Stumble
Chapter Nine
Disclaimer – I do not own The Outsiders. Or Prayin' For Daylight by Rascal Flatts.
-- Prayin' for daylight, Waitin' for that mornin' sun –
I hate the nighttime. It's the time of day I dread most. I hate the dark, maybe it's a fear of the unknown…maybe it's something more. But I think I really hate what night brings with it most. Night is always accompanied by a trip to Buck's.
"I wanna drink for free," I demanded upon seeing Buck standing in his kitchen doorway.
"Sorry, honey, you know the rules," he replied. "Only people I know."
"You know me fine, Buck," I said, struggling to keep my voice calm. "And I know you know what I do here."
"Hmm," he mumbled, not verifying what I'd said, but not denying it either.
"So, then you know that I'm the reason for a lot of guys being here," I reasoned. "And they buy beer from you, so you make money. But I can't do what I do unless I'm drunk. So, Buck, I can either take my business elsewhere and you lose a lot of money, or I can drink for free and you don't."
"Fine, Morgan," he caved. "You drink for free."
I smiled, "Thank you."
I took a bottle from the fridge and popped the cap off before making my way out into the living-room-turned-dance-hall. I looked around for any potential clients. I usually didn't make a move first. I couldn't very well seduce a guy and then make him pay for it. I waited for them to approach me.
Most of the guys were regulars. I saw them a lot and they knew what to do. They would come to me, tell me what they wanted. We would work out a price and then get a room. And all the while my stomach was churning and I was wishing that it wasn't nighttime. It didn't matter how drunk I got, I always remembered it. But I drank because it made me forget what I was doing and how it was going to make me feel.
I drank because it made me forget how much I hated myself.
Forget how much I wanted to die.
I got home that night twenty dollars richer. I went to my room and stashed it in a jar under my bed with the rest of my money. Suddenly my door swung open and in bounced Vanessa.
"Why are you so happy?" I asked, trying to sound interested but really resenting her for being able to smile when I felt like I did.
"I have good news," she grinned.
Ain't no such thing, I thought but said "What is it?"
"Tomorrow, I have a date with…," she paused for dramatic effect. "Ponyboy!"
Over the past few weeks she developed a sort of crush on the boy, but now, seeing her grinning from ear to ear, I could tell it was a little bit more than that. I envied her. I envied her for being able to be around boys and feel comfortable. I envied her for being able to like a boy this much. I envied her for having a boy like her back. But, mostly, I envied her for getting the chance I never did.
A chance at a normal life.