Unrequited Love
By Hoogiman

Chapter Nine
Falcon and Fox

Falcon walked into Fox's room.

"Hi Fox," said Falcon suavely, wafting the scent of his cologne, the Attract-o-nizer 400 onto Fox's body.

"Oh, hi!" said Fox in an innocently cute way. "What is it Falcon?"

"I just wanted to tell you that when you talk I-"

Continued an oblivious Fox, "I keep on sending these e-Valentines to Marth but he always changes his e-mail address for no apparent reason so I have to ask all of his Facebook and Myspace contacts for his new one! Maybe he has a stalker or something!"

Falcon rolled his eyes, Fox pondered in deep thought.

Fox trembled worriedly, "And why hasn't he added me to his Facebook! I know he loves me but maybe he thinks I'm a different Fox… like uh…"

"Okay," said Falcon angrily, "I hate your talk, more body."

Said a puzzled Fox, "What do you mean by more-"

Fox noticed his shirt was being mystically unbuttoned by magical processes.

"Teehee, the fairies are unbuttoning my shirt again!" said Fox cutely, putting his hands back on his buttons.

"You're so cute," said Falcon, slapping Fox's hands off the buttons of his shirt.

"Aah!" screamed Fox, terrified, "The fairies slapped my hands!"

"That's uh…" said Falcon sighing, "…beyond being cute and just starting to become very annoyi-"

"I need to tell somebody!" said Fox, panicking, "I have to tell the fairy police that-"

"Shut up," said Falcon angrily, duct taping Fox to the wall in an affectionate manner.

"Are we playing dress-up?" said Fox cutely.

"Eh, the opposite of that," said Falcon suavely.

"Ooh, so like, suit-down?" said Fox cutely.

"Clothes off!" said Falcon demandingly.

"Ah," said Fox.

…

"You know…" said Fox, noticing he had no shirt, "Maybe the fairies should-"

"There's no fairies! I'm unbuttoning your shirt!" said Falcon angrily but in a suave manner as well.

"Oh," said Fox.

…

"So why are you unbuttoning my shirt, fairies?" said Fox curiously, noticing the fairies were forcefully trying to undo his tight belt.

"No!" said Falcon angrily but affectionately, "Fairies do not exist!"

"They do!" shouted Fox angrily, "You're lying!"

Pit poked his head through Fox's door randomly.

"If fairies did exist, well I'd… I'd do anything for them!" laughed Falcon arrogantly. "I'd even… uh… love them! Yeah… fairies… sexy… and what not…"

Pit ran off excitedly.

"Well," said Pit to himself, giggling, "I'm not really a fairy… I'm an angel but… yay! Falcon loves me!"

Pit ran off excitedly even more.

"Okay, fairies don't exist," sighed Fox, "But why are you taking off my clothes?"

"Because I love you," said Falcon.

"But I can't love you!" said Fox sadly, "Because I only love Marth!"

Marth stormed into the room.

"I don't love you!" said Marth angrily.

Marth stormed out.

"See?" said Fox happily, "We're together!"

"He just said he didn't love you," said Falcon.

"He doesn't mean that," said Fox happily, "It's a figure of speech, it's sarcasm! He does love me!"

"No I don't!" shouted Marth angrily from several rooms away.

"So I'll only ever be affectionate to Marth!" said Fox, determined.

"Oh," whimpered Falcon.

…

"Well that's okay," said Falcon suavely, "Uh… I'm Marth!"

"Yippee!" said Fox excitedly.

They made out.

…

Fox choked on some fur and began to gag.

"You're disgusting!" screamed Fox, "I just choked on your fur!"

…

"You're the one that's covered in fur!" said Falcon angrily.

Fox inspected his body.

"So it is," said Fox.

…

"Yeah…" said Falcon.

…

"Yep," said Fox.

"Yeah…" said Falcon.

Wario ran in and f-

Falcon killed Wario.

"Yay!" cheered Fox.

…

"Can I poke him?" said Fox.

"HE'S MINE!1" screamed a hysterical Falcon, frothing at the mouth.

The End

Disclaimer: The Super Smash Brothers characters are the property of Nintendo.