Author's notes:
1. This chapter has been almost finished for months now, but I had problems TRYING to not go too out of character...but I think I managed to keep the fluff to a minimum (despite my raging fan-girlie-ness) and keep the dialogue somewhat in character.
2. I finally made myself edit it just in time for valentine's day!! its a happy coincidence :)
3. To the people who left reviews and who added this story to their faves/alerts: I am so flattered/ humbled by your support, this is such a small fandom that seeing there is this much interest really makes me want to keep writtig, and I will.
RPG Girl and yume girl 91 : this is not the end, there will be one more chapter after this one ^_~
Crystal D. Starlit: Oh dear, thank you so much for the enthusiastic expectation. I hope you didn't run out of breath since I last updated :)
CookieThief: I apologize for advance on the slight fluff content of this chapter, I tried I swear! I totally agree, its not like Amon to lose his cool, I totally smacked myself in the forehead when I read your comment, but it was too late to change it, so I added it in this chapter instead.
Mycha: *giggles and jumps around like a little school girl* I am a HUGE FAN of yours, I was so happy by your comment, I couldn't believe you left me a review. TEEHEHEHEHEHEHE!
On to the story...
Night turns to day
And I still have these questions.
Bridges will break
Should I go forward or backwards.
Night turns to day,
And I still get no answers
Just a whisper, a whisper, a whisper, a whisper
Just a whisper, a whisper, a whisper, a whisper
-A Whisper, Coldplay
*~Bipolar~*
Thanks to Amon's furious speed, they arrived back at the cabin in what felt like mere seconds to Robin. He yanked the front door open and shoved Robin inside in front of him, slamming the door shut behind him with strength that made the windows rattle.
He didn't turn on the lights, but the silver moonlight was enough for Robin to see the ferocity in his gaze.
Robin found herself unable to move; her mind too dazed to know what to do and her body frozen in place. Small puddles were forming around her feet as drops of water slipped down her legs, damp locks of her hair stuck to her face in disarray. She was shivering, though she didn't know if it was from the cold or from fear of the irate man standing in front of her.
He was dripping wet as well; only that he had jumped into the water fully clothed, so that a small lake was forming beneath him as he stared her down. He finally released the grip he held on her wrist, throwing her arm out of his hold almost in disgust and Robin immediately felt the burning on her skin where a bruise was sure to appear later. She stared back at him with terrified eyes. Up to now, all she had witnessed of her warden's emotions was cold detachment and apathy. Nothing before had ever upset Amon to the extent of making him lose his composure like this. Robin felt herself panicking; her chest heaving rapidly as her heart beat increased erratically.
"What the fuck were you doing? Amon hissed slowly, emphasizing every word.
"Amon, I…" Her voice died away, the whisper she'd managed barely audible to begin with.
"You snuck out of your room in the middle of the night and made me think Hunters had killed you already!"
"Amon, please" she begged, her eyes wide and brimming with tears. Whatever bravado she had had earlier in the night dissipated in the face of his wrath.
Amon was aware of how extreme his behavior was at the moment, but he was too inwardly shaken and pissed off to care. All the repressed emotions he had kept within himself had been let loose when he found her gone, and now they were spilling out of him with poisonous revenge, overpowering any rational thought.
"What would have happened if I hadn't found you?! Did you even think about what I would feel when I realized you were gone!?"
"I didn't think you'd find out!" she protested defensively, resenting his last accusation.
Amon seemed surprised at her response and his anger increased even further, if it were at all possible. "And that somehow makes it alright?!"
"No, I just—"
"What!? What were you thinking?! What were you doing?"
She felt the embarrassing tears finally falling from her eyes and she cast her gaze to the floor, unable to stand the weight of his own.
The dark Hunter grabbed her roughly by the shoulders. "Answer me!"
When she looked back at him, her glistening green eyes were full of despair, sadness, fear... They burrowed into him and begged that he calm down.
She was afraid of him, and not only on account of tonight, he realized, as he searched her green depths to find only apprehension and sadness.
There was no trace left of the goddess he had seen gliding freely in the moonlight, exquisitely beautiful and content. Instead, he had reduced her to a frightened little girl, trapped between his anger and her insecurities. Was this the effect he had on her all the time?
Amon felt his heart sinking. She had almost resorted to something unimaginable tonight and instead of comforting and reassuring her he was yelling at her like a madman. He'd almost lost her tonight and now he was pushing her further away.
The rage that had overwhelmed him scant seconds before dissipated into self loathing at the thoughts running through his mind.
He calmed his facial features into a serious expression and he loosened the death grip of his hands on her shoulders but held her firmly still.
"Robin…" his voice was slightly softer now, as soft as he could manage in his current agitated state.
She bit down on her lower lip, gathering her strength and composure for her answer even as tears refused to stop coming. She bravely held his questioning gaze.
"Why--"
"I wanted a bath." Robin stated flatly in defeat, interrupting him before he could finish, finding no escape from his intense stare.
There. She'd said it. She had just revealed to him the extent of her childishness. Now he knew just how ridiculous her reasons for endangering her life were. Now he knew just how carelessly she had acted to destroy all that the had abandoned to protect.
Now he had another reason to loath her.
Her throat tightened as anger replaced the fear she'd felt. She was angry at herself, for being so weak, for breaking down in front of Amon, for not being able to show the maturity she claimed to have, for having been so overcome with need for something as mundane as a bath...
Amon stared at her dumbfounded. He stared at her for a long time, the surprise unmistakable in his expression. He had not been expecting that answer. He blinked. "You…wanted a bath?"
"Yes," she whispered, moving her gaze to the floor once more. "I wanted a bath... The cabin only has showers and I missed taking my baths at night."
Amon's mind was having trouble taking in the meaning of her words. For someone so schooled in keeping emotions from showing in his face, he was having a difficult time regaining his usual cold composure as he stared at her with disbelief.
"That's why you snuck out in the middle of the night without telling me? Because you missed bathing?"
"Yes," her voice was soft and defeated, her eyes cast towards the floor.
"Is…." he swallowed, "is that what's been bothering you lately?"
"Yes," a fresh tear slipped down her cheek as she answered.
Amon studied her face carefully. She wasn't lying, the truth was clear in her eyes. He wanted to laugh out loud and scream at his own stupidity. How could he ever think Robin would try to hurt herself? No matter how bad things got, his Robin never gave up.
"Why didn't you tell me?" He whispered the words gently out loud before he realized what he was saying.
Robin's eyes came back to his, sad and painfully honest, liquid emerald gleaming in the moonlight.
"How could I?" she answered in a muted tone.
Amon nearly physically flinched at her reply.
She was right. How could she possibly tell him anything if he was constantly pushing her away? He had thought it was for the better to alienate himself from Robin. He thought it would be easier. For both of them. He had thought that coldness would eventually kill Robin's feelings for him, he thought it would keep his own emotions under restraint, and that they would somehow just exist like that without incident.
And now as he looked at his beautiful young ward, so delicate despite the immensity of her powers, so strong despite the tenderness of her heart, he realized just how stupid he had been. And though her recklessness was not without blame in this situation, his incompetence as a warden could have cost them both dearly if indeed there had been Hunters on their trail.
Robin could see his mind mulling over the implications of her confession, several fleeting indiscernible emotions flashing in his dark eyes. Her gaze shifted once more to the floor, a useless attempt to try to hide the tears that refused to stop flowing.
Amon's hands on her shoulders tightened momentarily; the only warning he gave her before he did the unthinkable and pulled Robin close against him.
Now it was Robin's turn to be shocked by Amon. She let out a small gasp as his arms wrapped around her back, one hand snaking up to tangle in her damp locks and cradle her head against the crook of his neck.
Amon didn't say anything either. Whatever apology he had would seem insufficient at the moment. So he sought to reassure her with his body instead, hoping that all the remorse and relief he was feeling could pass from his body into hers through his embrace.
His strategy seemed to have some effect, as Robin's rigid posture slowly began to relax, her body melting into his, until a soft sigh escaped her lips and her arms shyly slid to wrap around his waist.
The two stayed like this for a long moment, letting the stress and frustrations that had accumulated for a long time seep out of their skin.
It was Robin who spoke first, tears still stubbornly falling from her eyes, "Amon. I am so sorry, I know it was stupid and dangerous but I promi--"
"Don't," he cut her off, a bit too gruffly judging by the slight tensing of her body against his. "Don't apologize," he continued in a softer tone. "If you acted foolishly it's because my behavior made you think you had no other choice." He craned his head so that his cheek rested atop the crown of her head. "It is I who must apologize to you."
"Why?" she asked innocently, pulling back a bit from his embrace so she could look in his eyes.
What Robin saw there stunned her. The cold, blank and distant look in his eyes that had become a permanent fixture on Amon's facial expression now held a mixture of vivid emotions, clear and confusing at the same time. As she stared at his dark grey eyes, she saw for the first time what she had only suspected to exist beneath the dark surface. Compassion, regret, sorrow, even fear were all clear beneath the surface of that impenetrable gaze.
He held her gaze as he moved his hand to stroke her cheek with his thumb, gently wiping the tears from her face.
Robin was transfixed by his actions. This was so uncharacteristic of him, but instead of releasing her as she had expected, he drew her close again, now both hands cupping her cheeks, until their foreheads were touching and Robin could feel the moist warmth of his breath against her lips.
Amon closed his eyes and sighed deeply, gathering his nerve for what he was about to say.
"Robin," he whispered her name with such tenderness, "I... know you think that the only reason I'm here is to fulfil the promise I made to you in Factory. But you're wrong." he paused for a second, his breathing a little deeper than it had been before. "Robin, I...I care about you, Robin, I care about what happens to you and I want to help you."
As he spoke, his words tickled Robin's nose and chin, their foreheads pressed against one another.
Amon sighed and closed his eyes, "I just...I've never had to watch over anybody before, I haven't lived with somebody else in a very long time. I thought it best for both of us to stay distant from the other, I thought it would be easier."
Another pause.
"But I took things too far Robin, and I'm sorry. I never meant to alienate you to the point that you can't tell me what you need, whatever that may be. I realize I was overly strict with you, as if your freedom was not cut down enough as it is." She could not see it, but the regret in his voice painted his expression in her mind.
She couldn't answer, didn't know what to say to him.
"It was an error on my part and I apologize for it, it will not happen again."
Amon finally separated their bodies, holding Robin at arm's length to analyze her face for any reaction. When he saw her shock-widened eyes staring incredulously at him, he couldn't help but think her awkwardness endearing, though he couldn't blame her for reacting like she did. He was pretty shocked at himself right now.
Capitalizing on the lightheartedness she had just caused him, he ventured a small joke to ease her tension.
I want you to tell me if there is something you need from now on. If you are capable of climbing down from the second floor and run through the woods in the middle of the night for a bath, God only knows what you would do if we ever run out of coffee. I wouldn't be surprised to find you trying to hitchhike your way to Colombia for some special roast"
His strategy worked. Robin's eyes became impossibly wider for a second before her face relaxed and a small chuckle escaped her lips.
It was something Amon had not heard in ages.
Now that he thought about it, he couldn't remember why it had seemed so important to avoid making Robin laugh before. But now that this had happened, he made a mental note of trying to make up for lost laughter in the near future.
Despite the mirth shinning in her eyes, Amon was surprised to once again see fresh tears welling up in her eyes above her timid smile.
But he figured teenage sentimentality coupled with months of intense stress would make anybody overwhelmed when they could finally let their guard down. And yet Robin bravely fought the tears back, unwilling to let go of the sudden rush of happiness.
Feeling carried away with the emotions brought by the events of the night, Amon was too spent to keep from letting the most miniscule of smiles curl his own lips.
Robin's entire face brightened up at the sight. Delicate, slender fingers traced the contour of his lips gently, as if needing proof that her eyes were telling the truth. When she was convinced it was really there, she looked up and gave him the most beautiful, radiant smile Amon had ever seen in his life.
Amon slowly pulled Robin back against his chest, holding her close and revelling on the feeling of her in his arms. For all the items on his very long list of reasons for why loving Robin was a mistake, this felt too infinitely right to be wrong.
For the fist time Amon considered the possibility that maybe loving Robin and showing her affection was something he could allow himself to do...gradually.
one more chapter to go!