Chapter 5: Foul-Languaged Christmas Special!
A/N: Sorry for the delay. The evil BSOD destroyed my work TWICE.
I've got the back to school blues tear.
I've been busy, that's why I haven't been writing for a bit. This chapter will probably have quite a bit of language in it, especially the beginning, since I'm really frustrated lately. Probably enough to warrant an M rating, but you only see those if you search, so T it shall remain! Please don't complain about the foulness of the language.
This chapter has nothing to do with work, but that's why it's called a special, damn you. Kaorin fans will be happy with this chapter. Well, maybe not… I have no clue the license age in Japan, so bare with me here. Yeah, I know, long A/N. I still don't own Azumanga, it is tough to acquire. R&R
Azu High School, the day before break
In the middle of a lesson, the school counselor walked into the room and pulled Tomo out.
"Good day, Takino-San. I wanted to talk to you about something," The Counselor began, "Class 3 has been getting a bit overcrowded lately. So I will need to move you to Kimura's homeroom. Is this alright with you?"
Tomo looked shocked, all her friends were in Yukari's class. And Kimura? "Well here's an idea, why don't you just fuck off?!"
The Azu girls suddenly got piercing headaches. "Oh crap, Tomo must've done something really stupid. My Tomo senses are going off." Yomi said.
And, with a crash, Tomo came crashing through the door. She continued flying with such force, that she flew through the window. She lay at the bottom. "I'm suing!" Tomo yelled, before she passed out.
A few lawsuits later, Tomo was bandaged up and the counselor was jobless. School finished up, and the Azu girls were so excited. Chiyo was bouncing around, giggling. The cuteness made Sakaki violently blush. Kaorin giggled as Sakaki blushed. Tomo was walking fine, considering she was just thrown out a two-story window.
"Erm… Tomo, what did you even do that pissed her off so badly?' Kagura asked. Tomo put her hands behind her head. "Well, I basically just told her to shove it up her ass. She's such a motherfu-" Osaka quickly covered Chiyo's ears.
"Don't listen to the evil, Chiyo-Chan!" Osaka yelled, making everyone else sweatdrop. They all walked to Chiyo's to celebrate vacation. After about a few minutes of Tomo's cursing and Osaka attempting an ancient Indian chant to make it go away, they reached Chiyo's home.
After a half an hour of talking in Chiyo's room, Osaka woke up from her sleep under the kotatsu. "Hey, you guys, why don't we go up to my winter cottage tomorrow for a few days until Christmas?"
Everyone gave Osaka an odd look. "Since when do you have a winter cottage?" Yomi asked. "I've always had one. I thought I told you guys." Osaka responded. "No, you didn't." Kagura said, confused.
"Hmm… Well, how about it? We'll be back before Christmas. You guys wanna go?" Osaka asked. Everyone nodded. "Sakaki-San, I'm really glad we get to travel together." Kaorin said. Sakaki simply nodded. Suddenly, Kimura burst through the door. "CAN I COME WITH YOU GIRLS?"
The Azu girls look mortified. "HOW THE HELL DID YOU GET IN HERE?" Kaorin screamed at the top of her lungs. Kimura tilted his head in a painful-looking way. He held up a case. "Lock pick." Kagura took the key, and the rest of the girls took him to the front door and threw him out.
"Merry Christmas, perv!" Tomo said, slamming the door. Chiyo locked every possible lock. "I can't believe it. I even had the chain lock… How did he get in?"
Time passes. The next day…
Tomo knocked down Osaka's door. "ROAD TRIP!" Osaka and her parents were drinking tea. They stared at her oddly. "Um… Tomo, the trip isn't until tomorrow." Osaka said, sweatdropping.
"Oh… Sorry." Tomo said. She slowly walked back outside. "Sorry about your door…"
The next day…
Tomo knocks the door down again. "ROAD TRIP!" Osaka walked downstairs sleepily. "It's 6:00 AM. Please go home."
"Oh… Sorry again." Tomo said, walking out the door.
A few hours later…
Osaka and her parents just finished fixing the door. "Boy, that door sure is stubborn. Well, it's 8:00 AM. They should be showing up since we are gonna get an early start.
3…2…1… As if right on cue, Tomo kicked the door down again. "I KNOW I'M RIGHT THIS TIME. ROAD TRIP!" Osaka's parents were too good natured to get angry. "Of Ayumu, you have such enthusiastic friends. Just don't let them drive." Osaka's mom said, smiling warmly. "Don't worry mom, they won't."
"Then who will be driving?" Tomo asked. "I will!" Osaka said, smiling. "You have a drivers license?" Tomo asked, shocked. Osaka looked at her strangely, "Yeah, I do. I've already told you." Tomo looked puzzled.
Yomi, Sakaki, and Chiyo walked into Osaka's house. They looked at the broken door. "What happened here?" Yomi asked. "ENTHUSIASM RUSH!" Tomo said. She suddenly got another wave of enthusiasm, so she grabbed Chiyo's wrists and began swinging her around.
"No! Chiyo-Chan!" Osaka yelled, 'jumping' into action (which really meant her slowly walking toward Tomo and Chiyo with her arms in front of her.)
Before Osaka even got close to them, Tomo set Chiyo down. Osaka saw Chiyo was perfectly safe, back on the ground. "Oh… I guess I saved ya, then."
After an hours of packing and getting ready to leave, they were about to drive out of the driveway. Suddenly, they saw a blinding flash of silver and heard a crash. They all slowly turned their heads toward Osaka's house again, and saw the Yukari mobile crashed into Osaka's housee, which, of course, broke the door,.
Osaka's mom's eye began twitching. "Honey, call a carpenter. Tell him to bring a lot of drywall and wood." She walked off to find aspirin.
"Hey girls! Your parents invited me to supervise!" Yukari said happily. "NOW LET'S GO!" Yukari said, backing up out of the driveway, hitting fruit stands along the way.
Osaka began backing out when she suddenly fell asleep. "Can anyone here drive?" Chiyo asked. Everyone besides Tomo shook their heads. "I can! I was taught be a very responsible woman!" They decided they had no other choice.
"So who taught you?" Kagura asked. "Oh, you know, Yukari." Kaorin and Chiyo's faces developed a look of pure terror. Kaorin couldn't be more scared, even if Kimura watched her change clothes.
Tomo hit the gas and the car swerved to a start. In a matter of minutes, they were driving at a nearly impossible speed. They were barely dodging cars. Surprisingly, Osaka slept through the whole thing.
"Sakaki-San, hold me!" Kaorin said, throwing her arms around Sakaki, burying her head into Sakaki's chest. Sakaki blushed.
"HOLY CRAP, LOOKIE, A RAMP!" Tomo yelled. Kagura was enjoying it. Chiyo was crying, Yomi buried her face in her hands, Kaorin felt safer in her current position that made Sakaki feel awkward, and Osaka continued sleeping. They sped towards the ramp.
They sped toward the ramp. "WHERE ARE THE POLICE WHEN YOU NEED THEM?!" Chiyo yelled. (The entire police squad was actually chasing Yukari) "Don't worry, Chiyo-Chan, your pigtails will forgive you…" Osaka said in her sleep.
They were soon flying through the air. Tomo and Kagura yelled happily to the onlookers.
They landed on the ground, but something wasn't right. They felt like they were spinning. They landed sideways and the vehicle was violently tumbling repeatedly from its wheels to its roof. They stopped spinning on the wheels.
Osaka was now awake. "What did I miss?"
No one was hurt, but Chiyo's seat was empty. "Oh my god, where is Chiyo-Chan?" Yomi asked looking around, terrified.
They all looked toward the sky and saw Chiyo, thousands of feet in the air. "Ack! Damn you anime physics!" Tomo said. "How many times do we have to tell you, you aren't in an anime!" Kaorin said, looking up from Sakaki's chest for a moment. Osaka was suddenly on the roof of the car.
She grabbed some of her hair in both of her hands, forming pigtails. "I'll save you, Chiyo-Chan!" Osaka jumped from the car roof and quickly slammed onto the road face first. All of the Azu girls were running to catch Chiyo.
They caught her before she hit the ground. Chiyo was sobbing loudly. Yomi jumped up and kicked Tomo in the face. "You idiot! You could've killed Chiyo-Chan!"
"Th-Thank you, everyone." Chiyo said, sniffling. "Ah, suck it up!" Tomo said which caused Yomi to grab her by her hair and throw her into a lake.
Osaka got up. "Oh… I guess I saved ya again, Chiyo-Chan." Everyone sweatdropped. "Um… Kaorin, you can stop hugging me now." Sakaki said.
They all arrived at Osaka's cottage a few hours later (Osaka drove, thankfully.) Everyone relaxed after the tough drive. Surprisingly, Yukari was not caught by the cops.
"Hey, I'm gonna make a fire!" Tomo said. "No, you are not! We are not taking any more chances with you!" Kagura said. After an argument, they decided that everyone would help Tomo so she wouldn't burn down the cottage.
As soon as they were able to ignite the fireplace, Tomo got bored. "Let's go outside!" "But you just made us start a fire…" Chiyo said. "But I'm bored!" The Wildcat complained. "Tomo, you are really tough to deal with…"
Tomo eventually whined enough to make them go outside to play (except Yukari, she wouldn't budge.)
They decided to have a snowball war. Chiyo was paired with Osaka, Yomi was paired with Kagura, Kaorin made sure she would be with Sakaki, and no one would be on Tomo's team, which, of course, made her whine. Eventually she sucked it up and decided she would be independent.
Yomi and Kagura made a strong wall. It couldn't be easily broken. Kaorin was determined to impress Sakaki, so she made a huge, sturdy wall that Chuck Norris would even had a hard time breaking down. Chiyo and Osaka tried making a wall, but it always fell. Tomo decided she would just go crazy with snowballs and have no defense.
Everyone stared each other down. Tomo broke the silence by randomly hurling snowballs in every direction, hitting nothing but trees.
Tomo eventually threw one toward Chiyo. Osaka tried to imitate Sakaki's awesome counter from the last time they had a snowball fight, but all she did was scoop air. Thankfully, the snowball flew over Chiyo.
"Oh Chiyo, why do you have to be so damn short? I could put you in my pocket and take you to a short convention. You'll never be tall you short prodigy." Tomo said, laughing. This statement made Chiyo the angriest she had ever been.
She was tired of all the abuse Tomo had put her through over the years. Almost throwing her off a cliff, karate chopping her on her head, making her hit her head on a chair, constantly mocking her, nearly killing her. Chiyo had reached a boiling point. Forget the snowballs.
Chiyo ran up to Tomo and kicked her in the shin. Tomo fell to her knees in pain. Chiyo took this opportunity to roundhouse kick Tomo in the chest. Tomo fell on her back.
Yomi, Kagura, and Sakaki held Chiyo backed. Kaorin watched Chiyo, stunned. Osaka stared at her best friend in horror. "Oh no, the pigtails have finally taken her over!"
Tomo didn't get up for a few minutes, while Chiyo was still struggling against her friends. Tomo ran back inside and hid. "AH! LET ME AT HER!" Chiyo yelled, her eyes red with evil.
Chiyo eventually stopped struggling and calmed down. The rest of the night was filled with tension that was only lowered when Osaka stated a theory of Chiyo's anger, all of them having to do with her pigtails. A few times, Chiyo attempted to attack Tomo, but was stopped (except once when she nailed Tomo in the face with a sneaky fist)
The night was peaceful. They were worried Chiyo would sneak into Tomo's room and kill her, but Chiyo was way too tired.
The next morning, Chiyo woke up first. She ran into Tomo's room and jumped at her. Tomo rolled out of the way just in time. Tomo ran away screaming. This woke everyone up.
"Mmm… What's going on?" Osaka asked. Everyone walked out of their rooms. They saw Chiyo trying to beat Tomo up. They decided Tomo deserved it and went back to bed.
Chiyo suddenly got superhuman strength. She picked Tomo up, dragged her upstairs, and threw her out of a window. She went back to bed. Tomo lay next to the house, bleeding. "I think… I may have gone too far with Chiyo."
Later, everyone was up and about. "Hey, where's Tomo?" Yomi asked. Chiyo grew an evil grin. "I don't know…" The Pigtailed Girl lied.
Tomo stumbled through the door, covered in snow and blood. She fell to her knees. "Chiyo-Chan, I'm so sorry. Please forgive me!"
Chiyo smiled and punched Tomo in the face, sending her across the room. "There, NOW I forgive you. I feel better know."
The rest of the trip was very normal. Chiyo returned to her normal self, Osaka was spacey, Tomo was hyper, and Kaorin admired Sakaki. It was the day to go home. Tomo, of course did not drive.
They got back and bid their farewells. They got ready for Christmas Eve with their individual families. Christmas cheer all around.
Chiyo and Tomo's Christmas
Chiyo got many cute gifts from her parents. She took Tadakichi for a walk.
She approached Tomo's house. She knocked on the door. A sleepy Tomo answered. She let out a shriek.
"Oh, don't worry, Tomo! I just came by to wish you a merry Christmas!" Chiyo said smiling. She handed Tomo a present. It contained a note that said "anger." Tomo looked at Chiyo puzzled.
"It's my anger!" Chiyo said. "Now I won't get mad!" Tomo sweatdropped. Chiyo stole her joke! But she was thankful to have happy Chiyo back. "Merry Christmas Chiyo-Chan."
Osaka's Christmas
Osaka an assortment of odd presents, like melon bread, a cook book, new shoes, and other miscellaneous things. She walked to Chiyo's house.
Osaka knocked on the door and Chiyo answered. "Merry Christmas, Ms. Chiyo!" Osaka said happily. "Oh! Why hello! Merry Christmas to you too Osaka-San!" Chiyo said.
Osaka handed her a box. She opened it. It contained two brown mounds of hair. "Um…" Chiyo was very puzzled. "I got you a new pair of pigtails! I used my own hair!" Osaka said. "Oh… Um… Thank you, Osaka-San."
Sakaki's Christmas
All of Sakaki's gifts were cute, cat-themed things. Books, plushies, hair clips, posters, you name it.
Sakaki walked down the street, Christmas cheer flowing through her body. She spotted Kamineko. She inched her way toward him. He jumped and ran away. She chased him. She cornered the cat in an alley.
Sakaki reached toward the cat. Slowly she got closer to Kamineko's head. Soon, she couldn't believe she felt fur. She pet the cat for a few minutes. "Merry Christmas, Kamineko." After she said this, she was bit.
Kaorin's Christmas
Kaorin had an uneventful Christmas and got many gifts, which she altered to make them Sakaki-themed.
She was changing to get ready for bed. She looked toward the window and saw pure horror.
"KIMURA, WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING!?" Kaorin yelled, covering herself. "Merry Christmas, my sweet Kaorin." Kimura said, gaping more than ever.
Kaorin ran out of the room and grabbed one of her dad's golf clubs. She threw on a robe and went outside. She beat Kimura with the golf club and threw him onto the curb. "NOW GET THE HELL AWAY FROM ME YOU PERVERT!"
Kimura lay on the sidewalk, bruised and bloody. "… It was worth it."
KAGURA HAD A BORING CHRISTMAS, THEREFORE I SHALL NOT WRITE ABOUT IT.
End of Chapter 5.
A/N: Yeah, I know, more winter themed then Christmas themed, but it was still fun to write. This is the longest chapter I've written. About 2,700 words. Please review. And sorry Kaorin and Kagura fans :P