A.N./ I am sitting here with a head ache. Tomorrow is election day so now school. I have a thesaurus open and am looking up a few words that could be better described. Okay, I will try to add extra spaces to the dreams because I am too lazy to go and put them in italics. If you hold down both shift keys and push another button, nothing comes up.
I couldn't help but blush when Mello said those words. It... I... His words were gentle and perverted at the same time. I knew my mind should not venture to those unseen places while awake. Mello is surely straight. He is almost perfect. The only thing making him imperfect is that he is second best in knowledge. I must add the last part because he comes in first at everything else. I walked away from him and ignored the seen unfolding beside me as I passed it. No use in seeing a normal occurance.
I sat back down at my table. I only called it mine because all of the other orphans refuse to sit with me and at this table at all because I sit here. Thus, the table is mine. Not in all technicallities though. If I were being technical I would say that the table is the property of Wammy's house. I stared down at the white table. A thought suddenly struck me. Does Mello want me to meet him at the same time I was supposed to last night? In all rational thinking I would assume yes, but this is Mello. Mello is inconsitent to the rational way of thinking. For all I know, Mello might want to meet me at midnight. That is irrational though. The library only stays open until eleven or so. I could assume that Mello would like me to meet him before then. Since we don't have classes today, it is Saturday, I opted to just wait in the library after luch until Mello arrived.
I got up from my lunch table and made my way down these cursed hallways once again to the library. This wasn't a normal library. It was like that library in Africa, the one that burnt down that held all of the books. In short, the library is quite large. That would be putting it mildly though. I shall not go into great detail of the many rows of books that fill your sight as you walk into this monster of research. I looked around. There were several empty tables but I chose one in the back that could be seen from walking in but was not near to the other occupants. I hardly come to this paper monster for it has hardly any use to me. When I was younger than now, I am still quite young, I read all of the books here. Reading them again is not something I would like to do again.
I looked at the door. It opened revealing a red head. Not the person I was hoping for but not an all together bad thing. Matt was one of the only tollerable people in this god forsaken place. He kept to himself and did not bother me that much. He only put in his opinion when Mello was around and spouting some nonsense. He kept a rational mind when Mello started beating me. Apparantly he had enough sense to be on look out for his buddy while Mello had his civil time with me. Matt had brains. I suppose that is why he was number three but I don't care for him much. I only envy him. I am not jealous of him. Jealosy is pertains to emotional rivalry where as envy is resentment of a more fortuante person. Matt in this case is more fortunate. He gets to spend time in Mello's good graces everyday. He is with the one I can only dream about being with everyday. I am quite envious of Matt. It, of course, is not his fault that Mello has taken a fancy to him. I am not someone that would ever be taken a fancy of. I am just a plain, white pajama boy. I do not even fit into my own pajamas. They are quite loose but when I ask for more all I get is Roger laughing at me.
"Near, May I have a word with you?" I looked up to realize Matt was sitting beside me and talking to me.
"Yes, what is it that you require to talk about?" I respond casually. As casually as monotone can get.
"Well, I hear that you didn't show up yesterday when Mello set a, heh, study date." I looked at him. Mello did not set a study date. He told me to be in the library at seven. That is not a study date. I do not even know why he told me to be there.
"I do not know what you are talking about. Mello only told me to be in th library at seven. I fell asleep and did not make the appointed time as I had slept until morning." My explanation came out in simple terms. I am not quite sure of Matt's inteligence level so I kept a simple response.
"Whatever you say fluffy but Mello was bitching about it all thoughout breakfast. Just be sure to stay here until he arrives." I nod curtly. I was planning on doing that anyway. I am not a fan of making Mello angry. When Mello gets angry everything goes to hell if it's not already there. I suppose it is not a nice way to describe your crush but none the less it is true. Mello is a time bomb. His anger explodes without any notice. It is not that bad though. I would much rather deal with a hot headed person than a cool headed one who finally snaps. There the kind of people who sit and scream at the casheers everyday for not taking their day old coupon and then there are the casheers who take it day in and day out until they finally snap and shoot the whole store up. Mello is the customer. He is easier to please than the casheer. I would rather endure his beatings than to wait for a bomb to explode.
I look at the clock. 6:52 P.M. is what it read. I sighed. I had been sitting here since breakfast time doing absolutely nothing. I could even feel my mind trying to go back to my Utopia. My brain was forcing my eyelids closed as it searched for my one dream. For my one desire. I can't keep my eyes open for much longer. If Mello does come he is bound to do something to me while I sleep. It is very unfortuante that I can not stay awake to see it happen. I would love to be with Mello when in my concious mind instead of the unconcious one that is trying to take place. Mello...
"Mello, please, I want to hear it from your lips." I look into azure eyes and see them stare back into mine with complete... I don't know what it is but I know I like it.
"Near, I've told you a thousand times." He smiles at me.
"Please, just another time." He looks back down at me.
"Near, I love you." I smile. I can't help it. This is my Utopia. My wonderful perfect world. Though, it is not in definition perfect, it is close.
"I love you, Mello." I could feel something poking my head. ...This is not in my dream.
"Near, wake up. We have to do our project. I'm sorry I'm late just wake up." I could hear Mello's voice fill into my ears. My eyes fluttered open to reveal Mello only inches from my face. On instinct I jumped up from my chair immediatly regretting moving out of close range to Mello.
"M-mello?" He stared back at me with a smirk on his lips. I regain my composure quickly. I had not meant to show emotion. I am supposed to be a robot. Robot's do not have any emotion.
"Near, come here." Mello patted his thigh as he said it. I was utterly confused but opted to do as he said and walked over to him. I felt him grab my arm and pull me onto his lap. I am now quite sure that I am still dreaming. Nothing as wonderful as this could ever happen in real life. I looked into Mello's eyes. They were as happy as his lips were porteying.
"M-mello..." He snuggled his head into my neck and I couldn't help the blush that formed on my face.
"Near, you're soft." My head whipped around as Mello bit down onto my neck.
"Ah!" My mind was becoming blank. I couldn't think straight even if you paid me.
"Nnn... Mello..." He started sucking on my neck breaking blood vessles.
"Hah..." I'm sure there is a hickey there now that he has stopped. The blush that had been on my face previous to this deepened as I wriggled around on Mello's lap. This didn't feel like a dream. It felt real... I tried to get off of Mello but he held me tightly as if to say I wasn't going anywhere.
"Near, stop struggling. You're the one who said I love you." I stopped. He heard me. I was speaking outloud. I started struggling again to no avail. Mello was stronger than me.
"I... I.... P-please, let m-me g-go... hic..." I could feel the tears starting to pour from my eyes. I messed up. I ruined my only chance to ever fantasize about being happy. Mello will never want to come near me again. He's straight. He must think it very disgusting to have another of the same sex like him in a sexual way. It is not socially excepted. It's not right. I messed up. I ruined my life. I fI hadn't have fallen alseep then none of this would have ever happened.
My feet didn't even wait for my brain to command them as they led me back to my room without my consent, not that they needed it. I opened my door to reveal the white bedroom. Everything was mocking me. The whole world was against me today. I flopped down onto my bed and let loose all of my tears that had been building up until this day. Every last droplet of water would leave my eyes. My breathing quickened and I was finding it very hard to breath all of a sudden.
My mind could only process one thought, I ruined my Utopia. I ruined the only thing I still live for. The only thing that I still hope for. I ruined it with talking in my sleep of which I had not the knowledge that I had the ability to do so. If I had the knowledge of something of such importance, I would have never allowed my mind to work on it's own and fall asleep in a public place that I was meant to meet Mello in. It was my fault though. I was the one who did it. I was the one who ruined my life. I should just end it now while I still have the chance. I should just die.
A.N./ I can't write anymore. My head hurts too much. Please forgive the sucky chapter. Vote on my poll for my next story.