Jacob's POV.

"I'm not." I said. How could I be? "I've said it once before- if it wasn't for you, I would probably be dead by my own cause. You've saved my life. Why won't you believe that?"

"Because there's so many fish in the sea. But how can you make a selection when you're trapped in such a small bowl?" She tried to reason. "Don't talk to me about how I saved your life and remember all that you've done for me." I could see that look in Nessie's eyes as she took a step back; the look that said she wasn't worth it, that she owed her life or something. I never thought I'd have to say this, but for once, she was wrong.

I hadn't done anything. I sat and watched everything happen all under my nose. I was an idiot to believe Embry's lies, to assume nothing was wrong. What exactly did I do for her, besides punch him in the face? He was still breathing, obviously not much of an improvement. How could I face her knowing glance and think something else of it?

I spoke what I thought, bringing us back to a topic I wished had vanished. "I haven't done nearly enough. If I'd done what I needed to, he wouldn't have gotten to you. He wouldn't have-"

"I'm over it!" She exploded. "Why aren't you!?"

And so I was silent.

She had a point. How could I still be caught up in what happened to her? But at the same time, how could she get over something I still wasn't over? The anger on her face as she said that to me- it was heartbreaking. But the sadness underneath was even more so. What was I supposed to say? What did I want to say? How did I feel? What was the answer? I knew she wasn't exactly in the emotional state to talk about it, and it was stupid of me to start up the topic again. Her eyes watered, but she didn't let any tears fall. She knew that if the truth showed, she would have to give up and admit it- his disturbing presence was still lingering in her mind.

"You're in denial." Slipped out of my mouth. It was probably the worst slip up of the whole conversation.

Her eyes went wide and she opened her mouth to say something. Nothing was said. Her eyes narrowed, and there was a look of something more than anger on her face- it was a look of someone else's betrayal, someone whom she trusted, someone she could never forgive because of three words. But those three words weren't just words like "I love you." What I said had angered her speechless. So she simply turned her back to me, without another word, and began to walk away.

I fucked up. Badly.

So I reached out and grabbed her arm. She shook me off and walked faster.

"Wait!" I called. So she stopped and faced me. Her fists were clenched and she stared at me in hate. That hate snapped my heart in two, and each piece divided itself twice, until there was nothing left but dust. But beyond that "hate", there were tears, and she couldn't stop herself now.

"Have you ever thought that maybe I don't want to think about it anymore? Do you know how difficult it is to forget when it's constantly being pushed in your face!? Pity surrounds me! They remind me, and they think they're making things better! Even my god damn father! You're exactly like him."

I swear I didn't breathe. She looked down, gritting her teeth, her fists clenching and unclenching. I knew better than to talk. I knew half of what she said was simply just spur of the moment. And I knew that the smallest thing could send her into meltdown mode. The sad thing was, I could do nothing about it. I was forced to stand and watch her slowly rip herself apart for what she thought was the better. This was no longer my territory. As much as I hated it, this was something that I just couldn't help her with. Not only because it wasn't possible, but because she didn't want me to. She didn't want anybody to.

I could imagine what Edward could have possibly said. He was the worst person, put aside Emmett, to go to with problems. He could never understand this (not saying I could) to the extent he needed to. He and Renesmee were alike. Freakishly alike. She could never understand how much love someone is capable of, because that sack of dirt took that away from her, and hid it somewhere too far to find.

If you tell someone that there is a treasure, they won't believe it until they see it. That is, unless, they are the searching type. But if rumour circulates that the treasure has already been found, what's the point in looking? Same went for love.

She cried. She tried to conceal it by being quiet about it, but she couldn't manage to blink the tears away.

"I'm going insane." she thought aloud.

"No, you're not. I'm sorry, I guess you're right. I could never understand… it."

Have I mentioned how much I hated silence? I didn't have mind reading abilities- I would never know what she really thought. I knew I only heard a small fraction of what she really wanted to say, although I could guess accurately most times. But what was she thinking now? She seemed so different from the Renesmee I used to know; so uncertain. She looked at things with such a cold expression that was too difficult to get through. The silence let my mind wander, and that wasn't a good thing. If I got too far, I would get lost. She already was. She stared at the ground, fixated. It was almost like some tiny pebble was the most interesting thing she had ever seen.

I can't describe the way I felt starting the moment we started talking. I was lost for words, and I could say nothing right. Rather than saying "It's okay," and all that stuff that normally makes people feel better, it felt like I had an open umbrella shoved down my throat. I choked up whatever I thought, while the hole I was digging got deeper quickly. With every word she spoke, you'd think I would be happy. But I wasn't. Instead, the word-harpoons struck me right in the heart, and opened like a grappling hook. If I tried to pull them out, it would hurt even more. I needed to hear this, something was telling me, but I didn't quite understand.

"I'm sorry I'm snapping at you." she apologized, "I haven't spoken to anyone for the passed three months. I don't even think I've seen the sky. Forgive me, I just don't know how to think clearly anymore." She sounded so much like Edward it was unbelievable.

"I guess that makes us even." I said, and her eyes softened. She forced on a smile that she couldn't hold for more than a few seconds. "What'll it take?" I asked.

"What?"

"What'll it take for you to really smile again?"

She decided to make a light joke of it. "Shave your beard."

"Done. But what really?"

"Jake, I'm happy if you're happy. And you're not going to be happy if I'm constantly miserable. So take my advice and find someone who won't drag you down with them."

I didn't bother arguing with her point, but instead said, "That won't make you smile."

"No, but it will make you." she responded. Again she was wrong.

"No, it won't." I said, "Please. I refuse to be happy until you are. What can I do? I swear I would walk around the world if it would get rid of your pretend smile."

I realized something then. This issue could never be resolved if we would only be happy if the other was. One of us would have to suck it up and smile first, because there was no other way we would both be happy. All we cared about was what was best for the other. But what was best for her was what was best for me, and what was best for me was what was best for her. I guess she saw the confusion on my face.

"Jacob, listen to me. The only thing that could make me happy now is pretending that none of this ever happened. If everybody just dropped it, moved on, and never said another word about the matter, I'd smile again." She said. "Because I know what he did to me, and I don't need people constantly reminding me. It's like they think I've lost my memory or something, and that I need to remember, at every second of the day, that I was raped. So just… don't talk about it, and I'll be happy. I promise."

"It's a deal." I promised in return.

Well, I hope you liked it. Next chapter is the last, so make sure you read it.