The nightmares worried Eddie.

The real deal scared the shit out of him the first time it happened. That one Steve had back after their first argument was tame in comparison. He'd had a few of them over those first three months, some Eddie slept through which made him feel guilty when he woke to find Steve looking exhausted with deep circles under his eyes. Others he woke to Steve mumbling or making pained noises but never anything coherent.

So when he was jolted awake by Steve yelling out in pain he thought for a moment someone was hurting him. Eddie flailed blindly in the darkness, checking Steve but there was nothing there. "Steve?"

"I work at Scoops Ahoy!"

"Steve- Steve!" Eddie caught his arm, pinning it back on the bed before he could hurt either of them. "Hey, wake up!"

He cried out again painfully, curling in on himself. "Look at my outfit! Nobody knows, nobody saw... just let us go!"

"Shit, shit, shit," Eddie muttered, grabbing Steve again and shaking him in his panic. "Steve?! Uh, wake up, Steve! I don't like this!"

It seemed to do something because Steve shot upright, eyes snapping open and he looked around, wide-eyed. Eddie tried to touch him again but was shoved away. "Robin? Where's Robin?!" Eddie struggled to hold Steve down when he fought back, almost falling out of the bed. "Robin?!"

"Steve, she's fine. She's sleeping across the hall. If you calm down we can-"

"Robin!"

Within seconds the door was flung open and a panicked Robin stumbled into the room. She took one look at Steve and shoved Eddie out of the way, taking over and Steve immediately calmed down in her arms. "Shh, Steve, I'm here. We're fine, we're safe."

"D-Dustin and Erica? Did they make it out? Are they safe?"

"They're fine, I promise."

"I need to call Dustin." Steve attempted to get up again but Robin held him firmly. "What if he's in trouble?"

"He's fine, Steve. He'll be sleeping." Robin brushed back his hair, kissing his forehead and Steve relaxed into her arms, holding on tight. She looked up at Eddie a moment later, asking quietly, "can you get him some water?"

"Yeah, sure." He grabbed the glass on the side and made his way into the bathroom. On autopilot he filled the glass, trying to ignore how his hand was shaking. Steve was not okay and Eddie didn't know what to do. He was fucking terrified. Still, he took a deep breath and returned to the bedroom, setting the glass down next to Steve and crouching beside him. "Hey, sweetheart."

Steve flinched away when Eddie reached out to touch him, hiding in Robin's arms. He sat back, hand still outstretched, completely stunned that Steve had flinched away.

"Eddie, it's fine," Robin whispered, grabbing his hand and squeezing it. "I promise. Steve gets like this after a nightmare. He'll be fine when he comes back around. Don't take it personally. I'm the only one who can touch him right now."

"I... yeah." He swallowed thickly and got up. "I'll give you guys some space. I'll be downstairs if you need me."

"Okay."

He paused in the doorway and glanced back. Robin was rocking Steve and whispering something to him but Eddie couldn't see his face in the semi-darkness. He forced himself to close the door and go downstairs. It hurt more than he'd ever admit that Steve had rejected him in that moment. How was he supposed to take care of Steve when he was pushed away like that?

He sank onto the sofa, head in his hands and exhaled shakily.

What the fuck was he supposed to do?

"Eddie?" He glanced up, blinking in the sunlight. When had it gotten so bright? How long had it been? Robin was at the bottom of the stairs and she looked exhausted. She smiled tiredly and came over to sit with him. "Steve's asking for you."

"Is he okay?"

"Yeah, he snapped out of it about ten minutes ago."

"What the hell was that?"

Robin shrugged, looking down at her knees. "Just a nightmare."

"Just a-" He broke off and groaned, scrubbing his face. "No, that wasn't a nightmare. I've seen Steve's nightmares and that was something else. He was screaming for you. It was like he thought you were dead! A-and then Dustin and... Erica? Who the fuck is Erica?"

"She's Lucas' little sister. Look, Eddie, I can't explain it to you. Please, don't interrogate Steve. He's upset and still a little fragile but he wants you."

"Robin, he flinched away from me, you saw that. Does he think I'll hurt him?" Eddie's voice wavered and Robin finally looked up at him. She had tears in her eyes too. "What happened to him?"

"I'm sorry, Eddie, I can't tell you."

"No, fuck this. Someone is going to tell me what the hell is going on!" Eddie got up and ran upstairs, ignoring Robin trying to stop him. Steve was going to tell him the truth one way or another. But when he entered the bedroom and found Steve curled up in the middle of the bed, silent tears streaming down his face, all the anger disappeared. "Steve?"

"Eddie?" He sounded so small and broken. How could he be angry at this man? Eddie approached the bed and knelt by his side again, hesitantly holding out a hand. Steve eyed it warily and then grabbed him, tugging him onto the bed. "I'm sorry, Eds. I didn't mean to pull away from you. I didn't realise it was you."

"It's- it's okay, sweetheart. I'm here now." Eddie bundled him up in his arms, holding on tight. "How are you feeling?"

"I don't know. I'm okay I think."

Eddie could feel the slight tremors wracking Steve's body as he rubbed his back. "Do you wanna talk about it?"

"No."

"Okay." He wasn't cruel enough to force the issue. He just held Steve, much like Robin had and let the silence blanket them. When enough time had passed that Steve was completely relaxed and the tears had stopped, Eddie gently pulled away. He smiled reassuringly when Steve grabbed him again. "I'm not going anywhere. Let's get a shower, hmm?"

He supposed this is what aftercare would feel like if Steve ever went under. Dazed and unsure but following Eddie's instructions. He wished that was what had happened and he massaged the shampoo into Steve's hair and carefully washed it out, making sure it didn't drip into his eyes. Eddie just wanted to make him feel better.

It was only back in the bedroom that Steve seemed to become aware again. He frowned at the shirt Eddie handed him, speaking for the first time in ages. "What the hell is this?"

Eddie laughed, relieved to hear him sounding so normal. "It's a shirt obviously. What's wrong?"

"I haven't worn this thing in years." Steve stared at the shirt in disgust, quickly dropping it on the bed. "It probably doesn't fit anymore."

"Fine, pick your own shirt." Eddie watched in amusement as he rummaged in the drawer, rolling his eyes when he pulled out his Led Zeppelin shirt. "Of course."

"I like it." Steve put it on and smiled. His expression dropped a moment later though and he said quietly, "I'm sorry I pushed you away. I didn't mean to."

"I know, sweetheart." He held out his hands and Steve took them, pulling him in close. "You gotta give me something to work with. I don't know how to help you because I don't know what happened."

"Nothing happened. It was a nightmare."

"Steve," Eddie sighed, lifting his hands to kiss them. "Don't take me for a fool, okay? Were you drugged? Did they hurt you? Because this has something to do with Robin, you've mentioned you two were high once and it doesn't sound like a pleasant trip. Is it to do with the fire at Starcourt?"

Steve hesitated and quickly pulled free. "Nothing happened. Come on, let's get some breakfast." He hurried to pull on some sweatpants and left the room.

Eddie sighed again, taking his time getting dressed before going downstairs. It wasn't going to be easy to talk about this if they even could.

Robin was in the kitchen with Steve and they were huddled together, not talking but heads pressed together in what looked like comfort. Eddie tried not to disturb them but they broke apart as he stepped into the kitchen. Feeling more like an intruder than Steve's boyfriend, he sat down at the table awkwardly.

"I um, I have to get to work," Robin said haltingly, brushing her face quickly. It looked like she might have been crying. "Steve, call me if you need me, okay? I'll tell Kieth you're ill, I can handle today, don't worry about it."

"Okay." He squeezed her hand and smiled. "I'll be fine." As soon as the front door shut behind her, the smile faltered and he turned back to the countertop, away from Eddie. When he spoke it was in a flat monotone, like he was forcing the words out. "I don't have nightmares like that anymore, not normally. It's been months since the last one. I'm... happier now and nothing triggered it. Sometimes they just happen. Please don't make a big deal out of it."

But Eddie couldn't let it go. He could still hear Steve screaming. It was all too real to be just a dream. There was something so wrong about it all and he didn't understand. Taking a deep breath, he said in a measured voice, "I want to ask you something. Can you answer honestly?"

"I guess…"

"Barbara Holland." He didn't miss the way Steve stiffened, grip tightening on the countertop. "Did she really die from exposure?"

"Why do you think I can answer that?" Steve asked carefully after a long pause.

"Steve, you said you wouldn't lie."

"I mean," He threw up a hand and sighed in exasperation. "Yes. Of course she did."

"Chemicals from the lab, right? Just like the papers said. What about Will? Loads of people saw the body, there's no way they made a mistake identifying him and then there's the mall… Something's going on and it all leads back to you and the kids."

Steve said nothing for a long time, the seconds ticking by slowly. Suddenly he stood up straight and ran a hand through his hair, when he faced Eddie his expression was detached. "You're being crazy."

"Don't gaslight me!" He snapped back, moved to anger as he got up and jabbed Steve in the chest. "We both know it's bullshit!"

He realised his mistake when Steve physically recoiled, eyes widening like he'd been slapped.

"No- wait, Steve, that's not what I meant."

"Right." Eddie tried to reach out to Steve but he stepped away, arms folding across his chest protectively. "If it's such bullshit, why the fuck are you even here? You want the truth? The truth is I killed her... Barbara." His voice broke, tears shining in his eyes and Eddie hated himself for bringing it up. "It's my fault."

"Steve..."

"Uh, you need to go."

"No, I'm not leaving you like this." Eddie caught him in the doorway, gripping his arms tight because he was so scared Steve would try to run. "Talk to me, please."

"There's nothing to say."

"You can't just drop a bombshell like that and walk away. I don't believe, even for a second, that you killed her." Eddie squeezed his arms, ducking his head so he could look at Steve properly. "Talk to me, sweetheart. I'm sorry I said that word. I just want to understand what happened to you."

"Nothing happened to me so let it go!" Steve snapped back, wrenching himself free. "God, Eddie, drop it already. Why do you always push me so hard?"

"Because I care," he responded quietly, hands stinging from where Steve had ripped away. He clenched them into fists when they started to shake. "I want to help. Steve, I need to understand so I know what to say, what to do when it happens again. I want to take care of you. I want-"

"Red."

Eddie stopped, looking at Steve in disbelief. "What?"

"I-I want you to stop. You said you'd stop if I ever said red... and I'm saying red." Steve was crying now but he backed away when Eddie reached out to him, shaking his head. "I can't talk about this. Please, go."

"Steve..."

"Go, Eddie. I call you later but right now, I need you to go."

Eddie didn't want to leave but Steve... he was so resolute. What else could he say? So he grabbed his jacket and put on his shoes. At the door though he hesitated and looked at Steve again. "Hey, I'm going because you asked, not because I want to, okay? Don't think, even for a second, that I don't care about you. Because I want to stay. Are you sure?"

Steve nodded, arms wrapped around his waist in that protective gesture again. Eddie wanted to walk over and replace them with his own but he couldn't. Steve had asked him to leave. So leave he would.

"Call me," he said, maybe a bit too sternly but Steve just nodded again.

The door closed behind him with a resounding click.

Eddie couldn't focus at all during work. He was lucky it was an easy day and he got stuck scrubbing the grease out of the equipment. At least it kept his hands busy even if it left his mind free to wonder.

Robin came over during her lunch break, offering to share her bag of fries and they sat outside on the low wall to talk. "Steve called," she started hesitantly, picking at the edge of the fries. "Told me what happened."

"How was he?"

"Upset. You pushed him too much."

"That's not fair, I only wanted answers."

"He can't give you any."

"Why?"

Robin waited until a truck had passed, eyes following the newspaper flitting down the road. "We signed NDAs. That's it. That's all you get. We can't talk about it."

"You... you sighed what?"

"Surely you know what-"

"Yes, I know what an NDA is!" He hissed over her, flapping a hand in a remarkable imitation of her outbursts. "I can't believe this... you're fucking serious, aren't you? I mean, what the fuck?!"

"Please, let it go, Eddie. If you keep pushing for answers, you're only going to lose Steve. He won't talk, you know what he's like. He doesn't want us to get into trouble." Robin abandoned the tray, grabbing his hands instead. "They're listening, all the time. We can't tell you."

"But- but..." he trailed off, remembering how scared Nancy had been in the diner one time when they'd talked about something similar. Steve was scared too. "I can't help him if I don't know how."

And that was the worst part. Eddie could ignore whatever the fuck had happened if it wasn't hurting Steve so badly. All he wanted was to comfort him and help him get better.

"You already help by just being there. Steve doesn't have as many nightmares since he met you. They were terrible before, for both of us. Now though... he's happy with you." Robin squeezed his hands, smiling encouragingly. "He loves you, Eddie. Please don't ruin that over curiosity. I promise you, none of it matters anymore. It's just a shitty thing in our past. Steve is ready to move on and he wants to do that with you. Let him."

They looked up as the town bell rang and Robin sighed, getting to her feet. She handed him the almost full tray of fries and smiled. Eddie managed to smile back. "This sucks, like really fucking sucks."

"I know and I'm really sorry I can't explain more."

Eddie sighed, shaking his head. "Fine. I'll drop it. For Steve."

"Thank you. And now... duty calls." Robin dropped into a bow and straightened up with a grin. "See you later, Eddie."

"Yeah." He watched her go, throwing away the tray a few minutes later and going back to work. He wasn't that hungry anyway.

When he got home, Wayne seemed surprised to see him. "Wasn't expecting you, kid. Not spending the afternoon with Steve?"

"No uh, we kinda had a fight."

"A fight?" Wayne repeated, pausing the tv and sitting up. "Was it serious? Do I need to make tea?"

"No, no, we're fine, I think." He didn't look convinced so Eddie hurried on. "Steve's just... got a big secret he won't share with me. He's having nightmares about it and I don't know how to help him. He shuts me out whenever I try to talk to him about it and it's just so... frustrating." He groaned, falling on the couch with a huff. "I've given up. He won't tell me and I can't force it out of him. I don't want to break up over it either."

"Eddie, we're all allowed our secrets." Wayne reached over to pat his knee. "As long as it doesn't hurt your relationship. Now it sounds to me like Steve is real scared of something and he ain't ready to tell you yet. He'll come around in his own time. You gotta be patient. Like you say, forcing him won't solve anything."

"I wish he trusted me more."

Wayne chuckled. "That boy trusts you plenty. He looks at you like the sun shines out of your ass. Don't go pissing away that kind of devotion, you hear me? You'll regret it."

"I know."

"Are you willing to let it go to keep your relationship?"

"Yes." Eddie sighed and sunk back into the cushions. He was. It wasn't worth losing Steve over, not at all. Maybe Wayne was right, maybe with time Steve would tell him. He could only wait and hope. "Okay, I get it. Let the stupid secret go."

"Very mature choice." Wayne ruffled his hair, laughing when Eddie groaned and pushed him away. "So you gonna call him or what?"

"No, he said he'd call me."

"You're not gonna set up a vigil by the phone, are you?"

"No." Eddie avoided his uncle's eyes. He'd just been considering sitting in the kitchen to wait so he didn't miss the call. "Let's just watch the stupid tv."

"It's cute how flustered you get about Steve."

"I'm twenty! I'm not cute."

"Uh-huh." Still chortling, Wayne unmuted the tv and thankfully said nothing more.

The phone didn't ring. Eddie was getting more and more antsy as the minutes ticked by. By the time Wayne was getting ready to leave for work, he was starting to panic. What if Steve wanted to break up? What if he just never called?

"Eddie," Wayne started with a sigh, pausing in front of the door. "You're gonna wear a hole in the carpet if you keep staring at it like that. Just call him already."

"Fine, fine!" Eddie got up and dialled Steve's number. It rang and rang, going straight to the answer phone. "He isn't picking up."

"I'm sure he's fine."

"What if something happened? What if he's hurt or ignoring me?"

"Eddie-"

"Do you think I should go over there?"

"Boy, shut up and come here." Wayne ushered him to the open door with a smile. "I think I know the reason he weren't answering."

Outside, a familiar maroon BMW was just pulling up. Eddie hurried out to meet him, uncaring if anyone saw when he flung his arms around Steve as he stepped out. "Hey," he laughed, hugging him back. "What's wrong?"

"I called and you didn't answer."

"Well, yeah, I was driving over to see you." Steve smiled as they broke apart. He seemed in a much better mood and it set Eddie at ease. "Wanna take this inside?"

"Sure."

Wayne passed them on the steps, giving them both a warm smile. "Play nice, kids. I don't want to hear about no screaming matches when I get home."

"We're all good, Wayne." Eddie grabbed Steve's hand and led him inside. He shut the door and sighed, looking Steve over. He hadn't changed and his hair was looking a little flat but he seemed happier. "Doing better?"

"Yeah and I'm so sorry I used the traffic light system on you. I know it's supposed to be used for scenes but I just... I needed you to stop."

"Hey, hey, it's okay. I get it." Eddie was glad Steve didn't pull away this time and hugged him back. "I promised you I'd stop if you ever asked. I don't just mean for sex either. If you ever need to pause like that, I'll respect it."

"It's not because I don't want to let you in. I-I can't, Eds. Not about this. Everything else is yours but the nightmares, the reason for them, I can't tell you. Please, can you respect that?"

"Of course I can." Eddie squeezed him tight, kissing his temple. "I won't ask again."

"Thank you." Steve pulled back and with a soft smile, brushed Eddie's hair away from his face. "You're so understanding."

"Edward Understanding Munson, remember?"

"Yeah," he laughed. The laughter quickly died off as he searched Eddie's face, settling into something more serious. Before Eddie could ask, Steve said, "I love you. I don't need you to say it back, I just want you to know how I feel."

"Hey, me too." Eddie squeezed his waist, leaning in to kiss him.

Steve was happy to reciprocate, backing Eddie into the wall as the kissed deepened. They only broke apart when Eddie's stomach rumbled loudly, making them both laugh.

"Come on, let's eat." Suddenly Eddie was starving.