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Disclaimer: All characters, locations etc. belong to Square. Not. To. Me.

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Seven and a Half Circles

Chapter 3

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When I woke up the next day in my hotel room I knew that I would have to get out of bed like I did every morning. Like every morning I would make a big production out of it. I'd move as slowly as I possibly could, even crawl across the floor sometimes. This morning I moved extra slow because I really did not want to speak with any one today.

Today was supposed to be a good day, where I could relax and spend time with Tidus, but I had to go and ruin that. Last night about the time Gippal and I reached my hotel room I suddenly realized I didn't have my key.

When Paine had come here, only maybe a day or so after me, she mournfully moved into the same room with me. She had intended on boycotting the "Big Bevellian Bash" until Yuna and I both jumped on her with sad eyes, and in my case whimpers that would put an adorable chocobo in its place. So Paine was dragged into Bevelle when all the rooms were booked up, since sleeping with Yuna and Tidus was out of the question she stayed with me. In doing so she immediately assumed I would misplace any and everything handed to me and kept hold of the key at all times.

Well as fun as it was to walk back into the temple and find Paine in a room filled people who knew me, soaking wet with Gippal, I about died. He followed me around like a loyal pet and couldn't resist the every opportunity to wrap his arms around me and make me blush. Everyone got quiet and listened as I asked Paine for the room key and endured the knowing looks as we left. If I had told them he was just walking me back there is no way they would believe that. I hardly believed he would do something so nice, without an ulterior motive. The jackass loved every minute of it though.

It is understandable why I didn't ever want to leave my room. Paine could be right out in the living area, or hopefully still in the room where her bed was. She would say something, she might even lecture me.

I walked out and met her melancholy face in an instant. "Hello, Paine!" I laughed nervously and looked to my feet, "Good Morning…"

She took a long drink from a mug she was holding and offered me a nod, then continued to eat what ever it was room service had brought up. I walked over and poured myself some coffee.

After a few silent moments she looked up over the little table at me. "Isn't Gippal going to eat with us, I don't remember seeing him leave." I choked on my coffee. Then after I was done choking I pretended I still was to stall.

"He wasn't… We weren't…" I stumbled over my words trying to just say something but I couldn't. "He just walked me back here… That's all."

Paine laughed in a way that far from friendly, "So, he left before I got home? That didn't take very long."

I almost started hyperventilating right that second. Everyone thought I slept with him. Not only that but I was having this conversation with Paine. Hey she sounded a little worried about me. I mean sort of.

I put on a smile and drank some of more of my coffee, "So, Paine… what was your first time like?" I said with a laugh, and she looked up at me looking furious then confused. I thought for a minute she was going to tell, then she reverted back to her death gaze.

"What the hell is your problem!" she almost screamed at me, well as loud as she could possibly go without losing her cool, "You can't just go around asking people personal questions like that! Just because you want to broadcast it to everyone when and where your screwing someone does not mean the rest of us have to follow suite!" she fumed and stood up slightly from the table. With her pale skin I was sure she was blushing.

I began laughing hysterically. Even though she looked as though she wanted to murder me with her bare hands, I couldn't help it. I made Paine blush. Maybe today wouldn't be so bad after all.

Before I left I took as long as I could getting dressed. It wasn't all that hard with all the layers and fastening devices on these clothes. Today I wore and intricate little dress that was white and purple. It was expensive but I bought it with my father's money so I didn't care. I put a few braids in my loose hair and shoved a decorative comb in it randomly. I looked into the mirror and saw a Yevonite looking back at me. Not just any Yevonite this girl looked like the queen of all of them.

If I learned one thing in Bevelle, it was that looking good made you a good person. I found it helpful to think I was a good person while I stole a rich Yevonite's wallet. I have had a few run-in's with Baralai who always promptly bailed me out of jail when I got arrested. I wondered how long it would take before people realized I was untouchable and let me burn things without turning their heads.

I was just about to leave when I saw that jacket on the foot of my bed. It was dry by now, and the water hadn't seemed to damage it or make it shrink and for that I was happy. I wanted to pick it up and smell it but I resisted. That man could annoy the hell out of me sometimes but I had to admit he smelled delicious. I picked it up and put it back on, ruining the alluring outfit I had put on. It felt nice on me, and every time I thought about it my stomach started flying. While I had this coat on, it felt like someone really cared about me. Sort of.

I noted while walking outside how cloudy it was. The wind was blowing, and it was void of shadows even though it was nearly ten in the morning. I knew the moment I saw the sky that it would rain today. My head was at the sky for perhaps the entire time I walked to the restaurant where I was supposed to meet everyone. Today was supposed to be good. As long as I kept thinking that maybe everyone in the world would bend to my will and bow to me, and bring me cookies. Really big chocolaty cookies.

When I got to the resturant where I was to met Yuna I looked from the sky and walked in. It was silent and a man at the front desk asked for my name. I gave it to him and he ushered me away after repeatedly trying to bring my coat into the private coat room to which I continued to violently refuse. We passed by a whole restaurant filled with empty tables until we reached an empty room that had in big cursive letters "V.I.P." sprawled across the door. He led me in.

Everyone had already arrived and were waiting patiently for me. It was a huge table that could seat at least twelve people, but it only had Wakka and Lulu huddled on one side with Vidina sleeping peacefully between them, Tidus was talking a mile a minute to Kimahri while Yuna watched them looking adorably halfway between bored and dead.

No one looked at me when I arrived. I sat down trying to look as dignified as I could in the seat next to Kimahri. Yuna stood up and as forcefully as her nature would allow had me sit at the chair at the head of the table. I was the only one not sitting beside anyone; I didn't even have any one across from me. At the head of the table I felt both important and like I was going to be roasted sometime in the next ten minutes.

Yuna smiled and I noticed everyone was staring at me, "I thought I told you that you could bring a guest." She said sweetly with a smile so big I could have sworn she was about to bite me and thought I tasted good.

"I asked Paine if she wanted to go but, she sort shoved me out the door," I said trying to ignore the obvious answer and focusing all my energy on mentally waking the baby up, for a distraction.

"Why didn't you just bring Gippal?" she said with the same relentless smile. I had the sudden urge to kiss that mouth. The one that wanted to eat me. I would have too if I didn't think it would just cause another problem.

I started to remove my coat and placed it on the back of my chair, "Why, exactly, would I want to bring him?"

"Why not? I thought you two had some kinky public--" Tidus said while giving me a devious smile.

"I did not sleep with him!!" I stood up and clenched my fists, "I hate that every one keeps jumping to conclusions!"

Lulu let out a calm breath, "You seem a little overexcited. Calm down and I'll be more inclined to believe what you say," she stroked her baby's hair. I was amazed he hadn't so much as stirred since I'd gotten here to liven up the room.

"What ever," I shook my head defiantly, "He walked me back to my hotel room, and that's all,"

"That doesn't explain why you were all wet and he kept touching you," Yuna said softly inching as closely to me as she could.

I started closing the distance between us, "Your right it doesn't," I whispered seductively and got so close that my lips almost touched hers before she backed away. She stood up and walked around a little bit her cheeks burning red. Tidus looked happy as his gaze shifted between the two of us, so I kicked him hard in the shin.

Just then someone arrived to take our orders, and everyone ordered taking their attention off me for a second. The moment he left, I immediately spoke up.

"So why are we here in an empty restaurant so early in the morning," I said quietly twiddling my thumbs and wishing for a phone book, with the exception of Yuna everyone was considerably taller than me. Yuna was just regular taller than me.

"Yuna rented the entire place out for us. It has been a while sense we have all gotten together so we thought with us all being here this would be a good opportunity." Lulu looked at me sullenly then to my anxious fingers, "I'm sorry, if everyone seems to be picking on you. We see every one else all the time, even Kimahri contacts us over the commsphere. You're the only one we really need to catch up with."

I nodded slightly and looked at the table letting my hair fall into my face. Lately this had become a habit. Every time I didn't want to look at someone I would cover my face with my hair. This is why I wore it down today.

Yuna put her hand under my chin and made me look at her, "I know you can take care of yourself, but sometimes everyone needs a little reprimand. You can just be so careless sometimes, and none of us want to see you get hurt." She smiled stroked my hair a little. I thought about telling her that I was beginning to get attracted to her, to make her leave me alone for a little while. I could just leave and not have to deal with them, but I knew they were right. They did this because in a crazy unnatural creepy way they loved me.

I went back to playing with my fingers.

"Rikku?" Yuna asked softly trying to pull me out of my zone. I lifted my eyes up and they landed on Tidus's arm draped around the back of her chair. I stared at that arm for a good minute before looking back to Yuna.

"I don't want to talk about Gippal any more," I said quietly so no one would think I was going to blow up again.

"No, it's not about that." she looked at me with pleading serious eyes, "I need to talk to you privately, before we eat," she stood up without waiting for my response. I followed her across the hall way to a room that looked just like ours except there were no people in it. Of course not. They bought out the entire restaurant like true aristocrats.

The walls were thick and we couldn't even hear Wakka's thick hysterical laughter from the room where we were to eat. She turned to me and I grimaced at her height. She was barely taller than me, but because I was already shorter than every one it just made me want to bang her head against the table until she died and I was arrested and hung for crimes against something or the other… Well maybe not, but it made me mad.

"I'm not going to bombard you with personal questions, I promise," She assured me with something that was either a pitiful laugh or joyful wail, "I just think you're the only one who might be able to understand. Wakka and Lulu, if I told them, they might get angry."

I wondered instantly if she knew Tidus was going to propose. It had been on my mind constantly so naturally I tried to jam it into any opening I got. I would have figured they would be happy for her though, no I would have thought they would be ecstatic and have a loud wild drinking party that I wouldn't be allowed to attend because of my age. Why wouldn't any one understand…?

"Does this have anything to do with Tidus?" I asked softly grabbing hold of her arms at the strange look in her eyes.

"Yes, it does…" She took a large breath and when I nodded at her she continued, "It's just lately I've been feeling kind of bad, I don't know what else to do…" she trailed off it looked like she was holding this off as long as she could.

"Are you pregnant?" I asked her and she instantly turned to me looking worried.

"Oh Yevon-- no," she shook her head, "Of course not. That would make this really difficult, as if I weren't terrible already," I was done guessing so I just urged her on silently. She looked at me with her big eyes and I knew in that instant I didn't want to know what she was going to say. I would never want to hear this.

"I don't love him any more," She said it softly and clearly, losing all the anxiousness in her eyes and just looked at me and waited for me to tell her it would be alright. But I would never do that; I think she was beginning to realize that to as she walked a few steps away to the table.

"How can you just not…" I stopped trying to prevent myself from screaming at her. I wanted to hit her so bad right now, at the same time I knew I shouldn't because as much as I mentally abuse her I still love her.

"Rikku, I really want to. After all those years waiting for him, I guess I was just in love with the idea of being in love." She waved her arms around frantically trying to get me to sway to her side, "I realized I never really got to know him at all on the pilgrimage, I mean we didn't even spend that much time together. It was puppy love I guess. Now that I'm older, I realize I want real "boot knocking" love, you know?" Yuna reverted to a quieter tone and almost laughed. She looked at me with blank eyes.

"He loves you. Tidus loves you so much this is just going to kill him," I whispered amazed at the calmness of my voice. I was so close to screaming at her.

"I know that is what makes this so hard. I don't want to hurt him. Because even though I don't love him I still don't want him to get hurt or any thing. And you know how he is…" Yuna said her tone lightening a little.

I looked at her with sad eyes. I wanted to scream, cry, or beat her to death. I was so confused at all of the emotions in my head and she looked so certain. Like it was the simplest thing in the world that she was going to leave the man that loved her and wanted to marry her. Was having a perfect life not enough? She had every thing I that I had wanted when I was a little girl. In fact I actually remember telling my mother that I would fall in love and live on a beach with the most stunning and loving man ever in existence. And I would have loved the roses.

I remembered going to her house once seeing them there and thinking she was feeling guilty about them, but really she was feeling guilty for another reason. She was feeling guilty because of how much he loved her while she felt nothing. She didn't want the roses like I did. In fact she probably hated them but got them every day.

Yuna smiled at me thinking the wrong thing from my silence, "You would be better off with him any way. You too are so alike and spend so much time together, I sure you would be happy. In fact I…" she stopped at the look on my face. I didn't know what it looked like but my entire face felt like it was twisting into a goblin's.

I let out a shuttering breath, "How dare you…" I said in quiet disgusted tone and looked away.

Yuna walked in front of me and held my shoulders, "What?" she asked. Fear was rising back into her voice.

"How dare you!" I almost screamed at her. I almost screamed because I knew if I actually did the tears would follow, "How dare you not love him? He loves you so much and does everything for you, and you just don't love him? You're screwed up, Yuna!" I batted my hands through the air and tried desperately to control by breath but I just couldn't. I was hyperventilating.

Yuna came over to me and stroked my back until I calmed back down. It took quiet a while. After several long minutes I looked up at her and straightened my self in front of her. My eyes burned in my head when I slapped her. She turned quickly back and looked at me sadly.

"I was hoping you would understand," she looked away quietly still standing dangerously close to me.

I shook my head, "How could I ever understand? Yuna, you know what he was going to do?" I said letting my expression fade into an insane smile, "He told me last night that he is going to propose to you. We were going to go look for rings tomorrow. I told him that I was 100 certain you would say yes. Oh Yuna you should have seen how nervous he was. Now this. I can't believe you! He loves you so much! How can you selfishly feel the way you feel?"

"He wants to marry me?" She choked out a sob-like laugh, and smiled at me almost crying, "I guess I'll just have to say no…" The room was silent for several more minutes before Wakka came over to us. He didn't even notice the tense atmosphere that was building up in here, making me glad that Lulu didn't come over instead. The food was ready so we followed him back to the room. Yuna and I lagged behind.

She looked at me pleading with her eyes, "Please don't tell him. I should be the one," then the door opened and we sat down to all the wonderful food, before us. Lulu had her eyes focused on me and only me, because Yuna had so much practice pretending to be happy she ate her meal and began talking to Tidus like she was his apron-wearing wife. I looked at them and then moved my gaze around trying not to look suspicious.

The baby woke up gently and Lulu began feeding him food. Every one got lost in their own world, with their family and friends, and no one looked at me. My eyes watched Tidus as he watched Yuna talk to Wakka across from her. His eyes were so soft and loving. He reached up his hand and brushed hair away from her face and kissed her softly on her temple. My eyes hit Yuna's.

I couldn't ignore the tightness in my throat any longer. I felt like I was going to cry. I moved my food and put my head down so no one would see me crying, but I didn't cry. The tightness was there but I couldn't do it. So I screamed and kicked my legs and made a scene. I felt Lulu's hand reaching over to rest on my head, her large sleeves given her away. I thought I heard her say something to me but I just sniffed and looked up like I knew I had to. All the eyes in the room instantly were glued to me in that instant. Yuna's were anxious, every one else's were worried.

I laughed with a wet sound in the back of my throat. "Is this what it's like to be in love?" I asked with a sad smile on my lips, not even realizing that I had said those words out loud.

They all started laughing at me; Wakka even gave me a firm squeeze on the shoulder. I could feel tears falling down my face. Then felt my smile fade and sob escaped my lips. They were quiet again and looked to me. I buried my head back into my arms, crying loud and indignantly.

I heard a chair move and a soft hand rested on my shoulder, "Love is nothing, if not pain," Yuna said sadly, and I was the only one who laughed at this cruel joke.

I couldn't breathe under those loving stares, those humoring stares, so I left. All the way back to my hotel room it rained. Or did it?