Renesmee's POV

It had been three months since I overheard that he left the pack. Not that it made much difference to me. The last time I saw him, I was a wreck; so much so that who I saw wasn't him, but someone else entirely. I wouldn't be surprised if I had scared him off. In fact, I hoped I did, because I didn't want to cause him any more trouble than I already had.

I never really spoke much, but I spoke even less during that time. So if I did, it was only if I was required to, but otherwise I may as well have said that my voice was never really heard. I was for lack of communication, especially with my father. As far as he was concerned, I wasn't on good terms with him. He knew why. We didn't talk about it, though. We didn't talk about how not a week after I broke down in his arms (which I trusted), did everyone seem to know what I had begged to keep secret. Especially Rosalie. How she threatened to kill him, to do what had already been done; the unnecessary. The way she tried to comfort me, but did the opposite instead… the pity. I couldn't stand it anymore. I'd sooner have myself killed than hear anything even suggestive of "I'm so sorry" again.

I needed to get out.

I sat on the edge of my bed, thinking. I wondered if I pulled puppy-dog eyes if I would be allowed to leave my dad's hearing range, just to have some time to myself. Because although me may have pretended to "not listen", I wasn't stupid and knew that he hung on my every thought like it was my last. And I was sick of it. So I sighed and walked over to my closet, digging through the heaps of clothes my shopaholic aunt insisted on buying, seeing as they were meant for one-time-use in her eyes anyway. I finally found a not-so-flashy sweater after what seemed like hours of searching and pulled it over my head. I smoothed out my hair, regardless of the fact that appearances didn't matter, considering the whole point of this is that nobody would see me.

But, of course, nothing ever goes as I plan it, and so the moment he heard the bolt of the door click, my father was in front of me, pushing it closed once again. I felt like cursing out, but avoided it, seeing as that was the last thing that would get me out of this situation.

"Where are you going?" he asked, sounding worried. No doubt he thought I was going to hang myself if I had the chance. But he knew where I was headed, and that's why he was the one who sighed and looked down, and not me. "Renesmee, I'm just concerned."

"Sure." I scoffed, "Everybody's 'just concerned', right!? You won't give me one damn second to myself because you're 'just concerned'!"

"You don't underst-"

"I don't understand?" I asked in disbelief, cutting him off. "I don't understand what happened to me!? Let me tell you something- I don't care how many years you've lived or how many minds you've read; this is something you will never understand! So you can be as over protective as you feel you need to be. You can smother me- hell, you can suffocate me if you want, but don't talk to me about understanding, because that's something you are not."

I had stunned him silent, speaking more in that one little speech than I had these entire few months. So regardless of what he may have heard in my mind, hearing it out loud had, obviously, a greater effect, because the moment the words escaped my lips, he was tense and quiet. I realized then what I had said and apologized, stuffing my hands into my pockets and gazing at the floor. I cursed at myself and bit my lip, something I probably should have done sooner. I was told by a person once that it would probably be better to keep my mouth shut, which I had been doing up until now. Why I followed his advice, I will never know, but I maybe he was right for once. Or so I thought, until I heard the bolt of the door click again and peered up to see the door open, my father holding it for me.

Maybe he realized I was right. Or, much more likely, he realized his daughter was nuts and didn't want to deal with the difficulty of stuffing me into a straight-jacket. Either way, the door was open, and I smiled. Only on the outside, though, because as I learned, smiling was something I could no longer do on the inside. So again, as always, I pulled on that fake little smile just to convince my all-knowing father that I wasn't hiding a noose on me, and that I wasn't looking for the tallest tree I could find.

Being outside felt new to me, seeing as the closest I got lately was the window. So I tripped and stumbled a few times, not without at least a small scratch or two, but made my way regardless. Where I was going, I had no clue, as long as I was far away from my dad's hearing range and from people all together. As long as I could finally avoid questioning or at least the sympathetic looks I got from people who felt too bad to ask, I didn't care if I ended up in Russia.

So I wandered through the woods for a good half hour before finding a place to sit down and settle for an hour or so. The small area seemed familiar, though I could have sworn I had never been there a day in my life. Maybe I had passed by it once or twice with Jacob. Speaking of which…

I missed him.

I sat down by the trunk of some old, massive tree and rubbed my eyes. It was suddenly hard to see. Everything around me was blurry, and it was only when I wiped my eyes that I realized I was crying. I was way out of hearing range by then and thought up a whole batch of things I considered myself to be, such as weak, pathetic and down right useless. My left hand grasped something sharp and rock-hard, but I didn't let go. I held on tighter and tighter with every single thought I had, and what I should and shouldn't have done. So I thought to myself, and knowing the thoughts were truly to myself, they became dark and angry.

I should have kept my mouth shut! So many problems could have been avoided and nobody would have had to know. I could have dealt with it myself. I could have, I should have, I didn't. Because all I've done for my whole life was depend on other people to solve my problems for me, so I never learned to fight my own battles. I was weak, stupid and naive. I don't even know why my family cared so much- I was the most worthless member in it. I didn't deserve half of what I had, except my own suicidal thoughts. Even then, I had no right to even think anything like that. I just hated how they cared so much for some… fool that couldn't even put up a quarter of a fight that they could. I didn't want them to bother with someone as low as me. I didn't deserve it, and they deserved better. For all I knew, I've been a hold up these sixteen years. How I wished I had their patience.

But I didn't, so I threw the contents of my hand to the ground with force, lodging the small stone into the ground. My hand bled. I was weak! To get hurt by holding tiny damn rock, not even a human was that retarded. I was going to head home to vampire parents- with a bloody hand. Smart. Real smart. I don't know why my father ever said I had any brains, because if I did, I wouldn't have gotten up at that moment and started violently punching the tree's bark with that same hand out of anger with myself.

"God damn it!" I growled, but it was short lived, and the tears slipped down my face again as I examined my scraped and bloody hand.

I heard a snap from behind me and whirled around, terrified. Paranoia took immediate hold of me and I pressed myself back against the trunk, trying to take in everything around me. I heard another snap, and then free walking almost, and I wished I could just disappear. Not now, not when I didn't have a good hand to fight with… not like I would, anyway. I would probably cry and take it like I always did… the stupid, pathetic person I am. So I tried to bury myself in the tree, and my heart beat wildly, hoping that it was anyone, anyone but Embry.

But as I saw who it was, I figured that it wasn't much better.

"Uh… H-hey, Ness." Jacob said.

I suddenly wished I did have noose on me, because it would have brought me great use.

I had a lot of fun writing this chapter. Especially her little comebacks and thoughts. Oh, wait, that's all there is in this chapter. xD. Well, my opinion doesn't matter. So tell me what you thought about it. REVIEW!