Jacob's POV

It had been exactly two months and twenty eight days since I had seen Renesmee. I was going to go mad. I had to see her, even though I knew it wasn't the best idea. A lot of things weren't good ideas lately.

Like growing out a beard.

I tried not to look at the razor. The scruff annoyed the shit out of me, but I knew that if my hands even touched that razor, it would be touching my neck soon enough. So I just let it grow in.

I hadn't phased in a while. Not since I broke off from the pack. I still saw some of them on the way, when I went to the bar. Every week. But every week soon turned into every other night, and every other night turned into every night. Pretty soon, I was drinking night and day, trying to get drunk, and failing, thanks to my damn immune system. I couldn't take the feeling of… not feeling. I felt that maybe, just maybe, if I couldn't feel that vacant space, it wouldn't be there. But I knew that it wasn't going to happen, and so did the alcohol. It was almost like the bar was trying to get rid of me.

I think the bartender hated me.

"Just a beer." A guy said to the bartender, and took his place beside me. His voice sounded familiar, but I couldn't place it. And I didn't care. I could have sworn I might have felt a buzz, so right before the bartender walked away, I ordered another one, feeling hope swell up inside me.

"Don't you think you've had enough, buddy?" She said, raising a brow.

"I don't know, am I drunk yet?" I retorted.

She rolled her eyes, sighed, and walked away. She came back shortly, two beers in her hand and plopped them on the counter. One in front of him and one in front of me.

"Last one."

"Fine." I said, and chugged I like it was a Big-Gulp of water in the middle of the desert. It didn't do a thing. "Fuck this." I said, and slammed the empty bottle back onto the counter. The music was playing so loudly that I couldn't hear my own thoughts. "Hey, Soul Sister" came on. I thought the reason I was out was to try and get rid of this feeling, not to bring it back.

"This song is shit." The guy beside me muttered. I didn't look over at him, but responded with "Some people would disagree." He laughed. It was a dark, regretful laugh. It struck me then who it was, so I took a deep breath in an prepared myself .

"What the fuck are you doing here?" I asked, and turned to face him. He spun on his stool and looked at me for a second before he realized who addressed him. His eyes went wide and he went into defence mode immediately.

"Whoa, Jake. I thought we settled this." He said, and lifted his hands like an innocent man would.

"You'd think so, wouldn't you?"

"Look, I said I'm sorry. I meant it."

"Do you think that justifies raping someone!?" I growled, maybe a little loudly. A group of girls having a good time stopped laughing and moved away, across the bar to resume their conversation.

"Quiet down." he said. I got angry, needless to say.

"Quiet down? Do you think I'm Renesmee? Do you think you can say to me what you said to her?" I asked.

He shook his head.

"If this is gonna turn into anything, take it outside." said the bartender. So I grabbed him by the arm and threw him through the doors. He was completely sober, but I had just a slight buzz. I didn't think it would turn me into that much of an animal.

"You didn't learn anything the first time, did you!?" I said, and again, he shook his head.

"I didn't come here to fight, Jake! I didn't even know you were gonna be here! I said I was sorry. If you can't accept that, I guess this isn't gonna work for either one of us."

"I would accept your apology if you broke my spine, Embry, because you were my best friend. But you didn't hurt me, you hurt my imprint. And I don't give a shit if it was even just a cut, but it was a lot deeper than that."

"You get real corny when you're-"

"I'm not drunk. And I'm glad you think this is funny. Because only you would." The look in his eyes said he was worried. He thought it would be the calm before the storm- he was expecting to have his ass kicked again.

"Jake, I didn't want to do what I did. I-I… I just thought, one day, that it would be nice to have alpha. I never imagined taking it this far. I mean, I had one joking thought, and it turned into a plan… I didn't want to. But when… when I grabbed her arm, I had to."

"Fuck you, man." I spat, and slammed him into the wall. "Fuck you and Quil, and all your damn choices. I couldn't give a shit if you really were sorry, or if you didn't mean to. You did what you did, and that's all that matters. It was the biggest fucking mistake of your life, but apparently you haven't learned anything, because you're still trying to make amends. Just…" I sighed, and loosened my grip, throwing him away like the piece of trash he was, "Just… stay away from her."

I ran my fingers through my hair and walked the other way, to get away from him and the bar. I needed to see Renesmee. I couldn't take this pain. Whatever god was out there had a cruel sense of humour! I couldn't see my imprint, yet I was forced to face her offender. My best friend. My god damn best friend! I would stab myself with the nearest broken bottle, whatever it took to get this concept of suicide out of my mind. At least for now. I didn't want to die without seeing her… without making sure she was alright.

So I ran as fast as my legs would take me, the wind and rain whipping against my face. I was tired of all this. I wanted to see her smile, even if it took years for her to ever smile again. I needed to see her eyes. She would be the only reason I wouldn't tear myself apart. I wanted so badly for the pavement to rush up against me and splatter me like a fly swatter to a fly. I knew that if I had known how I was feeling at that moment sixteen years ago, I would have blamed it all on imprinting, being the suck I always was. But I didn't know back then what living meant. I knew now, and I was being ripped so far apart from life that I was literally dying inside. Every moment felt like I had slipped down a hundred foot razorblade and landed into a pool of vinegar.

It hurt.

So I ran, and concentrated on my footing, getting myself tired in hopes of falling and forgetting momentarily about my inner pain and worrying about some stupid scratch instead. A scratch that would heal.

It was a twenty minute run from where I was. If I pushed my legs my hardest, maybe I could make it fifteen. The trees went by faster and faster, and I turned into the trail shortcut I always used. The wind blew fiercely, whipping my hair into my face, thus getting me really annoyed. It was short lived when I came across a familiar scent, though. I wouldn't have cared, had it been anyone's but hers. I must have been at least a mile from the Cullen's. Four or five months ago, it never would have struck me odd the see Nessie all the way out here alone, but now it was a different story. The fact that her father let her two steps outside his line of vision confused me. But all the way out here? Something had to be up.

She was sitting by a pretty huge tree, her arms hugging her knees. She snuggled her head onto her knees and held something tightly in her hand; so tightly that it made her knuckles turn white. A small red drop leaked down her palm, and she winced and threw the stone to the ground with force. It wedged itself into the ground, and she stood up, frustration in her eyes.

She faced the tree for a moment, clenched her fists, then began to strike the tree with that same bloody hand. She spared it no mercy, and I was glad I wasn't in that tree's place. The bark chipped and fell away in small chunks, until there was nothing in that small area except for naked wood. She punched once more and growled, "God damn it!"

I took a step closer to see what she saw. Her left hand was scraped and bloody; both on the back and the palm. I couldn't read her mind, of course, but I could see it in her eyes, how annoyed she was with herself. Renesmee was left handed, so having it damaged like that would really limit what she could do. A tear slipped down her cheek, but I knew it wasn't for the pain in her hand, but rather the fact that she had caused it herself, taking out her anger on an insignificant object.

I didn't want her to see me. I'm not sure why- maybe I didn't think it would be a good time. But as I peeked around the tree and took a tiny step closer, the most cliché thing imaginable happened.

I stepped on a fucking stick.

She whirled in my direction, her eyes darting around like she was expecting an ambush. I swore to myself quietly and ducked behind the tree. She stopped breathing and stood completely silent. I couldn't do this to her. She was scared, and I knew exactly who she thought I was. So I took the first breath and stepped out.

"Uh… H-hey, Ness." I said awkwardly, trying to break the foot-thick ice. She stepped back, fear in her eyes first, but then she looked down. I licked my lips nervously because I didn't know what to say.

"Is… is this a bad time?" She didn't respond, but instead hid her hands behind her back, like one hiding something would, in hopes that I hadn't already seen the damage done. We stood, silent for a good minute. Something in her shift of posture told me that it was probably the worst possible time I should run into her. "I… uh... I can come back later."

She tried to speak, but hesitated and dragged her eyes toward the ground again. I got the point and sighed. At least, if I left, I would know she was physically okay, save her hand. Mentally, I would soon find out. "Well… see you later, then." I said, and turned around. I took one step, and I felt her hand on my shoulder, holding me back. Any other day, I would have jumped and cheered. But I contained myself and turned around to face her.

She backed away immediately, looking down once more. Again, she struggled for words, her mouth opening and closing, until she finally managed to force out, "Wait."

I straightened up a little.

She looked to her left and right, then frustrated and to the ground, again looking like she desperately needed a thesaurus. Maybe even a dictionary. She met my eyes for a fraction of a second and whispered, "Don't go."

It didn't matter then, how many times I might have played this scene over in my head, imagining how this conversation would go. My heart got the better of my head, and the three words I blurted out changed the course of the conversation completely.

Hope you liked it. I want to apologize for covering stuff that already happened in the last chapter, but I felt we needed to catch up with Jake and his personal life. Sorry. Also, I hope you understood that last paragraph. I'd like to thank spoiled-fairy for the closing of this chapter and all the help she's given me so far.

I'd appreciate feedback and suggestions. REVIEW!