This isn't quite where I was going with this… but it's kind of like the first part. Think of it as a two part chapter. Unfortunately you'll still hafta wait for da rest. (Yeah. Dat's how we roll downs in da hood! And by hood… I mean St. Augustine…)

Pride and Prejudice: Abbreviated and Un-fabrication

I'm running out of things to call chapters. We'll just call this one… phlegm… because when I hear French, it sounds very phlegmmy.

France sucks. Or at least standing out here in this boring old vineyard listening to this ancient man prattle on and on in French about grapes sucks. I want to go to the Louvre. I want to meet cute French men and have illegitimate affairs… although I don't think Danny would enjoy that.

Stupid, boring Danny seems to actually enjoy this boring old man that resembles a raisin. Hah. A raisin! You see that's a funny thing when you're standing in a field of grapes. But honestly… he really does look like a raisin… Oh god! All this talk of raisins has made me hungry!

I looked up to make sure that the coast was clear. Danny was nodding eagerly as the old man continued to talk quickly in French. Perfect. This was my opportunity. I reached out toward the vine and looked for a good looking grape. Oh they were so pretty and purple. Maybe I could just take a small handful… I mean one grape would hardly fill me up. Plus, it's not like they were in short supply. This stupid vineyard seemed to go on forever!

I plucked one fresh, juicy grape off the vine and popped it in my mouth. I hadn't even crunched down on the sweet little sucker, before the raisin man was pinching my cheeks and saying some jibber-jabber in French. "Ne mangez pas les raisins."

Raisins! Hah! He was confessing to being a raisin… But that didn't explain why he was pinching my cheeks.

"L'a craché," he commanded. I hadn't a clue what he was getting at. I think he meant for me to chew… but that was a difficult command with him holding my jaw open.

"He says to spit it out, Carly," Danny said, smiling slightly at me. He looked quite cocky. He better watch out, though. I'm pretty sure that when crazy Raisin Man was done with me he would kill Danny next.

I spit the grape out, nonetheless. The Raisin Man was standing in front of me, and when I spit it, it hit him square between the eyes. He looked right angry… but you have to give me credit on my aim.

Raisin Man released me and turned boiling red. I suppose that meant he was either angry, or rather hot. He started shouting at me in quick French, "Vous américain déplaisant! Comment osent vous détruire mon vignoble sacré et irrespect moi!" I suppose that meant he was angry.

Danny stepped up to the man and replied, just as quickly in perfect French, "C'était un accident. Elle n'a voulu dire rien par cela."

I didn't know what he was saying about me, but I trusted him enough to nod along.

"Un accident?" the Raisin Man asked, still staring angrily at me. I understood him well enough to nod even more so. I was starting to feel like a bobble-head doll. Oh! How cool would it be to be a bobble-head doll!

"Oui," Danny agreed. He looked at me pointedly. I didn't know what he wanted me to do, so I just nodded some more. My neck was becoming rather sore.

"L'une ou l'autre voie! Cette réunion est finie!" the man continued, still sounding quite put-out, and staring rather vehemently at me.

"Fini?" Danny asked. Danny turned to me. I was quite gross looking and didn't much appreciate his scrutiny. I was becoming sun burnt from the… well essentially the sun, and my shirt was rather sweaty. Danny nodded once and looked back at the man. "Oui parfait." Danny quickly shook hands with the man, mumbling more unintelligible French, and coming over to me.

"Did I ruin everything?" I asked as Danny led me back out of the vineyard, pressing me forward with his hand on the small of my back. That's another body part that could use a good re-name. What are your thoughts on calling it the Dunderfinn?

Danny shook his head. "You didn't ruin anything."

I was very red, from the heat and embarrassment. If the old man was a raisin I was a tomato, or a strawberry, or a raspberry… although raspberries are hardly red, they're more… raspberry colored. Now I was red and feeling rather guilty. "I didn't ruin your reference, did I? I mean, I know you needed that information on grapes for your thing about wine and all and I really hadn't meant to eat that grape, I mean of course I meant to eat it, but I hadn't expected him to be so angry. I was just hungry!" That was a long sentence. By the time I finished I was rather winded and had to stop to catch my breath.

Danny waited patiently for me to regain myself. "You didn't ruin anything. We were done anyway and it was stupid of me to leave you out there all that time." He was being really nice to me. He was also smiling more often than I'd ever seen him smile. It was rather creepy to see Perm-a-smile Danny. It was like Danny had gotten some sort of lobotomy. "Now-" he put his hand back on my dundefinn and smiled- "would you like to get some lunch?"

Sometimes I'm pretty sure Danny Dardy can read my mind…

The gist of what the Grape Man says is basically: "Don't eat my grapes." "Spit it out." "You are a stupid American. Get out of here." "An accident?" "Either way. We are finished here."

That is all. ;)