Okay first, I owe you apologies for the real long update. Second, I also owe you apologies for the 'sadness' and 'mystery' of the last chapter. Promise the thing will be brighter in the upcoming ones.

BTW: For my story Sometimes We Learn. There are big possibilities I delete it. Reasons? They are personal but they're the reasons I can't continue it. Sorry.

Pfff… I'm finally done with this! Sorry I might deceive you but that's the way cliffhangers work with me =)

Trouble Deep

My head was buried in my pillow, a wet pillow. My sight was blurry, my heart was half-broken and I felt ashamed and changed by everything in me. My life had been way off line, as my way to react facing something important. I was weak and wrong. For an instant in my stupid life I wished I could have been normal. Without two boys on my mind and just to have to worry about what I would wear at school the next day. I couldn't tell good and bad apart and that was killing me.

Derrick would be out of the hospital today. After the doctor's evaluation on him, he just had a sprained ankle and some deep scars on the body. Beside that, he was still the same as before, with crutches of course. I was supposed to see him the next day to get him to school. That was sure everyone would stare at him, whisper to each other and try to know what happened to him. No one really knew and that was best for me. I never liked my life being exposed in public and everybody knowing every little detail. Sometime, it's best for everyone to mind his or her own business.

As I thought of those responsibilities I would have to take, I sat up straight on the bed. That was a nightmare I had been doing while crying my whole soul out. I was short of breath and my pillow and I really realized my pillow was wet with tears. I had been crying. I had been crying badly in my dreams because of what happened these last days. That was so confusing. I couldn't stop myself thinking of those days Derrick and I passed.

I felt like a wreck. A total oblivious wreck that has a bigger mouth than anyone I knew. Derrick couldn't talk to me straight in the eyes without being totally sad of the situation. It seems like he couldn't stand me anymore for that mistake I did. He barely called me, barely kissed me and barely told me he loved me. That was like living with a ghost. And the way he looked at me, that was painful. It was painful because he didn't stop loving me beside everything, I could see it in his glare. And I loved him too, even if I considered I wasn't worth it.

It was 5 am and I couldn't sleep anymore. Nightmares were too strong for me, I was scared to face the truth. In a few hours, I would have to get to the hospital and help Derrick for his comeback to school. I didn't fear whispers, or even rumors, I feared the person responsible. I was scared he was at our high school. I was scared of what would come next. I knew there were chances that my boyfriend was just at the wrong place at the wrong time but I was terrified. And he didn't say anything to me, just that Duncan did not attack him. When I asked to tell me more, he faked falling asleep. The doctor said he just needed rest; I was telling myself there was a lie beneath everything. Tears were slipping silently down my already wet cheeks as I thought of those past events. I swore I could have died at this moment.

After a few hours of sobs, sadness and feeling like a pain in the ass for everyone, I finally decided to get up and take a shower. Before getting into the comforting water of my personal shower, I faced the clean glass of the bathroom mirror. Damn, I looked like a mess. A really ugly one. No wonder that if Derrick saw me that way, he would hurry up on breaking up with me.

I chuckled at this thought.

After three weeks of worry, I laughed a little. And that didn't hurt me. I wished I could have smiled more in the passed days, as I wished I could have more luck. Trying to forget that, I jumped in the shower and sighed deeply and in relief, softly stroked by the warmness of the water.

After that moment of relaxation, I went back to my room and looked for something to wear. Nothing was worth it. Everything was classy, as I normally like, but I didn't feel like wanting them. I just wanted to put on a hoodie and a pair of jeans, dressing like a boy and feeling like a human that does mistakes, not the perfect person I am usually forced to be. My parents, even if they seemed to be nice people that don't judge anyone, were pretty strict on my life. My boyfriends must be clean, my grades must be high and I must dress like if I were going to meet the president. They always tried to keep me from seeing Duncan once we were dating so we were always finding a way to see each other in secret. When my parents understood there was nothing to do with me, they gave in and let us free, but they forbade Duncan from stepping once in their house. I guess the price was still worthy after all.

No time to think, I put on the first shirt my hand reached while digging in my closet and a pair of old faded jeans I have never thought I would really wear someday out of my room. To complete the outfit, I slip a pair of black ballerinas on my feet. Even if the weather was still breezy for the month of April I didn't mind wearing this out. In truth I didn't care. Let's say I had more important things to mind back then.

I stomped out my room, my heart big and in a pissed mood. Walking in a controlled rage downstairs, I caught the sight of my mom and my dad sitting at the counter height table, smiling and laughing like life was beautiful. My father was, as every morning, flicking through the newspaper while slowly and peacefully drinking his coffee and my mother was preparing breakfast like every other morning. If the scent of freshly grilled French toasts usually attracted me, now it just made me want to puke.

Aw… Why was everything coming from France saddening me? Damn I felt possessed! Where had gone the normal sixteen year old over-achiever? I think Derrick's recent nostalgic mood was just rubbing off on me. Oh I hated to blame him.

Certainly noticing that I had frozen right in the middle of the hallway, my sympathetic mother called my name out, stepping carefully toward me and wrapping her arms around me for a hug.

"Good morning, honey. Are you… okay?" She gently asked, brushing a strand of messy hair behind my ear.

"Yeah, I'm fine. Just fine."I lied.

She faked a smile and went back cooking, gesturing me to sit next to my dad, movement I exactly executed. My father took a hand off his newspaper and starts rubbing carefully my back for five seconds before smiling at me and coming back to his occupation. I took a few gulps of the glass of water in from of me and took a deep breath, waiting for the meal.

My mind started to drift in a train of thoughts. The same two annoying words were coming back and worth to my mind. Derrick. Duncan. Derrick. Duncan. Derrick. Derrick. Duncan. Duncan. It was like a war in my own head! The words kept being screamed louder as a headache started appearing. Though that may be the hardest thing to do, I would have to decide a day or another. But that day had come; Derrick was coming back to school today. That today meant today. And that was sure Duncan would be mad at Derrick for two big reasons; first, he was my boyfriend. Second, he must think it was his fault if he passed near going back to juvenile center. That was enough reasons for him to kill Derrick, but it was mostly my fault. I couldn't escape as I couldn't keep lurking; I had to apologize to Duncan today.

I hated feeling weak about that. I hated apologize to someone even if I knew it was the right thing to do. I hated when that guy was right and, even if I tried to do otherwise, Derrick would discover it and make me feel guilty about it. Then that would work and again I would ridicule myself. In both cases I lost. Well maybe the truth well known is always the best choice.

"Courtney?"My mom's voice broke through my thoughts. I lift my eyes to look at her as she served two perfectly designed French toasts in front of me. I muttered a thank you and started eating though my heart wasn't really by now fond of French things. She sat next to me, smiling and barely touching her plate, before she speaks out.

"Honey, I got something to tell you. It's about Duncan."

I dropped my fork instantly, waiting for the next words to come. If it were about Duncan, it must be bad.

"His dad," She started slowly but wit assurance. "Wasn't really glad when he heard his son had accusations on him for violent assault on Derrick. Though Duncan has… issues, he has doubts he would have done this. What he wants to know now is the truth before his son gets accused of something he apparently didn't commit." She paused for me to react and breathe a bit. When that was done, she finished. "I called Mrs. Thomas and she agreed with me. Friday night we will meet Derrick's and Duncan's family here. So everything will be cleared; innocence as guiltiness. So the investigation on Derrick's attacker will be easier and your two names will be removed."

I almost choked on those last words. I I was a suspect in the investigation. I already knew it somehow but, hearing it from someone else was just… weird. I didn't know what to say. I was really confused and lost and messed up. What about my future? If someone discovered I had been involved into a crime, will that affect my choice for college? And I hadn't even told anyone about Duncan's innocence in that story, scared they would think I had lied to the police. Oh… I wondered. But that was kind of scaring me to meet Duncan's parents. I mean, we already met before but it was awkward to meet in these circumstances. My ex-boyfriend, my boyfriend, my parents, their parents, and my cat Missy surely wandering around the house… Creepy. That would look like the start of a thriller movie, before someone stabs a fork in the back of another one. If I rely on my luck these last days, I would bet a thousand bucks that person would be me.

"I don't know if that's a great idea." I owned up, sipping water and trying my best not to burst into tears.

"I think that is, Courtney."My father interrupted, plastering a dead serious expression on his face. "You can't keep hiding from that. You have responsibilities. We all have."

"You don't understand!"I exploded, letting nervous and lightly hysterical tears slide down my cheeks. I got up and continued. "You are not the one facing this whole damn mess! You don't to support your boyfriend who keeps reminding you everyday that if he is in this state, it is your fault! You don't have a bipolar ex-boyfriend that might have something to do in that story. To make short, YOU aren't ME!"

The wetness blurring my vision didn't make me realize how shocked my parents were. My almost healed headache surfaced back as my anger grew wider and more violent. My eyes were swollen red and my jaw was clenched tight when I decided to give in to them.

"Fine, just fine. We'll meet them." I grabbed my schoolbag hanging on the back of the empty kitchen chair and walked toward the front door, getting startled glares from my folks. "Bye, see you this afternoon."

And I left, wanting to hit the first person I could see.

Damn, I was in trouble. IN TROUBLE! I couldn't lie to Duncan's parents, I couldn't lie to my boyfriend's parents anymore, and I couldn't lie to escape this. But if I said the truth, I would be really as much in trouble with everyone but my name would be cleared. Oh my god, there were no ways to avoid that confrontation.

I didn't know if I should go to Derrick's house and wait for him or if I should go straight to school. Well even if he were my boyfriend, I guess boys too need to have moments for them. I walked straight ahead to school, praying no one arrived there would start whispering false rumors.

I was walking quietly to my locker when I decided to lift my head, seeing one of the very few people that still give me hope these last days. Those blonde Californian locks covering her face, that same surfer-like outfit though we're in the plain middle of spring and those olive green eyes staring at me worriedly could only be my best friend of forever waiting for me at my locker. She noticed my presence but didn't move, surely preferring to wait for me to come. I wanted to rush toward her and jump in her arms, starting weeping and screaming, but I couldn't. Something inside me was holding me back. That selfishness, egocentricity and dignity forcing me to stay the same and shut up, like usually. I wouldn't let anyone see me weak or coward or even vulnerable. I was a strong girl. I could face anything. And that's what I would do. I faked a small smile as I was slowly approaching my fellow friend.

"Hey Court, it's been a while since we haven't really talked."She greeted. I rolled my eyes, letting her toss aside for me to get to my locker.

"Yeah, as you know I've been busy lately."

"Yeah, I know. So… how's Derrick?"

Since Bridgette met that guy, she didn't stop talking about him. Actually, she didn't talk about him like if he were Geoff of some kind of weird guy she would consider as hotties, she was talking about him as a girl would talk about a boy friend. What I liked about Bridgette and I was that I had no reason to worry about her stealing my boyfriend because we absolutely not had the same taste in guys. So about Derrick, I didn't fear anything.

"Well he had some stitches and bruises and a sprained ankle but he's doing fine. He is coming back to school today."

"I wanted to visit him this afternoon but if he comes back today…"

"Yeah I know."I said, digging in my locker for my chemistry book.

There was a silence between the two of us for a moment. Even if I was facing my locker, I felt Bridgette's steady but serious glare piercing a burning hole through my head. I didn't know what else she wanted, I didn't know what else to tell her but I knew I haven't said enough. Thankfully before I screwed up and say something I would late regret, the surfer chick broke the icy wall of quietness between us.

"Look, I'm gonna go straight ahead. I wasn't only here to talk to you about Derrick. It's about Duncan now."

"Bridgette," I quickly and brutally turned around, flashing a withering look with my eyes. "I don't want to talk about it. I don't. Duncan and Derrick are two different guys. I both like them, I won't deny it but it's not the same kind of love. Duncan broke my heart and Derrick is broken, literally. So if it is to have a boyfriend now, I guess I prefer to be alone. No more guys, I'm fucking done!"

I was too busy yelling to notice everyone in the hall was staring at me. I blushed for half a second but rapidly turned back into my normal mocha skin, giving everyone a 'what-are-you-looking-at' look. Bridgette was still a little startled by my exaggerate reaction but she sighed, showing me she understood and wasn't mad at me for this.

"It's okay. When you'll be ready, you know how to find me."

The blonde then disappeared further in the hall, at the sight of her party animal of boyfriend.

I slammed the door of my locker, angry and disappointed of myself. In moments like these, I wondered what that therapy my parents made me follow was useful. I was still an angry bitch, a competitive liar and a bad friend. Worse as a girlfriend.

Talking of girlfriend… He was there. His hair like a mess, gripping on crutches at each of his sides, wearing a red hoodie over a black and white t-shirt, the French student still looked good and… hot. He was perfectly managing to organize his stuff, no one barely needed to help him even if he was trudging toward his locker. It didn't hold me though from rushing toward him.

I stopped in front of him, his green eyes glaring at me with that sadness. No, disappointment. It didn't stop him from opening his arms to me for a comforting hug. I obeyed, putting myself in his warm hands.

"Hey."He simply whispered, making me feel his soft breath crashing on my skin.

"Hey. So… How are you?"I asked, pulling back from his embrace.

"Okay. My members still ache but I'm still a whole."

I smiled at that little humor of his.

"Donc…" He started in that foreign language I'm now half able to understand. "J'ai entendu dire que nos parents, plus ceux de Duncan, ont prévu se renconter vendredi soir, right?"

"Yeah, I know it's crazy."

"Ouais."

I took a deep breath, fearing what I would say next could get him more disappointed of me.

"Je leur ai rien dis."I sputtered.

"What?"

"I said I didn't tell them yet."

"Courtney…"He started before I cut him off.

"I know, I'm sorry. I just couldn't. My folks think Duncan did it, Duncan's parents say the contrary and we both know the truth. What could I do?"

"Dire la vérité."Derrick claimed on a dead serious tone.

"I know. But what if it affects my future? I don't think this country will accept a president with a police record!"

"Okay first, you won't get a police record just because you thought someone did a crime he didn't do. Second, you will get one if you keep lying about this. Choisis ton côté, maintenant."

Fuck, fuck, fuck! Now he looked more pissed! Oh my gosh, I should have listened my dad about Duncan; when we hang out with criminals, we end up becoming one! Yes! That was his fault; he had a bad influence on me! Now I just had tell the police officers that and… Shit, what was wrong with me? Was I enough desperate to lie again and find someone to blame? I wouldn't admit it but the answer was definitely yes. Thankfully I would not since Derrick was watching me.

"Okay, Friday. I promise I will do it. No more lies, I swear. Juste pour toi."

Suddenly, I felt half of the weight my heart had been carrying for too long evaporate magically. Derrick smiled again, his olive eyes glowing of happiness and relief. He slowly leaned in, kissing my forehead lightly.

"Je suis fier de toi, sweetie."

"So am I. "

My onyx eyes met his and when I thought he would lean in and kiss me, he leaned his forehead against mine and pronounced words I dearly didn't want to hear but I knew, with him, that would happen someday.

"I know Duncan hasn't been nice with you these last weeks but he needs your help. You need him as he needs you."

"What does that mean?"I plastered a confused expression on my face.

"We don't always choose our friends, Courtney. I feel there's a bond between the two of you that would never fade even if you're over. I know he can be a real jerk at times but, we both know he's a nice guy."

Even if it was killing me to admit it, Derrick was right. Duncan was still a good guy, especially in that story because I knew I was the bad one. Hmm… That was sort of weird to switch roles. I always used to be the perfect, preppy, uptight, working one and he always used to be the awful, punk, mean and irritating one. Maybe that was true everyone had something to teach. Derrick could be a great teacher in the future, that would be a possible career choice for him.

"You're right, again."

"I always am."He smirked as Duncan would normally do. I must own up I sometimes miss him. I giggled but that trailed off into some kind of bitterness.

"Derrick, are you mad at me for… you know what I've said about your accident?"

"No. That wasn't your fault. You just reacted with what you knew."

"Don't lie to me, I noticed how you've been looking at me those days."

"Oh that…" Here we started, the French guy finally trying to say the truth. "Look, I won't hide to you that I was a little annoyed you didn't try to get information before doing understatements but I try to understand you and it's okay. It's okay to make mistakes."

"You're sure?"I asked to be sure.

"Of course I am. On apprend de nos erreurs." He sweetly answered, cupping my cheek with his hand.

"Talking of this, I have something to ask you."

Derrick waited for my question by allowing me to continue with a light nod.

"When you got beaten up, did you see who did it?"

His sweet facial expression quickly reversed. He was now a little sad, mad as scared and nervous. Like if telling who did this was a big deal, something so huge it would kill him. He pecked my cheek before storming with his crutches toward his first hour class.

"I gotta go, I don't want to get stuck in the traffic."

"But you have enough time, the bell's ringing in 10 minutes."

"I don't want to be late."

I couldn't let him go without an answer. There definitely was something wrong. I caught him up near the stairs and stopped his path, putting myself right in front of him.

"Derrick, is there something you didn't tell anyone?"

"Except my boxers are blue today, no."He tried to bypass me by shifting on the left but I stopped him again my placing my hand on his chest.

"I'm serious."

"Look, I can't talk to you now. On se voit plutard, bye."

And again he found a way to pass and go up the steps.

I knew I had known him for a month now and maybe I didn't know everything about him but I knew for sure he wouldn't usually be this way, as with me than with anyone. There were hidden lies somewhere. Someone was lying, and I wasn't talking about me though that was evident. Perhaps that was killing me but maybe we were, Duncan, me and Derrick, three liars.

Let's hope that Friday night will clear off a lot of things. Espérons...

Sigh.

Next chapter will feature a lot of Duncan, a bit of other characters and drama... Way more drama. But... that will be brighter. Much humor than now.

Review please.

I'll try to update soon.

Still sorry for Sometimes We Learn

But I keep up with the updates.

Truly yours...

~KatyJay09, who's a little depressed by now.