Renesmee's POV

"W-what?"

"Uh… I- I don't know, uh… why I said that."

I was sure I looked like an idiot, blinking repeatedly and speechless. My heart was in my throat and it felt like I was jumping off of a building. My knees, in that moment, wanted to give out on me, regardless that I knew how he felt beforehand. And so they did, but I caught myself before he could. I didn't need to pass out in his arms after he had just told me he "loved me".

"Are you okay?" He asked, but kept his distance. I ignored his question completely and concentrated on keeping myself up and balanced.

"I know." I said, and started breathing deeply. I didn't know how to handle the moment, and sank to my knees slowly, running my fingers through my hair. I hadn't seen him in three months. This was too much too quickly. I was going to freak out, and my heart was going to explode. Everything around me began to spin, but I refused to let myself fall and be weak. I wrapped an arm as far as I could around the tree so I wouldn't face plant and look even more like an idiot. My mind was in chaos. What was I worried about? Was I even worried? Was I worried, angry, depressed, excited, confused, or surprised? Was it even one of those? Was I insane? Was he insane? Were we both insane? What did sane mean?

"I know!" I said, as if he had been pressing me, asking me if I knew how he felt. I knew, I knew, I knew! But did I? What was wrong with me!? I was collapsing in on myself. It felt like I was falling apart like wet sand; too heavy to hold myself together. How come I didn't have a meltdown for three damn months, when I should have, but now did because of three stupid words that weren't even his!?

I tried to breathe steadily, keep my pulse under control. Jake didn't say anything, much to my satisfaction. One more word would have sent me off the rocket. After a few minutes of clenching my fists and letting tears fall, trying to keep my mouth shut before I said something I didn't mean to like he did, I calmed down a little bit. I tried to stand, but couldn't support myself, so he gently helped me up by the arm. I lightly shrugged him off, knowing it wasn't Jacob who was helping me up, but that stupid little voice inside him. He took a step back like he did something wrong and was expecting to be shunned.

"I know, Jacob." I forced out, and when he continued in silence, I said, "I know you think you love me."

He sighed and smoothed his hair back, figuring he had already said what must have deemed him an idiot and that there was no way to fix it. So he tried to, at the very least, clarify what he had said.

"It was a stupid time to say it, I'm aware of that. But Ness, my head's on straight. I don't think I love you, I do love you."

"If your head's on as straight as you think it is, why do you smell like alcohol?" I said without thinking. "I-I'm sorry. That's-"

"No," he interrupted, scratching his head like he was searching for words, "It's okay. Uh, I guess… It's been, uh, kind of difficult to…"

"To what?"

"Tolivewithoutyou!" He blurted out. He sighed then, and said "I know it sounds cliché, and I know that this is the worst possible time to say anything I've said so far, but it's been difficult and-"

"And so you've been drinking? Jacob, why would you-"

"I know." He said, and smirked toward the ground.

"Do you think this is funny?" I asked in disbelief.

"N-no! Not at all, it's just…" he peeked at me, looked down immediately, and began to snicker lightly. I was very close to smacking him, until he continued. "It's just that you sound the way you always did."

I smiled, but it disappeared quickly, along with his.

"That's only because I care about you," I said. "And because I don't want you to make stupid decisions."

"I can't even get drunk." He reasoned, like it made a difference.

"It's not about that, Jake! It's about everything you've risked; like giving up Alpha. I just don't want you to make mistakes you'll regret later on."

I didn't realize how quiet it was between us; how tense he was after I had said that. He was clenching his fists, and I quickly realized that was the wrong thing to say- at least in his perspective. But I didn't apologize, because I knew he wasn't looking for one, and because I believed in what I said.

"Mistake?" He repeated, "The only mistake about doing that was trusting his word. Don't you realize that nothing would matter if you weren't around? I'd give Alpha a thousand times over than have you dead."

Jake took a step forward, and me back, an instant reaction. He took a breath in and stepped back, giving me double the space.

"Jake, don't you see? You're looking at this through rose coloured glasses! The way you say things… it's like I've made your life better."

"What do you mean?"

"I don't know… I guess you just don't see things the way I do."

Again, we stood silent, our eyes making contact every few seconds and breaking immediately. He stared at his shoes, so I couldn't see his eyes well enough to determine if he was confused or sad. No one spoke, no birds chirped, and I could hear nothing in the distance. All that was audible was the sounds of our breathing, our heart beats. A faint ringing filled all the gaps in between. I can safely say it was the quietest minute of my life. So not until the wind blew through the near-leafless trees, rustling them ever so slightly to reassure life in the dead moment, did Jacob speak.

"This is about the imprint, isn't it?" he asked.

I contemplated for a second whether I should have changed the subject. But I couldn't let him live in that delusion. He needed to realize, if he believed it or not, that this Imprint he had on me was brainwashing him.

"Yes." I replied quietly. He nodded his head ever so slightly like he agreed and pursed his lips. I knew he didn't want to have this conversation, but he needed it. It felt like an intervention.

"Renesmee," he started, "I don't know what you've heard, but-"

"I've heard enough to know how you feel, and how many mistakes you're going to make. Don't you see, Jacob? This Imprint is practically brainwashing you! You could have had a life aside from me!"

"I could have, yeah. What a grand life it would be, pointing the barrel to my head." He said. I couldn't find the words to counteract him quickly enough, so he continued, "Pretend for a second that you never knew about the Imprint. Would you still be convinced I was being brainwashed, or would you believe it was real love?"

I couldn't respond. No matter how hard I tried to push the words out, I knew that he would see me through. He knew me well, and I knew him. I knew he knew he was right, and he knew the way he worded the question would make me see that, too.

"I can't answer that question," I admitted, "because I do know about it, and because the answer will affect you more than it will me." I paused. He looked down and shut his eyes for a few moments, like he was trying to think of a response.

"Not to say it isn't 'real love'," I continued, "It's just that it was love that was forced on you. Jake, you know me better than anyone. Probably even better than my father. So you should know that I don't…" I struggled for how to continue, "I don't want you to have to love me."

"I don't have to, I chose to love you." He said.

"No you didn't."

His heart skipped a beat when I said that, which further proved my point. Would he hang off my every word like it would be the last thing he would hear? He knew it was the truth but wouldn't, for the life of him, admit it. In his mind, I made him happy, but now I could see the extent of sorrow I could cause him as well. I got myself into this mess, and he had risked everything to get me out of it. He didn't deserve that, nor did he deserve to think so.

"Maybe I didn't." he finally admitted after so much silence. "But I'm glad it wasn't my decision. If I could have decided without any opinion of you… if I didn't know you… I would have turned around and walked away, because I would prefer to kill myself than to let some girl play with my heart again. But it wasn't my decision. So if you want to call it a mistake, then it was the best damn mistake of my life. I love you, Renesmee; not the imprint."

I stepped toward him and wrapped my arms around him. He didn't move, but his heart skipped another beat. He finally responded and hugged me back.

"I'm sorry," I whispered, "I'm so sorry you believe that."