Thanks again everyone for the great reviews. I've posted the next chapter a little early because I'm going out of town and would rather do it sooner than later. I hope you like it.

Soft light filtered in the few small windows of the underground basement that had now become a temporary home. Tall stacks of boxes sat against the walls, pushed to the side creating a large open space. Food wrappers, pizza boxes, and varieties of magazines and comic books, littered the floor giving the area a well lived in appearance, even with only two days having past. Illuminated in the white light were two forms lying in a bundle of blankets in the middle of the cleared floor. One was snoring softly, deep in sleep, a comic book draped over his yellow plastron. The other was curled in a ball, a large medical book lying under his arm.

One set of blankets were left abandoned on the floor, the normal occupant having neglected to use them for the night. The third figure was found curled up in a fluffy dusty arm chair that couldn't be less than thirty years old. His eyes were open, rimmed with dark circles giving the appearance that he had not slept well for many nights. His eyes were gazing intently on the fourth figure lying on the couch in front of him. Raph let out a deep sigh and reached his hand over to take the limp one lying near by.

Leo had still not shown any change in condition over the past two days and there were no signs that he would be awakening any time soon. Splinter had been trying multiple times to reach his eldest son through meditation, but again and again was met by failure. Splinter had explained to Raph it was as though Leo's mind didn't want to be reached. There was an invisible wall separating him from the rest. The old rat, who was just recently attempting another round of meditation, now slept lightly in another old chair after another failure to reach his son.

Raph wrenched his eyes from his prone brother to gaze at his two sleeping brothers behind him. He was glad to finally see both of them in a deep sleep. Mikey had been having trouble falling asleep since they had moved down to the strange basement. He claimed it was because he was not used to sleeping on the floor, but everyone knew it was because he was afraid to fall asleep, fearing he could wake up and Leo would be gone. Don, on the other hand, had outright refused to sleep. He was working himself into a frenzy, constantly checking Leo's vitals, changing his bandages, giving him medication, and when he wasn't hovering over his brother, he had his nose buried in one medical book or another, trying to find any form of information that could help further Leo's recovery. Finally, late into the night, Don's body had given into exhaustion and he had fallen asleep.

Raph looked at the clock that Don had mounted on the wall. It was almost six in the morning. That would mean that Dr. Sarah would be coming down soon to check on Leo, and on the rest of them. She had been nothing but helpful these past few days, coming to work more than an hour early every day and leaving hours later than normal every night in order to keep up with Leo's care.

April and Casey had also been in and out often, normally coming at night after the clinic closed, arms full of food and drinks, and stayed with them well into the night until finally leaving to retire to their own apartment.

Raph shifted in his chair, trying to find a more comfortable position. As for him, he hadn't gotten more than an hour, maybe two of sleep since that horrific night. He couldn't bring himself to leave Leo's side, as if him leaving would detach the only lifeline keeping his brother alive. He knew the real lifeline for his brother was the ventilator that he still required to breath. This was known after a terrifying trial where Dr. Sarah had unhooked the ventilator to test his lungs, and he had failed to take his own breaths. Raph sighed again, a familiar feeling of hopelessness taking over. Sarah continuously reminded him that Leo was still weak, that he still had a chance at recovery, but as each day passed with no improvement, Raph found his optimism waning.

Guilt was Raph's constant companion. Every time he looked at Leo's face he was reminded of the last conversation they had, of the words that were exchanged, and of Leo's face before he had left. Raph couldn't stand to think those words would be the last that he would ever say to his older brother. Raph swallowed back yet another large lump that was trying to form in his throat. He felt his eyes burning once again, and tried to swallow back his tears. Raph had still not allowed himself to shed any tears, crying just wasn't something he did.

Running his hands across his eyes to wipe away any remnants of tears, his elbow grazed the object tucked carefully between the chair cushion. He looked down, seeing the spine of the black diary he had stored there. Raph had still not been able to bring himself to read it. He pulled the book out from between the cushions and stared at it again, another war raging within his head over whether he should finally open it. He looked from side to side, seeing his brothers still fast asleep, and his Master who seemed to have fallen deeper into slumber. Raph then took a deep breath and laid the book in his lap, opening the cover and turning the pages until he came to the first entry. Once again he was met with neat, flowing, familiar writing. Raph once again looked side to side, noticing no change in his brothers or master, then began to read.

5/7/06

It's been a long time since I've written in a journal. I can't even remember the last time. I do remember my first journal, though. I remember when Splinter gave one to all of us for Christmas one year when we were much younger. Each book was clean and unmarred, showing that Master Splinter had bought them new, just for us. I remember my feelings of confusion when I opened it up and found nothing but blank lined pages within. Master Splinter explained to us that journals were full of empty pages to fill with our own thoughts, incites, things that we felt we could share with no other. He told us they were a way to release our inner turmoils, and our deepest thoughts. When I was a kid that meant filling the pages with things like my favorite colors and T.V. shows, and descriptions of the new games that me and Mikey had made up earlier in the day. But as I grew and the pages ran out, I never went out to get a new one. That had suited me just fine, and honestly I had not thought about a journal for a long time. But lately I have been feeling great restlessness. The Shredder has been defeated, which brings me countless relief. My family had been injured badly in the fight, all of which I fear is my fault, but thanks to Don's medical knowledge and the help of friends, I see that they are making full recoveries. It has been three weeks since the final battle, and I can't bring myself to stop recounting every second and find every weakness in myself. I know that I failed them in that battle. Yes, I was the one that made the final strike at the Shredder, but only because I was the only one physically able. My family was injured, and in that I made the biggest failure a leader and older brother can make. I allowed the safety of my family to be compromised. And these are the thoughts that plague me that I can bring myself to share with no other. My family is starting to notice my restlessness, and so I turn now to the blank pages of a journal to try and allow my mind at least temporary freedom from constant doubt. I know I am not the best leader, and I know that I am also not the best big brother, but I can rest in the fact that, now that the Shredder is gone, I can push myself and try not to fail them so severely in the future. I can hear my brother's beginning to awaken. Doubtlessly they will fall into the same routine that has become common place since the final battle. Mikey has been watching more T.V. and playing more videogames than ever. And I can tell his mind is becoming restless as well because the amount of pranks being played on unsuspecting family has been increasing ten fold. Don will retreat to his lab straight after breakfast, and will likely not show his face until close to dinner. And Raph, he has taken to staying in his room for hours at a time, blaring his music and ignoring the rest of us. This vacation from fighting and training is much needed, even I know this. But soon Splinter will want us to begin training again. This is a relief to me, because finally I will have an excuse without their judging stares, to push myself into a better leader and a better protector for them. I will not let them be harmed again, that I swear…

Raph was pulled from the pages by the sound of footsteps coming down the stairs. He quickly shut the book and slipped it once again between the cushions of the old chair. Sarah appeared and gave him a warm smile as she descended quietly, trying to not wake the others that were sleeping around her. Raph watched as she made her way over to Leo's side, moving through the same physical exam that she repeated every morning.

As she performed her exam, Raph allowed himself to think about what he just read and frowned. Leo thought he failed his family during that final battle. Raph couldn't even begin to imagine why. Didn't Leo know it wasn't his fault they had all sustained injuries? He had also mentioned several times that he was not a good leader and even that he was not a good brother. Raph shook his head. Why was Leo being so hard on himself? Leo was the one that lead them into success, and he was the one that managed to lay the killing blow to the Shredder. How could he doubt his abilities? And most importantly, what had they done to make him doubt his success as the role of big brother? Were they really that hard on him? Raph grimaced as a memory of Leo, as clear as day, took hold of his mind.

Flashback

Raph yawned and stretched his achy legs out in front of him and leaned his body sleepily into the back of the couch. The T.V. still glowed softly, the picture now a bright blue signifying the end of the movie that he, Don, and Mikey had been watching not long ago. He must have fallen asleep at some point during it.

He looked to his left and saw Mikey curled up in the thick chair near by, his mouth hanging open, the occasional snore emitting deeply from his throat. Raph smiled softly, and looked to his right, seeing Don curled up in a tight ball on the other end of the couch, holding a pillow tightly in his arms.

These late night movies had become the brothers' new tradition, now that the Shredder was gone and they found themselves with more free time than they knew what to do with. It was nice not having to practice all the time. Raph knew it wouldn't last forever, but the short vacation his sensei had allowed them to recover and rest was much needed. Raph yawned again, getting ready to curl back up and fall asleep, when he heard a soft clang down the hall.

He looked at the clock on the VCR. It was two thirty in the morning. Curious, Raph raised himself from the couch and slowly made his way down the hall. He heard another clang, recognizing it now for what it was. It didn't surprise him at all when he saw soft light filtering out of the entrance to the dojo. Raph came upon the room and looked in, immediately seeing his blue clad brother hard at work, sweat glistening on his brow as he fought an unseen opponent.

Raph couldn't help but shake his head. Did Leo ever stop?

"Hey, Fearless, you do know it's two-thirty in the morning, right?" Raph said flatly, annoyed that his brother was still up practicing.

Leo never stopped his movements, but Raph didn't miss the slight flinch that passed across Leo's face at the mention of his hated nickname.

"Go back to bed Raph." Leo said, his voice unable to hide annoyance. He moved his swords swiftly, deflecting another unseen attack.

"Not until you do." Raph said, crossing his arms and leaning against the frame of the door. "How long have you been at this? I remember you practicing before we even started the movie. Have you even taken a break?"

"It doesn't matter." Leo said distantly, barely paying Raph any attention anymore. He twirled around quickly, bringing his swords down through the air.

Raph rolled his eyes and pulled out his sais making his way over to his brother. He suddenly moved the sais, catching Leo's blades within them, stopping his movements. Leo's eyes blazed as he locked the brown orbs on Raph, his mouth drawn tightly. Raph smirked lightly and returned the glare. "If you're gonna fight, at least fight someone real." he growled.

Leo narrowed his eyes in annoyance, but stepped back, pulling his swords from the trap of Raph's sais, and without a word he raised them defensively and quietly waited for Raph's attack. Raph narrowed his eyes in return and raised his sais. They stared at each other silently, each sizing the other up. Once Raph had had enough, he made his move, coming at Leo swiftly, his sais flashing.

Leo was quickly able to block the move and fluidly returned to counter, moving his blades toward Raph who quickly blocked them with a loud clang and parried out of the way. He saw Leo clench his teeth and come at him again, Raph met Leo's swords strongly, pushing his brother away and doing a quick flip, landed a swift kick to Leo's plastron.

Leo let out a soft grunt at the unexpected contact, but rebounded immediately, his katanas once again raised in defense. Raph narrowed his eyes at the ease at which he had been able to make contact with his brother. Normally it took much longer to break through Leo's defenses. Staring at Leo now, waiting for another attack, he noticed the circles under his brother's eyes and his slightly hunched shoulders, and his chest heaving as he tried to catch his breath. Leo was exhausted.

He didn't have long to reflect on this as Leo came after him once again, his katanas flashing as they came at Raph. Raph quickly blocked and pushed Leo away, but he quickly came again, kicking out at Raph. Raph easily dodged the blow and rushed Leo again, forcing him to use his swords to block the attack. Raph used this moment to lay another kick to Leo's unprotected abdomen, sending his brother backward and into the far wall.

Leo quickly got up to continue the fight, but Raph dropped his sais indicating that he was done. "No more, Leo. It's no fun when it's this easy." Leo frowned deeply, not saying a word, his expression unreadable. Suddenly he lashed out, punching his closed hand into the near wall letting out a throaty cry of frustration. Raph jumped slightly at his brother's outburst.

"Leo, go to bed," Raph said, a hint of pleading in his voice.

"No." Leo said stiffly, not taking his eyes off the wall, his swords clenched tightly in his hands.

"You know, you're a real piece of work!" Raph yelled, his anger boiling to the surface. "You just have to be better than all of us, don't you? You just can't stand that one of us could surpass you, so you sit here and practice until you make yourself sick. You just love making all of us feel like we are less than you. The All Mighty Leo has to be better than everyone. Are you that pompous? Are you that stupid!?"

Leo's muscles tensed and he put his hand out to steady himself on the wall, letting his head lean against it as if he couldn't hold it up under his own power any longer. He let out a deep sigh, but never moved his eyes to look at Raph.

"Are you finished?" he asked softly.

"Yeah," Raph said, malice in his voice. "Forget this!" Raph yelled, throwing his sais to the mat in frustration. "Forget you!"

He then stormed out of the room, leaving his brother alone. As he entered his room, he could once again hear clanging coming from the candle lit dojo…

Raph shook his head at the memory. Suddenly all the hours of endless practice and sparring began to make more sense to Raph. Leo was stuck in an endless struggle for perfection that, do to his own doubts in himself, he would never reach. Raph had always thought Leo was trying to be perfect to outshine the rest of them, to suck up to Splinter, and to be better than the rest of them. He knew Don and Mikey sometimes thought the same things. But after reading the pages of this book Raph realize, with a sick feeling, that they had been wrong. Their brother had been sinking in a pool of his own self doubt, masking it with endless practice, and they had done nothing but criticize him further.

"Have you noticed any changes in him?" Sarah asked, startling Raph out of his thoughts. He whipped his head around to look at her, trying to hide that he had been caught by surprise.

"Uh, no. He's the same." Raph said in a flat voice. It was the same answer they all gave her every morning.

She nodded a few times, her eyes still plastered to Leo. Then she turned and met his gaze. "Your wounds seem to be healing nicely." She said. "You can probably take those bandages off today." She said pointing to his arm where, beneath a deep cut had resided.

"Yeah, I'm fine. They were nothing." Raph said, shrugging his shoulders.

"Ok, then." She said, still eyeing Raph, as if she were trying to read him. Raph averted his gaze from hers, and laid his eyes back on Leo, who still looked pale and weak.

She finally looked away from him and looked around at the sleeping figures around her. "I see they finally made it to sleep." She mentioned, pointing around the room at each form, a small smile on her features.

"Yeah, all of them finally gave in early this morning." Raph explained.

"You need to allow yourself to do the same." Sarah said, in an almost scolding voice. "It looks as though you can barely keep your head up, and those black circles under your eyes make you look as though you were on the losing end of a fight."

Raph laughed softly, and shook his head. Sarah had taken to trying to mother them ever since they had taken up residence here. She was always telling them to get more sleep, checking on their wounds, making sure they eat. She was beginning to remind him of April, and with this thought Raph broke into another amused smile. He then realized he hadn't answered her and she was looking at him with a curious expression. "Yeah, I know, I'll try to get some sleep later." Raph lied, trying to placate the woman's worry. He knew he would not be finding sleep any time soon.

Sarah finally nodded, then turned to make her way back up the stairs to prepare for another long day of work. She turned back as she reached the steps, "I'll be back after work to check on him." She said. Raph gave a knowing nod, and with that she made her way back up the stairs.

Raph watched her go, and once she disappeared and he heard the door click behind him, he moved his hand to pull out the black book again. As he sat holding the book between his hands, he turned his head to once again look at his older brother. The sickly pale features unnerved Raph to the core. He never remembered seeing his brother ever look so weak. He was always the one that took care of them when they were sick, and always stepped up to protect them, even if they didn't want the protecting. Seeing him so weak and helpless caused Raph to feel sick to his stomach. He took a deep breath, then turned back to the book laying in his lap. He flipped the cover open once again and turned to the next entry.

5/28/06

Raph and I got into another fight today. It seems like the fights are beginning to become more frequent and more heated since the Shredder. He is always looking for a reason to question what I say. It's almost as though he is choosing to disagree with me just for the sake of it. But the problem is, I'm finding myself even more willing to rise to him. I know he is baiting me, but for some reason I am unable to control my anger and I face off with him time and time again. The fights we enter into are so trivial. Yesterday he began to prod me because he didn't approve of my choice of music that I was listening to in my own room. Today the fight started over what T.V. show we wanted to watch. Somehow these stupid and meaningless fights turn into shouting matches that seem to rise out of our control. I know it's starting to bother both Don and Mikey. Every time they sense a fight brewing, I can't help but notice they begin to clear the room, moving on to their own things to stay out of the line of fire. I don't know why I rise to him every time. It's almost as though he knows exactly which of my buttons to push and how to push them to send me into complete frustration. The most puzzling thing is why he feels the need to start them. Is he bored and this is his form of entertainment? Does he really feel the way he says he does and this is his frustration at me and my shortcomings rising to the surface? I honestly don't know. I remember a time when Raph and I were not like this. A time when we could sit in the same room civily and joke, talk, and get along. He used to be the brother I felt the closest to, the one that I could relate to the most. But as we got older, we began to grow apart. I'm not sure what I did to cause the drastic change in my brother's and my relationship, but whatever it was, we are both suffering for it now. I wish so much that things would be back to the way we were when we were young, but I fear that that will never happen. I will just have to try and contain my anger better, though it will be hard. Splinter has had a talk with me recently about my more recent angry outbursts. I know he is worried about me, and I notice the worried glances from Don and Mikey as well. I just feel so helpless and useless ever since the final fight. My feelings of inadequacy keep growing, even though I am practicing harder than I ever have before. I fear it will never be enough and I will fail my family again. Maybe that is why I'm so adamant about rising to Raph's jibes. Little does he know that every fight we have his words sink deeper into my insecurities, and begin to bring them to the surface. I don't know, I'm babbling now…

Raph closed the book with a snap, unable to take his brother's pained words. He remembered when they were kids, and how they would watch cartoons, spar, and wander the sewers, they did almost everything together. He and Leo had practically been inseparable.

Flashback

"You're it!" Raph yelled triumphantly as he tackled young Leo to the floor. The seven year old giggled and wiggled free of his brother's grasp and stood, hands on his hips.

"Ha, Leo, you're it now! You gosta catch us now!" Mikey squealed, bobbing up and down on his toes, a large grin plastered on his face.

"Yeah, and I'm gonna get you!" Leo said, a glint in his eye. The youngest turtle yelped in excitement.

"Come on Donny, Leo's gonna get us!" Mikey screamed and grabbed his brother's hand. Leo leapt after them with a playful growl and the two jumped backward and ran in opposite directions, laughing as Leo swiped at nothing but air.

"Man, Mikey, you're getting faster." Leo said smiling.

"I am, aren't I?" Mikey said happily. "And you'll never catch me!"

"Then I'll just have to get slow poke Raph!" Leo said, leaping after his brother in red who stood not far away, laughing at Leo's attempts.

"Uh huh!" Raph said, dodging Leo's hands. "No tag backs!"

"Oh yeah!" Leo said, a playful smirk on his face. "Watch!" He then leapt at Raph who backed up quickly.

"No way Leo!" Raph laughed and ran out of the room. He took off down the hall as fast as his little legs would carry him. He could hear his brother's soft footsteps and muffled giggles as he followed him down the hall, and in tag desperation leapt into the first room he came to. He realized a second too late that he had entered the room of his sensei, a room that was off limits to little turtles when he was not around.

Raph's dread quickly turned to childish interest as he looked around the room. The only times he had seen his sensei's room was in dark night after he had had a nightmare. He hadn't seen or cared to see anything at the time as his mind was reeling from the recent bad dreams. But now, his mind alert, he took in his sensei's room with curiosity. It was full of all kinds of neat things.

"Raph." He heard Leo's urgent voice through the curtain. "Raph, get out of there. It's off limits."

"No way, Leo. I'm not fallin for that. You gotta catch me!" Raph yelled, and moved further in the room, his first feelings of rebellion surfacing as he looked around his master's room.

"Raph!" Leo yelled to him, but Raph ignored him. He walked over to something bright and shiny. They looked like they could be a pair of swords.

"Cool!" Raph exclaimed. He began to reach out to touch them, but stopped as his hand was quickly grabbed by another. He started and turned quickly, met with Leo's disapproving face.

"Raph, come on. Master Splinter will be back soon. You'll get in trouble." Leo pleaded, trying to pull his brother back toward the door.

"Come on Leo," Raph said casually. "Where is your sense of adventure? Look at all the cool stuff in here!"

Leo bit his lower lip and his hands wrung together in front of him nervously as his eyes glanced around the room that before now he had rarely ever had the opportunity to see. Raph walked over to another old looking relic and picked it up.

"What do you suppose this is?" Raph asked curiously.

"Raph, put that down!" Leo said, his voice rising higher in uncertainty.

"Aw, come on. I'm not gonna hurt nuthin." Raph said, looking closer at the object. It was brightly colored with symbols painted on it that Raph recognized as Japanese from his father's many books. It seemed fragile. Raph stared more intently at it, ideas racing through is mind as to what it could be.

Leo moved toward Raph, panic beginning to set in. "Come on Raph, just put it down. Let's go back and finish our game." Leo reasoned.

"Nah, I don't wanna anymore." Raph said backing up. He wasn't watching where he was going, intent on watching his brother and concentrating on cradling the object in his hands. He took a few steps back and roughly bumped into a small table with his carapace. Raph gasped in shock and turned around, seeing a lamp teetering dangerously toward the edge. Fear gripped him and he leapt for the lamp, and as he did the small object he held in his hand was forgotten until there was the sound of shattering glass on the floor.

Raph felt as though he could vomit. He barely heard Leo's gasp of horror and his footsteps as he approached the scene. Raph dropped to his knees numbly, picking up a small piece of shattered glass and looking at it, feeling dread wash over him. He was dead.

Raph felt Leo's hand on his shoulder, it was shaking slightly. "We…we have to get out of here." He said softly. Raph swallowed hard. He looked up at Leo and saw fear and worry in his eyes, but he couldn't bring himself to move.

"Come on," Leo urged. Raph felt him tug on his shoulders and pull him numbly to his feet and begin to lead him from Splinter's room. Raph vaguely noticed the curtain drawing nearer, indicating they were almost out. Just a little farther.

"What are you doing in here?" a soft voice asked. Damn. The two small turtles froze in their place. Raph felt Leo's arm tighten around his shoulders as both of them felt impending doom. Raph slowly lifted his eyes and saw the stern face of his sensei staring down at them. He didn't look happy. He could hear Leo taking deep breaths next to him. Raph felt again that he could vomit.

"Well?" Splinter said in response to his sons' silence.

"Sensei, I…we…" Raph started, his voice trailing off. He swallowed hard as fear began to grip him tighter. Splinter raised his stern eyes from his son and immediately saw the broken object not far behind them.

"What happened here?" he asked, making his way over to the broken object. Raph swallowed hard. He was so dead. "Come to me, both of you." Splinter said, unable to hide the anger and disappointment in his voice. Both young turtles slowly shuffled their heavy feet over to their sensei, neither of them able to meet his eye.

"Who did this?" Splinter asked, his eyes narrowed. Raph took deep shuddering breaths as panic began to take over.

"I…" Raph began softly.

"I did it." Leo said, his voice loud and certain, despite the slight shake in his tone. Raph raised his head quickly and looked at his older brother, his eyes wide. He opened his mouth to say something but couldn't find words.

Splinter looked at his oldest son, shock written on his features. "Is this true?" he asked, his whiskers twitching in uncertainty.

"Yes, sensei." Leo said, looking his master in the eyes. "I came in here because I wanted to borrow that book, you know, the one you were reading to us last night. I wanted to see the pictures again. I saw that thing and thought it was pretty. Raph tried to stop me, but I wanted to touch it and…I knocked it over and it broke. I'm very sorry." Leo finished, his voice soft.

Raph stood frozen, his mouth hanging open as he stared at his older brother in shock. Leo was trying to take the blame for his mistake. Raph opened his mouth again in protest but was interrupted by Splinter's voice.

"Leonardo, I am very disappointed in you." Splinter said, his voice soft but stern. Raph watched as Leo averted his eyes from their sensei's, his foot nervously twisting against the floor.

"Raphael, leave us." Splinter said, turning to his young son in red. Raph looked at his sensei, his mouth still hanging open in shock.

"Sensei, I…" Raph started.

"Raph, just go…" Leo pleaded, looking at his brother with eyes that were beginning to fill with tears.

"But…" Raph tried again

"Raphael." Splinter repeated. "Leave us."

Raph stood there, dumbfounded. He finally turned and ran out of the room. He didn't stop running until he got to his own room. He gathered up his favorite stuffed toy and hugged it close to his body, feeling close to tears. Why had Leo done that? Raph sniffled and wiped his damp eyes with the back of his hand. Raph had to know, he had to talk to Leo. He got to his feet and made his way to his brother's room, still holding his toy close for comfort. He entered the empty room and sat on the soft blue blankets and waited until his brother returned. It didn't take long until Raph fell asleep.

Movement woke him from his light nap and Raph sat up, rubbing his bleary eyes. He looked and saw Leo standing in the doorway watching him warily. His eyes were red as though he had been crying. Raph looked at Leo and swallowed hard, guilt settling in his stomach.

"Leo, why did you take the blame?" Raph asked softly. "It was my fault."

"You're my best friend." Leo said simply as if it was the most obvious answer in the world. "And more importantly, you are my brother."

Raph stood from Leo's bed and looked intently at his oldest brother. Leo gave Raph a hint of a smile. Raph walked up to his brother and wrapped him in a tight hug, sniffling back large guilty tears.

"I love you." Raph said as he held his brother. "We'll always be best friends."

"I love you too." Leo returned. "And yeah, forever."

Raph brushed a couple of tears from his face as he recalled the memory, wishing he could take all of it back, every fight, every mean word that he had ever said to Leo. Raph, same as Leo, couldn't pinpoint the moment where things began to shift to the relationship at present. As he grew older, his temper had begun to get worse and worse, and at the beginning his oldest brother was the only one that could calm him. But as he grew more rebellious in his early teenage years, even Leo couldn't control it anymore, and Raph began to lash out at the one who was trying. It only made it worse that Leo was excelling more and more at the art of ninja in ways that Raph only wished he could. Raph's feelings of resentment toward his brother grew, and he found more and more reasons to fight with him. And Leo, who once had been the one to calm him, made his anger worse.

It disturbed him that Leo seemed to blame himself for their present relationship. So typical of Leo. Raph shook his head. He didn't realize that every heated word he exchanged with his brother, Leo took to heart. He hadn't known at the time that he was slowly chipping away at Leo's armor and revealing hidden insecurities that his eldest brother fought hard to conceal. He wished desperately that things could go back to the way they were, when he and Leo had been best friends. Raph heaved a deep sigh and once again buried the tears that had momentarily freed themselves.

He heard his other siblings stirring behind him and knew that further reading would have to wait and once again stored it between the cushions of the chair. He looked back at the expressionless face of his injured leader and wished that there was some way he could reach him, some way he could express how sorry he was.