After the Inuzukas left, led by Kakashi out of the Sand, Gaara and I sat on the bench of the courtyard in silence. The sun was warm on my face and a light breeze reached down to us from the open sky.
"Tomorrow is the wedding," I mused, not really expecting an answer from my partner. He closed his dark lidded eyes and leaned his head back to face the afternoon sunlight. He looked relaxed as a sleeping cat. I'd never seen him so comfortable before.
It was a strange thing to see. Usually, everything with him was so . . . intense. He was either completely in love with me, or completely angry at me, or completely ignored me. I had no idea how to act around him, what little things would set off his anger. Only now could I see the real person inside his shell of anger. And he was tired.
"Are you nervous?" he asked. I was a little taken aback by his sincerity.
"Of course. But it's a wedding; I guess I'd be nervous no matter who I was marrying."
Silence. He opened one eye to look at me. "Are you afraid because of me?" he asked quietly.
I wasn't sure. Gaara definitely scared me at times. But right now, in front of the handsome man napping next to me, I couldn't feel the fear. While he rested like this, I felt almost . . . comfortable around him. I laid my head back on his shoulder, and felt him jump slightly in surprise.
"Calm down, Gaara," I murmured. "Let's just sit here for a while." His body relaxed again and we napped in silence but for the faint sounds of life going on beyond the courtyard walls.
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At dinner, Gaara was a bit kinder to me than usual, inviting me into a conversation about the possibility of war between the Fire Country and Sound Country. Although the topic was boring, I was eager to be included in such an important conversation.
"Seluni, you traveled through the Sound to get to us here," said Gaara, "Did you notice how many villages you passed through?"
"Um, I think a few more than ten."
"And their sizes?" Baki chimed in.
"It took maybe half an hour to pass through each. But we were traveling slowly."
Kankuro leaned in, grinning, from the other end of the table. "Slowly? If we hadn't come to fetch you, you still wouldn't have reached the Wind yet!"
I glared at him. "At least the first half of my trip was more comfortable." He shrugged it off and resumed eating.
Later that night I sat alone on my bed, watching Toboe rip apart a particularly ugly brown pillow. I thought about Inuzuka Hana's comment about Toboe telling her it was his name.
"Toboe," I whispered, feeling foolish for even trying this. The dog completely ignored me, intent on killing his helpless feathered prey. Disappointed, I tried one more time. "Toboe, can you understand me?"
No reaction. I sighed and fell back onto the bed, watching the clouds slowly cover a full white moon.
A knock on the door, and Kakashi stepped in. I sat up to greet him.
"I want to talk to you about this afternoon." He sat down next to me.
"We still don't know much about who you are. I thought the Inuzukas could help more, but now I don't know what the next step is. I think you should forget about all this, and accept that we may not ever know where you are from."
"I can't just forget about it. I have to find out where I was born!"
"It doesn't matter where you were born. You are here now, and you have to accept the inevitable. And this peace treaty is important! Don't be so selfish."
Don't be so selfish. My father said those words to me when he first told me I was going to be sold to Gaara for peace. Hearing those words made anger burn inside me. Kakashi was just like the old geezer. I stood up to face him with a stern face.
"Listen, Kakashi. I know now why I could never perform jutsu and why I couldn't follow in my father's footsteps, but it doesn't help much. All my life, I've been forced to question my own worth, and since I came here, I've had to begin questioning my own identity. I hardly know where to turn anymore, who to turn to. After all, I'm still a stranger here, even though I look the part of a normal Wind citizen."
"But you aren't a normal citizen," he explained, "You're the wife of a Kage, probably the most powerful title a non-ninja woman could own. Your past is hardly important compared to the future. I recommend you accept that you are now Kazekage no Seluni, forget the surname that you lost, and look to your new life here."
"How can I do that when I'm unhappy not knowing who I was, who my real parents were? What if I have a family out there, who might think I'm dead?"
"That's what I'm trying to tell you, Seluni! Let them think you're dead. Because you are a powerful person here. Your situation in life is now above any of the most prestigious clan leaders or lords in the world. As I said before, I suggest forgetting all that nonsense about your past."
Nonsense. That selfish prick. To think that I trusted this man, who now was telling me to deny my past. But I could never do that.
In an instant, I decided I had to find a way out of the Wind, if it killed me. I would forget my father's peace treaty; forget the life I used to live. It pained me a bit to know that if I left, I would be proving both men correct when they claimed I was selfich, but I didn't care anymore. They had no idea what it meant to me to find out who I was. I knew I would not be able to return to the Lightning or to the Wind. I would be an outcast, never welcomed back because of my selfishness.
If only I wasn't getting married tomorrow. That might make things more complicated.
I looked up at Kakashi, who had a strange look in his eye. "Don't try to run away, Seluni," he said menacingly, "I won't allow it. I pity your situation, but my orders are clear – to make sure this wedding happens." He stood up and touched my chin, raising my face to look at his. I sniffed and fought back tears.
"Try to be happy here. I know you can be if you try." He walked out and closed the door behind him.
I looked over at Toboe, who was now sleeping soundly on the pillow he had been tearing apart. I smiled at him, wiped my eyes and got ready for bed.
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I dreamt that night about sparing with Gaara in a training ring under the stars. He circled around me, his face barely visible from the dark shadows and with beads of sweat glistening on his skin in the pale moonlight. His deliberate footsteps hardly made a sound as he calmly walked around me with sharp eyes focused on mine. I maintained a fighting stance, wearily turning so he was never at my back.
Suddenly sand shot up from the ground and grabbed my feet, swimming up my legs. I looked not at the sand but at Gaara, and I performed some seals threw my hands in front of me. I could literally feel the chakra flowing through me and towards my hands. Bright bursts of fire shot out of them, filling my vision until all I could see through the mess of bright orange were his light blue eyes staring at me without emotion.
I woke up remembering only vaguely the strange dream, but pushed it out of my mind. I had more important things to think about.
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Everyone was bustling around the building, frantically getting ready for the wedding. It would take place outside at sundown, in some large courtyard where apparently the wind couldn't reach.
The entire morning and afternoon I was being primped to look my best. Temari had somehow gotten my measurements, and presented me with a beautiful white gown for that night. My hair was done and I was taught my lines for the ceremony.
Trying on the dress, I looked in the mirror to see how I looked. My brown hair was pinned up formally, and I wore my favorite green necklace that matched my eyes and contrasted wonderfully with the dress.
I'm really getting married. I had always dreamt of it, like any girl, but I stupidly thought I would love the man I was wed to! And if only my friends from home were here to be with me. I suddenly remembered my unsent letter to Aleitryi from back home. I picked it up from the nightstand and reread it.
Dear Aleitryi,
How are you? It's been only a few days and I miss your company so much! I have finally become accustomed to the formality and strict schedules here, and I have made a fast friend in the Kazekage's sister.
The people of the Sand Village are strange . . . My first day here I was kidnapped by some rebels, but soon rescued by the Kazekage. The incident led me to the knowledge that I am extremely similar to those children we played with every Wednesday, such that it caused me to drop out of school. Can you believe it? No wonder that old geezer always complained about me, instead of treating me like the Kage's daughter. I feel so lost here without you to confide in; all this new information is driving me nuts!
By the time this letter reaches you, I will have been wed to the Kazekage. I'm not sure how this will all work out. He really doesn't seem like the husband type.
Please visit as soon as possible, I miss you and everyone back home. If you cannot visit, please write back!
Your friend in the Sand, Seluni
I sealed the letter and placed it back on my nightstand, planning to send it with the mail soon. Would Aleitryi understand the encoded message? The "children" we used to watch were the orphans of the village, and the "old geezer" was the name I called my father when we fought.
Temari opened the door and gasped. "You look stunning!" she squealed, and gave me a big hug. I can't wait for tonight. I love weddings!"
I forced a laugh and fixed my hair in the mirror. "How much longer until we begin?"
She smiled. "I came here to fetch you now. The wedding begins in half an hour."
"Half an hour? I- I'm not ready!"
"What else do you have to do?"
I couldn't think of a damn thing. I pet Toboe goodbye and nodded to Temari. "I guess I have to go then."
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The courtyard wasn't far from the Kazekage's building. It was situated between four tall buildings, decorated with so many plants such that we could see nothing but the flowers around us and stars above us. It was a breathtaking sight as I peeked around the archway entrance to see the huge crowd of people sitting down. My stomach flipped and I took some deep breaths.
"Psst, Seluni, stand here!" Temari and a few kunoichi were waiting for me in the back, more or less my bridesmaids. The crowd hushed as I heard slow footsteps enter the courtyard from a side entrance. That must be Gaara, I thought.
Music began playing, and I got into place as Temari and the others began entering the archway in a line. I stepped in last, of course, and followed them down the aisle into the courtyard, where a few hundred people were craning their necks to look at me.
I looked up nervously to the end of the aisle, where Gaara stood before a village elder.
Gaara appeared handsome as ever in his Kage robes, lit by the glow of lamps and starlight. He looked proudly down at me as I walked up the few steps to where he stood. I stopped next to him, and the music ceased and he took my hand. And just looking into his eyes made the crowd disappear and calmed my nerves.
The ceremony began, and took its time in reciting old lines, following Wind tradition. I'm not ashamed to say I zoned out for part of it, caught up in tension and the fact that Gaara's hand still held onto mine.
Eventually, we made our closing vows, his promising to protect me and my promising to obey him. "You may kiss the bride," rung in my ears as Gaara leaned in to give me a light kiss on my lips. I vaguely noticed how normal and . . . un-demon-like the sweet kiss was. I wasn't used to it, but I found myself wanting to kiss him longer.
Gaara pulled away and we faced the crowd, holding our joined hands up for all to see. The crowd burst into applause, and didn't stop clapping as he led me down the aisle again and through the archway.
We walked back to the Kage building with rows of people applauding all the way. It seemed like the whole village had been waiting to see us. I blushed as I passed a group of young men who were eyeing me up and down in jealousy. I held onto Gaara's hand tightly as we swiftly neared the building.
Just at the entrance stood Temari and Kankuro, who must have run there because I saw them at the ceremony. Gaara finally stopped and greeted them. Woah. Is he grinning? I looked at his face curiously. Yes, he had a wonderful smile, but it was odd to see him so happy.
Temari and Kankuro beamed at him. "Congratulations, Gaara," she gave him a huge with tears in her eyes. "Seluni," she hugged me as well whispering in my ear, "Thank you so much. I've never seen him smile like this before."
I smiled back and looked over at my husband. I couldn't help feeling happy that I did something right for once.
Kankuro shook Gaara's hand. "Good luck, man. Hey," he leaned in to whiper to him, but spoke loud enough so I could hear, "Have some fun tonight!"
I very daintily kicked Kankuro sharply in the leg. He yelled in surprise then laughed seeing it was from me. Both siblings moved aside to let us pass.
It hit me as we entered the front doors exactly what Kankuro had meant. Suddenly Gaara was pulling me rather than leading me. I had slowed down as we walked towards the back of the building, memories of the last few nights flooding into my head.
"Gaara, wait," I tugged on his robe. His smile was gone, replaced by his familiar stern expression.
Damn . . . this isn't good. . . .