Believe it or not, this story actually does have a plot. I'v gotten some really great responses, which is very exciting and what's great about a chapter this short is that I can write one in 15 minutes and post a lot more frequently.

Ok. Peace out. I'm going to the beach!

Pride and Prejudice: Abbreviated and Un-fabricated

A tiny little short-short that we should just call a smidge-smidge

"So, did you get the dirt yet?"

I bet you're wondering who that was. I'll give you a clue: it wasn't a potted plant that I'd promised to get some soil. No, it was my editor. Now, why does a humble, and slightly insane, secretary need an editor? A pivotal question. Gasp! The plot thickens!

"Shush," I hissed, quickly looking around my office. I had to get up from my desk and check around the corner to make sure no one had been lurking there. Adam had recently taken to standing near corners hoping to catch bits of conversation. He was a bit of a conspiracy theorist that wished he was a Hardy Boy and was now trying to solve the case of the missing Jell-O. "Someone could have heard you," I continued to hiss even after checking that the coast was clear, because sometimes I like to pretend I'm a snake.

I hissed again and waggled my tongue. Stephen, the editor, stared at me agog. The slack jawed look reminded me strangely of Larry the Six-legged Octopus (that I later discovered was a squid), my childhood imaginary friend. I giggled. Stephen managed to do an even better impersonation of Larry. Then I became sad because I remembered that Larry had died when I'd convinced him that a ride in the dryer would be the same thing as a ride in a spacecraft. Poor Larry never made it to the moon…

"Are you picturing me as Larry again?" Stephen didn't look happy about this. I think he secretly has a fear that I'm going to trick him into taking a "ride" in the dryer. I smiled evilly at him. He seemed to cringe. I knew he was scared! "Carly! We need to actually discuss some things now!"

I gave him my best exasperated look. "Why are we doing it here? Don't you know to never show your face at the scene of the crime?"

"It's not a crime, Carly. It's just a magazine article. I'm desperate to discover what these weirdos do all day. So Carly, what do these weirdos do all day?" he asked excitedly. His eyes were lit up just like my poor puppy, Patrick Puppy's, eyes used to do; I say "used to" because he was also quite fond of the dryer and didn't ever make it to space either.

I shrugged. "The hell if I know. It seems to me that they do a hell of a lot of nothing."

"Nothing? No, no Carly. I assure you they're doing something."

I shrugged again. Did discussing the emotional impact the Nutcracker has on America's youth, like we'd done for our four o'clock meeting, count as something? It seemed quite odd to me. I handed him my clipboard with all my notes thus far. All it said was "rubber-ducky" but knowing Stephen, I knew he'd understand the hefty information my discovery had uncovered. He flipped the page.

"Is this true?" he asked excitedly while staring at the page in awe. "Is Dardy really a freak from Lithuania?" I grinned and nodded. So maybe the information hadn't been confirmed…. That didn't make it wrong… "We might be able to work with this…"

I didn't see where he was going with his story idea, but before I could request clarification I heard "muffled" voices. "So that's how I finally discovered that the Jell-O thief was the Hamburglar!"

"Adam, your main evidence in the case can't be a McDonald's commercial." That was Danny. Oddly enough his voice sounded quite clear. But, when he noticed me listening to their conversation a few seconds later, it became oddly muffled again.

"Carly! There you are!" Adam shouted at me excitedly. "Did you hear about my Hamburglar discovery? Sheer brilliance on my part."

"But sir. You ate the Jell-O. And doesn't the Hamburglar only steal Hamburgers?" I supplied. Secretly I thought it was somewhat plausible that the Hamburglar had stolen the Jell-O. If I hadn't seen Adam eating it with my own eyes, I would have agreed.

"Hmm." Adam rubbed his chin contemplatively, a look that seemed very foreign on his normally blank face. "That's a theory I hadn't even considered, Carly. Pure brilliance! I suppose that's why I pay you the big bucks." I laughed and shrugged in reply. This was a funny thing for him to say when just the other day he'd tried to pay me in magic beans.

I looked up to see Danny glaring darkly, as usual, but was surprised to find that Stephen was the object of his dark mutterings, and even more shocked to find Stephen returning the glare with a vengeance.

"What are you doing here, Wicki?" That was Danny. In truth all I'd really heard was: "what," "doing," and "Wicki." I loved Stephen's last name. In the past I'd considered marrying him so I could assume the name Carly Wicki. Sometimes I take the name anyway, but don't tell Stephen that.

Stephen smiled wickedly. Wicked Wicki. Haha. The thought made me laugh, which cut the tension in the room with a giant machete. Everyone stared at me. I didn't know what to do, so I did what first came to mind… I hissed like a snake and slithered out of the room.