Thank you for making it this far!

Disclaimer: Squares own FFX-2, I do not.

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Seven and a Half Circles

Chapter 2

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A little boy stands in the middle of the road-- if there were a road, if there were a child under these paper lantern, firey orange, dead skies. Well if he were, if he was, if I were, he'd be in danger. There's big tall men around him, possibly more shadows than men, and they look sinister. They are out for blood and money and dirty sticky evil things, and they want the child.

I'm there, feeling small and weak. There's a million things I could have, would have, will do. I could try to save the child. But then I would stew amongst the shadows, with their fiery eyes on me.

Is it selfish that I would not save the boy? Is it evil that I value my life more than anyone else's?

I feel empty.

The music had stopped long ago, but all of the people were still stuck in their own would. Picture perfect men and women on tracks on a cuckoo clock. I wanted to burn them like the wood and paint they were. It seemed impossible that they could be so happy when I was just... I needed something to do. If I'd learned anything in my life, it's that mindless routine dulls both the good and the bad to a healthy lull, and I wanted so desperately to be swimming in that sort of deadness.

Even though I was painfully close to being eight-teen the bartenders wouldn't let me have any thing. I even offered to lick it off one man. He made a dirty comment that I didn't understand. I left cautiously. A few minutes later I stole a bottle of Chardonnay from the bar and threw it over the railing of the balcony. It landed in a splash of glass a sizzling white foam. A guard ordered that I stay in the company of an adult for the rest of the evening. I began to stalk Paine.

"What did you do," she asked slyly. My eyes were glued to her dress. It looked like everyone else's. Was I the only one who didn't get the memo? She sighed and led me over to a seating area. "Someone always needs to look after you I guess; I just wish it wasn't always me."

I smiled at her furtively, "You're the only one who isn't someone's concubine." I played with the hem of my dress, "Say Paine, could you get me something to drink?"

"Get it yourself," She muttered and searched the crowd, her gorgeous deep red eyes mutely following the people as they danced.

"I'm not legal. I'm almost legal, but they don't care." I said dramatically and hugged my self to Paine, "But I really could use a drink right now."

She stared at me, "You're bad enough when you're sober, and I am not handling you drunk right now." Her eyes froze on a person I didn't recognize in the crowd then she looked back to me, "Stay out of trouble and leave me alone for a little while alright?"

"I missed you too!" I shouted at her back as she ran away from me.

Once again I was alone. I didn't like this feeling. I had spent the entirety of my life before now wishing I could be alone for one second. I was always around crowds of people but now that I wasn't I was feeling lonely and I didn't like it. I wanted to go back to my hotel room. I wanted to sleep until morning. In the morning I would get to eat with my friends, then Tidus and I would be alone together all evening. Tomorrow was better than today. Today just sucked.

It hurt me a little that I was turning into one of those people. One of those co-dependent people who need others to tell them what they were or what they weren't and couldn't figure it out for them selves. I didn't want to be hiding in the corner waiting for something to happen for me I wanted to make something happen, and be happy that I was independent. I wanted to be happy, but I couldn't. I needed to find a way to make myself happy, without any one else's help.

The people here were starting to clear out, it was getting late. I knew that Yuna wouldn't leave until after everyone else had, the people were really here to see her after all. I wanted to say goodbye to everyone and walk home in the cold night wishing one of them wanted to walk me back. I didn't want to take the time though. I was not co-dependant.

I walked over to the balcony to leave tripping over the small step that was there and falling to my knees. It was really cold and I could almost see my breath, as I shuttered a cry when my knees scratched across the stone.

I turned to my back and looked for the stars. The sky looked orange in its city glow, but I really wanted to see the stars. There was a hard spot in my throat, and it wouldn't go away. I thought about it, and thought about it. How could one person make me feel so terrible and so wonderful at the same time? Why didn't he love me? What was wrong with me, that was so right with her?

I pulled myself up and brushed myself off. No. I am not going to do this now. Self-control. Yeah, try to get some of that.

I hobbled down the balcony, with the clack of one heel. The stone was cold and burned into my bare foot. I saw a head of blond hair ahead of me, and my head started throbbing. I wouldn't be able to look at Tidus right now. I inched closer regardless to see the glowing tip of a cigarette. It crossed my mind that as an athlete, he probably didn't smoke. A wind rush by me and I shivered.

I continued walking. What did it matter any way? I turned my head to the nighttime twilight. The red city that even had it's own sky, burning and burning for the people's sick pleasure. My eyes locked on a lift moving like a bird through the sky. One day, I would be on one of those lifts.

Before I knew it I was face down on the dead stone, surrounded by a halo of hair. My poor little dress was bunched around my waist. Then there was terrific laughter, and a warm hand on my back.

"Hey, you alright there?" The voice mocked. I knew that voice. It wasn't Tidus after all. The thought shot through my head and broke me. I just started crying and sobbing like a child who isn't getting their own way. But I want him! I couldn't help it. I felt dirty and weak and childish. To have the gall to cry under the same sky as people who are really suffering. The damnable orange fire sky.

I was crying for Tidus, I was crying for me, and sobbing and squealing for Yuna, and the bottle of white wine, and my ugly shoes, and my dress, and the sky, and the buildings, and the red city that eats them all and chews them like rocks together. It felt delicious. It felt vicious, and wonderfully trite.

All the while a hand lay motionless on my back, almost fearfully so. I sat up slowly as all the crying turned into dead laughter. I felt ridiculous. Yes, yes ridiculous! It was a wonder feeling, not being full of dread for a minute.

"What are you doing out here?" I said happily after I managed to somewhat contain my self. I choked back another sudden laugh unconvincingly. "Well?"

"I should be asking you the same thing?" He managed quietly after quite a long while of alternating facial expressions of worry and bewilderment. He looked as though he wanted to just get away from me. Some men are just uncomfortable with crying women I guess.

I threw my head to one side, nonchalant and mock confidant, "Well, if you must know Gippal, I'm going back to my room. These Yevonite stiffs are boring." I was having a little bit of trouble talking to him, he looked almost-- he looked nice in a tux, dignified even. I mean sure even in the dim light I could see the red marks around his neck where he had been scratching at the tight color and not a single button on the jacket was buttoned. I had to suppress a smile when I looked at him, so I looked away letting my hair fall in the line of sight between the two of us.

"You look like you could use and escort," He grinned innocently, "You know, before you fall to your death."

I gave him a dirty look. "I don't need you, okay." I stood and started to walk down the balcony I heard his foot steps following so I turned to look at him, "You know… someone who has no class at all, should not look that good in a tux," Right after I said it I wondered inwardly how I'd ever thought that would come out as in insult.

"And, someone who isn't a virgin shouldn't look so good in white," He said with a smile and leaned in closing the space between us. Gippal never really seemed to understand the concept of personal space.

"What makes you think I'm not," I asked defiantly looking up at him.

He brushed some hair from my face and let his smile fade as he picked over my hair, "You just have an air of promiscuity, I suppose," he whispered distantly.

"Okay. Okay! I didn't know everyone was going to wear such a long dress. Thank you for being nice enough to point it out." I moved to leave again.

He smiled "Hey, I'm nice." I rose an eyebrow.

After a few silent moments he backed away from me slightly and took off the jacket from his tuxedo. I gave him a questioning look as he put it on me like a child. He moved each of my arms into the sleeves, and then bent down to roll them up several times until he could see my fingers on both hands. He carefully buttoned all the buttons and I shivered as I could feel his fingers brush against the thin silky fabric that separated his hands from my bare stomach. He reached his hands under my hair and pulled it out from under the jacket then arranged it neatly over my shoulders.

I stared at him silently, he stared at me back. "Alright let's go, where are you staying,"

I just stood there for a minute, before recovering from the small gesture of caring, "Come here," I whispered almost seductively and as he walked closer I untied the annoying red bow tie he had around his neck and undid the first few buttons on his shirt. It had obviously been bothering him.

He laughed, "Thanks, but I have no clue how to put that back on,"

It took us a while to figure out how to get out of the building without any one to guide us but eventually we made our way out. The minute we did I noticed that there were absolutely no guards here. They must have all been up at the party watching it. A stupid idea struck me and I immediately turned to Gippal.

"Hey, wanna go do something illegal?" I asked happily, and offered him a little hop.

He grinned at me savagely, "Like what?"

"First we need to go to the bridge-- do you know where that is?" I was already walking in that direction but he walked faster than me and stepped ahead.

"Yeah," he said without emotion, and began walking in the wrong direction. I had hurry to keep up with him walking normally; I didn't want to walk behind him.

"This isn't the right way, you should go--" he cut me off.

"This way is quickest. There is more than one way to get around the city." He walked faster so I did too, so that even though I had no idea where he was going I could stand next to him. He gave me a weird look then slowed down a little so I could keep up easier. I didn't like it; it felt like he was humoring me. I just wanted to walk beside him. I don't know why. Maybe I have an inferiority complex, and thus refuse to be led. We didn't speak again until we got there.

"We're here. What now?" He asked, but I bolted in front of him. He laughed like an idiot when he reached my side to walk beside me. We reached the other end and I looked around carefully. The place was deserted. I looked into the water and pointed.

"My shoe, I need to get my shoe." It had somehow managed to sink to the bottom of the water, several feet away from a lift.

"This is the big illegal thing we came down here for? I have to admit I'm a little disappointed…," he looked at my feet, "This whole time you were only wearing one shoe?"

"You didn't notice? I thought you were just being a jerk for walking so fast," I shook my head in a lazy fashion then took off my other shoe and sat down to put my feet into the water. I immediately shrank away; it was as cold as ice.

I giggled softly, "Say Gippal…" I crawled over to him and tugged on his pant leg he bent down to me and gave me a tired look.

"I'll get it," He said with a groan then walked over to the water not bothering to take his own shoes off or testing the water first, he just walked right into the water. It splashed up around him and I crawled over to the edge to watch him. He didn't go down to get it at first just surfaced, his face reddening from the cold. He muttered a few curses before going back down to get the little shoe. He came up shortly and handed it to me. I sat the shoe next to my other feeling it cold in my hand.

He didn't get out of the water though he looked at me in silence for a few seconds. It was a strange silence because neither of us moved or looked away; it wasn't even awkward instead it was something else. In one swift movement he reached up and wrapped his arms around me and pulled. It caught me so off guard that I didn't even resist. I could hear myself screaming as I hit the water though. The cold tore through me instantly and I quickly went up to the surface.

I glared at him evilly my teeth chattering, "It's freezing! Why the hell-- it's really really cold!" I sobbed coming closer to the heat that he had been giving off. My breath was heavy and quick.

He laughed at me then smiled, "Really your going to let the cold get the best of you. Come on I know you can do better than that, kid."

"Why'd you have to do that Gippal? Oh… damn my dress!" My white dress. I gasped a little realizing that the buttons went up to about the middle of my stomach. I clutched the jacket around my chest and struggled to stay floating.

He laughed again and I felt like smacking him. Why would he do something like this? I wanted nothing more than to get out of the cold, I could see my skin turning red.

I whimpered in an undignified way and he dropped he smile to come close to me. He wrapped an arm around my body and swam over to the side opposite land. I rested my feet against the wall.

"Why couldn't we have gone the other way," I said through my chattering teeth. I laughed slightly when he shrugged, then his eyes hit mine and I stopped instantly. He pushed himself against me and up against the wall. Our faces were level and he looked at me with a soft eye. I felt warmer all of the sudden, still freezing but a little less. I felt his arms snake around my waist to pull me close. My nose touched his. All I could hear was the labored sounds of our breathing. He was waiting for my move, it was my turn to do something, but I couldn't I didn't know what to do or how to do it, my head flooded with thoughts, then nothing. I sank my head under water feeling the cold pierce me, then swam meekly back to land.

You want to be wanted Rikku? Huh, is that what you want? Could've fooled me.

It didn't feel right being there with him while just a little while ago I was telling myself not to cry, and obsessing over another man. I didn't care though, I liked the feeling. He wasn't Tidus and he didn't need to be, because Tidus was wrong for me. He made me cry, he was in love with Yuna, and we would never be together.

Even then in the cold, when Gippal held onto me with his wonderful muscled arms, and looked at me so softly I could melt, it hurt to know I didn't want this. But for now it would be okay. For now I could pretend to be happy. If I pretended enough maybe I would actually start feeling like I was telling myself to.

I'm not going to cry over him. I'm not going to cry over any one. I don't need them. I am and always will be independent.