Laney smiled when she entered her chambers, seeing that Loki was sprawled out on the couch, shirtless, asleep. She walked up to him and gently ran a hand along the trail of hair at the middle of his stomach.
Loki started to stir when he felt Laney touch him. "Is it time to get up?" He mumbled.
"You dozed off, love. Maybe after your shower?" Laney guessed, seeing his damp hair.
Loki rubbed his eyes before sitting up. "I just wanted to stretch out for a minute. I didn't think I would fall asleep."
"It's okay sweetheart. I talked with... your mother longer than I thought I would," Laney said.
Loki gave a little nod, staying quiet for a moment. "How is she?" ?"
"She's okay, doesn't leave her chambers much. I let her watch Star for a little while so she can have some time with her. The poor woman feels like such an outcast here."
"I don't blame her. I felt the same way for most of my life. I expect any Jotun would feel like an outcast here." Loki sighed. I'll be damned if my daughter will ever feel that way.
Laney frowned as she kept a hand on Loki's leg. "We're doing our best to change that. Desi and I want the Jotnar to feel safe when they come here, perhaps even live here like the little family that lives on the outskirts of town."
"I know you are, and I didn't mean it against you and Desi. I just understand how she feels and why." Loki clarified..
"You should talk to her," Laney commented. "She knows about the old trade route. Maybe she could help you."
"I know all about the old trade routes already. I have used them many times." Loki commented. "I know I need to talk to her... it just feels so... I don't know."
"Loki, baby talk to me," Laney said. "What are you not telling me?"
"I'm not withholding anything from you darling. I just don't know how to explain how I feel. It's hard to deal with all of this. She just shows up after a thousand years and says she's my real mother... how am I supposed to handle that?" Loki said, meaning it as a hypothetical question.
Laney took a deep breath and nodded while she caressed Loki's leg. "I get it. I think anyone would be shocked at the news. But I think I would be intrigued enough to ask her questions. When I first met her, I grilled her as if she was a boy trying to date Star."
Loki placed his hand over Laney's on his leg. "I guess it's a little more than that..."
"Is it because she's Jotun?" Laney murmured. "You were okay with Ari's family at the clinic."
Loki sighed, not sure how to answer. "Yes and no. I was told my entire life how horrible the Jotnar are. I have tried to deny it all because Frigga is my mother, only now, she's not."
"Loki, Frigga is still your mother," Laney said. "She is the one who raised you as her own and knows every little thing about you."
"I know that, but now someone else is claiming to be my mother. It's confusing. The Jotnar are so called monsters, and I have an entire family of them." Loki sighed.
Laney narrowed her eyes at Loki, having hit a nerve. "Is your daughter a monster then?" She questioned.
Loki tensed at the question. "Of course she isn't!" He said, clearly upset by the very thought.
"You said your entire family are monsters. Does that not include Star and even me?" Laney slid away from Loki a bit and crossed her arms over her chest. "Star is a part of you Loki, she is the same as you."
Loki looked at Laney with tears in his eyes. "You know I didn't mean it like that."
Laney frowned at him, feeling tears in her own eyes. "I don't know how else to make you see that you and Star are the same. If she isn't a monster, neither are you, and neither is anyone else." She wiped at her eyes and shook her head.
Loki tried to think of something to say but ended up burying his head in his hands.
"I love you to the ends of the world Loki, but I'm going to give you some space to think," Laney said quietly. She silently stood up and ran one hand through his hair. "I'll pick up Star, then go visit Frigga."
Please don't go... Loki thought but kept quiet. "Are you going to come back?" He managed to ask her.
Laney turned back towards Loki, now standing at the door. "Yes Loki, I'll come back. I just want you to think of your words you spoke. Star may not be able to defend herself, but I will."
"I truly wasn't referring to her or you. I was referring to this unknown family on Jotunheim." Loki told Laney. He went quiet after, so she could go. I can't lose my family here...
"Loki, honey, by referring to them, it includes Star. She's a Jotun too... by half."
"I know she is, but she's not part of that world. She is part of our world here." Loki tried to explain.
Laney sighed softly and walked back over to Loki and put his head in her hands. "There's only one world, love. Everyone is connected in some way. If we weren't connected, I don't know if I ever would have found you again."
"I'm sorry this is so hard for me." Loki said in barely more than a whisper. He still kept his head down, too ashamed to look up and meet Laney's eyes.
"I know it's hard, but you've been making strides," Laney said softly. "The only thing you haven't done is learn to accept yourself. If you don't do that, then everything else will not work."
Loki nodded, too emotional to put his thoughts into words.
Laney looked back at the door, then down at Loki as an idea came to mind. "Can I show you that you're not a monster? Show you just how much I love you?" She whispered.
"The fact that you've stayed with me through all of this shows how much you love me." Loki said softly. "I don't want to be a monster."
"Loki, you're not a monster." Laney gently took Loki's hands and made him stand up. "Could you shift for me?"
Loki looked down at his hands and realized he had shifted out of his Jotun form in Star's absence. "Why do I need to?"
"I want to show you that you're not a monster just because of your race," Laney said. "Will you let me?"
"I don't understand, but alright." Loki sighed. He took a deep breath, then shifted into his Jotun form.
Laney smiled as she slowly ran her hands up Loki's arms, across his shoulders, then down his chest. "Loki, do you want to know what I see? I see a strong, capable man and a loving father." She leaned forward and placed a small kiss above his heart. "I see someone willing to step up to anything and protect everyone he cares about." Laney ran her hands along the markings on his stomach with a small grin. "I love you for you, and so does everyone else."
Loki slowly reached up to wrap his arms around Laney, then pulled her close. "I never meant to make you think I thought badly of you or Star." He said truthfully, clinging to Laney.
"I know you didn't," Laney replied. She brought one hand up and gently caressed one of Loki's horns and watched as his eyes drifted shut at the sensation. "I just want you to know just how much you're loved for the way you are."
"It's different for you though. You weren't taught to hate my kind." Loki sighed, though he was starting to relax.
"I know that Loki. But if you learn to accept yourself and truly accept Star, the hate will diminish," Laney said softly. She continued to caress the other horn and smiled when he sighed.
"I do accept Star. She is absolutely perfect in every way." Loki said truthfully.
"If you can accept Star, then you should be able to accept yourself," Laney said. She wrapped her arms around his neck and let herself rest flush against Loki's chest. "You and your daughter are the same, Loki. She might be half Aesir, but she takes completely after you."
"I know she does, and I know what you're saying. I don't know why it's so hard. I felt like I was doing good before that woman showed up and set me back." Loki sighed, still clinging to Laney.
Laney kissed Loki's chest and nuzzled against his cool skin. "It would shock me too. I don't know what I would do if my mother ended up being alive after all this time." She looked up at him and rested her chin on his sternum. "But if you don't try to move forward, it will only make things worse."
Loki nodded. "I'm trying to darling. I want to be the best I can be for you and Star." Loki said truthfully. "Are you still going to talk with mother?"
"Then I hope to see progress soon," Laney said softly. "I can still go to her if you want some space to yourself. Star is with your... other mother."
"Is it alright if I just go for a walk to calm down?" Loki asked, not wanting to upset Laney anymore.
"Yes, you can. I don't mind. I can pick up Star in a couple of hours," Laney answered.
"Do I find you here after, or somewhere else?" Loki asked, wanting to return to Laney quickly.
Laney smiled as she gently rubbed the back of Loki's neck. "I'll be here. If you feel like we should have a night alone tonight, let me know when you return. I will see if Frigga would like her overnight."
"I won't be gone long, I just want a few minutes of fresh air." Loki said. He stole a quick kiss, then walked to the door. Opening it, he walked out and into the hall.
Outside, Thor stood by the stables, brushing out his horse Freya. "Good girl," he praised, then gave the mare a sugar cube before he picked up a hoof pick, then picked up one of the mare's feet to clean out the bottom.
Loki saw his brother from a distance but wasn't sure if he felt up to company yet. He stood there for a minute, then slowly made his way over.
Thor glanced up when he saw someone walking in his direction, only to smile. "Hello brother," he greeted, then noticed Loki's glum demeanor. "Are you alright?"
"I don't know. Laney and I are having some issues." Loki said sadly.
"Issues?" Thor questioned. "That's not like you two." He let Freya have her front leg back and moved to the back leg to clean out the next hoof.
Loki raised his hand and rubbed the back of his neck. "It's Jotun stuff. I'm having trouble accepting the presence of that woman, and it's really affecting us." Loki explained.
Thor nodded as he listened to his brother. "How do you feel about it?" He asked.
"I'm having trouble with it. Laney is relating my issues to Star as well though. She says I should accept myself as much as I accept Star, as all of her Jotun traits are from me." Loki told his brother.
"Well, she's right about that," Thor agreed. He moved to Freya's next hood that needed cleaning. "She is half of you, Loki."
"I know she is, and in my eyes, she's absolutely perfect." Loki said defensively.
Thor let Freya have her last leg back and stood. He draped his arms over the mare's back and sighed. "I never said she wasn't Loki. But Laney has a point."
"Why must I love my heritage to love Star? Why does it need to be connected?" Loki muttered.
"Loki, she's not telling you to love it," Thor said. "She wants you to accept yourself for who you are and to give others of the same race a chance. Not everyone is like Laufey."
Loki winced at the statement. "I know, and I do give individuals a chance... just not the entire race."
"You don't have to Loki. Just try not to judge every Jotun you meet. I know it's hard. I'm having my own difficulties with it," Thor said, then began brushing Freya again. "It's not easy."
"You've never had any overly bad experiences with the Jotnar though, have you?" Loki asked, wondering why it was hard for his brother.
Thor shook his head. "I haven't, no. Not anything that I did not provoke. But I was also told about having Jotun blood in my family too, Loki. I didn't have a clue either."
"How do you handle it?" Loki asked, hoping his brother could help.
"I was angry at first," Thor admitted. "But I talked with father one on one, then I looked through the family record scrolls and books. I talked with mother too, and Desi. Talking to everyone helped me come to terms with it. I don't embrace it, but I've learned where some of my strength comes from."
Loki shook his head. "I need to get to the point where I can embrace it. If I don't, I feel like the anger will cost me everything." He said sadly.
Thor gave Freya a treat then let a stable hand walk her back into the barn. "I'm not sure how I can help you, but I would like to try."
"I don't know what help I even need. I just know what I need the end result to be." Loki admitted.
"Would talking it out help?" Thor asked. "It helped me."
"I don't know. I don't even know where to start." Loki sighed.
"You could start with how you feel?" Thor suggested. "I think they have people on Midgard that listen to other's ailments. I think I heard Mr. Stark call it therapy."
"It sounds horrible." Loki said as he rolled his eyes. "I don't even know what my problem is now. I have made Jotun friends, I have a Jotun daughter, but the past still has some hold on me."
Thor walked over to a nearby fence and leaned against it. "Okay, try this. When you think of yourself, what words come to mind?"
"Monster, just as Odin taught me." Loki said, following his brother.
"Try again," Thor said with narrowed eyes.
"Brother, you know I've never thought very highly of myself." Loki pointed out.
"Well, let me enlighten you," Thor retorted. "You're getting married to the woman you've loved since you were a teen, you're a father, advisor to the king, you've been acquitted of all the charges that were against you, and you have your full freedom. Now... try again."
Loki looked down at the ground, feeling ashamed but also thinking about it again. He wanted to try harder as he hated disappointing his brother. "I'm a Jotun in the palace."
"Better," Thor said gently. "You're also Asgardian. Nobody can take that from you."
Loki thought some more before he shook his head. "No. I'm Jotun. The first Jotun to successfully build a life in the palace under Odin's rule."
Thor grinned and nodded. "That's a lot better. Take pride in that fact."
"Even after everything he did to stop me." Loki continued.
"That's right. You will also be the first Jotun to be the king's advisor in Asgard. Step brother or not."
Loki shook his head again. "No. We are brothers, simple as that."
Thor smiled proudly. "That's the Loki I remember."
Loki gave his brother a soft smile. "I should go now. Thank you, brother." He said, shifting back into his Jotun form as he walked away.
"I'm proud of you!" Thor called out after him.
Laney had just placed Star down in her crib after feeding her, then shut the door to the nursery before she walked out into their balcony and sat in one of their cushioned chairs. It's so peaceful.
Loki returned sometime later and walked into the chambers. "Laney? Are you here?" He called out, when he didn't see her in the sitting room.
Laney turned and smiled at hearing Loki's voice. "The balcony love!" She called back gently.
Loki quickly crossed the sitting room and walked out onto the balcony. He wrapped his arms around Laney, held her tight and rested his head on her shoulder. "I'm very sorry for my behavior earlier."
"It's alright Loki. I know everything is difficult," Laney said softly as she leaned her head against his.
"I never meant to hurt and upset you." Loki replied, holding Laney close.
"I didn't mean to upset you either," Laney murmured in reply, then turned and kissed Loki's cheek.
"You have nothing to apologize for. You have done nothing wrong. I was the one being foolish." Loki insisted.
Laney pecked his cheek again and nuzzled against the side of his face. "It's forgiven," she murmured.
"I think I will be alright now." Loki told Laney, still in his Jotun form.
"That makes me happy to hear," Laney replied softly.
Loki leaned down and kissed Laney softly. "I was told you already have Star back here?"
Laney nodded. "She's asleep in the nursery."
"I stopped by to talk to my Jotun mother on my way back. That's how I knew." Loki said, not sure how Laney would react.
"You spoke with her?" Laney asked. She turned to face Loki, but stayed in his embrace.
Loki nodded. "I did. Not for very long, but I hope it's a good start."
Laney reached up and caressed Loki's face. "What did you speak about?"
"I just wanted to ask some questions about my past." Loki answered.
"Did you get any answers?" Laney asked softly.
Loki nodded. "She told me a lot, but I feel like there is still a lot to learn."
Laney grinned. "Well, it sounds like you feel a bit better about things."
"I do. My brother talked some sense into me." Loki said with a little smile.
"That sounds about right," Laney chuckled. "There's nothing like sibling talks. I get those from Desi from time to time."
"Are we alright? You and me?" Loki asked, still worried.
"Yes sweetheart. We were never not okay." Laney reached up and caressed the side of Loki's face, then ran her hand into his hair. "Arguments happen."
"Not with us. I hate arguing with you and I hate when I upset you." Loki said truthfully..
"I don't like it either Loki, but it's a natural thing. We're okay, that's all that matters."
Loki smiled and kissed Laney again. "I'm glad we're alright again."
"We're more than alright sweetheart," Laney said softly.
"What would you like to do now?" Loki asked, not wanting to deal with work at that moment.
Laney shrugged. "Star's asleep, so we're free for now."
"Want to lay down and relax for a while? I still feel tense from earlier." Loki admitted.
"Sure. I could even rub your back if you'd like? I haven't done that for you in a long time."
"I would love that." Loki agreed.
Laney led Loki over to their bed, then watched as he removed his tunic, then laid in the middle on his stomach. She grinned as she waited until Loki's face was hidden in his arms before she let her dress fall to the floor. Then she climbed onto the bed in her underwear and straddled his ass before she began to knead his shoulders.
Loki tensed when he felt Laney, knowing she didn't have her dress on any longer. "Is this a nude massage?" He asked, then relaxed.
"It's a sensual massage," Laney answered softly as she kneaded up into his neck, then back down into his shoulders. "Do you want me to put a night shirt on?"
"Oh no. I like you just as you are." Loki mumbled, relaxing more under her touch.
Laney chuckled softly and bent down to place a kiss between Loki's shoulder blades as she began to massage his upper back.
Loki grunted softly when Laney hit a spot just below his left shoulder blade. "I think I have a knot over there." He told her.
"I can feel it," Laney said softly as she focused her attention on the tensed muscle until it loosened. "How is that?"
"Much better." Loki mumbled, fully relaxed now.
"Good." Laney moved to work the middle part of Loki's back, enjoying the groan that sounded throughout the room.
"Can you do the same spot under my right shoulder blade? I feel like it might be knotted up as well." Loki told Laney.
"Of course," Laney murmured as she did as Loki asked her to. "You've been tense a lot lately. I can tell."
"I don't think I'll be so tense now that my perspective is better." Loki admitted. "This feels so good, I could just go to sleep."
"That makes me happy Loki," Laney said softly, then she ran her hands down his back and to his hips, giving them a gentle squeeze.
"Makes me happy too." Loki mumbled, close to falling asleep.
Laney smiled down at Loki and placed lingering kisses along his back. "Go to sleep lover, it's alright."
"Sleep with me." Loki managed to say as he felt Laney lay beside him before he fully drifted off.