An Empress Has To Shine: Elisabeth

After that night I always looked for him. Der Tod. I knew that he was there, in the shadows, just out of sight, watching me. A part of myself regretted not telling Franz about Der Tod, but I knew that it would seem crazy, and I did not want to drive Franz away, not now, when had just been brought together.

The brief honeymoon period after the wedding went by quickly, and soon I was put under the command of the Archduchess Sophie. Because I was not a princess by birth, I was to be trained by the Archduchess, made into royalty.

This was easier said than done. The Archduchess had me swamped by ladies-in-waiting from the moment she began training me. Every day, they followed me, the Archduchess barking out orders and correcting every little thing I did wrong. I had to learn how to stand straight, how to walk correctly, to hold a fan properly. The Archduchess would always fuss about my posture, and would often make me stand with my back against a wall for hours, trying to improve the alignment of my spine.

I could have endured the watchfulness, the rules, the repeated reprimands, if only Franz hadn't suddenly seemed to have almost disappeared from my life.

He had been completely caught up in his duties as Emperor, and I only saw him when he came into our room very late at night, exhausted and sometimes irritable. I understood at the time of our engagement the weight of his duties, but I had not expected to be completely separated from him at all times.

I knew the Archduchess didn't like me, from the very first moment I met her I knew that she would never warm to me. At times it was almost like she took pleasure ordering me about, setting outrageous goals and rules for me to follow.

I lay in bed one night, staring at the ceiling, thoughts whirling around in my head. It seemed that even when I closed my eyes I could hear the Archduchess' voice, barking orders and throwing out snide remarks to me.

I sighed, rolling onto my side and pressing my pillow around my ears attempting to block out my thoughts of her. My eyes fell on the empty pillow next to mine, and I closed my eyes a moment. I had only seen Franz once that day, and it had only been for a brief second as we passed in the hallway. I wondered if this would be the life that I was going to live from now on, governed by rules and traveling through that life alone…or so it seemed.

The next morning I awoke to the sound of loud voices outside of my door. I sat up slowly, pulling my hair back out of my eyes with my hand. I could hear some of the servants moving about just outside of the room.

"The Archduchess is approaching! Where is The Empress?"

"Why is she coming now? Usually she awaits The Empress in one of the other chambers!"

I slowly swung my legs over the side of the bed, grabbing my thin outer robe and slipping my arms into as the voices suddenly stopped. I heard the Archduchess' voice now, cold and even, cutting through the silence of the early morning.

"Where is the Empress?"

"Still sleeping your highness."

I shook my head as I pulled open the door to my room, stepping out into the hallway.

"What's going on?" I asked slowly, as everyone who had gathered outside of the room turned to look at me. I saw the Archduchess shake her head slightly as she walked towards me, the cold look in her eyes clashing the seeming calm in her voice.

"My dear child, you can't sleep in that long."

"Why?"

She leaned in a bit closer to me, her voice just barely above a whisper as she answered me.

"I won't have any laziness from you."

"But I was tired…"

"The day starts punctually at 5 a.m. in the morning with the stroke of the bell, as I have told you repeatedly."

I shook my head, biting my tongue against the argument I had for the Archduchess.

"Come now Elisabeth…..Empress…there is much to do." With that the Archduchess swept into my room, followed close behind by four servants. I sighed, willing myself to take a deep breath to calm myself as I followed them all inside.

I went and stood by the window as the Archduchess was selecting different dresses from the closet and having them laid out on my bed. I wrinkled my nose as one of the servants laid out a large pink dress with many frills and bows and other uncomfortable things.

As I looked back out the window, my eyes fell on the vast pastures that surrounded the palace. I could make out of the stagehands leading a fine, chocolate mare out into the fields. I smiled, remembering how much I had loved riding back at my family's home. It had always helped me to relax and ease any tensions that had come up during the day.

"I think I would like to go horseback riding today. I hadn't realized how extensive the riding area was around the Palace."

"No," the Archduchess replied immediately as a servant lead me to stand in front of the large mirror in my room to begin dressing me.

"That is too vulgar and risky. You cannot behave that way as an Empress, it is disgusting."

"Why not?" I asked as I held my arms out the side and resisted the urge to roll my eyes or clench my fists at what the Archduchess had just said.

"You can't do what is not permitted by protocol." She began to explain as another maid began taking a dress off of the bed one at a time and holding them up in front of me, attempting to determine the correct outfit for the day.

"An Empress has to shine, and only see to her duty, which is to keep the dynasty alive. She must sacrifice everything," as she said this last sentence she glared at me, her lip curling in what looked almost like a sneer.

Suddenly she strode toward me, coming to a stop just in front of me and grabbing my chin in her hand.

"Show me your teeth!"

"My…..teeth?"

"Ugh, is it so hard for you to do this!? Open your mouth!" Reluctantly I opened my mouth and let her look at my teeth. I did not enjoy how close she was to my face, or how hard her fingers were gripping my chin.

"They are too yellow, we'll have to do something about them," she said disdainfully, releasing her grip on me. I could not restrain myself from making my next comment,

"Am I a horse!?" I asked angrily, gingerly rubbing my chin.

"Of course not…only a Pony."

I locked eyes with her, giving her a glare of my own. I put my hand up to stop the servant from holding up the next dress, stepping away from the mirror, still keeping eye contact with the Archduchess.

"Everyone has to train all the time! Rules rules rules, nothing but rules! Is there no freedom at all in this place? Everything I want is forbidden to me, even my husband!"

I could no longer keep all of my emotions inside, taking her remarks, her subtle blows and sneering attitude. I couldn't stand it.

She however, simply stood, watching me. She shook her head slowly, a tiny smile on her lips. When she spoke, it was very clear and even, as though she were speaking to a child.

"I want you to be an Empress, that is all. You are too wild, and have not been raised properly, that's why I must teach you everything I know about being a proper Empress."

"No…no I don't think that's all you're doing. I think you're jealous of me!" I saw her nostrils flare when I said this, and I noticed a glint her eye as she spoke next.

"Jealous of…you? That's ridiculous!" But I knew that I had struck a nerve in her.

"I want…"

"You will learn first to be modest!"

"You're not listening to me! I want…Franz!"

He had just walked into the room, a confused look on his face as he sensed the tension in the room. I ran to him, grasping his hands in mine and placing my head on his chest.

"Thank God you're here! Please Franz, help me! Your mother is torturing me!"

"I'll teach you manners!" I heard the Archduchess bark behind me, "leave her to me my son."

I looked up at him, imploring him with my eyes to stay. Until now I had not realized just how much I didn't fit in, and how intent the Archduchess was on pointing that fact out to me as much as she could. I needed Franz Joseph now more than ever, he was my rock, with him it seemed as though nothing could go wrong.

I saw him look at me a moment, glance up at his mother, and then look back at me. He looked down a moment at where my hands grasped his, taking a deep breath before he spoke.

"I…would like to be on your side, but…it would be better for both of us if you would take the advice of my mother."

I stood there a moment in disbelief, simply staring at him. I could not believe what I had just heard. I had cried out to him, begged him to help, to be here for me, and he had refused.

He took a step away from me, releasing my hands and giving me a small bow before walking past me to leave the room. As he passed the Archduchess I heard her whisper to him

"Be dominant, be strong…"

I saw him shake his head slightly before he continued walking briskly out of the room. I stood where I was, staring at the door where he had just disappeared, a bit in shock.

"So…you abandon me?"

Even though my voice was just above a whisper, and I was the only person in the room who heard what I had said, I couldn't help but hope that my words had still somehow reached his ears.