Disclaimer : Bleach and all song titles and lyrics belong to their respective owners
Warning : stupidity, smut, snark, seduction, and pleasedon'tfuckingkillme ‹3
Note : ...I have no excuse for my tardiness. Please accept my offering of boysmut. And toeing the lines of crackshipping.
Dedication : Everybody who chances to see this.
Candy Cane : 13 : The Walk
It's not meant to be like this...! Not what I planned at all!
I don't want to feel like this...! Yeah...
No–It's not meant to be like this – not what I planned at all...!
I don't want to feel like this, so that makes it all...your fault...
When Ichigo woke up, it was only due to the sound of a body forcefully thrown into his wall.
"Yosh! My new son has superb reflexes!" Isshin exclaimed, separating his face from drywall.
Renji snorted, rubbing sleep from his eyes. He had instinctively protected himself and Ichigo as soon as his senses picked up on Isshin's presence.
"You can't give us a moment of peace, bastard?!" Ichigo snapped at his father.
"Such language!" Isshin snapped back, sending his foot for his son's face, which was simultaneously grabbed and blocked by Renji and Ichigo, respectively. A moment later, the older man was thrown out the door, which was slammed shut soon after.
"Sorry about that," Ichigo muttered, running his hand through his hair as Renji sat back down on the bed. "Usually I'm awake before he barges in like that."
Renji shrugged. "You okay?"
"I'm fine. Why wouldn't I be?"
"You look like crap. You not sleep well?"
Ichigo grunted. "Guess not."
"Mmm… I suggest a hot shower and more of your sister's cooking. I can smell it from up here and it's makin' my mouth water. An' then I gotta go to the store so I can refill Urahara's liquor cabinet," he added on a less-than-happy note.
"I'm coming with you. But for now – shower," Ichigo replied, getting up. He took Renji by the hand and led him into the bathroom.
After convincing Renji to brush his teeth (on the grounds that Ichigo wouldn't kiss him if he didn't), they stripped down and stepped into the hot water of the shower. Precious little time was spent on actually getting clean since once Ichigo started combing his fingers through Renji's hair, washing it free of soap, the notion of innocence fled their minds. The redhead pressed him back against the tile and attacked his mouth hungrily, pressing their growing arousals against each other.
"Oh my God," Ichigo breathed against Renji's lips, fisting his hand in the red hair.
Renji smirked and nibbled at Ichigo's lip before trailing down his jaw and neck, licking away at the water.
Shaking a bit, Ichigo closed his free hand around Renji's hardening erection. He smirked a bit when he felt Renji tense up.
Once he got over his initial shock, Renji grinned and bit at Ichigo's shoulder, sucking gently, as his own hand returned the favor.
Ichigo moaned, though it was cut short when Renji's mouth moved from his shoulder to his lips again. As they both pumped each other in time, their noises were muffled against each other's lips. Within a few minutes, Ichigo came in Renji's hand and all over his stomach with what would've been a loud moan were Renji's tongue not halfway down his throat. Not long after, Renji came as well.
They cleaned themselves up (again) and made themselves decent before heading downstairs.
"Ah! You're finally up!" Yuzu exclaimed before getting their plates ready.
"Yes, your brothers had a long night," Isshin teased with a leer before the face was occupied by a foot.
"DIE!" Ichigo snapped, his face tinted pink.
Yuzu gave a confused glance between her brother and Renji before returning to the food, Karin shook her head at the males as she set her plate on the counter, and Renji just sat down, acting oblivious as Ichigo and Isshin engaged in another father-son battle.
"I swear nothing happened," Renji muttered upon noticing Karin's scrutinizing glare (which was frighteningly similar to Ichigo's).
"Maybe not last night," Karin said, still glaring.
Renji tried hard to keep his face from coloring. And failed.
"Oh God – I was joking!" the girl snapped, glaring at Renji with a mix of anger and disgust. "God, boys are so stupid…" she muttered, heading upstairs.
"What the hell'd you tell her?" Ichigo snapped, more confused than angry. Isshin was successfully subdued against the wall with a possible broken nose.
"I didn't say anything. Mighta been better if I had…"
"Whatever…" he sighed, sitting down next to him as Yuzu served them breakfast.
Near noon, Ichigo and Renji were walking back to Urahara's, four fresh bottles of sake in the bags in their hands.
"Oi oi, if it isn't freeloader-san and spiky-hair nii-san!" Jinta called, seeing the two approaching.
"Konnichiwa!" Ururu added, waving. "Should I go get Kisuke-kun?"
"Aa – Arigatou, Ururu," Ichigo said with a nod.
Ururu turned to go back into the store, only to have Urahara step out. "No need, Ururu-chan," he said, patting her head affectionately. "So you actually brought back something?" he teased, indicating the bags.
"Whatever it takes to keep you from callin' me a freeloader," Renji growled.
Urahara chuckled. "Sou ka? Aa – in any case, Kurosaki-san, could you follow me? I have something to show you. Jinta-kun, please help Abarai-san put the sake away."
"Aiya…" Jinta grumbled, taking Ichigo's share from him before the orange-haired boy followed the manager into the store.
"Did you accomplish what you needed to?" Urahara asked after they were out of earshot.
"For the most part, yeah. Thanks for letting us use your place, too," Ichigo replied.
"Mmhmmmm," Urahara hummed as he dug around in a few shelves. "Ah – here we are," he muttered, sticking something into the pocket of his coat, not withdrawing his hand.
"What did you want to show me?"
"Hnn… You and Abarai-san, ne?" he drawled, turning back to the boy. "I suppose that's to be expected…"
"What're you talking about?"
"You know," he continued, ignoring the question as he stepped forward, "you tear your father in so many different directions. At first he's ecstatic that you've found a partner, then fretting about the reactions to it, and then weeping in sorrow over your decision to return to Soul Society for good."
"I get the first two, but why the third?" Ichigo asked.
"Soul Society is not the most ideal place to have a relationship. It's dangerous, and you or your partner could die on any given patrol. That is why your father and Masaki-chan opted to exile themselves from Soul Society. They wished to raise a family away from that violence, and now here you are, their first-born son, diving right back into it." As he spoke, he had been walking closer, slowly forcing Ichigo up against the wall. "Don't you think you ought to reconsider your choice?" he purred, nose-to-nose with the boy, their eyes locked.
Ichigo tensed up, silently cursing the hindrances his human body put on him. "I think you oughtta step back," Ichigo growled.
"Sou ka? I think I could change your mind about leaving…" he whispered, his lips centimeters away from Ichigo's. Suddenly, their mouths crashed together. The hand in Urahara's pocket came out and wrapped against Ichigo's throat.
Panicking, Ichigo tried to fight back and shove the former captain away, but his body didn't want to respond at all.
Just as the door to the room banged open, Ichigo felt a familiar tug at his soul. Suddenly, he was thrown by the throat towards the door and was subsequently caught by a very pissed Renji.
"What the hell're you doing?!" Renji yelled at Urahara as Ichigo shakily attempted to wipe his mouth off. Collapsed at the blond's feet was Ichigo's empty body.
"Helping," Urahara replied plainly.
"'The fuck you make me swallow?" Ichigo muttered from behind his hand before coughing. "Ugh…"
"Oh come now, it wasn't that bad… Was it?"
"Shut up and answer the fucking question!" Renji snapped, tightening his grip on Ichigo.
Urahara smirked. "Poison, actually. Though it's a special formula – it affects the body, but not the soul. If you had stayed in your body as it died, you would have disconnected from it as a Plus again. But if I had used a normal poison and pulled you from your body like I did, then the poison would still course through your spiritual body and eventually kill you and your human body. As it stands, however, you should only feel a little under the weather for a few hours at the most while your human body dies."
"My dad put you up to this?" Ichigo asked.
"Of course! You don't think I'd kill you on a whim, do you?"
"That's debatable," the two shinigami said in unison.
Urahara frowned. "Well, in any case, you can either stay here until Kurosaki-san feels better, or you can take him back to his house to rest there. You do have to return to Soul Society in order to authorize taking him over, correct?"
"Yeah," Renji sighed. At Ichigo's agitated shift in his reiatsu, he added, "I won't go 'til you're feeling better, 'kay?"
Urahara gathered the soulless body up in his arms. "Well, I suggest leaving Kurosaki-san at his own home. I'm sure he won't be able to sleep in my house after that," he said with an amused chuckle as he walked past them. "And by the way, he didn't kiss back," he added in Renji's ear before he was out of sight.
"Tch… I didn't need him to tell me that…" Renji growled.
"Tell you what?"
"That you didn't kiss back."
Ichigo snorted, his cheeks tinting pink. It was embarrassing enough that Renji caught him in that position. After a moment, he wrapped his arms around Renji's neck and kissed him, immediately slipping his tongue past Renji's lips. In Ichigo's opinion, it was the best and only way to get rid of the disgusting aftertaste.
"How're you feelin'?" Renji asked against his lips, concern clear in his voice. 'Under the weather' for Urahara could mean any level sickness ranging from vague nausea to similar affects caused by chugging way too much alcohol in a very short amount of time. And Renji wasn't exactly fond of being in the path of projectile vomit – that'd happened too many times for him to count.
"Like I've been Frenched by a dog after it's licked itself," Ichigo muttered, resting his head on Renji's shoulder. "An' that was an insult to geta-boushi, not you," he added as his mind registered what he'd said.
"You're disgusting…"
"'M also dizzy and tired… Can ya just take me back home? I'll take a nap while you go back and get…whatever shit paperwork you need to get filled out."
"That might take longer than just a nap, Ichii – I dunno how many hoops I'll have to jump through before I can get back here. We can go back to your house and I'll go when you're feeling okay."
"If it's gonna take a long time, you should leave now, shouldn't you?"
"It'll take longer if I'm worried about ya. Now off for a sec so I can get out of this gigai – it'll be faster and less weird-looking if we both can't be seen."
Ichigo grunted and let go, finding his legs were still willing to support him, though just barely. "Why would it take longer?"
Renji fluidly pulled himself from the gigai (he'd gotten better with it) before answering. "'Cause I won't be able to pay attention to whatever shit I'm supposed to be doing and I'll screw up or forget shit."
The boy chuckled softly at Renji's blunt honesty about his fallibility. "You're an idiot," he said as Renji pulled Ichigo's arm over his shoulders, wrapping his free arm around the younger boy's waist.
"Y'know, I'm the one luggin' your ass out of this pervert's place – ya might wanna watch what ya say," he replied as he started walking, getting used to the position. It wasn't often that Ichigo was actually still mobile enough to only need support – the kid normally wore himself out to the point of exhaustion, at which point Renji usually had to fully carry him or give him a piggyback ride.
"I say it out of love."
"I don't think you should be allowed to use that as justification for calling me an idiot."
"I never needed justification before," Ichigo pointed out.
"Because I figured you were just trying to repress your feelings for me," Renji retorted, being deliberately cheeky.
"Oh, so you're a fuckin' psychologist now?" They were out of the store now and Renji was using shunpo to get from rooftop to rooftop, heading towards the Kurosaki household.
"No, I just know how you think 'cause you think like me."
"You think like an idiot – I don't," Ichigo snapped.
"Who tried to defeat a Menos by chopping it from the bottom up?" Renji deadpanned.
Ichigo was about to make a mental note to pay Rukia back double for telling that story when he realized with a cold jolt to his stomach that he'd never be able to get that chance again because Rukia was dead. Images from his nightmare flickered, indistinguishable; though he was quite aware of the emotions it had triggered the first time. He made a small whimper in the back of his throat, idiotically trying to hide it, as if Renji couldn't feel his reiatsu at all.
"Fuck… Sorry, Ichigo," Renji said softly, stopping. He nuzzled his head against Ichigo's as best he could. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean…"
"Shut up and get me home," Ichigo said flatly.
Renji winced but obeyed. He supposed he deserved it for speaking before thinking; he just hoped Ichigo wasn't mad at him. He knew full well that that story was one of Rukia's favorites and there was no doubt that mentioning it would have triggered memories of her and the reminder that no matter how many times Rukia had embarrassed him with that story, there was no way to pay her back. Fucking hell – I'm so sorry, Ichigo…
- - - - - - - - - - - - -
Inside out. Upside-down, twisting beside myself. Stop that now, 'cause you and I were never meant to be. I think you better leave; it's not safe in here. I feel a weakness coming on...
Alright then (alright then!)--I could keep your number for a rainy day. That's where this ends – no mistakes no misbehaving. Ooh...I was doing so well – could we just be friends? I feel a weakness coming on...
It's not meant to be like this...! Not what I planned at all... I don't want to feel like this...! Yeah... No it's not meant to be like this – not what I planned at all...! I don't want to feel like this...! So that makes it all...your fault.
Inside out... Upside-down, twisting beside myself. Stop that now; you're as close as it gets without touching me. Oh no--don't make it harder...than it already is... Mmm, I feel a weakness coming on.
It's not meant to be like this... Not what I planned at all... I don't want to feel like this... Yeah... No it's not meant to be like this – not what I planned at all...! I don't want to feel like this, so that makes it all your fault.
Big trouble--losing control. Primary resistance at a critical low. On the double – gotta get a hold; point of no return, one second to go...!
No response on any level--Red Alert--this vessels under siege. Total overload--systems down--they've got control! There's no way out--we are surrounded...! Give in, give in...and relish every minute of it!
Freeze... Awake here forever... I feel a weakness coming on...
It's not meant to be like this – not what I planned at all. I don't want to feel like this... Yeah... No it's not meant to be like this--it's just what I don't need...! Why make me feel like this...? It's definitely all...your...fault...
Feel like this (la la la la la la la la)... It's all your fault (feel like this) (la la la la la la la la)... It's all your fault (feel like this) (la la la la la la la la)... It's all your fault (feel like this) (la la la la la la la la)... It's all your fault...
Song Title and Lyrics: Imogen Heap "The Walk"
Word Count: 2270
Total: 28017