Unrequited Love
By Hoogiman

Chapter Four
Pit and Falcon

"Hey Falcon," said Pit, knocking on Falcon's smutty-magazine-poster-filled door, holding a basket full of towels.

"Hello?" asked Falcon, opening the door, wearing only a towel and a ninja hat.

"Uh well," said Pit, glowing slightly from embarrassment, "I was just in the laundry… and I found your towels… so I decided to fold them up here so neatly!"

"Uh… thanks?" asked Falcon, taking the towels.

Captain Falcon and Pit went silent for several moments. No sound was made except the angelic music let out by the glow of Pit.

"So anyway I was thin-"

"No! I'm not in love with you!" said Captain Falcon angrily. "I'm not in love with you, nor do I have the sexual orientation that you think that I have! I am not attracted to you at all!"

"But I was just dropping off laundry, and I-" said Pit, a small tear drooping down his chin.

"If you were just dropping off laundry," said Captain Falcon, "You would have just given it to me, and not stayed! You're in love with me! Face it!"

"But it's just part of my angelic ways that I like everything to be ordered and perfect, and that I-"

"I don't love you!" said Captain Falcon angrily.

"This is preposterous!" said Pit, slightly annoyed, "All I'm trying to do is make some conversation and-"

"Stop being attracted to me! I don't love you! I don't swing that way!" said Falcon, "I'm sorry, but that's just the way I am! There are plenty of people who are in love with you! Go to them!"

"But I love you so much!" cried Pit, crying angelic tears that healed the cracks in the floorboards. "Every day, I can't stop thinking about you! When I am around you, you make me feel so comfortable! How can't you love me, Falcon? How cannot you love me?"

"Because it simply just does not work for me!" said Falcon, "I just… don't find anything attractive about you, or men in general! I'm sorry, but it's the truth! I can't change it!"

Pit ran off, crying.

"What's wrong Pit?" asked Zelda, holding a tray of oven-baked aloe vera cookies.

"Falcon doesn't love me!" said Pit, sobbing, "I thought he was the one from me, but he doesn't love me back!"

"But I love you," said Zelda, resting her hand on Pit's arm.

"Uh…" said Pit in a deep voice, suddenly ceasing to cry, "I need to… go to the bathroom… not to evade you so I don't have to feel uncomfortable…"

Pit dashed away past the bathroom, up several flights of stairs into the furthest bathroom on the fifth floor.

"Anyway Fox," said Falcon, stroking Fox's fur with his fingers lustfully, "How about you and me, and some lovin-fun', that's three!"

"Uh…" said Fox uncomfortably, "I thought you were just lecturing Pit about how you weren't… you know… 'swinging that way'?"

"Oh, but I swing very well for you," said Captain Falcon smiling deviously, unbuttoning Fox's blue, cotton shirt.

"But uh… Falcon… I don't love you… maybe you should go for Pit or something…" said Fox, trying to hold his pants up. "So you can stop… that unsettling behaviour if you'd like…"

"Oh what? No," laughed Falcon, trying to think up of an excuse, "No, the strange behaviour had nothing to do with it, heh, heh! I don't love you, it was just… a joke! Yeah… a joke! Okay, heh, I'll be off now!"

Falcon ran away crying, tripping over several elementary schoolers on the way out.

The End

Disclaimer: The Super Smash Brothers characters are the property of Nintendo.