Unrequited Love
By Hoogiman

Chapter Five
Fox and Marth

Fox knocked on Marth's door, wearing expensive clothing not limited to: a cool black leather jacket, an expensive cotton-button shirt that was buttoned unevenly, a cap worn backwards (to hide the educational message) and dark shades. Doing his cool dance moves, he boogied down into Marth's room.

"Uh… hi?" asked Marth, very confused.

"Do you love me now that I have cool shades?" asked Fox.

"No," said Marth, now on 'slightly annoyed' mode. "I'll never love you! I only love Roy!"

Fox slumped in sadness.

Comedically, a light bulb appeared out of Fox's head, and he dashed out, leaving a trail of smoke behind him and the floorboards alight. As Marth stared slightly annoyed at the doorway where Fox was, Fox zipped back into the room, wearing a stretchy pair of designer jeans.

"Well… uh…" said Fox immaturely, "Will you love me now that I have designer jeans?"

"No!" said Marth in a princelylike voice, "Material possessions or looks or all of the money in the world could not change the status of my love for you: nonexistent!"

Fox started to whimper.

"Look Fox," said Marth, switching to empathy mode, "I know you are attracted to me, but I am attracted to Roy, and I think I am in love with him! But he doesn't seem to be in love with me, so I must compile a list of all of the things he loves so he will instantly fall in love with me!"

A triumphant four-second song played on Kirby's record player next door.

"But Marth…" said Fox, scrunching up his face in confusion, "I thought you were just talking about how material things will not change people's love for one another!"

…

…

"Look Fox, do you want me to love you or not?" said Marth angrily.

"But I thought you were saying before that you didn't love me and nothing could-"

"Well if you compile a list of all of Roy's turn-ons, likes, dislikes and favourite activities, then maybe I'll love you," said Marth rolling his eyes, improvising.

"Oh, goodie!" screamed Fox like a little girl, running out of the room.

"Come in," said Roy, tapping away at his keyboard as he heard a knock.

"Uh… hi…" said Fox nervously, walking in.

"What is it?" said Roy curiously.

"Um…" said Fox, tapping his finger on his chin as he thought, "Uh… not to sound intrusive or sound like I'm spying on behalf of someone else so they can try to convince you that they love you, but can you compile a list of your likes, dislikes, turn-ons and favourite activities?"

"Oh," chuckled Roy in a 70's sitcom-esque way, "Well that's funny, because I was just compiling a list just like that a few minutes ago!"

"Really?" said Fox hopefully, "Well can I see it?"

"No," said a defensive Roy instantaneously. "You can't have it! You'll never be able to look at this!"

"Uh… well…" said Fox, stalling.

Fox took the printer and ran off.

…

"I didn't print the file off, you know! You should have stolen the computer!" called Roy.

"Oh, well can you print it?" asked Fox.

Roy pressed a key on the computer, printing the file.

"Wait…" said Roy.

Several Minutes Later…

"Here you go, I got the list!" said Fox proudly. "Now will you love me?"

"No!" said Marth, switching to 'annoying character in film who meets his death via shredding machine near the end' mode. "Hahaha, I just used you, and I bet you feel like nothing!"

Fox ran off crying, buckets of tears running down his cheek.

"Now to impress Roy so he can love me again!" said Marth suavely.

Several Minutes Later…

"You have to love me now, non-lover boy!" said Marth walking into the room in a stylish manner, "Because I have just bought out of my pocket absolutely everything you love in exchange for your love to me!"

Roy stared blankly, very confused.

"For your favourite activities, two large balls of cotton to knit," said Marth smiling.

"Teehee," giggled Roy like a Girl Scout high on Girl Scout cookies.

"For your dislikes… a list of all of Peach's allergies!" said Marth happily.

"Teehee," laughed Roy, evilly.

"For your likes… a pony!" said Marth.

"What did you do to Epona? She's missing a leg!" said Link, running into the room shocked.

"And finally, for turn-ons, Samus holding a horse's leg!" said Marth suavely. "Now do you love me now that I've given you everything you want in life?"

Roy was too busy attempting to kiss Samus through her suit to reply.

"Get off me," said Samus, being disturbed by the fact that someone was trying to kiss her from outside the suit.

"Roy? Do you love me?" asked Marth, confused.

Roy was too busy attempting to kiss Samus through her suit to reply.

"ROY-hoy-hoy!" screamed Marth, running out crying.

Silence.

"Uh… I'd recommend not touching me again," said Samus angrily, holding the horse leg in the grip of a baseball bat.

"Touch!" said Roy playfully, putting a finger on Samus's suit.

Samus hit Roy with the horse's leg.

Roy passed out.

The End

Disclaimer: The Super Smash Brothers characters are the property of Nintendo.