One more chapter and then an epilogue of sorts. Ok! I hope you like it. I can promise you it's much less depressing than the last couple of chaps. Read it and… don't weep.

"And that's all I have to say about that." (Forest Gump)

Pride and Prejudice: Abbreviated and Un-fabricated

Awkward moment. Let us sit and soak up the pure awkwardness of it all.

"He's here," Adam whispered conspiratorially, popping his head around the fake, foam wall the separated Miranda's cubicle from the rest of the world. This little separation was very necessary. You see Miranda is very proud of her body and so she decided that she wanted to stick up pictures of herself… and her body… and a sabre… and a stun-gun… and a bird cage… and… well that's about it actually. Clothing optional… apparently. Anyway, said pictures caused quite the controversy before I got here. Apparently Barbra, Adam and Danny's assistant before me, was very disturbed by these images and petitioned for their removal… That's why they fired her.

The rest of the office thinks they're refreshing. If you stand on your head, Miranda's boobs kind of look like cantaloupe. …Or so Adam says.

Anyway, I'd been hiding in Miranda's pornographic cubicle for the entire day, hoping that when Danny came into work he would merely avoid eye-contact with an empty desk rather than with me.

"He's here," Adam hissed into Sarah's cubicle.

"Who's here?" she asked back in a normal tone. Did she not comprehend the stealthy-ness of Adam's mission? "You're not James Bond, you know," Sarah added.

What! He's not? That lying bastard.

"I was last night, now wasn't I?" Adam replied. Miranda and I pulled faces. Were we overhearing what we thought we were hearing? …Okay, in all honesty I pulled a face because I'd just noticed that there was this one picture in Miranda's office where she was upside-down on a fireman's pole. I wonder how she holds herself like that… She must have great upper-body strength.

"Last night?" Miranda mouthed to me. I jumped and suddenly remember that I was supposed to be eavesdropping on Adam and Sarah and not fantasizing about Danny Dardy becoming a fireman and sliding down that sexy pole in his sexy uniform… Oh God… FOCUS!

Sarah giggled and hissed the noise that annoying librarians use when they want you to be quiet, but all you want to do is talk to your sexy R.A. that looks an awful lot like Danny Dardy… FOCUS! "Adam," she sighed, still giggling slightly. "I thought we said we wouldn't discuss that at work."

Miranda started to laugh, but covered up her mouth just in time. I bet Danny Dardy would cover up my mouth in a really sexy way if I were ever to laugh at inappropriate times… like during a moment of silence… or during sex… FOCUS!

"Sarah," Adam groaned. "I just can't stop thinking about it! It was just so amazing that thing… you know that thing you did with the needles… and oh man! The part with the string!"

Miranda had to bind and gag herself to keep from laughing. Oh, binding and gagging Danny Dardy to a bedpost… Ahg! FOCUS! …This is getting inappropriate. I blame the pornographic cubicle.

"It was yarn!" Sarah hissed. "And can we stop discussing it at the office? Can you even contemplate what would happen if someone were to over hear us?" she hissed. Contemplate? Adam probably didn't even know what contemplate meant.

"Maybe I don't care anymore, Sarah?" Adam proclaimed, his volume rising slightly. "Maybe it's time the whole world discovers that you and I-"

"Shush!" Sarah snapped.

Miranda made a painful squeak of repressed laughter, but, thank God, just as her will broke, another voice shouted across the office, "Hello? Is anybody even here?"

Everyone jumped and all at once all… (… one, two… three…) all four employees came rushing out of their cubicles (or whoever's cubicle they happened to be in at the moment).

"Danny, old chap!' Adam exclaimed excitedly, clasping Danny on the shoulder. I stared at Adam, studying his lumpy sweater and only his lumpy sweater. It was very difficult to stare at such an ugly lumpy sweater when I was itching to stare at Danny, but I just couldn't bring myself to see how unfazed Danny was by my… misfortune. Plus I wouldn't be able to handle any more eye contact avoidance. Plus, it was a spectacularly ugly, lumpy sweater. Where do you obtain a sweater quite that hideous? The things Adam manages… And to think that Sarah-

"How was France?" Miranda asked as she calmly examined her nails. She asked, but she hardly seemed interested. Or possibly she was feigning disinterest. I suddenly remembered Danny's e-mail from her. They were obviously lovers. Maybe that was Danny's fireman's pole that Miranda was sliding down in the picture…

"It was… interesting."

But then I recalled that Danny would never let anyone else use his fireman's pole. He's oddly protective of his fireman things. He'd never even let someone else look at his special fireman's uniform. Then… why even have it in the first place? Hmm… Danny Dardy is one odd character.

As a reflex, and partly because that ugly sweater was so hideous it was causing retina damage to my eyes, I looked at Danny. I was… surprised by what I saw. Danny's suit was uncharistically rumpled. He had large, dark circles under his eyes, his hair was defying gravity and his normally gorgeous eyebrows were sticking out at every possible angle. But, most surprising of it all, he was staring right at me.

And, oddly enough, not wearing his top secret fireman's uniform… Dis-uh-pointing…