the usual pleasantries, then came across the topic she wanted to talk about: Emma Swan. She explained the details of what had occurred and the steps she was taking to avoid developing any more feelings.
Archie pinched his nose beneath his horn-rimmed glasses; his reddish hair seemed more frazzled than usual. "You're stonewalling her, Regina. You can't do that to someone," he said with a sigh.
"Stonewalling? What do you mean?" she asked, scrunching her eyes in confusion.
"You're not talking to her, or barely, but only when necessary. When you talk to her, you aren't being kind. You went from spending time with her, talking regularly, and being a friend, to absolutely nothing beyond what is required for her job. That's not how you treat a person. Especially a person you care about," Archie explained in a calm but firm tone.
"I'm not stonewalling. I'm maintaining a professional relationship," Regina defended.
"You are stonewalling. Building up a wall of 'professionalism' to hide behind," he began.
"No, I have set a particular boundary that should not be crossed. By either of us," Regina said.
"But you refuse to talk to her about whatever is happening between you two. That is the difference between stonewalling and setting clear boundaries. She doesn't know about the boundary if you haven't talked to her about it. I urge you to talk to her and clear the air. What you've done through your behavior is block her as you would someone on your phone," Archie said. "Now, is that something you would want happening to you without an explanation?" he asked.
Regina considered this. No, of course, she wouldn't want to be treated that way. Yet, she couldn't handle a conversation with Emma about their feelings, whatever they may be. "No, Dr. Hopper, I wouldn't want that to happen. But I also don't want to have that conversation with her," Regina told him in earnest.
"I strongly urge you to engage just a little bit more if you're not willing to commit to an honest conversation. Just be kind. Stonewalling is not kind. It's rude," Archie stated.
"Excuse me, did you just call me rude?" Regina asked, incensed at the accusation. She detested rude people.
Archie put down his pen and paper. "Regina, you have a reputation. You're not exactly warm toward people who have wronged you. Remember the whole debacle with the city?"
"Of course, I remember. But they deserved that," Regina insisted. "I'm not being rude to Miss Swan. I pay for her son's tutor and host him at my house, for goodness sake. I'm being," the brunette searched for the right word and landed on, "polite."
Archie looked at her over his glasses and raised both his brows. Unrelenting, the doctor said, "You're walking a fine line there, Regina. Treat her with respect; no more stonewalling. Here's some information on proper communication and your recent tactics of stonewalling, in particular. I'd like you to read it over. It'll help you navigate this better."
Regina took the packets of paper. More therapy homework from Archie, which she didn't mind. She read every paper and book he recommended to help her with trauma and grief. They had helped, bit by bit. If she could handle reading about grief and trauma, she could handle content about better communication skills.
She stopped by Granny's Diner on the way home for a quick lunch. Regina enjoyed Granny's quaint atmosphere, and it had her favorite grilled chicken kale salad.
Ruby approached her and put her hand on her hip, "Ms. Mills. Your usual lunch order?"
"Yes, Miss Lucas, and a black coffee, please," Regina eyed the usually more friendly brunette wondering why she skipped her usual pleasantries and hadn't called her 'Regina.'
Ruby turned around to head to the kitchen but then turned back. She leaned toward Regina and whispered, "Look, I know what's going on between you and Emma."
"I'm sure I don't know what you mean," Regina kept her voice low, playing dumb. She glanced around to see who could hear them; her heart thumped faster now. She felt exposed.
Ruby rolled her eyes. Speaking quiet but clear, the waitress said, "Look, Emma's my best friend. Like in the whole world. I love her to pieces. What you're doing isn't fair to her."
"I'm not doing anything," Regina whispered, exasperated.
"Yes, you are. Suddenly, you're the ice queen around her, and you know it," Ruby met Regina's eyes. "Emma's been nothing but good to you and your business. Plus, she's the best person I know. She doesn't deserve that," Ruby stated emphatically.
Regina kept her expression neutral, "I treat her as I do all my employees."
"Now, that's some bullshit," said the younger Lucas.
"Just what exactly are you accusing me of? Spit it out, Miss Lucas," Regina was growing frustrated with this conversation.
Ruby pursed her lips. "Exactly what I said, icing her out. Just go and talk to her like a person and stop acting like some robot. All I'm saying is talk to her. She deserves an explanation about why you've suddenly become so distant."
Regina frowned, narrowing her eyes at the second person today urging her to talk to Emma. Ruby didn't back down. "Fine. I'll take that into consideration," the older brunette agreed.
"You better or else," Ruby warned.
Regina glared at her, "Or else what? Are you threatening me?"
Ruby barked a laugh. "No, not a threat. It's a figure of speech, as in 'or else you'll regret it.' I would never threaten you, Regina. But I might get mad and maybe talk to Granny about banning you from here," Ruby quipped.
"That's a threat," Regina stated matter of fact.
Ruby rolled her eyes again. "Oh jeez, Regina, lighten up. Granny would never ban you. It was a joke," the younger woman shook her head. "Never mind, just talk to her."
"Alright, I'll talk to her," Regina said again. She didn't want to do that, not yet, but she could broach the subject without going into details. Regina could state that their relationship needed to be solely professional and perhaps even friendly, nothing more.
"That's all I'm asking," Ruby clarified, "because I care about her like a sister, and I hate seeing her miserable."
Regina was slightly stunned by this revelation, "She's…miserable?"
Ruby's eyes popped out of her head, "Duh. She's been miserable since Thanksgiving. Those blinders you have on are very effective."
Regina's stomach turned. She no longer felt hungry. The pang of guilt sat heavy in the pit of her stomach. "I'm sorry to hear that. Look, I have to go. I forgot I had a meeting. I want my lunch and coffee to go, please."
Ruby gaped at her. Regina knew that Ruby knew she was lying. Regina never got her food to go, only her coffee after she eats. She also would never forget a meeting, at least not a professional one. She prayed the younger brunette wouldn't call her out on it. Ruby said, "Very well. Coming right up."
She got home with her lunch and by then, her hunger overrode the feeling of guilt. It was easier to enjoy her meal at her desk than with Ruby watching over her. She was eating and enjoying the view from her second-story office overlooking her small apple orchard in the backyard with the mountains in the distance.
She'd just finished her lunch and was throwing away the box when she heard something outside her window. Her brow furrowed before identifying the sound: a chainsaw. The bin was near a curtained window, so she pulled back the sheer curtain to see a red-jacketed woman sawing one of her apple trees.
Regina went from zero to sixty in three seconds flat, like her Tesla, and stormed out of the room headed for the infuriating blonde. She didn't bother donning her coat or even a jacket, even though it was mid-December. Rage heated her body, shielding her against the cold air.
She marched out the back door directly toward the blonde woman and yelled, "What the fuck do you think you're doing?!"
Emma finished cutting a large branch and turned around, "What? I couldn't hear you." Emma held the chainsaw in a safe position, still on, but idling.
"Of course, you couldn't hear me, with that thing roaring and butchering my property," Regina gesticulated at the poor branches now scattered across the ground. "And, just why, in the actual fuck, are you chopping down my apple tree?" Regina said with a raised voice as she fought off the tears of rage and pain forming in her eyes.
Emma tilted her head at her and turned off the chainsaw, setting it down. "Picking apples, obviously," she deadpanned.
Regina didn't find this funny at all. "You know very well there aren't any apples on the trees in the dead of winter. So, explain yourself or so help me," Regina's body was shaking, from the adrenaline or the cold; she didn't know.
"Well, Your Majesty, for your information, I've been doing checks on all the trees, assessing which ones needed to be cut down before the winter storms hit. This one is, unfortunately, infected with Flat Apple Disease. It could spread to the rest of the orchard and kill them all, so it had to be cut down. You also may, or may not, have noticed we've been chopping and collecting firewood for winter. Seeing as I'm not one to waste any materials, these will be used as firewood," Emma explained.
Regina took a deep breath to steady herself. "No, I haven't noticed," she paused, "Why didn't you come to me first before taking a chainsaw to my tree?" Regina asked only a bit softer.
Emma put her hands on her hips and just blankly stared at her, "I don't know, maybe because you've treated me like I kicked your puppy when I can't even think of what I did to offend you, and you haven't bothered to point anything out so I couldn't even apologize if I had!" Emma huffed.
There it is. The conversation Regina had tried to avoid.
"No, Miss Swan, you had not done anything to offend me, up until now," Regina admitted. The rage was ebbing out of Regina leaving her empty.
Emma looked at her with a 'how did I offend you by cutting down one diseased apple tree' look. Regina sighed, "I planted these with Daniel."
Emma blanched a little but held firm, "I'm sorry. I was just doing my job."
Regina shivered as a slight cold blast of wind hit her, and she remembered she wasn't wearing anything to protect against it. "Let's head inside to sort this out, Miss Swan."
Emma shrugged, "Sure, why not?" Then she followed Regina back to the house.
"I'm going to have some hot mulled apple cider. Would you care for a mug?" Regina offered.
Emma nodded. "Yeah, sure. Sounds good," the blonde said with an indifferent tone.
"Have a seat in the dining room. I'll be out in a moment," Regina directed. She went to the kitchen and made the drinks. She headed into the dining room and handed a mug to Emma. The blonde had taken her hat off and placed it on the table. Regina liked seeing her without her hat on. Regina sighed at her train of thought.
Emma took a sip and hummed in appreciation, "This is delicious." Her tone was still guarded. Regina missed the blonde's warmth.
Regina sat down opposite her and sipped on hers as well. How to proceed, she thought. She hadn't had much of a chance to go through all the material that Archie gave her. Only the brief glance in his office and the little bit they discussed before leaving. "I apologize for reacting that way. It was uncouth and not at all becoming of a mature adult," Regina began.
Emma put down the mug and sat back a little bit, her hand on the table. "It's alright. I understand. I didn't know. I should have come to you beforehand. So, that's my fault. I'm sorry," Emma said without any bite to her tone.
Regina appreciated this admission. "I told you I trusted you to do the job, it is I who should have told you to consult me before doing anything with the orchard. That was an oversight on my part. I'll make a list of the things I'd like you to consult with me on from now on," the brunette said.
Emma tapped her fingers on the table a little. Was she impatient or nervous? Usually, Emma fiddled with her hate when she was nervous or unsure, so in this moment Regina was unable to tell. Emma huffed some air out, "Okay, um, sorry about the tree again. We can plant another healthy tree in its place when spring comes."
"Thank you. I like that option," Regina nodded.
Emma picked up her mug and drank from it again. "This really is good. How'd you make it?"
Regina smiled down at her mug; memories flooded in. "Daniel and I would make apple cider together. It's one of my favorite drinks because of that. I used the apples from the orchard to make this batch, as I do every year. Which is why I was shocked to see you out there. And I was quite furious about you taking a chainsaw to one of them. I thought it was a revenge of some kind," Regina explained.
"Revenge?" Emma furrowed her brows. "For what?" she asked with genuine confusion.
Regina sighed heavily and her stomach turned into nausea. She drank a little bit more cider. "For how I've been treating you these past few weeks."
There. She admitted it.
Emma's eyebrows shot up, and she leaned in. "First of all, no, I wouldn't do that to you. Revenge is a child's motivation. I don't mess with that. Second, you have been treating me differently, and I don't like it," Emma paused. "What did I do?" she asked, the pain in her tone was evident and it made Regina's heartache.
Regina couldn't look at her when she spoke, "I know. You haven't done anything to me. Quite the opposite, you have been outstanding."
"Then why?" Emma pressed.
Regina looked up at her, meeting those green eyes. "We have to maintain a professional relationship most of the time when you're working at the very least. Though, I do consider you a friend. I mean, I'd like to remain friends with you," she paused. She wanted to say more, but she couldn't.
Emma didn't say anything for a few moments. "And that's what we've been doing this entire time. Since the day we met. So, why change your tune, especially after Thanksgiving? You've been treating me like complete garbage."
Regina took offense to this. "I didn't treat you like garbage. I simply kept our conversations to the point," she reasoned.
Emma shook her head. "No, you were borderline rude, and it pissed me off. You can do that with other people, I don't care. Whatever floats your boat, but you can't do that with me. I may only be a ranch hand, a foreman, a full-time laborer, whatever, but I do deserve a modicum of respect. For all that I've done and continue to do, it's only fair."
Regina finished off her glass to give herself time to think of what to say next. "I apologize if I came off rude. That was not my intention," she said.
"What exactly was your intention? You still haven't told me why you changed your tune. You're beating around the bush on that part," Emma observed.
How could she put this as kindly as possible? Knowing that Emma cared for her enough that her actions had wounded the blonde deeply, Regina sighed again. She opened her mouth, and it rolled off smoothly, soft yet firm, "Nothing else can transpire between us. Nothing more than friends when you're off duty, and when on duty, an employer and employee relationship solely. Especially in front of the others." Regina blinked slowly, holding an anticipatory breath of what would come next.
Emma hung on to those words for a full minute as she stared at Regina.