Monday
Today, I could go on to say the incredibly long list of things that went wrong today, but I think the fact that everyday is a long list of terror is enough reason to be writing here. FML
Tuesday
Today I told the girl I like my feelings. My stalker for the last...3 years I think? Popped out of nowhere in a terrifying costume, and after scaring away the girl before she could give a proper answer, proceeded to beat me with a rubber knife for "betraying" her, and cried out all other sorts of nonsense before being dragged off by the disciplinary committee. Afterwards the girl I confessed to said she couldn't return the feelings of someone already taken. FML
Wednesday
Today, I thought I'd make a My Life is Average account; I then realized that I couldn't possibly write anything for it. mliNa. FML
Thursday
Today, due to certain not so happy circumstances a friend of mine showed up. My tutor's lover was there when it happened. My friend looks identical to her ex-boyfriend. Food was thrown in his direction. I was caught in the cross-fire, and apparently ice-cream can leave third degree burns. FML
Friday
Today, my tutor's lover decided that she should make up for my getting hurt yesterday and prepared me a "Feast of Love". Her food used as a weapon is dangerous enough; her food of love is lethal. When I tried to decline saying everything was okay my tutor roped me up and they shoved the food down my throat. I think I'm going to die. FML
Saturday
Today, my friend who looks like a pineapple came over to my house. Being the straightforward person he is, he told me he came to possess my body. My house was trashed for once without the help of the kids that live in my house. My mom wasn't pleased but said it was to be expected from a useless son like me. Thanks mom. I don't look forward to whatever punishment my tutor has for me later. FML
Sunday
Today, I met the man who will be the end of me in the future. He asked me to marry him claiming love at first sight. It might've had something to do with the package of marshmallows I was bringing home. I think I now know why he hates me in the future now. FML