This is the part where the scant plot develops a bit. It's longer than usual, but not very funny. Sorry I needed a couple of slightly serious chapters.

Pride and Prejudice: Abbreviated and U-fabricated

This is a bit longer than most. In fact it is safe t say it will be my longest chapter for this story. We will call it the "longest"

It was another week before my story hit stands. I hadn't actually seen it yet, but Stephen had called me the night before to tell me how excited he was about the piece and that it would probably hit tomorrow. I told him that I'd like to hit him tomorrow. He took that to be some sort of freaky pick-up line.

"What the hell is this?" Danny Dardy sounded really angry as he slammed the magazine on my desk.

"Yeah. What the hell is this?" Adam was following closely in Danny's wake and slammed his hand against the magazine just as Danny had done.

My lip may have quivered a millimeter but I refuse to acknowledge that I was scared. "It's a magazine," I replied nonchalantly. "Have you never heard of them?"

"Don't be smart with me!" Danny commanded.

"Yeah. You are not smart!" Adam shouted likewise. I don't think he really understood what he was saying because a moment later his face creased in confusion and he melted into the crowd that was forming around my desk area.

"Fine," I shot back steadily, standing and crossing my arms over my chest to appear more intimidating, but also because I'd popped off a button on my way to work this morning and my double-barreled-water-balloon-shooter was clearly visible. "It's and exposé that I wrote about your sketchy little company."

"Sketchy little company?" Danny echoed back. "Do you not even have a clue what we do here?" he asked numbly.

Just then Miranda Beetch raised her hand and shouted, "I'm a bit confused on that as well, Danny. What exactly do we do here?"

Danny turned purple. "That's beside the point! The point is that Carly has sold us all out!" Danny picked up the magazine he'd slammed down; spent about twenty minutes searching for the correct passage while I idly filed my nails and Adam started passing out buckets of popcorn to the crowd (that consisted of more people than the number that work in our office) as they awaited the show; and finally read some choice quotes. "'Dardy and Co is a useless institution that serves absolutely no purpose to the general public. They should change their name to Dodgy and Co.' 'Dardy and Co. is a waste of their contributor's funds. Anyone with a vested interest in this company should pull out now and invest their time and money in a company of some purpose.'"

"That's outrageous!" Adam shouted through a mouthful of popcorn. After his outburst there was a very long and drawn out pause. It was such a long pause that I was tempted to shout something to the like of, "I once groped Danny's upper thigh!" but was saved from such a display by Adam who said eventually, "What exactly does that mean again Danny?"

"It means that Carly has just told all of our investors that they shouldn't support us." Danny was addressing the gathered crowd but his eyes were steel cold and burning right into mine… or possibly through the gaping hole in the front of my shirt. "It means that you could all lose your jobs, thanks to Carly."

"That's a bit of an overstatement," I shouted finally rushing to my own defense. This is why I need a telekinetic boyfriend, so that he can feel my distress from miles away and teleport to my rescue. "This place has no purpose. Even if everyone lost their jobs it wouldn't be so bad. At least they could find occupations better suited for their efforts. I mean, this place is a madhouse! Adam is always running around causing more trouble than he fixes and you're bit of a brooding psychopath that wouldn't even care if everyone lost their jobs. In fact, you'd probably much prefer the solitude."

"You think I wouldn't care? Just because I'm not a permanent smiley-face like you, doesn't mean I don't like being here." Danny snorted. "You my think that I don't give a damn, but at least I don't go around pretending I like my job when I don't; at least I don't go around making my boss like me, grope his upper thigh, and then write an article about how I think he's…" Danny picked up the magazine and found another quote, "'an insufferable man from Lithuania'- I'm not even from Lithuania!"

"I didn't make anyone like me-" I protested, but Danny cut me off.

"You made me like you!"

This statement just happened to come right before another one of those awkward silences. Luckily, it was my turn to break the silence. "Well I didn't ask you to! I would never like you! You were mean to Stephen in college and you stole his article. Plus you're not even telekinetic… although Adam did once set you hair on fire and that was pretty wicked."

Danny readjusted his jacket and clenched his jaw, trying to recompose himself, but the entire office (and some unknown people that weren't even a part of our office) was staring at him with slack jaws. If singularly I was a goldfish, together we were so big a school of goldfish that we could start our own Goldfish University… I would so go to a Goldfish University. "I-I now have to go spend the rest of the week convincing our sponsors not to pull out of our company because I, unlike some people, actually know the meaning of responsibility and what it takes to be a good person. I'm not some horrible, company ruining vixen."

Adam quickly followed him into his office and I could hear, very un-muffled, through the paper-thin walls when Adam said, "That was a bit harsh."

Danny had looked so cold and scary that I suddenly found that my eyes were leaking. They were spraying out like sprinklers, like a hole in the Hoover Dam or… or some other waterworks simile that says I was crying. I was crying… a lot. I was crying and sobbing so loudly that I'm sure I was audible heard through the walls. So Sarah Golden led me off to her tiny cubicle that smelled like raspberry Jell-O and had pictures of Adam all over the walls. But I didn't really notice. I was crying as hard as I had the day Larry took his ride in the dryer; as hard as my mommy did the day I Sharpied a mustache on her face.

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