I'm sorry. The last chapter was immensely boring, and this one is too. By the way, I'd like to thank you all so much. It's only now that I realize this chapter is 18 chapters long- my longest story yet. And there's still more to it. I'm not sure how much more, so thanks for sticking with me anyway. You guys really are the best.

Jacob's POV

In the midst of the mess, there was a calm point.

It was short and barely lasted a few minutes, but one would not believe how much someone was capable of thinking of in that short amount of time. I touched upon so many topics that I couldn't believe it myself. What happened, what could have happened, what would happen… All things I was scared to think about. She was raped, she could have died, she would be scared of me from now on…

But that was just the start of it.

Renesmee had changed. I could see it. Anyone could. She was never talkative, so I knew this killed any chances of words escaping her mouth for a while. And if I didn't get to hear her voice, I don't know what I'd turn into. But beggars can't be choosers, and I knew that if she ever spoke to me again, it wouldn't be a pleasant conversation. It would bring back bad memories, not good ones. No, of course not.

I could see something in her eyes when she was at the top of that cliff. It was shame… regret… fear. I could see something in Embry's eyes, too. He was having fun. Fun. He was enjoying every second of it; using her brought him joy. To get at me. It was my own fault that this happened. But what got me the most was that I really didn't care about Alpha. I didn't know when he found the time to plot all this under my nose, but he was an idiot. He didn't know who Renesmee was. I did.

She cracked under pressure. She blushed at the smallest remarks. Her favourite colour was lavender. She loved the smell of vanilla. Her hair looked best down- it went down to her mid-back. She loved rain. Her eyes were a little sensitive to sunlight. Her pet peeve was incorrect grammar. When the right light hit, her eyes would take on a gold-ish glow. Her average heartbeat was about 90 beats per minute- sometimes I counted during silent moments, just for the hell of it. She wasn't talkative. Grey, pink and lavender, of course, looked amazing on her; but then again, what didn't? She knew how to tie a tie better than I did. She always figured out the ending of the movie before it ended. Her favourite song was "Hey, Soul Sister" by Train. She could sing it beautifully. I loved her. I think she knew all along.

I, on the other hand, was stupid. Stupid, naïve and gullible. I was everything I promised not to be. I didn't believe her one bit when she would say nothing was wrong, but I never pushed farther to find out what was really killing her. I should have, but some sick demon inside me warned me not to. I couldn't decide whether it was right or wrong. I knew that if I had found out straight from her like Edward did, that she would have collapsed in my arms rather than his. I didn't know if I could stand to see her like that. What bothered me more was that I could imagine it. I couldn't take the image, let alone if the image was real, in my arms. I wouldn't be able to take it. But it wasn't about what I could take; it was about Renesmee.

A sudden thought came to me. Quil. Edward said something about Quil. Or maybe I did. Either way, he knew more about him than I did. I needed to know how he was involved, because if he did something to her too, I would… I would…

Let's face it. I wouldn't do anything.

I didn't know how to think anymore. Common sense was far past me at that moment. For all I knew, she could have taken her last breaths while I kicked Embry's ass. She was in bad enough condition. She could have died while I took revenge. I knew she hadn't, though, because I could still feel that… connection. No matter how faint it was, it was there, and I was not going to let that go. But theoretically speaking, would it be right if I wasn't there, trying to get back at him? I knew that I could not live knowing he was… and it still bothered me to know that he may or may not have been breathing as I thought of all this. As my rant went on, my thoughts ran in separate directions.

How could Ness act like it was nothing when this all began? She wasn't very good at it, but how could she not… say something? How hard must it have been for her? And I couldn't help her through it, because that would defeat the whole purpose of her silence. She was always strong- physically and mentally, but I still couldn't bring myself to imagine her trying to pull through that with a smile, hoping no one would notice; hoping no one could see how fake and difficult it was. This escaped just being polite. This escaped not wanting others to carry the burden. This was something she was going to have to live with… forever. And ever. And ever. I couldn't determine if she would ever be able to forget it during that long, long, long time period of forever, but I know I, as weak minded as I am, would not. How could she live with that? She was stronger than me, though. Maybe she would find a way to cope. Could I?

Not even once. Three times. Three fucking times.

I couldn't believe I once was able to call Embry a friend. A best friend. He took away two things- one I couldn't care less for. But in a way, he took Renesmee away as well. But I knew that she wouldn't be able to see it. But he… He may have been stupider than me. Why would someone take such a large risk for such a small thing? A title is all it was. A damn title that may have cost her life. It was like stealing free samples. You could have just asked, man. You could have just asked, and I would have given it to you. You didn't have to come up with some elaborate plan and just beg it would go off easily.

I remembered the cliff and what was said. Only then did anything really hit me. The adrenaline of the moment stunted my thoughts, letting anything slip out of my mouth to get answers I wouldn't consider. I didn't stop and think, because there was no time to waste on that. But there was now.

Nessie wasn't blind. I think that she knew for a while what my feelings were (and although I never got a chance to hear how she felt, I hoped the feelings were mutual) but never said anything. Maybe. But she never knew I had imprinted. I never thought to bring it up. I didn't know how she would react. But I saw her reaction on that cliff, and it was simply wide eyes. Had she caught it, or was she more wound to what was said not even a word or so afterward? What Embry had been planning… what she had been used for…

I could see how she felt. Or rather, feel how she felt, because I was feeling it too. White hot daggers stabbed right through my stomach, distracting my brain from anything but the pain, pain, pain. And if I felt like that, I could only imagine how she felt. He had come so close… so close to succeeding. He'd tried three times, and I was certain one more would have done the trick. If the last one hadn't.

My eyes widened.

My brain had come to terms with something that was just a word to me before. As all this unfolded, I could never really see what happened- only that she was hurt. My brain acted on first instinct. She was hurt. I never stopped and thought to myself "What kind?" Just that she was hurt. I felt the sudden urge to check a dictionary, because the word I thought of in that moment seemed so overused in the matter of a day that it was simply just four letters put together. Just like love, hate, kill, help, hurt… the word "rape" was just another four lettered word to me. Until that moment.

She was raped. R-A-P-E, E-P-A-R, A-R-E-P, P-E-R-A, E-P-R-A, R-A-E-P. No matter how many ways I spelled it, the word remained the same. Changing the spelling wouldn't change the meaning. She was raped.

And it was all my fault.

I told you it was boring. I'm sorry, but I needed Jacob to address all the problems they were facing. Thanks for reading anyway, and once again, sorry it was so boring. Next one will be better, I promise. But please, I NEED your input and suggestions. They would help SO much.