A/N: PLEASE REVIEW !after this chapter and the next I wont wright until I get 5 reviews atleast. i want to know what u guys think.. I don't own*sniff**sniff* I am forced to admit that it all belongs to S.M

running home my thoughts were interrupted by Seth phasing and entering my head. "your coming home? man billy's gonna be so freaking glad!" he gushed as he read my thoughts. "you don't know what its been like here without you man!1 Paul is in real need of an ass-kicking, without you here to do it he just gets more obnoxious by the second." he said in disgust. I refrained myself from telling him I knew exactly what its been like since I was in there heads all the time. The thing was though, that now I was more able to control what they saw in my head and what they didn't. It was a lot like what I did with the bloodsucker. "yeah im coming home-for good" I said.

Even in my thoughts my voice sounded different, hoarser,rougher, dead. I could only imagine what it would sound like when I talked. I let Seth go on and on about whats been going on the rez, though I knew already it helped keep my own thoughts at bay. Over the hours I was running Sam phased in a couple of times trying to get me to talk about everything "Bella still on her honeymoon." he said cautiously, I guess to see how I'd react. I grunted in response to that.

" she'll be back soon, to forks I guess they're gonna change her there." he said I could tell he was getting frustrated with me as he ran the patrol by himself. It was quiet as we both ran, so close in our heads but far as hell from each other in every other way."Jacob what is wrong with you?" Sam roared in my head, I didn't even flinch.

"what do you want from me Sam? huh? To cry and whine to you?" I asked in a monotone voice, I heard him growl "no one gets his heartbroken and worse and doesn't have anything to say about that! No one!" he yelled

, it was quiet again as I thought of what to say to that. I had been gone for weeks running, my mind and heart in agony and he called that not saying anything? I had said enough. I" what do you want from me Sam?" I repeated, I heard him sigh " I want- we want the old Jacob back!" he whispered,

It was my turn to growl, the old Jacob? there wasn't one, not anymore, Bella swan had took him with her when she walked out of my life with her new husband. She had broke old Jacob, but out of his ashes had created the 'new' one. Sam heard everything I just thought of and I could feel the sadness evident in him, just before he phased. I just kept running, as much as I loved Sam and my brothers I just wasn't ready to let them into my head for real. the next one to phase was Embry " Jake man, its so good to have you back" he was saying to me as I ran.

I still hadn't feel asleep and was looking for a good place to stop for awhile." I ain't back yet Em." I said "dude we got these two new potential wolf, and one of them Is a girl." he said at that I paused in my running, but only for a second. Another girl wolf was good, for Leah, now she wouldn't feel like so much of a freak, and she'd have someone to talk to now.

" yeah and maybe she'll leave off with her shity attitude." he said annoyed, I chuckled surprising myself. I hadn't laughed in what felt like forever,

and I knew Embry knew that, it was automatically easier between us, it always had been that's why he was my best friend. " and don't you forget it" he said more than a little serious as I realized I had. I had forgotten that I needed my friends, my brothers more than ever and it wasn't fair to push them away. " im just not ready for any of them to know whats really going on Em" I said as I layed down under an old oak tree"i need more time to think things through, but know this I'll never be the jake Sam wants again, I cant be that one." I said" I wont" I whispered. The old Jake was so naive and gullible. To trustworthy and bighearted. To easily used and manipulated. I vowed I would never be that Jacob again, never as I fell asleep under the big oak tree, beneath the stars. And for once in what seemed like along time, I slept, and knew that this was night and in a few hours it would be morning.