Chapter One Hundred Five
"I have the coffee ready, do ya want it black or—"
Alex had hollered from the kitchen but once she came halfway through the archway and saw the solemn expressions on each of her friends' faces she stopped mid-question. Arms folded in over her chest as she looked worriedly between the two girls silently wondering where the conversation had led to while she'd been busy fixing the coffee. An eerie aura came about the room now, she swallowed uneasily and shuffled her feet slightly against the wooden floor beneath them. "Everything okay? Looks like the two a ya seen a ghost or something."
Both girls simultaneously shook their heads upon hearing the query. Lorna grinded down on her teeth, bowing her head towards the ground, while Nicky gritted her teeth to keep the bubbling rage from displaying too fiercely on her face.
That did not ease any of Alex's concern. She bit nervously onto her tongue resting a hand on one of the walls she was standing in the middle of. "Anything a cuppa coffee could help with? It just finished brewing," she tried to mitigate the tension which appeared to incessantly grow stronger and stronger with each silently passing moment. Her stare shifted between them but neither budged their heads or even opened their mouths to voice an answer. She swallowed harder, feeling even more unease about the situation.
"Coffee might help if you keep it in the pot and drive me to the Chapman's house immediately," Nicky finally found her voice again, though it came out a bit strained from how hard her teeth were grinding over one another.
Nicky's unexpected response instantly had Alex's brows furrowing curiously over her blue eyes. She removed her hand from the wall it had been resting on and curled that one along with her other over either sides of her hips. "What exactly are ya planning on doing with a pot of coffee at the Chapman's? Bringing them fresh coffee?" She asked, trying to make sense of the request. But it didn't make any at all and she certainly had no idea what the hell the meaning behind it was or if there even was one.
Shaking her head, Nicky threw up both of her hands and waved them around in the air. As much as she wanted to cuddle Lorna to her the anger was overpowering and she'd rather reluctantly force herself off the couch to let it out than to sit there and make Lorna witness it. She did, however, give a kiss to Lorna's head before fully retreating up from the cushion she'd been seated on. Her feet took control of her body temporarily and led her nearer the kitchen, in leu of the coffee pot itself.
"I'm going to take the coffee and pour it on Mrs. Chapman. Take me to her house, Vause—I need to deliver this coffee to her before it gets cold," she fastened her pace, pushing past Alex and frisking her way into the kitchen. Yet, before she had a chance to snatch the hot vessel by the hand, she felt a firm grip on her shoulder which instantly stopped her in her tracks. The hand was firmly resting on her but gently pulled her away from the counter where the coffee pot was sitting.
Slowly, Nicky twisted her head around to see who the hand belonged to and wasn't too surprised to see it was Alex gripping so sternly onto her. Alex knew better than to allow her to do anything stupid or impulsive. Both of which Nicky was good at when it came to her anger and rage. She couldn't always control herself when rage or anger took over and for that she was grateful to have Alex as her best friend. A sane, reasonable, person who could rationalize with her.
A quick glance over Nicky was enough for Alex to take note of the obvious frustration pouring out through nearly every one of her veins. The sight made her lightly caress the hand she held over Nicky's shoulder around the top of it. "I don't know what's happened but I don't think pouring hot coffee on Mrs. Chapman is the answer, kid. All that would do is cause third degree burns and a possible juvie sentence for you," Alex truthfully informed her distressed best friend.
That was clearly the truth of the matter. Pouring coffee on Mrs. Chapman and giving her third degree burns wouldn't solve anything other than gain Nicky a probable stay in the juvenile detention center. And being in there wouldn't do any good for she nor Lorna. So, with a strong amount of reluctance, Nicky nodded her head and rolled her eyes. She hated when Alex or anyone who opposed her was right. Revenge was what she was after but the people who cared about her always seemed to talk her out of seeking it—or, rather, reasoned with her why it would be such a stupid thing to seek out in the first place.
Nicky exhaled louder than normal and placed one of her hands harshly onto the counter back behind where she stood. "Mrs. Chapman deserves to feel the burning of the hot coffee liquid running down her sick uppity body," she spoke through gritted teeth, eyes peering distastefully across the room at nothing in particular. The anger wouldn't release from her. After hearing what was going on with Lorna all she could do was madly plot her revenge in her mind—despite knowing how ridiculous it was for her to even do so. Revenge wasn't the real answer, she knew that. But just because she knew that hadn't meant she liked that or was okay with that.
"What the hell did she do to make you talk like a murderer right now? There will be no coffee burning anyone tonight, that's for starters. But I want to know what's going on. Did she do something that she should be in trouble for? I mean she is a foster parent so if she's into trouble, shouldn't the CPS people get involved?"
An empty chuckle came through Nicky's throat. That was a joke. Fucking CPS. Nicky shook her head violently at the fucking mention of CPS. They should be called PPS, she thought to herself, because it sure fucking seemed like they cared more about the parents than the children. Her head shook even fiercer. Another absent chuckle escaped from her mouth. The whole fucking system was a joke. Lorna's life was in shambles because of how fucked up the system was and it boiled Nicky's rage to no end. Revenge sounded better and better the more she enthralled herself with all the events of her girlfriend's life.
If she couldn't go through with pouring coffee onto the evil Mrs. Chapman then she at least was going to pour herself a damn cup of it. She needed something to busy her hands with. Something to occupy her mind so that she wasn't consumed too heavily by the incessant rage firing through her entire damn body. Having spent so much time at Alex's house now she knew exactly where the mugs were and went to grab one from the cabinet she'd seen them reside in before.
Once a mug had been retrieved and brought over towards the coffee maker, Nicky set it down beside it and grabbed the steaming vessel from underneath the filter. She poured as much of it in her cup as possible and then replaced the pot back under the machine. As she stood over her full mug, the steam came up to her nose and its strong scent eased very faintly at some of her anger. She looped her hand in the handle, bringing it up for a rather long sip.
The cup was set back down once she was satisfied with the quench said liquid gave her and her attention was gradually returned onto Alex. A sigh forced its way from her lungs while she crossed her arms defensively across her chest. "CPS is the biggest fuckin' joke I've ever heard, Vause. They protect the stupid fucking parents more than any children, ya know? Why don't they just call it PPS instead? Since all they give a shit about is the piece a shit parents," her voice grew louder the angrier she got. By the time she finished she was sure she was practically screaming and, in all honesty, she didn't care if she was either.
It was confirmed to her how loud her voice rose when she turned her head and caught sight of Lorna meekly standing in the archway. Within seconds Nicky felt her demeanor rapidly transform into a much softer one. She sighed and held out her arms, gesturing with her hands for Lorna to come all the way in and over to her. "Come here, doll," she lovingly commanded, not once taking her eyes off of the younger girl. Not until she watched Lorna walk over to her did she finally glance away.
Once Lorna had been within reach, Nicky enveloped her open arms around her waist and pulled her as close as she could possibly take her. Her chin pressed softly on the top of Lorna's head which naturally tucked it into the crook of her neck. At least while she cradled Lorna to her she knew she was safe and no one would have the chance to harm or choose for her to be harmed. A sigh bristled out of her. She tilted her head slightly so that she could easily press a tender kiss over the top of Lorna's precious one.
Alex held up a hand as if it were a stop sign. Eyes shifted between the teens; she still was rather clueless on what had occurred with Lorna and Mrs. Chapman to cause such a harsh reaction out of Nicky. Clearly, it had to have been something quite awful. But exactly what Alex remained in wonder. She leaned her body against the counter behind her and fixed her stare more on Nicky then Lorna. "Okay, so, that still didn't really answer my question. What happened? Why are we wanting to joyfully watch Mrs. Chapman writher in pain, huh?" Eyebrows arched up ponderously above her blue eyes.
Nicky caressed her hand delicately through the thick brown waves cascading from Lorna's scalp. Another tender kiss she pressed onto the crown of it, after, and then she tilted her head to look down into Lorna's eyes. She, too, still hadn't received the entire explanation of what happened but what she did hear was certainly sufficient to fuel her hatred towards the entire Chapman clan. "Sorry, doll, I know I didn't really let you explain much—actually, I didn't have the chance to with Alex interrupting about the coffee…"
"Wait, what?" Alex chimed in, throwing an unnerving glance Nicky's way. She folded her arms over her chest and tapped her foot silently against the tiled floor beneath it. "You mean to tell me you've been plotting revenge on Mrs. Chapman without even knowing exactly what happened, Nicky?" She shook her head in disbelief. But the disbelief hadn't lasted long; she knew all to well Nicky heard what she wanted to hear most of the time. It didn't shock her too terribly that she would already be scheming ways to get back at one of Lorna's foster parents without even knowing the whole story.
"I know enough to know that every bit of what I want to do to Mrs. Fucking Chapman she deserves," Nicky retorted back in defense of herself. Arms tightened around Lorna who's head remained lovingly tucked under her chin. Fingers continued stroking and combing through her dark brown waves of hair. It was the only motion she could do to keep herself calm as well as bring comfort to Lorna.
Alex bit down on the side of her mouth while turning her attention onto Lorna. "Can ya tell us the whole story about what happened? Obviously Nicky jumps to conclusions without giving you a chance to explain the situation."
Lorna swallowed a wad of saliva which had formed near the back of her mouth while giving a slow nod of her head. She released herself from Nicky's arms, rather reluctantly, and caught a glimpse of Nicky's coffee mug which was resting on the countertop just a few feet away. Before she got into discussing fully what had happened with the Chapmans and the CPS lady, she decided that cup of coffee looked good and she needed to fix one for herself.
Eyes shifted temporarily across onto Alex again, she waved a hand out in front of her to gain her attention. Once Alex acknowledged her hand motion with a nod Lorna moved her hand over towards Nicky's coffee mug again. "Where, uh, where do ya keep the mugs? If I'm gonna tell ya bout' what happened, I'm gonna need a coffee to help me out…if-if that's okay, course'?"
Walking over to the cabinet where she kept the mugs, Alex grabbed one out of it and brought it back to Lorna carefully handing it to her. She stood there watching as Lorna graciously took the ceramic cup, carried it to the coffee pot and poured a good volume of the liquid into the mug. "Ya want some creamer to mix in, yeah? And Splenda? I keep a box of Splenda in the drawer right next to where you're standing if ya want that. I'll get the cream from the fridge for ya," Alex gently offered and went ahead to the refrigerator to retrieve the half and half creamer carton from within it.
"Thanks," Lorna said after Alex brought the creamer over and set it beside her mug on the counter. She took a hold of the carton, once she had already put the couple of packets of sweetener into the cup, and poured a few small teaspoons of it into the bold colored liquid as well. She used the same teaspoon to mix the coffee and creamer together with until it turned into the perfect golden color that she preferred her coffee to be.
Pleased with the visual aesthetic of her coffee, Lorna set the spoon back where it previously had been and picked the mug up off the counter for a heavily desired sip. It warmed her throat the whole way down which in turn had her eyes innately shut as she immersed herself in the comforting taste and act of drinking the coffee. For as long as she drank it, nothing else seemed to matter. No problems existed in that timeframe. No pain, no hurt, no worrying—nothing. If only life could stay like that all the time she thought once she'd finished sipping her drink and had placed it onto the counter yet again.
She raised a hand up to her forehead and used it to slick back her hair. A sigh escaped from her lungs in a humming whistle. Eyes closed again. Her heartrate felt rather constrained. "I don't own my liver is what I learned today," she slowly responded after regaining a steadier rhythm in her heartbeat. Eyes rolled back in their sockets as she distastefully shook her head. Hands clasped together and then slammed onto the counter space right beside her cup of coffee. "I have no say in what happens to the liver in my body that I apparently don't own." Her eyes moved up and up with each word that spewed from her mouth. Lips were curved into an empty, meaningless, smirk that appeared wider by the end of her comment.
"Mrs. Chapman and my fatha are the ones who I guess own my liver now—they get to make choices that I don't agree with. But it really doesn't matter what the hell I think. I'm just a stupid kid who doesn't know shit," hands were ragefully thrown up in the air from how angry discussing the incident was getting Lorna. Both of her cheeks were so intensely red it would be difficult to tell them apart from a couple of tomatoes.
Lorna grinded her top teeth over the bottom ones to keep herself together but it didn't last long. She couldn't retain the anger; it was overbearing and if she held it in any longer she had a sense she'd physically combust. To combat that from happening, she opened her mouth and hurled out a scream. Afterwards, she gazed at her coffee cup sitting a few inches away and quickly swiped it up by its handle. She sipped down merely half of it in one violent sip before placing the cup right back where she got it from.
A smile pursed from her lips as she looked between Nicky and Alex. "So, I had a real good day if ya can't tell. I mean at least I don't have to make the decision, right?" There whistled a chuckle out of her throat. God, she thought, her life just got more and more fucked up by the day. She felt as if she was living out someone else's sadistic dream. Maybe Satan's. Or whoever the hell she pissed off in her past life—maybe even past lives. Whatever or whoever the reason for her current predicament, all she knew was that she about had had enough of this insanity. She was one problem away from dissolving into thin air. It wasn't possible her life could get even an ounce more fucked up. What else was there that could go wrong?
Neither of the other girls' had said anything yet and by looking at their faces, Lorna could tell the reason for that was due to shock. Exactly the same emotion she had experienced right after Mrs. Chapman declared to her that she was going to the medical center to sign the consent forms for the procedure tomorrow morning. Lorna had no more tears or screams to shed at this point. Even the anger was pointless. Crying or slamming things about wouldn't do a damn thing to change the situation. All she could do was stand there and laugh at the whole fucking thing.
Lips had long melded into a frown upon Nicky's face. Disbelief, shock, anger were all emotions that had taken turns displaying themselves on her face in the span of a few minutes. She couldn't settle on which emotion to stick with. Watching Lorna's demeanor only confused her. She inched closer to her until she was easily able to reach a hand across to place on her shoulder. Fingers tenderly caressed around the blade of it, hoping to bring her a bit of comfort. In actuality it brought more comfort to Nicky than to Lorna.
"No, no, no," Nicky shook her head fiercer with each no said.
She moved her hand from Lorna's shoulder up to her face, framing it softly around her cheek and caressing the tips of her fingers along the length of its soft flesh. Air expelled slowly through her nose the entire time she held her stare on Lorna's eyes. She shook her head again. Unbelievable that people who weren't even fucking related to Lorna had autonomy over her fucking body, her fucking organs. It made her sick. Absolutely fucking sick. "What do you mean Mrs. Chapman has authority to decide whether you give your live to your dad, huh? She's not even a relative, like, what the actual fuck? You can't be serious, Lorna. Please tell me you're not serious."
Lorna only snuffled out a laugh. A laugh that meant nothing. Other than showed her how fucking much of a joke her life was. She felt like she was being pranked. Maybe the entire past four years was all only some cruel prank. Fuck, a cruel prank would at least mean all the shit that had occurred wasn't even real to begin with. She'd have a chance to go back to a normal life if that were the case. But she wasn't stupid or that level of naïve. She knew she wasn't being pranked at all. Her life now was as real as it was going to get. As real as Carol Chapman's uppity attitude, she deemed.
"Nicky, I wish I wasn't serious. It feels like my life is some kinda twisted prank show lately. And honestly I'd prefer my life to be a twisted prank show because then I'd have a chance to go back to living normally, ya know? But that'll never happen. Me and normal just don't go together, do we?"
Another laugh followed the comment she made. She shook her head and her lips stayed molded into a smile. A smile which did not make it to her eyes, not even an ounce. It was as empty as her stomach felt. As empty as Carol Chapman's brain had to have been to say half the things she said in other people's presence. She twisted in Nicky's arms so she could reach for her cup of coffee and once she succeeded in that, she raised it up for a final sip to finish off the remaining liquid.
When it was all gone and making the journey from her mouth to her stomach, Lorna replaced the mug on the counter and refocused her eyes onto Nicky's. "And before that happened, the CPS lady apparently is a stalker," she held a hand in the air, moving it about as she spoke in true Italian fashion. "I don't know how but she found me and my siblings in the hospital cafeteria, Nicky. She told me if I don't stay put at the Chapman's house she'll throw me in juvie. So I guess I'll be going there because I'm sure she has some tracking device in me, I don't know. I just wish I'd wake up from this stupid nightmare. That's what all of this feels like—a nightmare."
Processing all that's been said in merely the past couple of minutes Alex rubbed her eyes with her hands before peering dumbfounded at Lorna. "Since when can they put ya in juvie for something dumb like that? What the hell? God, shit—I didn't fucking realize how messed up CPS really is," she sadly admitted, shaking her head concurrently. Her mind was still trying to wrap itself around everything that had been absorbing into it from Lorna's disclosure of information. No wonder the girl was running around a random trail in the woods—with all the shit she was thrown in one day, who wouldn't need to run into a random trail in the woods after that?
"You mean PPS, Vause. They don't care about Lorna; they care about the stupid parents," Nicky corrected through gritted teeth. Her arms tightened around Lorna and pulled her closer. She bent her head slightly to press a warm kiss over the flesh of Lorna's forehead. "Course' they're fucked up; my sweet Lorna's been living in a damn abusive house for years and stupid PPS didn't do shit about it. But now they fucking suddenly have a problem with her for not constantly being in the Chapman's house? Yeah, they're so helpful. So fucking helpful."
"Well, now, I can understand why ya wanted to watch Mrs. Chapman writher in pain in hot coffee," Alex stated, lifting her shoulders up to the sides of her face.
She exhaled a sharp breath and shook her head. The entire situation was fucked the hell up. Made her grateful that she was an adult orphan and not a teenager. That saved her from having to endure the same fate as poor Lorna. Her eyes shifted onto Lorna, sympathy displaying on her face as she looked at her. "You're always welcome to stay here if ya need a break from the Chapmans, okay? And if the CPS—I mean PPS," she corrected herself when she heard Nicky's throat clear, "comes lookin' for ya, I'll lie to them. I think it's really fucked up they'd put ya in juvie for something that isn't even a crime. When has leaving a house ever been considered a crime? That's just ridiculous."
"According to Miss Figueroa, the CPS lady, I am legally the Chapman's property and if I leave their house other than for school I am legally property of juvie. So guess I'm fucked either way, huh? I might as well become a real criminal since I'm gonna be thrown in juvie regardless," Lorna snickered, throwing her hands up in exasperation. She released herself from Nicky's arms and began walking in circles around the kitchen. Her eyes searched her surroundings very clearly but nothing out of the ordinary caught her attention. She sighed, shaking her head and stopped short of the backdoor leading out of the house.
Nicky walked up behind her and turned her gently around by placing a hand on either side of her hips. "You're not a criminal, kid, alright? And I'm not gonna sit here and let ya do anything to make ya one," her voice firmly assured the younger teen. Their eyes melded together and a crisp sigh shrilled through her esophagus. "You're not property. Whatever the fuck that damn bitch said to make ya feel that way is bullshit. You're a damn person and I swear to god if anyone's about to become a criminal here, it's me. Because I'm ready to go find this Miss Figueroa bitch and strangle the life outta her. I can't fucking believe she would say something so absurd in fronta ya—oh, god, I swear I'll be in juvie right beside you, kid."
Alex slammed a hand noisily against the counter she was leaning near in an effort to stop the two of her friends from saying another word. The violent jolt did exactly that. Both girls stopped what they were doing and slowly turned to look at her. She threw both hands up and let out a breath.
"Listen, nobody here is a criminal or becoming one. I won't allow it. I know we're all upset and pissed off with Mrs. Chapman and whoever the hell this Miss Figueroa is but plotting out ways to hurt either one a them is not gonna fucking fix any of this, okay? You're both better than that and I'm not gonna sit here and let either one a ya do something stupid because you're just mad and upset. Do we all understand that?"
The teens' nodded their heads subsequently and Alex clasped her hands together in relief.
"Good," she said, nodding her head as well. "Now, let's go back and sit in the living room and talk about this in a more mature way. Shall we?"
Lorna rapidly shook her head in protest of the suggestion. The last thing she wanted to do was talk anymore about the whole liver debacle. She was so sick of talking about it, hearing about it, having others' make decisions about it. She needed a damn break from it. Relief, something to make her fucking forget about it. Her shoulders gradually puffed out as air inhaled through her nose. "I don't wanna talk anymore about this. If I do I'll fucking lose what the hell's left a my sanity and there's not much there."
Crossing her arms over her chest, Alex leaned back a bit so her spine was pressing lightly into the rim of the counter behind it. Eyebrows furrowed over her eyes as she peered Lorna over. "Okay, so, what do you suggest we do then? Do not fucking say anything that has to do with revenge or criminal activity because that's outta the question, kid," she sternly warned her before she had the chance to make either one of those suggestions.
"I wanna get a new identity and go to Canada."
Nicky and Alex rapidly blinked their eyes upon hearing Lorna's request. They turned their heads the same direction, shared a glance, and then burst into a fit of laughter. Nicky held a hand over her chest to help regain her breath from all the laughing she'd done. It took a minute or two before she was able to formulate a response that was coherent enough to make sense. "You, ya wanna do what?" Her voice squeaked as a chuckled tried to come out the same time she spoke.
"I want a fake ID and to go to Canada so I can live a new life," Lorna repeated in a matter-of-fact tone. When she caught sight of the two falling into yet another fit of laughter, a frown molded into shape on her face. "I'm being serious. Stop laughing. If you two don't wanna help me I'll go find someone who will," she waved a hand in the air for emphasis and gradually inched her way closer to the backdoor.
"Lorna, that's crazy," Nicky commented once the laughing had faded and all she was left with was catching her breath. She followed behind her but stopped when she heard Lorna unlatching the lock of the door. Lorna really was being serious about this she concluded as she observed her slowly pulling the door open and reaching for the handle of the screen door next. Nicky acted quickly by grabbing firmly onto Lorna's hand to stop her from proceeding.
Lorna turned her head and stared madly at Nicky. "Well, I'm crazy so I guess it makes sense why I have crazy ideas huh? Let me go, Nicky. You two clearly don't wanna help so I'm gonna go find people who will—"
"And who the fuck do ya know that's gonna go along with this?" Nicky tightened her grasp on Lorna's hand, shaking her head fiercely. "No, I'm not lettin' ya do somethin' stupid. Somethin' that could fuckin' get ya killed. It's fucking pitched black out there, Lorna, do ya know how many creeps are out in that darkness waiting for a vulnerable girl like you?"
Brown eyes darkened in their sockets. Lorna shrugged her shoulders. "I don't care. If I end up dead at least I ain't gotta give my liver to nobody."