Summary: Luke is unsure about Cassie's feelings and how to her approach her about them, but when he impulsively acts on his own emotions, the floodgate is released, for both of them. Things look promising, until tragedy strikes and changes everything.
High school AU, enemies to friends to lovers, slow burn, angst with a happy ending, drug use, mentions of teenage sex, underage drinking, explicit language, teenage drama, canon compliant mild violence, football player Luke, musician Cassie, bed sharing, T1D, diabetes, diabetic ketoacidosis, diabetes diagnosis.
Luke lay in Cassie's bed with his hands behind his head, staring at the ceiling as his mind raced over the conversation they'd had on the lawn last night; the events of the last week; the slow yet fiery, playful yet completely authentic way in which he and Cassie's friendship had developed; and the game meeting he had to attend in a couple of hours. He really wasn't looking forward to that meeting. If he didn't get picked for the team, there was going to be questions to answer and hell to pay from his dad.
Beside him, curled up with the blankets still cocooned around her, Cassie remained asleep. Luke shifted to his side, tucked his arm under his head and watched as her nostrils flared slightly with each breath in and out - the tension in his body relaxing at the sight of her in peaceful slumber.
He was hyper aware of how close they were, their skin almost touching under the covers in the bed, and how much closer they had come in essence recently.
Being sober had added a whole new dimension to his relationship with Cassie and in the last few days he had found himself considering things he would never have imagined.
Like, when she'd offered to "help" him reach oblivion last night, a part of him had wanted to take her up on it.
It was then that he realised he could no longer ignore the feelings he had for Cassie. Feelings he'd never felt before, for anyone. And it wasn't just the emotions - it was becoming harder and harder to ignore the way his body responded to her too. Not that he could separate the two sensations. They were irrevocably intertwined. Woven together in the complex physical, mental and spiritual matrix that made him who he was.
When Cassie stumbled in from work tired and clumsy, he would feel a deep concern and want to hold her, comfort her - keep her safe. When she played her music, he felt so overwhelmed with awe - captivated by her talent and power, that he wanted to lift her up, bow down to her, honour her in whatever way she desired to be honoured. When she challenged him incessantly, he felt motivated to be his best self and torn between walking away from her or shutting her up with a kiss. When they talked, and she truly listened - when she held space for him and saw him for who he really was, he felt a deep sense of belonging, of acceptance, and an insurmountable desire to be one with her. To feel himself inside her, like she was inside his head and his heart, in his blood and his bones. Under his skin.
It was because his feelings, both emotional and physical, were so entangled, that Luke couldn't accept her offer. Not yet, anyway. But he could make a counter offer.
Cassie had made it pretty clear that all she wanted was dick… right? That her needs were basic and that she didn't believe in love. But she had also made herself known otherwise on numerous occasions - lifted some of the barriers she'd erected to protect herself. She'd shown him how much she cared, told him things she hadn't told anybody else, played him her first original song (which may or may not have been about him), compromised herself to stand up for him, and let him lean on her. She had initiated most of their intimate conversations and their intimate touches. Not to mention her appreciation of his physical presence, especially in bed beside her.
It was something he'd put a lot of thought into. Not just overnight, but since their first candid conversation about attraction and feelings, and he'd come to the conclusion that Cassie was full of shit.
She could try to hide it, but not from Luke, not forever.
He just needed to find away to show her, once and for all, that she was safe to be vulnerable with him. That she could re-write her narrative if she wanted to.
She'd unknowingly revealed herself to him, now he just needed to find a way for her to reveal herself, to herself.
But how?
The answer came quicker than Luke expected.
After his dreaded team meeting later that day, Luke was so pumped he did something he hadn't done before. He sought Cassie out at school.
When they'd parted at the car earlier that morning, Cassie had wished him luck with so much hope and sincerity that it felt like the most natural thing in the world - to find her and tell her the verdict. She had been instrumental in his recovery, after all.
"Hey!" he said on approach, as Cassie, Nora and another guy and girl Luke didn't recognise, started heading towards class together.
"Hey yourself," Cassie half-grinned, a little taken aback by his presence. Despite everything that occurred between them privately and their ever-growing closeness, they still didn't interact a tonne at school.
Luke glanced around at Nora and the others, acutely aware of all the activity in the hall. "You got a sec?" he asked Cassie quietly, gesturing towards a small alcove.
"Sure," she said, and they stepped out of the main corridor, but not before Luke noticed Nora raising her eyebrows and waggling them at Cassie. He tried not to laugh.
Luke gripped the strap of his bag with extra intensity, running a hand through his hair as he spoke.
"So… they're letting me play."
Cassie smiled but clasped her hands together in front of her, conflicted. She obviously wanted to rejoice with him, but his ribs were far from healed and he knew that seemed concerning for her.
"I'm starting on the bench. Coach says I really shouldn't be, but it's an important game, one of the guys can't be there, and the other receivers are kinda inexperienced so…" Luke stopped, looked down at the ground and shifted his weight.
"That's great Luke, I mean, that's what you'd hoped for, right?"
"Yeah. I guess," he swallowed and then held her gaze. "I just wanted to say… thank-you."
Cassie shook her head. "For what?"
"For helping me stay sane this week. For keeping me… from going off the rails."
"You did what you did because you wanted to Luke. Nobody else has control over that." She pursed her lips into a proud smile, put a hand on his arm and looked up at him with certainty. "That was all you."
Luke lowered his eyes. Thought about her hand searing through the material of his shirt then stepped a little closer. "Well… thanks for believing in me."
Without warning he leant down and placed a kiss on her cheek. He hadn't planned to - it was impulsive. But once he'd committed, Luke thought, maybe it wasn't such a bad idea. Maybe this was it? This was how he opened the floodgate for her feelings? Encouraged her to see what he saw.
It was only supposed to be a peck, like the kind you might give in greeting to a grandparent or an aunt, but as he got closer and closer, he was overcome with a heightened sense of her. He should have known that would happen, given how he'd been reacting around her lately. His mind flashed to all the times Cassie had initiated intimate contact with him and the thoughts that had mulled around in his head that morning, lying beside her in her bed.
As his lips pressed into her skin, warm and soft, his eyes closed and he exhaled into her hair, then inhaled the scent of her. A scent he was well and truly familiar with now, but in that moment smelt new and invigorating. He knew his lips were lingering and that the kiss had become heavily laced with promise, but he couldn't help himself. All his senses had come alive at once, and his skin seemed to electrify. He'd never felt so stimulated before, so utterly overwhelmed. From a kiss on the cheek?
Christ, what was she doing to him?
When Luke finally drew back, he took in Cassie's face, not sure what to expect.
She looked… as stunned as he felt, but not upset about it. Her mouth opened as if to speak and he found himself mesmerised by the shape and colour of her lips. Suddenly all he could think about was closing in on them, tasting her, breathing her breath as if it were his own. His chest heaved with the realisation and his eyes rose to hers. She wasn't so startled anymore. She was drinking him in too, her eyes were not shy, her jaw was jutted forward like she was urging him to go further, to do exactly what his head was imagining, and his body was yearning.
She appeared to be just as caught up in the moment as him, appeared to want the same thing as him.
And then the bell rang, and they both looked up and away, smiling guiltily, like kids who had been caught with their hands in the cookie jar.
Luke flashed her a sweet grin, both corners of his mouth curling up and exposing his teeth. Then he swallowed and looked behind him, shrugging and gesturing that he should go.
Cassie nodded, touching her cheek and smiling too.
As he walked backwards a few steps, not wanting to take his eyes off her, Luke spoke.
"You should come to the game tonight."
"What, and watch you get pummelled into the ground again?" Cassie grimaced. "I don't think so."
She always tried to hide behind jests, but again, Luke saw through her.
How much she cared. About everything. And everyone. Way too much.
Was he right in thinking that she cared about him? In the way that he wanted her to? After what had just happened, he was pretty convinced. His mind raced again and as he made his way down the corridor to class, he fought to quell it.
He had a whole day of school ahead of him and then a pivotal match to play.
He needed to concentrate.
Cassie went to the game.
In the bleachers her and Nora found Jacob, Jake, Hailey, Spencer and… Marisol.
"Hey ma," Cassie was surprised. "I didn't know you came to Luke's games."
"I've been to every single one of them that I wasn't working. If you didn't work so hard yourself, you'd know that," then she questioned why Cassie wasn't at work that night.
"Oh… ah, we had auditions for the band this afternoon, so I took the night off."
Beside her, Nora raised her eyebrows but didn't look at Cassie. "Liar," she whispered in Cassie's ear, and Cassie nudged her with her elbow.
Just like he'd said he would, Luke started on the bench, much to Jacob's dismay.
"It's his senior year, for Christ's sake," Jacob was about to go down and approach the coach, but Marisol, thank goodness, talked him out of it.
"Maybe they're just resting him, or giving some other kid a chance," she said softly. "They won't keep him off for long."
And they didn't.
A few minutes into the first turnover, one of the staff came and spoke to Luke and he stood up. Just before he put his helmet on, he looked up at the bleachers searching, and when he found Cassie he beamed a radiant closed lip smile, his dimples on full display, even from that far away. He nodded, the tiniest little nod and then pulled his helmet over his head and ran onto the field.
A couple of seats away, Jacob noticed the look. It was the first time his son had ever acknowledged anyone's presence in the stands, and he was certain it was directed at Cassie.
Despite his injury, Luke played a strong game. He was quick off the line, made three tries, ran all his routes and received almost a dozen passes.
All throughout the game, Jake was loud and full of praise for his little brother.
"He's his biggest cheerleader, you know," Hailey told Cassie and Nora at half time and Cassie couldn't help but smile.
"Damn! Luke is on fire tonight! Did you see that slant earlier?" Jake marvelled. "Never seen him move like that before. He's so light on his feet out there and he's making smart choices."
Cassie couldn't help but get pulled into everyone's excitement, but when it came to the tackles, she had to look away several times. The sound of Luke's side connecting with the concrete at the party the other night and the vision of his battered and bruised flesh was still fresh in her mind.
Afterwards, as the team celebrated their win, Armando found Luke in the sea of Pirates players.
He offered his hand, outstretched.
Luke hesitated for a moment, looking sideways, up the bleachers at Cassie, who was too busy entertaining Spencer to notice this time.
He didn't accept Armando's peace offering, but instead tucked his helmet under his arm and put his hands on his hips.
Armando shrugged. "Look man," he started, struggling to make eye contact. "I just wanted to say, you were like a different player out there tonight. I've never seen you catch the ball like that before."
"Thanks," Luke had little time for Armando. He was willing to work with him on the field, for the sake of their team, but outside of that, he wanted nothing to do with him.
"I also wanted to…" Armando looked down at his feet, "…to thank-you. For not saying anything to coach about…"
Luke clenched his jaw and stepped a little closer to his teammate, speaking firmly and resolute. "You wanna thank me…" he glared at the quarterback, "leave Cassie alone." He waited for Armando to acknowledge his request and then Luke turned away, embracing one of the other players with open arms and a wide grin.
Then he made for the rooms. He was happy with his form. Proud of their win. They deserved to celebrate. But all Luke could really think about, was the fact that Cassie had come to the game. That meant something, right?
She was there.
She'd watched him play.
And he'd played his best yet.
All week she'd had his back, all week, and before that too. Even when he was ready to give up on himself, especially when he was ready to give up on himself, Cassie had been there. She had recognised his self-defeat and she had helped drag him out of it.
He didn't want to just play his best football for her. Football wasn't going to be around forever.
Luke wanted to be his best self for her.
For them. Or the promise of them.
Whatever they were. Whatever they might become.
He couldn't wait to get home that night - practically jumped out of the car when his dad pulled up. Cassie had left earlier with Nora and her mum.
Despite all the triumphant revelry in the rooms after the game, Luke could think of nothing but Cassie. The kiss in the corridor. The way she'd reacted. The fact that she'd come to see him play. He was desperate to talk to her, tell her how he felt, hear her perspective.
After dumping his stuff in his room, he found her in their shared bathroom, in fact, he almost walked in on her peeing.
"Could have knocked!" Cassie muttered, kicking the door shut with her foot.
"It was open…" Luke protested from outside the room.
"Yeah, well… I was in a rush." Cassie replied, flushing. "And you weren't here, so…" she came back and opened the door before walking to the sink to wash her hands.
Luke smirked at her and leant in the doorway, not unlike the first time they'd met at the house. But back then he'd been wasted, shirtless, and pretty damn hostile.
"Has anyone ever told you that you pee a lot?" he remarked.
"Yeah… you. Numerous times," Cassie dried her hands and pulled her hair up into a loose, messy ponytail, preparing to brush her teeth.
"I'm glad you made it to the game," Luke changed tack, stepping into the room a little more, his eyes roaming.
Cassie turned and leant back into the basin, her hands on the edge of the sink, the rings on her fingers tapping against the porcelain. Luke felt himself hone in on all the intricate details in the space - every sound, every scent, every movement, like they were the special effects of a film scene – enhancing the moment, highlighting the two of them, and the magnetism between them.
"How is it that you apparently played your best game with two broken ribs?" Cassie teased, tilting her chin up, giving him the perfect view of her lips and neck.
"You sound impressed," he teased back, stepping closer still.
"Were you trying to impress me?" Cassie's lips curled into a smile. Luke was close enough now to see that without her make-up on, she had dark bags under her eyes and her complexion was paler than usual. "Because you know that macho bravado bullshit doesn't-"
"Hey, Cass, turn around for a sec." Luke's eyebrows had knitted with concern, and he was looking beyond her, behind her, into the mirror. As she turned around, Luke reached out and gently fingered the strap of her singlet top to the side, the touch too abrupt and hurried for his liking - not how he had imagined touching her, just seconds ago.
Cassie flinched.
"Sorry," he breathed. "You ok?"
She nodded, pushing her ponytail out of his way and trying to peer at what he was doing at the same time.
He inhaled sharply when he saw it up close, and then let out a pensive "hmmm."
"What?" Cassie looked at him.
"Your tattoo, Cassie. It's really red. And raw. I think it's infected."
"It's supposed to be red though right?" She grabbed her shoulder and tried to pull and twist to look at the ink.
"Here, let me." Luke slid his phone out of his pocket and took a photo for her. "Mine is nothing like that," he flashed his wrist. "Is it sore?"
"I haven't noticed it." Cassie shrugged. "My body heals slow; it's just how it is."
"I don't know Cassie," Luke studied it one last time. "You kinda look like shit."
"Oh… thanks."
"No… I mean, you look tired, or maybe… sick?"
"I am tired," she huffed a little, looking at her own reflection.
Luke stepped back, widened his shoulders. "You should go to bed," he said, masking the disappointment he felt. He really wanted to talk to her, confirm his suspicions. But not at the expense of her health. Never that.
"Yeah," Cassie looked at him through the mirror. "You wanna come with me?" Luke's mouth dropped a little and Cassie turned to take him in properly. "I mean, we can just… cuddle, if that's what you want."
Luke paused, moved in again, reaching for his toothbrush but focusing all his attention on her.
"Maybe we should talk about what happened at school today first?" His voice got lower. "In the corridor, when I -?"
"Can we not?" Cassie said softly, biting her lip. "Can we just… savour it, for a little while longer? Before you dissect it?"
Luke looked at her stunned. Toyed with his ear.
"Savour it?" His voice rose a little.
"Yeah," Cassie yawned, rubbing her arms and tucking them around her.
"Okay…" Luke nodded, his eyes never leaving hers. "Yeah." He was more than content with her response. She wanted to savour it. That meant something, right? It had felt good, and she wanted to remember it. Not analyse it, not think about it, just… let it sit?
He could do that. He could give her that.
And he could give her cuddles too. Cuddles were good. Cuddles with Cassie were… really good.
"Promise me you'll go get your tatt checked out," Luke said after they'd brushed their teeth, dressed for bed and were climbing under the covers together.
"Okay, I promise," Cassie sighed tiredly, holding up her pinkie finger.
This time, Luke obliged.
In the morning, while Cassie remained asleep, Luke leaned in and kissed her forehead before he got up, quietly crept to the door and closed it gently behind him, a warm tender smile encompassing his entire face.
He wore that smile until he emerged from his own room, ready for the game review, and entered the kitchen for breakfast.
His dad's face wiped it clear away. He'd only seen that expression one other time in his life. When he'd crashed his car not long ago.
He wasn't prepared for it. Or the reason it had been unleashed.
"Are you…" Jacob struggled to contain his anger. "Are you taking advantage of her?" he gritted his teeth.
"I don't know what you're talkin' bout," Luke muttered.
"I saw you leave Cassie's room just before." Luke stopped what he was doing. Froze. "Just for once, tell me the truth. Are you…?" Jacob shook his head and covered his eyes with his hand. "Are you sleeping with her?"
"Yes - I mean no!" Luke rushed to respond. "It's not like that."
"Jesus christ Luke. What exactly is it like?" Jacob seethed.
Luke looked at his feet. There seemed to be no way out of this. "You wouldn't understand."
Jacob took a deep breath in and out again through his nose. "Look, I know this is has been hard for you. Your mother passing and… Marisol and I. But I care about her Luke, really care about her and we are trying to make something out of this. Yet you seem hell bent on destroying that. And with… with Cassie? Damnitt Luke. She doesn't deserve to be used like that - as a tool to piss me off!" Jacob was yelling through his teeth, trying to keep his voice down but his emotions were getting the better of him.
"It's not like that," Luke said firm and aggressive. "I would never – "
They were interrupted by noise in the master bedroom and Marisol entering the room. Blissfully unaware of the more than usual tension between the two men, she went straight to the coffee maker and started talking to Luke about his game the night before.
"You must be proud of your efforts last night. I know Jacob is," she finished, and then casually commented on the lack of Cassie's presence in the room. "It's not like her to sleep in," she said cheerfully, walking a little way up the hall and calling out her daughter's name.
Jacob glared at Luke over his own coffee mug, his face a mixture of disappointment, concern and disgust.
Whatever pride he'd felt over his son's game performance last night, was non-existent now.
"You're quiet," Cassie said as she drove. He'd been looking out the window the entire time, his head full of shame and self-loathing. "Is everything okay?"
"You know I'd never do anything to drive your mum and my dad apart right? Despite what I said when I was fucked up."
Cassie nodded, unsure where this was coming from. Luke hadn't told her about the confrontation with his dad. She'd woken a little later than usual, missing Luke's presence in her bed, and despite getting at least seven hours of slumber, she still felt unrested and her head felt fuzzy.
"You know I don't hate your mum right?"
"Okay…" Cassie glanced over at him as she navigated traffic.
"I actually kind of envy you guys. The way she gives you space – the way you respect each other," he looked over at her, eyes earnest. "It's just… she's not my mum, you know."
Cassie knew.
"And I would never intentionally do anything to hurt you. Ever."
Cassie was getting worried now. She pulled into the school carpark and turned off the ignition.
"Luke, what's going on?"
"Nothing." He looked at his feet. "I just… I just really needed you to know… all of that."
Cassie ducked her head to look into his eyes, her hand finding his knee, only this time, when he placed his hand on top of hers, she didn't withdraw it. Instead, she let him clasp his fingers in hers.
"My mum would have liked you," Luke smiled sadly, his mouth twitching up in one corner. He wished they could have met, and yet the irony of that was not lost on him. If it wasn't for his mum dying, and his dad hooking up with Marisol, Cassie would not have come into his life.
"Oh yeah?" she tried and failed to hide a tired smile.
"You love your family fiercely," Luke explained. "She did too." He sucked in a deep breath and let it out again. "I always knew with her, that no matter what," Luke sniffed, his voice faltering as he scrunched his eyebrows together and squared his jaw, trying to hold back tears. "No matter what I did..." despite his efforts his eyes began to water "she'd still love me." A tear or two rolled down his cheek and he nodded, as if giving himself permission to let it out. "All of me."
How was it possible that his mum and dad could parent so different?
Cassie unclasped her fingers and lifted her hand to his cheek, cupping the side of his face, and drawing it to her. With her thumb, she swiped across the shimmering tear streaks, her eyes on his eyes the entire time.
"How could she not?" Cassie half whispered, and then she drew him into her and leaned over at the same time, planting a soft kiss on his lips - her sweet breath and his wet, salty mouth mingling. At first, Luke was shocked, but he quickly came to his senses when she started to remove her mouth from his, sliding one hand across her collarbone and gently pressing his long fingers into the nape of her neck, encouraging her back to him. His fingers trailed through the wispy hairs at the base of her skull. His thumb hooked under her ear, rubbing softly back and forwards across her jaw and cheek and down to her mouth as they kissed again, this time more hungrily, Luke's nose nudging her top lip up and open.
Cassie tilted her head back ever so slightly, welcoming his tongue. Her eyes fluttered shut and a small, contented sigh escaped her as their mouths parted momentarily. Her submissiveness to the kiss both surprised and excited him. All he could think about was dragging her over to him, onto his lap. He wanted her to feel what she did to him, feel his heart beating through his chest like the bass line of one of her songs, tying all the sensations together. Wanted her to feel the blood pulsing through his body, helping him to relax and soften in some places, and harden in others. He wanted her to play him, like she did her piano, wanted her hands all over him and his all over her.
It was feverish, just like she said it would be, and Luke didn't want it to stop, but the universe had other plans.
A loud thumping on the bonnet of the car brought them back to reality, and they pulled apart in shock, both of them looking at each other with lips swollen and eyes enlarged, and then turned their attention to the front of the Subaru.
"Ahhh…" Frankie stood there with his hands beside him, palms flayed open, questioning. "You two done in there?" He didn't seem the least surprised about what he may or may not have just witnessed. "We got a review to go to bro."
While Luke hustled for his gear, Cassie sat biting her lip and fidgeting with the rings on her fingers. He turned to her as he reached for the door handle, dazed and breathless.
"I'll see you later?" he said. Wanting to say so much more.
"Yeah," Cassie agreed, her face glowing. "I'll see you later."
Later turned out to be a lot sooner than Luke had anticipated.
Sitting at home after the game review was painstaking. His head was noisy, his muscles trembled and his nerves were shot. After a week of withdrawal, he recognised the signs, but the knowing didn't make it any easier.
Thankfully his dad wasn't around, but waiting for Cassie to get home from work wasn't helping. He knew it was desperate, but he decided to go to the bar and surprise her. Maybe they could go to the beach after, and talk, where they'd be free from his dad's scrutiny. He didn't know. He was a mess.
As soon as he got there, he felt uneasy. The bar was packed. There were people milling outside, smoking and drinking. He could tell some of them were wasted, without even looking closely. Luke clenched his fists and strode into the venue, the security guard not even asking to check his ID. He followed the sound of the music to the front bar, believing, deep within his core that once he saw Cassie's face, once he locked eyes on her, he'd be okay. His resolve would be strengthened.
When he finally saw the stage, it was him who got a surprise.
Cassie was sitting on a barstool at the mic.
She'd told him she didn't do lead vocals for this band, yet there she was, about to begin a song.
Luke leant against the bar, right at the back, behind the sea of bodies.
Something inside him stirred as Cassie reached for the microphone and released a string of long sultry sentences before launching into the heart of the song.
"I hate the way you say my name
I hate your picture-perfect lips on mine
If I could, I'd cut the breaks
I hate that I can't help but stay all night
When you look at me, I'll have to turn my face
If I look too long, I'll never look away
Babe, I wasn't praying for a saving grace
Unfold your fingers, let's go back to nothing."
The way she read the room was electrifying.
She was an absolute superstar, and the crowd couldn't get enough of her vibe, let alone the song.
It had to be an original. It was too close to home not to be.
At the end of the song the band took a break. Cassie spent a few minutes chatting with them on the stage before making her way towards the bar, chugging a glass of water and reaching for her apron. It was then that she spotted Luke, leaning against the wall at the corner of the bar, staring at her.
"What are you doing here?" she said with furrowed brows as she came up to him.
"I wanted to see you, on stage. Watch you perform."
Cassie looked concerned. "You shouldn't have come."
Luke withdrew his head and raised his eyebrows at her. "Is this about this morning, in the car, 'cause I think we need to - ?"
"No," Cassie pulled him aside, into the same hallway where she'd first bumped into him all those months ago. Funnily enough she was feeling just as tired tonight as she did then, if not more so. "It's just, not the best place to be, when you're… abstaining."
"You think I'll be tempted."
"It's not that I don't trust you," Cassie asserted him. "But you know Johnno frequents this place, Luke. He's like a leech. He'll just attach himself and never let go."
"I'll be okay, but thanks for your concern" Luke reached out and clasped her fingers in his. "Are you singing with the band now?" he changed the subject.
"You heard that?" Cassie grinned, showing off her gums.
"Yeah," he smiled back. "It was one of yours, right?
Cassie bit her lip. "Um… yeah, I just finished it this afternoon."
"Cassie, that's… incredible. I mean, this afternoon?"
She shrugged. "I've been working on it for a little while now, but I guess I was feeling inspired today," she looked directly at him when she said it.
"Oh yeah?" his mouth twitched in the corner. "And just like that, you finished it?"
"Uh huh." Cassie nodded. "The band were here early and caught me practicing. They persuaded me to let them try it out. We played it a few times and they asked to add it to the set, with me on vocals."
Luke shook his head, amazed. "It was brilliant Cassie. Raw. Personal."
"Yeah?" her eyes darted to his lips and then back up again. "Not too personal, I hope?"
Was that her way of admitting it was about him?
"Are you calling me your muse, Cassie Salazar?" he stood up straighter and rocked his shoulders back and forth, the motion bringing him closer to her.
"No!" She laughed and pulled him in with their entwined hands. "Okay… maybe a little."
Luke's eyes darkened. He could sense her awakening to her feelings more and more as the day went on and it was doing things to him he couldn't fathom.
"I was hoping to maybe hang around 'till the end of your shift, and then we could, I dunno, get something to eat, or go someplace to talk."
"We can talk at home, Luke."
"Yeah…" he paused. "I know. I just, didn't really wanna be there, tonight."
Even as he spoke, he felt his phone vibrate in his pocket. He quickly checked the notification. It was his dad.
Jacob.
Where are you? We need to finish our conversation from this morning. NOW.
Shit.
He'd really fucked that up earlier. Now, not only was his dad ashamed of him, but he also thought he was some kind of home-wrecking creep.
Way to go Morrow.
"I gotta get back to work," Cassie said with a sigh, dropping his hand reluctantly. "I'll be another couple of hours at least. If you wanna hang around, great, but stay out of trouble, okay?"
"Okay," he mock saluted her.
Luke wanted to tell her that he was willing to do whatever it took to be with her. Starting with getting clean. He'd made a good start on that, with her help. And he was feeling confident he could continue.
Until trouble came looking for him. Trouble in the form of Johnno Ippolito.
At first Luke had been polite. Friendly even. But when Johnno didn't get the message, and continued to harass him, Luke got up and left, not wanting to cause a scene and draw attention to himself or Cassie at her place of work. He tried to be discreet but just as he ducked out through the hallway, Cassie saw from across the room as she waited one of the tables.
From where she stood, Luke looked aggravated - his movements rigid and unnatural. She watched as Johnno stepped into the hallway close behind him, an uncomfortable feeling of déjà vu inching over her.
Cassie strode to the bar, untied her apron, asked her colleague to cover for her and followed the two guys into the night.
Outside in the carpark, Johnno started up on Luke the minute they walked out the door.
"So what? You think you're changed now huh?" Johnno snorted, "a few days sober and all of a sudden you're a better man?"
Luke led them to a corner of the building, as far away from the back entrance as possible.
"Nah dude…" Johnno continued, "the only thing that makes you better is this shit." He took a couple of clear packets out of his pocket and waved them at Luke. "I got a new package in, and this stuff is A grade man. Believe me, you're not gonna wanna miss out on it."
"I told you already," Luke was firm. "I'm not interested." He looked at the ground as he spoke, not at Johnno, and definitely not at the oxy.
He could feel his hands shaking, and he tucked them under his arms.
"This wouldn't have anything to do with that bitch Salazar?" Johnno spat. "I saw you two, holding hands like grade schoolers," he cackled. "You boning her? You know you're definitely not the first, right man?"
"Don't talk about her like that," Luke stepped forward. He could feel the wrath rising in his stomach and his throat. His blood boiling beneath his skin.
"Why?" Johnno taunted him. "You got feelings for her? Damn man, don't waste your time. Girl is the original ice queen. Ask any of the guys she's fucked…"
Luke lunged forward, crowding into Johnno and thrusting his hand into the base of the shorter guy's throat.
"I said…" he spoke through his teeth. "Don't talk about her like that."
Johnno gagged under Luke's grip and realising what he was doing Luke slowly released him, staggering backwards and looking at his hands. What was he thinking? Johnno was a loose cannon. Engaging with him like this was not a good idea. Behind him a familiar voice brought Luke further down to earth.
"Luke?" Cassie questioned calmly.
He looked over his shoulder, intending to deter her away but as he did he caught a glimpse of Johnno pulling something metallic from the waistband of his pants.
Cassie saw the gun too and this time when she said Luke's name, it was a lot louder and more insistent.
"Nobody puts their fuckin' hands on me…" Johnno slurred as he waved the gun about and then brought it up to click the safety off and loosely aim it.
Luke acted immediately, diving into Johnno's mid-section and pushing his loaded arm off target, but as he did Johnno reacted and squeezed the trigger.
The sound sent shockwaves through Luke, but what he saw when he looked up after pulling himself away from Johnno made his nostrils flare and his eyes enlarge. A tight, restricting sensation crept up his throat and across his chest and he struggled to breath. He fought against it, and his instinct to freeze.
"Cassie!" he roared, racing towards her, her body slumped against the boot of a parked car. Behind them Johnno scrambled away, grabbing his gun, clutching at his side and swearing under his breath. A few people emerged from the pub and one of the security guards from the back entrance started running towards them.
"Cassie?" Luke placed a hand on her shoulder and gently coaxed her away from the car, at the same time scanning her body for any sign of blood. "Are you hit? Cassie! Answer me, damnitt!"
Cassie's eyes fluttered open briefly and she shook her head with all the energy she could muster, "I'm… okay," her breathing was rapid, shallow. "I'm… thirsty… Luke… I need…" she slumped into his arms and her hand dropped by her side.
"No, no, no, no, no… Cassie! Cassie! I'm here okay, I'm here, I got you." He slung her arms over his shoulder and lifted her up off the ground, grabbing her bag and plonking it on the car boot.
"Keys, keys, keys," he muttered furiously, his heart racing, hands shaking as he tried desperately to stay calm and clear headed.
As he did, the security guard arrived. "What the hell happened man? I heard gunfire, has she been shot?"
Luke shook his head, searching the car park for Cassie's car. "I-I don't think so…" he stuttered. "I can't find any blood, and she's not in pain."
When Luke spotted the Subaru he grabbed Cassie's bag and stormed towards it with her in his arms.
"Then what is it man? Is she in shock? You gotta lay her down, lift her legs up."
"No, I don't know. I-it's not just that… she's really weak and I don't think she's getting enough air, she's barely conscious. I gotta get her to the hospital."
"Let me call an ambulance."
"I'm not waiting for them, by the time they get here…" Luke didn't want to think about the outcome.
The security guard unlocked Cassie's car for Luke and wound the passenger seat back. Together they managed to drape her in position and strap her seatbelt on. Cassie couldn't put words together, but she reached feebly for her bag and when Luke found a bottle of water she signalled for him to help her drink. She could barely keep it down.
"Cassie, I'm gonna get you help, okay, just… try and stay with me, alright. You can do that, okay?"
He jumped in the driver's seat and inhaled deeply. It'd been a while since he'd been behind the wheel of a car, and the last time… he tried not to bring that to the forefront of his mind. It wasn't relevant. He could do this. For Cassie.
At the hospital Luke pulled into the emergency park and raced around to the passenger side, calling for help and carrying her out as gently as he could. Now fully unconscious, her head slumped over his arm and her pale lifeless form felt terrifying and foreign to him. The impression of her dead weight in his arms would haunt him forever.
In the foyer the staff transferred her onto a bed and triaged her, immediately directing her to a treatment room. One nurse assessed Cassie's state and another asked Luke a seemingly endless string of questions, ones he tried to answer as accurately as he could, holding Cassie's hand the entire time.
There were so many questions. A physician entered and asked more. Luke's head whirred busily as everything tried to work together – receiving and processing, gathering and divulging all at the same time as his heart surged with adrenaline, his stomach caved with emptiness and his body moved on automatic. His eyes never leaving Cassie's frame.
In the treatment room, Luke was asked to step aside as they did more assessments and set up equipment. Standing their helpless, watching as Cassie was attached to all kinds of medical paraphernalia, Luke succumbed to the blur and the bright lights and the overwhelming chaos of it all, dropping his head in his hands and sobbing a little. One of the nurses noticed him and guided him to a chair.
"Is there anybody you need to call?" she asked kindly.
Shit. Shit. Shit.
Sitting by Cassie's bed in the small austere room, Luke's body and brain felt separate from him, disconnected. He hadn't been in a hospital since his mum had passed. It was a place plastered with negative associations and memories he'd spent over a year trying to suppress. As if the events that had led them here tonight weren't bad enough, he was also dealing with the past and the emotions it brought up for him. Not to mention the constant reminders of the very thing he used to cope - the prescription drugs that had led him to Johnno, who ironically, had led he and Cassie back here.
Being in this place, Luke was fighting a constant barrage of sensations. Sensations that were making him feel nauseous and helpless. But he pushed on. Because this was about Cassie, not him.
When Marisol and his dad entered, Luke stood up out of his chair, took a deep breath and squared his jaw, preparing for the onslaught. But it didn't arrive. Instead, Marisol stepped towards him, squeezed his upper arm, and tried to reassure him with a frail smile, before she turned to her daughter lying inert on the bed. Jacob came to stand by Marisol's side, not even acknowledging Luke as he took in Cassie's motionless form.
Luke sat back down, a torrent of feelings gutting him. His father couldn't even look him in the eye. Without even knowing the circumstances, Jacob assumed he was at fault. Well, he was right, Luke supposed. Tonight's events cemented everything his father believed about him. If it wasn't for Luke, his habit, his reckless abandon and selfish motivations – Cassie wouldn't be here, in this position.
After everything that had happened in the last two days - him wanting to prove to her that he could be trusted, that she could rely on him, love him even - he'd failed her.
The physician returned, confirmed who they were and began filling them in.
To Luke's surprise, she gestured towards him as she spoke.
"Your daughter is very lucky, Ms Salazar," the doctor was serious. "If this young man hadn't acted as quickly as he did and brought her in when he did, she could have been in a much more unstable situation."
Luke stared at the floor, squeezing his clasped fingers together, his leg jigging up and down nervously.
"He was also instrumental in helping us diagnose Cassie's condition. Without his knowledge of her symptoms, it would have taken us a lot longer to come to a conclusion and administer the treatment she urgently needed."
"Condition, what condition?" Marisol's face was etched with confusion and fear.
Luke stood up again, listening intently to what the doctor had to say, his eyes on Cassie. Until now they hadn't given him anything to go on.
"We're still running tests, Ms Salazar, but we believe you daughter is suffering from diabetic ketoacidosis."
"What does that mean?" Jacob asked, one hand on his hip, the other across Marisol's shoulders.
"Diabetic?" Marisol put her hands to her cheeks, and then covered her mouth, shaking her head. "I-I had no idea!" She looked at Luke with renewed interest. "You recognised this in her?"
Luke shook his head, it was the first time he'd heard any of this. His brain was still buzzing from the adrenaline and all the questions they'd asked him. Questions, questions and more questions. Only now was he realising how specific some of them had been.
"We'll have more answers in a few days," the physician concluded. "But in the meantime, we're very closely monitoring her blood glucose levels, amongst other things"
"When will she wake?" Marisol asked, tearful.
"When she's ready. She needs her rest, but be assured, she's been responsive once or twice since we started treatment, and her vitals are improving rapidly. She's a fighter."
The doctor went on to explain that they'd be moving Cassie to a ward for the rest of the night, and then she left, ushering in one of the nurses to answer any further questions.
Luke really didn't want to leave Cassie's side, but he'd made up his mind – he had to go. The place was reducing him to a nervous wreck, and besides, Cassie didn't need him now. She had her mum - her everything. There was no space for him here. His dad had made that abundantly clear.
He would give just about anything to see her eyes open before he left though, to hear her voice. God, that voice - it had become his daily elixir. How he wished to hold her hand again, like Marisol was now. To kiss her cheek and inhale the scent of her, just like yesterday, in the school corridor. Was it really only yesterday? Right then, it seemed like a lifetime ago.
More than anything he wanted to speak to her before he went, to explain why he was leaving. But he couldn't do that now, not with his dad and Marisol in the room.
Luke stepped through the curtain divider and pulled Cassie's car keys from his pocket, caressing them as he thought about all their trips to school and the conversations they'd shared, their bickering and the moments they'd got vulnerable with each other. Just as he was about to leave, Jacob stepped out as well. He took one look at the keys in Luke's hand and started laying into him.
"Is that how you got her here? You drove? Without a license? What were you thinking? What if you had crashed the car, just like you did last time? You could have killed her Luke."
Luke scrunched his eyebrows together, baffled and broken. Had his dad even been listening to the doctor? Yeah, it had been impulsive, and it had also saved Cassie's life. What exactly did he have to do to appease the man? Sometimes, it seemed like he could never be enough for his father.
"Where were you two anyway?" Jacob continued. "I messaged you. Why didn't you respond? What the hell Luke? I just… I can't with you!" He crossed his arms in front of him. "You know, your mother would be ashamed to see you right now."
Luke let out a huff like he'd been punched in the gut. His face twisted in agony.
"Jacob!" Marisol snapped the divider out of her way and stood between the two of them. "Jacob please. Not now," she wrapped her hand around his, grounding him.
Luke squared his shoulders, glanced at them both and took one last, long look at Cassie lying on the bed. Then he lowered his head and walked out.
"Where are you going?" Jacob called, but Marisol drew him in, back to the room, back to their bedside vigil.
Luke went someplace he'd been too scared to go before. A place he'd avoided because being there would mean accepting the greatest loss of his life. Being there would mean owning his mistakes and taking responsibility for the path he had chosen to take. Being there would mean… saying goodbye.
He was surprised to see fresh flowers adorning the headstone and the gravesite well-tended. But maybe he shouldn't have been. For all his dad's failings as a parent, his saving grace was his wholehearted love for their mother.
Kneeling on the ground with one leg, Luke placed a hand in the grass, his tribute tattoo clearly visible, and stared at his mother's name engraved into the thick, spotless marble.
"I miss you like hell, mum," he said to the stone. "I hope you know that."
Luke stayed like that for some time, letting the tears roll down his face and allowing the memories to flood back in. Memories he'd spent a long time and taken a lot of drugs to forget.
"I made a friend," Luke sniffed looking up at the hazy pre-dawn sky, thinking of Cassie. "She's really important to me and… I thought I'd lost her…" he smiled sadly, regret washing over him as the last of the adrenaline left his body and he realised – in a way, he had still lost her.
Naively, he'd thought that getting rid of the oxy, would somehow magically mean getting rid of all the shit in his life, clearing the path so he could start anew. But Johnno had followed him; he'd put Cassie in danger and he still couldn't do right in the eyes of his dad.
In the last week, Cassie had helped him believe in a version of himself that he couldn't imagine before, helped him think that he was worthy. But after his encounter with Johnno, he knew now that it was going to take a lot more work than just getting the drugs out of his life to get himself on a path he could be proud of. To stop hurting the people he loved by dragging them into his suffering. To be the person Cassie deserved. He stood up, took a deep breath, surveyed the cemetery around him, smiled and nodded.
"I love you," Luke said to his mother's headstone, but he wasn't just saying it to her.
Then he drove home, packed his things and left.
This chapter nearly killed me! Thanks for being patient. I hope it delivers. I worked so hard to get this right... and I would love to hear what you think about it! Thanks for sticking with this fic. More uploads soon, I hope, don't want to keep you hanging for too long!