&&&
The Monarch was sitting in his command chair, fantasizing when Dr. Girlfriend arrived. "What the hell is this? I leave for a day and you go around kidnapping girls out of their homes? What the f—k is the matter with you?" She demanded/
"You left me to go back to that floating, smooth-talking jackass!" The Monarch sputtered.
"How many times do I have to tell you, I just went back to pick up a few things. I am not interested in seeing a man who literally isn't all there!"
"How do I know you're telling the truth?" The Monarch demanded.
"Because I love you, you moron!"
"Snookums, what are you—" The Monarch started to say when the X-Jet crashed through the Cocoon's wall.
"HHRAAAH!" Brock and Logan leapt out of the craft and started tearing into the mass of terrified henchmen.
"Look, all I'm saying is that—" The Monarch tried to say over the terrified shrieks and screams of his henchman as they were brutalized by Brock and Logan.
"Arggggh! My eye!"
"Oh my god! You killed Number 27!"
"You bastards!"
"—If I've stood by you this long I'm not about to throw it away so easily! Which is more than I could say for you!" Dr. Girlfriend said as she laid into the Monarch.
"Holy crap did you see how far that guy's head went!" Bobby exclaimed.
"I'm more disturbed by how far Brock shoved that other guy's finger up his own—" Amira started.
"Amira! You and the New Mutants go look for Lina while we…mop up here." Scott said his face pale.
"You're gonna need a mop to clean up all that blood." Amira winced. "Come on!"
"Wait, we're coming too!" Dean said as he and Hank joined her.
"Maybe if we rescue this girl, they'll think we're heroes and score dates!" Hank whispered to Dean. "And then we'll get cool costumes and become superheroes!" Amira heard them and rolled her eyes as they started heading out of the control room.
"Lina! Where are you?" Amira shouted. She heard a faint reply coming from the room at the end of the corridor. "Lina? Is that you?" Amira asked as she kicked the door in. "Good thing the Monarch cut some corners when he built this—hello!" She exclaimed when she saw Lina and what she was wearing.
"Hi Amira." Lina mumbled in embarrassment that only grew as the boys started to crowd the door.
"Wow…" Ray said his jaw dropping.
"Holy shit!" Roberto exclaimed, his eyes popping.
"My nose is bleeding…" Jamie noticed as he wiped his nose with the back of his hand.
"My pants are shrinking…" Hank Venture observed.
"She must have a shrink ray!" Dean said. Lina blushed red and tried to cover herself with her arms.
"All right you pervs, out out out!" Amira ordered as she started shoving. "Get going!"
"I am so embarrassed!" Lina moaned in mortification as Amira pushed the last of them out the door.
"It's not like they can actually see anything." Amira shrugged as she looked Lina over. Lina blushed even more, her entire face turning red.
"Please don't hit on me right now, I don't think I can handle it." Lina squeaked. Amira laughed briefly and shook her head.
"I'm not going to hit on you sweety," Amira said as she took off her glasses to wipe her eyes. "You're like my brother!"
"Brother?" Lina asked in confusion.
"Hey, I like girls remember?" Amira shrugged. "Point is, as hot as you look, I'm not interested. No offense."
"None taken." Lina sighed. Amira looked at her.
"Say Lina," Amira asked. "Can I have that costume?"
"Please tell me that this isn't part of some fantasy to seduce Althea." Lina sighed.
"Okay, I won't tell you."
"Let's just go." Lina sighed.
"Hold on." Amira told her. She went over to the window and tore off the curtain and proceeded to wrap it around Lina. "There. It isn't exactly a niqab, but it'll prevent the guys from drooling all over the place."
"Thanks. Now can we please go?"
"Certainly." As Amira and Lina headed out to the Control room where most of the Monarch's henchmen lay in a bloody heap and the rest were hiding behind the X-Men for protection from Brock. The Monarch and Dr. Girlfriend were passionately in twined in a loving embrace, oblivious to the world around them and the blood pooling at their feet.
"Should we beat him up for grabbing Lina?" Rogue asked.
"He's not even paying attention!" Gambit complained.
"As much as I want to pound the creep, I have to wonder why. I mean, what can I do to this guy that life hasn't already?" Logan wondered. "He's dressed like a butterfly and making out with a woman who has got to be transsexual! Anything I do to him would be a mercy at this point."
"Let's just leave." Scott groaned.
"So, do you think we're cool?" Dean asked Jean. She didn't bother to answer. She just shook her head sadly and turned away to climb back aboard the X-Jet.
"Aww, our plan to get dates by being heroic failed. We're failures." Hank sighed.
"You're not a failure kids. It's just that your ideas are silly and dumb." Brock sighed.
"Seems to be a trend around here." Logan groaned.
&&&
Freakazoid started whooping and hollering as he bounced around the room.
"Knock it off you nut!" Lance demanded.
"Hey what's that behind your ear?" Freakazoid grinned as he reached behind Lance's ear and pulled out something silver.
"I'm baaaack!" The Coyote grinned.
"Awww…isn't the doggy adorable?" Freakazoid grinned.
"Oh dear lord, there's two of them!" Wanda moaned.
"Oh honey bunch…." The Coyote grinned at Rahne.
"Nice try but you can't make me turn into my wolf form!" She snapped at him.
"I can!" Freakazoid said as he put his hand on Rahne's head and gently pushed down.
"Oh no…" Rahne moaned as she sat—as a wolf—amid a pile of her own clothes. "Not again!"
"Pookey-wookums!" The Coyote cheered. Rahne turned tail and started to run.
"I'm out of here!"
"Talk about déjà vu." Wanda said as she watched Rahne try to stay a step ahead of the Coyote.
"Come on, I wasn't that bad." Todd said.
"Hah!" Wanda snorted.
"I can fly! I can fly!" Freakazoid shouted as he thrust his arms over his head and shouted. "WHOOSH!" He said as he ran around. "I can fly!" He vanished into the mess hall. A moment later a blood-curling scream was heard.
"YEEEEOOW!" Freakazoid ran out, followed closely by Beach Head. "I'll teach you to poor hot chili down my pants!" Beach Head shouted at him.
"You don't need to teach me, I know how!" Freakazoid called back.
"Come back here you lunatic!" Beach Head shouted.
"I'm right here!" Pietro said.
"Not you! Him!" Althea pointed at Freakazoid.
"Sorry, force of habit." Pietro shrugged.
"HELP!" Rahne shouted as she ran past again still being chased by the Coyote as well as the Joe's dogs: Junkyard, Timber, and Order.
"Boy she's popular around here." Althea noted.
"This is getting out of hand." Angelica sighed.
"Getting?" Shane looked at her.
"We have to find some way of getting Arcade to stop." Althea determined.
"Is it possible his new form has some sort of weakness?" Xi asked.
"That's what Fred is trying to determine." Cover Girl pointed at Fred as he pulled out a green rock and waved it at Freakazoid.
"Behold, the purest Kryptonite! Are you feeling weak, my friend, oh so weak?"
"That's Superman's weakness, not mine!" Freakazoid shouted.
"Really?"
"Yeah, duuuuuuhhh!"
Fred tossed the Kryptonite away and pulled out a yellow pad of paper from his pocket and proceeded to wave it in front of the blue lunatic. "Then how about this! Does the yellow hurt your eyes, my friend? Feeling weak, oh so very weak?"
"That's Green Lantern!" Freakazoid snorted.
"Oh, that stupid man at the store!" Fred grumbled as he threw it down and took out a bottle of water and splashed it in Freakazoid's face. "Then how 'bout some... water in your face! Are you melting, melting, my friend?
"That's the Wicked Witch!"
"Oh, we're wasting time. What is your weakness?" Fred demanded his hands bunched on his hips.
"Well..."
&&&
"Dumb, dumb, dumb!" Freakazoid raged at himself as he sat in a cage. "Never tell the other guy how to trap you in a cage!"
"You probably shouldn't have helped us build it, either." Wanda said wryly.
"I know. Dumb!"
"So... graphite bars charged with negative ions. That is your weakness, eh?" Brittany asked. "That's good to know."
"That, or poo gas." Freakazoid grumbled.
"We have to figure out what happened to Arcade when he got sucked into that computer. Or better yet, how that happened in the first place." Spirit said.
"Well have you girls found anything when you examined Arcade's computer?" Cover Girl asked Trinity.
"We found that Daddy's been using it download a lot of—" Quinn started to say before Shipwreck covered her mouth with his hand.
"Heh heh, kids these days! Always kidding…here's fifty bucks to keep your mouth shut." Shipwreck added in a whisper as he slipped the money into her hand.
"Moving on…" Althea sighed.
"We found that Arcade recently installed an experimental new computer chip called the 'Pinnacle Chip.' It might have something to do with what happened to him."
"Who would know the most about this chip?" Road Block asked.
"Roddy MacStew invented it." Daria answered.
"Good enough. Let's contact him." The Blind Master said.
"No need." Brittany grinned. "We already brought him here with the Mass Device. He's in our room."
"Oh god, what did you three do to him?" Althea groaned. "We need him alive!"
"He's still alive." Quinn stubbornly insisted. "Or at least he was last time we checked…"
"Better go save him." Wanda sighed as the Misfits made their way up to Trinity's room. Inside the room was a red-haired man in kilt, tape-ducted and gagged in a chair.
"Hey we kidnapped a Scotsman! Think he knows Rahne?" Quinn asked.
"Sorry about this." Fred said as he ripped off the gag.
"Crud!" Roddy shouted. "That hurts!"
"I said I was sorry."
"Mr. MacStew, our friend Arcade installed your chip inside his computer. Then he got sucked inside his computer and when he came out—" Althea started.
"Crud!" Roddy said again. "He accessed the Pinnacle Chip's flaw!"
"Flaw?"
"The reason it was never mass produced! If one enters the correct sequence of keys they can be absorbed into a computer and instantly gaining all the information on the Internet!"
"Why would that make him blue and insane?" Tabby asked. Roddy shrugged.
"Now there you've got me lass."
"All right now listen you Groundskeeper Willie imitation." Low Light said ominously. "You better figure out a way to fix this mess. And fast!"
"I dinnae know of a way te undo the process, but ah think I know a way to turn him back." Roddy said. "Where is the lad?"
"Downstairs." Roddy and the Misfits headed downstairs to examine Arcade.
"Hmmm…this is nae good." Roddy said as he looked at Freakazoid.
"Is Arcade in danger?" Spyder asked worriedly.
"Nae, I just mean that blue is not in this season." Roddy said. "Eech!"
"Aw, nut bunnies." Freakazoid said in disappointment. "What is in?"
"Ah think that new 'Freak' look is in." Roddy said.
"I can't believe it! 'Freak' in?" Freakazoid said. Suddenly there was a flash and Arcade was back to normal.
"Glad that's over." Althea sighed.
"I'm afraid not." Roddy sighed. "The lad's powers are uncontrolled. Without mentoring he could become a wild, out of control monster!"
"You haven't heard of the Misfits, have you?" Low Light asked.
"I'd like to take the boy with me to help him learn to control his powers," Roddy started to say.
"Not happening." Roadblock insisted.
"It may be in his best interest." Roddy said, "But kin the lad at least show me the sequence of keys he used to access the flaw?"
"Sure." Arcade said as he led them up to his room. "I did this and then—"
"No, don't—!" Roddy exclaimed, but it was too late. The computer screened started to glow and Roddy was sucked in. Arcade leapt after him.
"Arcade!" Todd shouted as the screen went blank. "Get him out Al!"
"It's not working!" Althea said as she pressed the escape key again and again. Suddenly a message appeared on the screen. She started to read it aloud.
Dear Everyone, since I caused this mess, I'm going to find and rescue Roddy from cyberspace. I've decided that—for now—I'm going to stay in Cyberspace and work on my new abilities. Maybe I can do some good with these powers. Staying with you all has been the best time of my life and I'll miss you all, but this is something I feel like I have to do."
"Love, Arcade." Althea sniffed.
"I'm gonna miss him." Fred said sadly. The Misfits all looked down.
"Hey, what happened to Rahne?" Tabby asked.
&&&
"Leave me alone!" Rahne growled as the chase continued. Junkyard, Timber, and Order whined. "That goes for you lot too!"
She ran through the obstacle course, leaping over tires and scampering over walls and pits, hoping to loose them. With little success. Then she ran through the hangar, nearly getting run over by a jeep and even darted across the firing range.
"Bad idea! Bad idea!" Rahne yipped as she crouched down low to avoid being shot and stopping short to avoid the occasional grenade. The Coyote however simply stood on his hind legs and danced in between the bullets.
"Da da da da dancing da da da da dancing!" He said cheerfully. Rahne took the opportunity to flee and out of sheer desperation, headed for General Hawk's office.
"Sorry General!" Rahne shouted as she burst into his office and hid under his desk.
"Rahne? What the—?" Hawk demanded just as the Coyote poked his head into the room. "Never mind." He sighed.
"Sweety, wait for me!" The Coyote grinned as he also dove under Hawk's desk. "Kiss me beautiful! MWAH!"
"AHK! Why you!" Rahne sputtered. "Take this! And that!"
"Hey, cut that out!" Hawk said as he held onto his desk as it started rocking back and forth. Draws were knocked out of the desk and pencils and papers went flying. "And here I thought a desk job would be relaxing!" Hawk moaned. Rahne ducked out of the room and started running again, deciding against further pounding the Coyote.
"Oh Rahney!" The Coyote called as he and the dogs followed her.
Of course, the Coyote wasn't through yet.
Rahne ran across the pit, her pack of admirers close on he heels. "Why me? Why always me?" She moaned as they chased her through the mess hall. "Gang way!" Rahne shouted as she leapt up on a table and kept running. The Coyote followed her.
"Gorgeous! Come to papa!" As they ran, food and plates went flying into the faces and laps of the Joes.
"There's a dog in my soup!" Alpine complained as Rahne stepped in his bowl.
"BLEECH!" Mainframe said as his dinner went flying into his face. "I wish I could say that having a bunch of canines running in it is what makes this so unpleasant, but knowing that B.A. cooked it…"
"Hey, that Coyote stole my wine!" One Joe protested angrily.
"I want to set a romantic atmosphere!" The Coyote explained.
"I'll knock you into the atmosphere if you don't buzz off!" Rahne snapped.
"Come on, can't you imagine me and you together strolling on the beach, rolling in the sand, playing Frisbee…"
With Freakazoid gone, the after effects of his powers vanished too. Rahne returned to her normal, human state.
"Or not." The Coyote said in disappointment.
"Thank Saint Andrew—eeep!" Rahne exclaimed as she realized that she returned to her human self a top of a table in the crowded GI Joe mess hall, splattered with food and completely stark naked. Blushing brilliantly, Rahne did the only thing that came to mind.
She screamed.
"AAAAHHHHH!"
&&&
Freakazoid is © to Warner Brothers