The rest of the day passed with with the same monotonous activity that had been commonplace since arriving in the dank basement tomb.
Mikey, once he had awoken and checked on Leo, had planted himself in front of the T.V. that Don had hooked up for him, and had been playing video games ever since. It was the typical reaction of their youngest brother. When reality was becoming too hard to face, he would lose himself into his fantasy world of video games and comic books, a world where he had a semblance of control.
Don had once again taken up his role as medic. His entire day was again filled with nothing but Leo's care. Don was an analytical mind that took comfort in being able to fix things and make them work again. But it was becoming apparent that Leo was going to be no easy fix, not like the microwave that Mikey had blown by testing his exploding peeps theory, or the VCR that Raph had put his sai through one angry night. Donny was becoming more and more desperate to find the problem and mend his broken brother and the strain was beginning to show on his young face.
Raph had only left the large old chair he had taken up vigil in a couple times, both consisted of him pacing wildly up and down the open space of the enclosed basement. The guilt that was still holding him, magnified by the passages read in his brother's diary, was beginning to crush him under its ever increasing weight. Raph's body had felt so heavy from it that at one point he almost imagined the chair below him creaking under the weight.
Splinter had watched all of his sons' activities from his chair with increasing concern for all of them. He could see that this constant worry and fear that their brother could die at any moment was taking a deep toll on each. He could feel the waves of guilt radiating off of each of his son's forms as they went about their day, but none had guilt as strong as his son in red. Raphael seemed to be drowning in his own feelings more and more every day, and Splinter knew he could not avoid confronting his son on this matter any longer.
As the sun set, they heard the familiar voices of April and Casey heading down the basement stairs to visit as was becoming the regular occurrence. All of the residents of the basement looked up, their tired eyes meeting the newcomers.
"April!" Mikey yelled, dropping his game controller and jumping over the back of the chair to greet them. "Man, I'm starving, did you bring any pizza with you?"
April laughed softly at the enthusiastic turtle. "No, not today, I thought we could go out and get something to eat tonight and maybe catch a movie. You guys need to get out of this basement for awhile."
Don looked up from the latest medical manual he was reading and gazed at her uncertainly. "I dunno April, I'd really rather not leave Leo."
"How is he?" She asked, walking over to his side and laying a tender hand on his arm.
"About the same." Don said softly.
"He'll be ok for a couple of hours, guys." Casey said. "You boys need to get out and get some fresh air for a while."
"Yeah, ok, let's do it." Mikey said, not a lot of convincing needed. "Come on dudes." Don still looked unsure.
"Donatello, you should go." Master Splinter said from across the room. "I will stay here with Leonardo. He will not be alone. You need a break, my son."
"But master…" Don started.
"Go on, Donatello." Splinter interrupted. "April and Casey are right. You boys need this. I can see the heavy weight you have been carrying on your shoulders. If you do not relieve it, even for a short while, it will drag you down. If you fall under pressure you will not be able to help you brother. I will stay with him, it will be well."
Don stared at his sensei for a moment, seeming torn.
"Come on guys, come on," Mikey pleaded. He looked at his other brothers with hopeful eyes. Don could see that Mikey definitely needed this. His light hearted and normally vibrant brother was starting to crack under the deep pressure and grief that surrounded their family every day. Even if it was a short reprieve, it would do him good. Don sighed, finally giving in.
"Alright, but only for a couple hours." He said, giving Mikey a small smile. He put down his book and walked toward the stairs. "Come on, Raph, let's go." He said to his silent brother. Raph had not said a word through the whole exchange.
"No, I'm not going." Raph said silently, his mouth drawn into a tight line.
"Come on man, you need this." Casey urged. He walked over and placed a hand on Raph's shoulder. "You can't sit in here and sulk forever."
"I'm not sulking." Raph growled. "This is a serious situation, and I don't feel like I can leave him. Not yet."
"Raph," Casey said, exasperated. "You need to stop beating yourself up about all of this, dude. Splinter is going to stay with Leo. You can come with us and get some fresh air. I think you need it more than anyone."
"No." Raph answered, but with a more definitive tone, baring further argument, never taking his eyes off Leo.
Casey opened his mouth as if to speak again, but finally closed it. He ran a hand through his long dark hair, and shook his head. He looked at April who was shooting him a silent look to drop it. He frowned deeply. "Fine," he answered, irritated. "We'll see you later."
Mikey and Don hung back for a moment, watching Raph with concern. Raph looked up and met their eyes, his eyes narrowed, causing the two others to finally look away and follow April and Casey up through the open basement door. None of them noticed the small shadow that noiselessly pattered in before the door closed.
Raph sighed with exasperation. How could they even think to leave Leo when he is like this. He couldn't imagine going out and eating a normal dinner and seeing a movie like life was fine and dandy, like his brother wasn't lying here dying. Raph narrowed his eyes slightly, feeling a mild anger toward his other brothers for blowing this off, but the anger didn't last. He knew how hard Donny had been working to keep their brother with them, and Mikey had never dealt with pressure well. April was right, they did need it, but he didn't. He needed to be right here with Leo. He sighed again, and looked up, finding dark calculating eyes watching him with much concern. He looked back at his sensei for a moment, but then looked away, unable to meet his intense stare. He knew that look, it was lecture time.
"Raphael," Splinter started.
'Right on cue.' Raph thought bitterly. He didn't need or want a lecture right now. He just wanted to be left alone.
"Raphael," Splinter repeated quietly. "I am worried for you my son."
Raph's head slowly raised, meeting the old rat's eyes.
Splinter took a deep breath, then continued. "You have been drowning in your feelings of deep grief, anger, and guilt for the past few days. I fear for you, my son, I feel it is crushing you under its immense weight."
Raph narrowed his eyes at his master, he knew where this conversation was going. Master Splinter wanted him to talk about his feelings. Raph hated talking about his feelings. "Everyone else has been worried too, Master." He said tersely, trying to take some of the heat off of himself.
"Yes, they have been." Splintered countered, never changing his soft, calm voice. "As have I, every minute of every day, but we are not torturing ourselves every day as I see you doing. I see you doing it right now, right before me. You blame yourself for what has happened to Leonardo, and you are sinking in your deep pool of guilt."
Raph looked away, crossing his arms unconsciously across his plastron. "I'm fine," Raph lied, but already knowing Splinter would see right through it. His father was right, he did blame himself, and rightly so.
After a painful moment of silence, Raph dared look up again and found Splinter watching him with soft, compassionate eyes. Those all knowing eyes had always comforted Raph when he was a child, but now they were making him squirm slightly under their unwavering gaze. He heard his sensei sigh softly.
"You are not fine, my son." He said finally. "And you know you are not. Why do you feel you need to suffer in silence, by yourself, when there are so many who love you surrounding you and willing to help you?"
Raph swallowed hard. Because talking about it would bring too much pain. Because talking about it would make the situation at hand much more real. Because he deserved whatever pain he was feeling as penance for the pain he caused his brother. Raph let a deep frown cross his face. This was something they couldn't help him with.
"Talk to me, my child." Splinter pleaded, placing a furry hand atop his son's.
That one, small gesture brought a wave of emotion that crashed down heavily on Raph's head. He found himself faultering, the large wall he had built to keep himself hidden from his family was beginning to crack and break. He felt that familiar lump rising in his throat once again, but this time it would not disappear.
"It's just," Raph started, unsure of what to say. "I just feel like," He tried again. He closed his mouth, frustrated and not being able to get his words out. The large rat closed his hand tighter around his child's, giving Raph a bit more strength.
"It's my fault this happened to him," Raph finally said miserably. "If it weren't for me, Leo would have never left the lair. If I hadn't led Don and Mikey into a trap, Leo would never have had to get injured trying to help us. If it wasn't for what I said, Leo's mind wouldn't be broken and you could reach him. It's because of me all this happened. I did this to him…" Raph finished, his voice quiet and shaking. He realized for the first time his cheeks were moist.
Splinter remained silent as Raph explained all that had happened between him and his brother. He told his sensei about the words he had said to Leo, and about what had happened in the building the night Leo was injured.
Once Raph was done spilling everything that he had kept bottled up for days, his body was slouched limply in the chair, his head bowed, as if he didn't have the energy to lift it. Once the words had finished leaving his mouth, he became silent, waiting for Splinter to yell at him, to curse at him, maybe even disown him and throw him out on the streets for all the pain Raph caused his favorite student. When Splinter did speak, it was not anything Raph had expected.
"It is not your fault," Splinter said softly. "You feel guilt at what you say you did to Leonardo, but you did not throw him out of that window. You did not give him unfair odds to fight. You did what you thought was right by leading your brothers in that building, and Leonardo did what he thought was right by protecting his younger brothers. Leonardo has always felt a deep, innate urge to protect you boys from any harm, and he would have done what he did again and again for any of you if given the chance again."
Raph looked up at his sensei, the lump in his throat thickening at his words. He was beginning to find it harder to breath. Then Splinter leaned forward and put his other paw on Raph's shoulder, bringing himself closer to his suffering son. Raph couldn't bring himself to look at his father's face, so kept his eyes averted.
"Leonardo loves you and your brother's dearly. There has never been a day in his life where he hasn't lived to make you boys happy and keep you safe." Splinter continued, his voice even softer than before. "The words that you said hurt him, there is no doubt of that, but Leonardo will know those words were hollow and without meaning. He will forgive you, Raphael."
"But what if he doesn't?" Raph suddenly exclaimed, his fears fighting to the surface. "You didn't see his face after I said it, sensei. He looked broken and defeated. I've never seen him look like that. What if he didn't know they were hollow words. What if he believed them." Raph was ashamed at how shaky his voice sounded. He swallowed thickly and lowered his voice further. "And what if I never get a chance to tell him how sorry I am, and that I don't hate him. What if he dies thinking that I hate him." Raph's last words were near a whisper as tears began to fall more freely from his eyes.
He could feel Splinter stiffen next to him, but still stayed silent. When Splinter spoke next, the resolution in his voice was unmistakable. "Leonardo is strong. He will recover from this, I believe this strongly in my heart." He then moved his hand from Raph's shoulder to his chin, pulling his tortured son's eyes up to meet his. "Leonardo will live, and he will forgive you." He said certainly.
The horrible feelings of guilt and fear finally began to free themselves from Raph's body at his sensei's words and he let out a choked sob. Splinter leaned forward further and pulled his son into a tight embrace. Raph accepted it willingly, clinging to his father for the love, comfort, and support that he had needed desperately for these past few days. He cried loudly into his father's shoulder as he heard Splinter murmur soft, comforting words into his ear.
A few pained minutes past where the only sounds in the room were the sobs of a grieving son and the soothing whispers of a loving father. But soon, the sounds began to die as Raph began to lose his battle with consciousness, and slowly cried himself into a restless sleep.
When Raph awoke he blinked his eyes groggily. His head was resting against something soft and furry. It didn't take him long to realize he must have fallen asleep on Splinter's shoulder after their talk before. His cheeks turned red with embarrassment when he remembered how he had acted. He raised his head slightly and saw his father asleep as well, his head leaning lightly back on the head of the chair, his breaths coming slowly and evenly. Raph carefully lifted himself away from Splinter's body and sat up, looking around the basement. It was now dark, the sun had finished sinking from the sky while he had slept. All around him was quiet, meaning his brothers must still be out with April and Casey. He must not have slept long at all.
He turned back around and put his hand on Leo's forehead, checking to make sure his brother was still the same since they had fallen asleep. A slight pang of fear arose in his chest as he realized they had left Leo alone while they had slept. He quickly put his hand to Leo's neck, mimicking what he had seen Don do, and checked for a heartbeat, finding one quickly. Raph let out a sigh of relief.
"How is he?" a sleepy voice asked from behind him. Raph turned his head to look at his groggy father.
"I'm sorry sensei, I didn't mean to wake you." Raph said softly.
"It's alright, Raphael." Splinter answered. "How is he?"
"I think he's the same." Raph answered, feeling another wave of disappointment.
Splinter nodded, gazing sadly at his injured son. Raph turned his head back to his brother, and noticed something, with annoyance, he hadn't before. A small, orange and white cat was curled up in the crook of Leo's good arm, softly purring, her paws kneading lightly across Leo's arm.
"Get off my brother!" he exclaimed with narrowed eyes, trying to shoo the small animal with his hands. The cat sat where it was, looking at him, but not moving in the slightest.
"Go on, get out!" Raph said, anger beginning to rise. How had this thing gotten down here and why was it on his brother? He moved toward the cat, ready to pick it up and throw it from his brother's form.
"Raphael!" Splinter said strongly.
Raph's hands stopped short of the cat, and he turned to look at his father. "Sensei, this cat shouldn't be down here!" Raph yelled, defending his actions. "I'm sending it back upstairs!" He once again moved his hands toward the cat, but was stopped by his father's arm grabbing his strongly.
"Raphael, stop!" He said again, his voice more excited than before. "Look!" he said pointing down at Leo.
Raph turned to see what his father was pointing out, and gasped. Leo's hand was moving slightly, his fingers running over the long soft fur of the feline curled up next to him. Raph thought his heart was going to leap out of his chest. He jumped out of his chair so quickly it was knocked over with a loud bang. He was on his knees at his brother's side in an instant.
"Leo!?" Raph said, putting his hand on his brother's forehead. "Leo, bro, come on, open your eyes." He looked at his brother hopefully, waiting to see some sign of life in his brother's face, but none came. Leo's eyes remained closed. "Leo, please, come on, wake up. We need you to wake up." Raph said pleadingly, but nothing happened. Raph felt his heart begin to sink. He looked back at his brother's hand to find it had stopped moving. Tears once again threatened to fall from his eyes, but Raph was able to swallow them back this time. He looked at his father, disappointment written all over his features.
"Raphael, do not seem troubled. This is great news. Your brother has moved. He may be closer to coming back to us." Splinter told his son, encouragingly.
They were suddenly interrupted by the basement door swinging open and loud voices entering the basement. Don was the first to enter, descending the stairs quickly and rushing to Leo's side, as if every moment that he was kept away had wounded him. He placed his hands to Leo's neck, just as Raph had done only moments before, letting out a sigh of relief at the reassuring pulse he found there. Mikey wasn't far behind Don, he stood behind his brother patiently, waiting to hear Don's verdict on their brother's condition while they were away.
"Is he O.K.?" Mikey asked nervously. Then looking down at Leo's side, he noticed the small cat in his arm. "What's with the cat?"
Both then looked at Raph and Splinter, for the first time noticing the strange looks on their faces.
"Was everything fine while we were gone?" Don asked.
Splinter and Raph looked at each other and Splinter let a smile cross his face for the first time in days. "Your brother moved his hand not moments before you came here." Splinter said, his smile growing wider.
"Really!?" Mike asked, excitement lacing every word. "Did he wake up? Is he O.K.?"
"No, I couldn't get him to open his eyes." Raph said, his voice flat. He was having a harder time sharing in the excitement. He had hoped that Leo would have regained consciousness, but had been disappointed.
"Raph, that's great news though," Don said reassuringly, hearing the disappointment in Raph's voice. "That may mean he's coming back to us. See, I told you to keep up hope!"
April and Casey then came down the stairs, immediately met by Mikey who delivered the news about Leo's progress. Raph couldn't help but be drawn in slightly by their happiness. Once everyone had cleared away from Leo's beside, Raph remained, his gaze intently fixed on Leo's face, willing him to make more progress and to open his eyes. Splinter walked up to his son and placed another reassuring hand on his shoulder, Raph tried to smile at his sensei in response, then turned his head back to his brother, beginning his overnight vigil at his bedside.