Unrequited Love
By Hoogiman

Chapter Two
Samus and Falco

Perched on the branch of a tree, Samus held the ten dollar pair of binoculars up to her eyes eagerly, looking in on Falco's room. Exhausted, Falco walked into his room, sat himself down on his bed and removed his shoes by a flicking motion with his ankle.

"Hey!" said an excited Samus to herself eagerly, "I do that when I take off my shoes too!"

Falco took off his tank top, and gazed at himself in the mirror, smiling suavely.

"I sometimes look in the mirror too!" said Samus to herself, "Wow! Me and Falco have so much in common!"

Falco flexed his ripping bird-like biceps, stroking them with his hands, muttering something to himself. As he continued to observe his own masculine body in the mirror, he thought he noticed someone atop a tree branch outside looking at him. Samus momentarily panicking, trying not to get caught jumped off the branch five metres onto the ground. Somehow managing to land on a crouching position despite the awkward fall, she stood up, exhaling a sigh of relief. Still relieved, she looked forward, but jumped again when she saw Roy, an intrusive ruler-length distance away from her.

"Uh… hi… I guess?" said Samus very slowly, displaying her typical lack of sociability.

"I guess you saved the world a few times, but you can't seem to balance on a tree," laughed Roy.

Samus looked weirdly at Roy, and then walked off.

"What do I have to do to get her attention?" said Roy, confused and slightly saddened.

A few minutes later, Samus, wearing her camouflage gear over her suit, climbed her way back up the tree to find Falco was gone from his room. She somersaulted her way off the tree branch back onto the ground, to find Falco making his way with a towel to the communal showers.

"Hey Falco," said Samus hopefully, "Do you want to shower with me? Together?"

Falco stared at Samus as if he woke up to find a bleeding body all over him, with the blood covering his skin and his DNA all over the body.

"Is this… some kind of cruel April Fool's Joke?" said Falco angrily. "Nobody showers in the communal bathroom together! What do you think the word communal is for? Is it for it to be shared?"

As Falco walked off, a thought occurred to Samus, "Hey, I can have a look at Falco's room now, and see if he actually loves me!!"

She dashed her way up a flight of stairs, ran down the empty hallway, opened the door of Falco's room and looked inside. Samus violently rummage through a few drawers, tossed out a few unnecessary pieces of expensive jewellery and watches, before finding a pencilled colourful diary that looked like something that a 70's teenage gal would keep.

She flicked through the pages, ripping any that did not having anything to do with her, before finding a colourful drawing of a love heart, containing the text: 'Falco and Link 4evr!'

Samus, jaw-dropped, angrily stomped her way to the communal bathroom, kicking down the door, angrily looking at Falco, before realising that Falco was in the same, open, ten-by-ten metre shower as Link.

"H- how could you?" cried Samus angrily, "Falco, I thought we were meant for each other! But you had to pick him? This ugly Hyrulian filth?"

"Samus, I kind of like you, but the person I really love is Link right here!" said a naked Falco, hugging Link.

Link resisted and pushed Falco away, "Wait… Falco, do you love me?"

"I'm sure you already knew that!" said Samus angrily, punching Link in the face.

"Ow!" said Link, crumpling to the ground.

"Falco, I really love you!" cried Samus, whilst giggling like a kid on the inside after touching Falco's muscles.

"But Link is the guy for me!" said Falco, "He is my only true love!"

"I don't love you Falco!" said Link confused, "I didn't even know you liked me!"

"That's not true!" cried Samus so loud that she cut off Link, "You don't love him! You're my only love! No one else but you likes me! You're the only one!"

"That's not true!" said Roy, walking in, "I love you Samus, and you're the one that's mistaken!"

"Okay," said Falco crying angrily, "Maybe I'll go with Link and you go with Roy, we'll be happy that way!"

"I don't love you!" said Link angrily.

"I don't love Roy!" said Samus angrily.

"But I love you!" said Falco to Link.

"But I love you!" said Roy to Samus.

"EVERYONE!" screamed Link, finally standing up for himself, "The only person here that I love is Zelda, and I will remain faithful to her!"

Zelda walked in. "Link, I'm in love with someone else!"

…

Everybody broke into tears. The crying went on for a few minutes, before it ceased, and everybody remained quiet.

…

Jigglypuff ran in, wearing a girl scout's hat. "Who wants cookies?"

Everyone was naked and crying.

"Okay… not a good time…" said Jigglypuff, backing out.

The End

Disclaimer: The Super Smash Brothers characters are the property of Nintendo.