This is dedicated to whatever bastard came up with the slogan "Have a happy period." It had to have been a guy because no woman is that naive.

Pride and Prejudice: Abbreviated and Un-fabricated

How about we call this one a slit, for the slits in my eyes because that is all I can manage to keep open. Yeah, I'm a bit tired.

Boingy-boingy!

I punched my desk with great force, but my hand hit its pillowy surface with ease and I smiled. Danny Dardy watched me with one eye while he pretended to focus on whatever paperwork he was reading. I don't know why, but Danny had taken to sitting in the receptionist area near my desk while he worked. I was considering asking him if would prefer that we switch spaces, I'd be willing to take his office if he didn't want it.

"Carly," he asked across the room, but he was still pretending to read his file. "Why is your desk covered in Maxi Pads?" He blushed at the use of the words "Maxi Pads." What is it with men and the subject of periods?

I looked at him with a smile. "Danny. Why is your head covered in hair?"

"What's that got to do with anything?"

"Exactly!" I punched my desk again in triumph, but I missed the space covered in Maxi Pads and hit the hard wooden surface. I yelped in pain as I looked at my poor fingers.

"Nice one," Danny teased, finally abandoning his file and rolling his sweet rolly-chair over to me. He held out his hands for me. I didn't know what he expected me to do, so I stuck a Maxi Pad right onto the middle of his palm. "Carly, I meant for you to give me your hand."

He unstuck the Maxi Pad and stuck it onto my desk. I was kind of upset; he'd ruined the smiley-faced design I had created. I showed him my hand. He dropped it; it fell lifelessly and landed on his thigh… his upper thigh!

It took me a grand total of forty-nine seconds to move my hand. (Hell it took me forty-nine seconds to remember I even had hands!) Have you ever spent forty-nine seconds with your hand on your slightly (plus a bit more) sexy boss's thigh? (Although, you probably have...)It was the longest forty-nine seconds of my life.

"Err," Danny coughed awkwardly. "I meant your other hand. The one you'd hurt."

I looked at him in wonderment. I'd hurt my hand? I didn't remember that… But then again I hardly remembered anything that happened prior to those forty-nine seconds. It was like my life had been split in two: pre forty-nine seconds and post forty-nine seconds. "My hand?" I asked…. and, speaking of which, my hand was still on Danny's thigh… his upper thigh. I finally pulled it back and beheld it as if it'd been burned.

It was quiet a very long time. In fact it was quiet for exactly thirty-six seconds. Have you ever had thirty-six seconds of awkward silence with your boss directly after another awkward forty-nine seconds where you had your hand on his upper-thigh? It was the longest thirty-six seconds, post forty-nine seconds of my life.

"Hey Danny, how come you don't mumble anymore?" I asked the first question that came to mind. Ok, maybe it was the second, but I dared not ask the first because that was of reference to the forty-nine seconds I'd just spent with my hand on his upper thigh.

"I don't mumble," he said, quite clearly, as he grabbed my hand to make sure I hadn't hurt it when I'd punched my desk. He took each finger in turn and bent them several times to make sure I maintained movement. I didn't think it'd be relevant to tell him that it was the other that had punched the desk and he was examining the mutinous thigh-touching hand. "You probably just couldn't hear me right."

I jumped and pulled my hand away in slight anger. "That's a lie!" I snapped. "I have ears like a fox!"

Danny furrowed his dark eyebrows together. He had nice eyebrows. I decided to name the left one Timmy and the right one Tommy. But is that from my left or his…? "Carly, you're not like most girls are you?"

I shrugged. "I don't know Most Girls. Is that some sort of club or something? I hope I'm not like a club, Danny. Wouldn't it be a bit weird? I mean clubs are really just buildings, and if I were a building it'd be even weirder that they'd named the building Carly. I mean who names buildings? And even if they had named the building, why Carly? If I ever named a building I'd name it Sunny because then I feel it would bring joy to more people's lives."

Danny mumbled something. All I caught were the words: "interesting," "oddly," "fluffy," and "Suzanna."

I jumped to my feet and pointed an accusing finger at Danny. "Ha!" I shouted in triumph, "I told you, you mumbled!" I slammed my hand on my desk thinking I would hit a Maxi Pad.

Damn. I missed again…