Disclaimer: I do not own Hellsing.
Takes place after Alucard returns from South America and right after the meeting with the Queen, Maxwell and the video of Major.
This is a CRACK chapter. Meaning it's going to be OOC AND I DON'T CARE. NO FLAMES.
Now if you don't know what "Girlycard" is…then I demand that you look for "The Dawn" Hellsing series.
After the awkward meeting with the Queen and the surprising appearance of a cat boy, Integra, Walter and Alucard were currently in her office, talking about the new order.
To destroy the Millennium empire.
But after that, Integra finally had the chance to question Alucard wardrobe. For his trip to South America, he wore a different suit yet he didn't exactly own any clothes.
"You see Master…" he started, while his trench coat slowly formed into the suit he wore to Rio," I can form my own clothing and body"
"Is that right?" Integra raised her brow, slightly impressed," So you can take any form that you wish?"
"Form means little to me" he grinned madly and glanced at the butler who was pouring tea for Integra," You can even ask Walter for that"
The butler grumbled," I do wish you wouldn't remind me of that Alucard . . . "
"Oh but it was so fun, even you said I looked cute"
This immediately caught Integra's attention, Alucard? Cute? Was that possible? Judging by Walters annoyed look, it would appear so.
"I beg your pardon but . . . what is he talking about?"
"I don't think you want to know . . . "
"Of course she does!" Alucard dug into his jacket and pulled out a photo," See here?"
Integra eyed it carefully from the vampire's grasp. Walter turned bright red in embarassment and anger.
"Where did you find that!" Walter shrieked.
Integra already had it in her hands before he could stop her. The bottom left hand corner contained a date of 1944, and two people in the picture.
One was a young man who was blushing madly, and the other was a girl who was hugging him.
But there was something odd about the girl, a closer look revealed a fangy smile she recognized almost immediately.
Integra's blood drained from her face," This . . . is you?" she turned the picture around for him to see and pointed at the young man she guessed to be Walter.
"And…. this is . . . .him?" she then pointed to the girl.
Alucard grinned madly while Walter sighed and nodded.
"You…must be joking..."
"I sincerely wish I was, Sir Integra" he covered his face in embarrassment," I really do…"
There was a long awkward pause as Integra continued to stare at the picture in disbelief.
Suddenly, a high-pitched voice ripped through the silence like a gunshot.
"AWWW, I know you miss me!"
Integra's head snapped up to find the very same girl in the picture, latching onto Walter in a very girlish hug.
"GYAH! ALUCARD!" the butler screamed in anger.
Integra's mouth hung open in shock, nearly 5 seconds ago; the No Life King was before her. The epitome of all things evil.
He was now possibly the cutest girl she had ever seen.
Poor Walter on the other hand was blushing furiously and extremely annoyed.
"Go. Away" he growled.
It took a few moments for her to compose herself but finally, Integra sat up straight and glared at "Alucard".
"Alucard let the man be. He looks like he's going to have a heart attack. Besides . . . that looks all sorts of…illegal"
Alucard pouted and released Walter from his/her bear hug, " aww…"
Walter shuddered and began to walk off," I'm leaving now…"
"To take a cold shower…" Alucard added.
"To take a cold sho…" Walter stopped, casting one last glare at Alucard and stomped off.
The two waited for the door to slam shut before resuming more awkward conversation.
"Well . . . " she started," That was an image I could've lived my life without"
Alucard giggled. Which was…. very unnerving.
"Why must you torture the man so?"
"That was the point of this form, I was bored and this was born. So what do you think?" he/she asked while striking a very girly pose.
Integra blinked a couple of times, this couldn't get any weirder. She was almost positive it couldn't.
"Yes…well…it's…different, it's rather apparent why Walter would turn such a bright shade of red at the sight of you. Now…I must know…we're you like this with my father?" she knew her father at the time of World War II was…a bit of a party animal. She was almost afraid of the answer, the thought of Alucard in THAT and her crazy father….
She shuddered.
"I was like this but he saw straight through my disguise, no worries" he/she winked.
"That's comforting" Integra's eye narrowed, it was difficult yet strange. She tried her best to see the No Life King in this form but it was hard enough that his/her voice was a little higher than usual.
"Stop staring at me!" he/she screamed and whirled around, keeping his/her back to Integra," It's like you're mentally stripping me!" he/she whined.
"Wha-What?!" Integra stammered," I would nev-" she turned away and fought a blush," You're insane…" she growled.
Alucard suddenly appeared with his/her elbows on the desk with his/her face in between his/her fists.
"I know you love me, with or without boobs" he/she grinned.
"You're stark raving mad to think that I would ever . . ." she growled," you know…"
Alucard smiled brightly, just seeing his/her Master become so flustered was more than enough fuel to keep him/her going.
"It's alright…I won't tell anyone"
Integra's eye twitched," There's nothing to tell…" she replied through gritted teeth.
"Well its reasonable…" he/she started, he/she put her/his arms behind his/her head and grinned," I mean, I can control the way I look and this is the way I was before, I really didn't mean to have my bust larger than yours so…"
"If you even think that's the reason I'm mad... " She was fuming," Then you're sorely mistaken," she growled.
"Sure…" he/she giggled," Or maybe…it's something else?"
"What do you mean, something else? I don't know what you're talking about?" Now she's just flustered and confused.
"Oh that…. maybe perhaps you're secretly enjoying this?" he/she winked and grinned.
Nothing could hold back Integra's horrified look on her face, he...erm…she…IT couldn't be serious!!
"Wh-What!" she stammered.
"It's alright! I won't tell anyone that you're bi or gay I mean, I could admit I was when I first invented this form…besides it's actually not th…."
By now, Integra had enough. She reached for her gun and pointed it straight at….the…thing that was in her office.
"CHANGE BACK NOW" she hissed," And don't you EVER say such things like that ever again! Do I make myself clear!?"
"Girlycard" just laughed and put his/her hands up in defense," I suppose I pushed enough buttons for today…"
"YOU THINK?!"
Alucard hadn't seen her this upset since Walter put her on a cigar diet for a month. Needless to say, it not only didn't work but the household of Hellsing now truly faced the wrath of Sir Integra. And it wasn't pretty.
"Well you know…" before he/she could finish his/her comment, Integra shot his/her white fuzzy hat off his/her head.
"Gyah! Ok ok!" he yelped and melted into the floor.
Integra sighed in relief and placed her gun back in her coat," I've had enough of you for one day…" she growled deeply.
'Ah, my poor Master has no sense of humor…' he laughed silently in her mind.
Never in her life would she find his normal deep and frightening voice comforting after experiencing that squeaky thing.
"Oh please, if you call whatever that thing is humor then I'm Queen of the universe" she mumbled, reaching for a cigar.
'You're sarcasm is as dry as ever I see' he chuckled.
"Get out of my head Alucard…"
'Yes Master…hehe'With that, she felt his presence disappear. She just shook her head and continued her work, not in the slightest bothered by the girlish scream Walter let out two second later.
Swd is looking for a beta reader! Or an editor. Someone to correct my horrible grammer, because I know it makes some of you cry and your eyes bleed. So if you're interested, please email me!! Thanks!
SWD