Urg. School is kicking my posterior. Yet I continue to update, albeit at a snail's pace. Note: hyphens (-) indicate Genma talking as a panda. I usually use brackets, but fanfiction's html doesn't allow for that. Grr.
Ranma's conversation with Cologne wasn't going as well as he had hoped. He'd only been talking with her for five minutes and already he felt like he was fighting a losing battle. "Son-in-law," Cologne had risen from her cushion, "normally I wouldn't resort to such measures, but it looks like you're going to make me force my hand."
Ranma gave a long-suffering groan. "Oh please granny, sure I agreed to go to China for you," okay, he had already lost the battle, "but there's NO WAY I'm stopping by your crazy village to send your greetings."
A vehement response awaited him. "Ranma not talk that way about Joketsuzoku!" A purple-haired girl with a strong and, depending on who you asked, fairly annoying accent, stood by Ranma's side. "You no insult future in-laws!" Shampoo had finished her deliveries for the Neko Hanten and sped over to the Tendo's in record time, leaving Mousse to dutifully clean shop.
Ranma turned an exasperated face to Shampoo. "Gimme a break Shampoo, I-"
"Yes Ranma, by all means don't insult those future in-laws," Akane said coldly. At Shampoo's arrival she had re-entered the living room, and now inched closer to Ryouga for show.
Shampoo gave Akane a frigid look. "You butt out, violent girl! This nothing to do with you!"
"Well, maybe not the Amazons," Akane admitted graciously, then yelled, "BUT YOU'RE IN MY HOUSE YOU CHINESE BIMBO!"
Shampoo seemed taken aback and it took her all of one millisecond to respond. "You want fight? I challenge you!"
Ranma immediately sprang between his smoldering fiancé and the Chinese warrior, hands held out just in case either of them decided to try and slip past him. "Uh, I think enough damage's been done for the day. Look, Shampoo, don't fight Akane, you know it wouldn't be fair-" Ranma realized he'd said the wrong words just before Akane whirled on the hapless martial artist.
"WOULDN'T BE FAIR HUH?! And what would SHE know about FAIR?!" She yelled, stabbing her finger at Shampoo.
"Hmph! At least I not beat husband up!" Shampoo retorted, placing a hand on Ranma's shoulder. Akane's frame quivered at this.
"He's NOT your husband!!" She said, grabbing Ranma's pigtail and pulling him from in between her and Shampoo.
At this point, Cologne decided to intervene before things got even more out of hand. "Shampoo, why don't you go start packing, and tell Mousse to as well. I'll handle this."
Shampoo bowed her head, suddenly docile. "Yes great-grandmother, I tell him." She walked out the door, flashing a beguiling smile at Ranma and pointedly ignoring Akane. "I see you tomorrow airen." And with that, she disappeared around the corner.
"Um, Akane?" Ranma ventured as Akane's hold on his hair tightened exponentially.
"What do YOU want, husband?" Akane growled, pulling him back in front of her.
"Well you could let go of my hair for one thing." Ranma snapped.
Akane did so. "There. Happy?" She turned to her father, who surprisingly had sat silent through the blow-up with Shampoo. "I think I'll go for a run daddy, be back in half an hour." She stalked past Ranma and was out the door before Soun had time to notice the darkness and say "take someone with you."
"Well Ranma, looks like my little sister isn't too happy with you." Nabiki observed from the corner, stopping her ubiquitous tape recorder.
"See if I care. Is she ever? She ain't going to China and I'm not changin' my mind."
"Oh, thank you Ranma! I knew you had my daughter's best interests in mind!" Soun stopped for a second to finish crying on Ranma's shoulder.
Ranma was looking disgusted. "Mr. Tendo, please." He muttered.
Cologne, not one to spoil good drama, waited until the heartfelt scene was over, then looked at Ranma. "Son-in-law, no time must be wasted. If you plan on going to China, you need to leave immediately. I'll send Shampoo and Mousse over as soon as they're ready. I suggest you try and talk that Hibiki boy into coming as well. This will be no small task."
"I can handle it," Ranma said confidently. "I'm gonna ask Ucchan too."
"That would be wise. Good luck son-in-law." And Cologne pogo-ed out the door on her staff, hopping down the street like a large frog.
Ranma looked at his father, who was still a panda and was now hastily packing a bag. "Just where do ya think you're going oyaji?" He asked, whacking the panda's head. "Don't tell me you don't wanna go to China and help us find that flute?"
The panda shook his head fervently, holding up a sign. -I'm allergic to mountains-
"Yeah, it really took its toll on you while we were training, huh, pop?" Ranma said disgustedly. "I don't care, sit here. You wouldn't be any help anyway."
The panda breathed a sigh of relief and stopped packing.
Soun's demon-head popped in front of him as Genma threw his backpack aside. "Saotome, what do you think you're doing?! You should go and help Ranma look after Akane!"
"W-w-what?!" Ranma stuttered, looking around wildly. "Where's Akane going?"
-Think boy! To swim of course!- Genma signed.
"Yeah, that makes sense, she definitely would need someone to watch her so she won't drown," Ranma said thoughtfully.
Nabiki, still occupying her corner and getting the exchanges on tape, sighed. She knew Ranma could be dense but this defied all common sense. "Well, he doesn't have much of that either." Nabiki muttered to herself, deciding that whatever was going to happen wasn't worth wasting her batteries on. She stopped the tape player and headed outside to wait for Akane to get back.
Soun, meanwhile, was staring down at Ranma with a look that would have scared–well, any sane person, Ranma guessed. "Ranma, if you don't watch out for my little girl while she's in China-"
Ranma held up his hands defensively. "Hey, now wait a minute, she's not going to China! It's just me an' Ryouga an' Ucchan."
"Oh, didn't you hear Cologne say that Shampoo and Mousse were going to?" Kasumi said helpfully as she passed by on her way to the kitchen.
"Thanks Kasumi." Ranma gritted.
"But Ranma, you heard what she said, she has her heart set on going!" Soun wailed.
"Well she can set it somewhere else, cause I ain't about to be distracted by HER while we're gettin' that flute." Ranma said rudely. And to think that just minutes ago Soun was forbidding Akane to go at all. He had the feeling that somehow, the reason would have something to do with joining the family names. Apparently, Genma had come to the same conclusion.
"That's no way to talk to your elders, boy! Show some respect!" Genma had been changed back to a human by the ever helpful Kasumi.
"Ah, shut up pop, what would you know about respect?"
"Oh, my own son! How ungrateful he's become since we came here Tendo!" Genma shed a river of false tears and wiped at his eyes to great theatrical effect.
Soun nodded in agreement. "Well Saotome, seems we should do something about this."
Ranma looked at the two suspiciously. "Like what?"
"TAKE AKANE TO CHINA WITH YOU!" They both yelled into microphones at the same time.
Ranma was sent flying backwards from the shock waves. "Geez, what do you two want her to go for?" Like he didn't already know.
Genma slapped him on the back. "Way to go son! I knew you couldn't refuse! Don't worry, this thing'll be over before you know it and you and Akane will be back here before-"
"Before you've finished eating us out of house and home." Nabiki put in, coming back inside with Akane, who was holding something behind her back.
"Nabiki, that wasn't very nice." Kasumi admonished, coming out of the kitchen with a mixing bowl in her hands. The bowl flew into the air when she saw Akane. "Akane! Where on earth have you been?"
Ranma ran over and caught the bowl before it fell, then began to wolf down the contents with relish.
Akane was covered in mud. "It started raining and I slipped and fell in some bushes." She smiled. "But look who I found!" Akane brought her hands from behind her back and held up a very soggy, very miserable-looking P-chan. "P-chan came back! The poor little piggy, he was probably freezing out there!"
"Poor piggy my foot." Ranma muttered, giving "P-chan" the red eye. P-chan growled and gnashed his teeth.
"Ranma! Are you aggravating him?" Akane asked, stroking P-chan on the head. "It's ok baby, just ignore mean old Ranma." P-chan gave what could have passed for a sigh and snuggled closer to Akane, looking at Ranma with a smug expression.
Ranma engaged in a staring contest and finally tossed the almost-empty bowl at P-chan's head. "Stop smirking!"
Akane kicked the bowl back at Ranma, who got a face-full of left-over curry.
"Jealous over a little pig Ranma?" Nabiki asked, sounding amused as Ranma threw the bowl off his face.
"Ggrrr! I ain't-"
"It's nothing new Nabiki." Akane sniffed, with a mock-patient tone. "He's probably jealous of Ryouga too."
Yes, the little porker was laughing now. Ranma could see his fat black sides shaking. "Look at him Akane! You ever seen a pig with a sense of humor before?!"
Akane looked down at P-chan, who was now innocently staring up at her. "Why don't you just leave him alone Ranma?" Akane turned to Kasumi who was picking up her bowl, now void of curry. "'Night Kasumi onee-chan."
"Goodnight Akane."
Akane turned around as she headed up the stairs. "And don't even THINK about coming in my room tonight to take P-chan." She told Ranma.
Ranma turned away from her. "Didn't even cross my mind." He lied. "And if you're not up when I'm ready to go tomorrow, I'm not waiting for you." Ranma hurried away before the delighted Akane could smother him with thanks, deciding that he'd better go tell Ukyou about this. And Ryouga–well, he already knew. "I'm goin' out for a while." Ranma called as he grabbed an umbrella and stalked to the door.
"In this weather Ranma?" Kasumi asked, looking worriedly out the window at the dark sky.
"It's just rain Kasumi, don't worry about it. I'm just goin' to-" Ranma looked around fervently, making sure Akane wasn't on the stairs still. "-to tell Ucchan about what's going on and see if she'll come with us tomorrow." He finished in a lowered voice.
"That's a good idea Ranma." Kasumi nodded, heading back to the kitchen. "I'll have some hot water for you when you get back."
"Who said I'd need it?" Ranma muttered. That's why he had the damn umbrella. Not that it would really do any good. No doubt that he'd ending up coming back as a soaking wet redhead. "Thanks though Kasumi. See ya later." Ranma walked out the door, popped the umbrella open and headed for Ucchcan's.
Well, no need for a Japanese dictionary. Unless I somehow missed something. Next chapter, our heroes strike out for China.
Airen - Chinese for "husband"