A/N: Alright, glad that people liked the letter. It was kind of the devil to write. I know the end of the chapter might have been a bit OOC, but I think it works. Jane's a bit Victorian anyway, and I think Lisbon would probably not quite know exactly how to react to something like that. I'm standing by it. Sorry this one's late. I had an impromptu nap this afternoon, and then decided to answer my reviews. And that took a while, because my reviewers are lovely.
xxxxx
Chapter 13
xxxxx
"Come on dear," Jane said softly, as he led her towards his car. "You're actually trembling," he said in shock (and, to her great irritation, Lisbon also suspected she could hear a bit of pride in his voice). Jane wrapped his arm more tightly around her. "I did tell you to read that letter in your office," he admonished lightly, the urge to protect the still slightly disoriented woman beside him almost overwhelming, perhaps in part because of its rarity. After all, Teresa Lisbon was hardly the trembling type.
"Shut up," Lisbon snapped, deciding that Jane needn't be such a know-it-all. After all, it wasn't like she'd had any warning whatsoever. Really, this was all his fault, and she'd tell him so. Eventually. She kind of liked having his arm around her at the moment. "I did read it in my office," she added indignantly. "Van Pelt came in just as I finished it."
"Ah," he told her with a nod. "Bad luck then."
"I thought you were going shopping with Harry," she asked.
"I was," Jane agreed. "Or that's what I told Harry anyway. But then I begged off, telling him that I'd be absolutely no help. He knows what he's doing and we both know that I don't. I decided I'd yield to his expertise. Plus I needed to see you. I admit I was hoping desperately that you'd come barrelling out that door any minute." He'd actually worked himself into an almost panic. The relief when he did finally see her was almost overwhelming. "Wasn't quite counting on Grace," he admitted as an afterthought.
"Yeah, well, she can be quite stubborn and over-protective," Lisbon told him.
"Wonder who she learned that from," Jane murmured, pulling his companion a little closer to himself, as they approached his car.
Lisbon leaned in obligingly. "Shut up," she muttered again, but her heart wasn't in it.
"I meant it as a compliment dear," Jane said softly. "Loyalty's an admirable trait. And it's getting rarer. Come on, let's get you home," he added as he opened the passenger door of the car for her.
As he moved away slightly so she could get in, Lisbon seemed to realize what was happening. She turned and grabbed onto is jacket. "Jane," she breathed suddenly. She couldn't let him leave without.. without...
"Easy Teresa," he said, his tone soothing. "We've got plenty of time to talk," he promised.
She shook her head violently, "No," she told him.
Jane's heart stopped beating for a minute.
"No," she repeated. "I need you to... How could you... I mean, loyalty... How could you think that I wouldn't want..." she faltered again. "Sometimes you may be the stupidest man I know, do you know that?. How could you possibly think I wanted you to go?" she asked him incredulously.
Jane breathed once, before crushing her to his chest. "I almost didn't dare to hope," he whispered. Almost immediately he released her. "Okay, here's what's going to happen," he told her. "You are going to get into the car and I am going to drive you home, because I'm pretty sure neither of us wants to have this conversation standing in the parking lot of the CBI, right?"
Lisbon ran her fingers through his briefly, "You may be right there," she told him glancing up at his face, inordinately pleased that for the first time since she'd read her letter that Jane's control seemed to be fraying a bit at the edges. She squeezed his hand slightly before climbing into the passenger seat without further complaint.
"Thank you," he whispered as he shut the door behind her.
Jane got into the driver side, noting how vulnerable she still looked, despite the insults she'd already hurled his way. He was sure they'd be the first of many. She wasn't physically trembling anymore. But she still looked just a little bit lost. It humbled him a little to know that Agent Teresa Lisbon, the woman who could rush into a dangerous situation involving potentially fatal weaponry without flinching, was completely disarmed by his simply telling her he needed her. If he hadn't already been in love with her, he was certain he'd have fallen then. He took her hand again briefly before starting the car. "I promise to get you home in one piece Teresa," he told her.
She grinned slightly at him. "I'd appreciate that," she replied, trying to maintain a semblance of normalcy.
He nodded.
"I can't believe you still have this thing!" she told him suddenly, gesturing to the Citroen. He'd returned Harry's truck earlier that day.
"It has character!" he insisted. "Don't tell me you're still afraid to ride in it."
"No," Lisbon said with a soft smile. "I trust you."
Jane abruptly shifted back into park, uncaring that they were in the middle of the parking lot. He leaned back against the headrest, trying to collect himself. If she really meant that... "Talk," he muttered. "We need to talk. So we're going to get you home and then we'll talk alright?" he repeated, shooting another glance her way.
To his utter shock she was grinning almost wickedly, clearly pleased with herself. "Of course," she told him playfully.
He grinned back, "You're going to be the death of me woman," he practically growled at her.
"Oh, I hope not," she replied coyly.
He laughed. He couldn't help it. God he'd missed her. But she was his now, he was almost sure of it. They just had to have one, admittedly potentially uncomfortable, conversation.
They didn't speak for most of the drive to Lisbon's, both of them apparently deciding that to try would be far too distracting. Jane noticed that Lisbon didn't seem to be able to keep her eyes off him. She kept glancing at him almost every five seconds, like she was afraid he'd disappear. Of course, the only reason he knew that was that he was looking at her almost as frequently for much the same reason. He didn't think she minded the attention though. Not if her playful rebuke was anything to go by. "I thought you were supposed to drive me home because I was too distracted," she told him. "Seems you're not much better."
Jane grinned, "Can you blame me?" he asked. But to Lisbon's amusement, he kept his eyes firmly fixed on the road for the rest of the drive home.
They got to Lisbon's apartment eventually. Jane waited patiently behind her (right behind her) for her to open the door, and he kept a hand lightly on her waist (which she still didn't mind).
They didn't speak when they walked inside either. Lisbon turned to Jane, feeling nervous. All of her apprehensions, which had briefly disappeared in the car, came floating back. And he was standing much closer than she'd anticipated. She felt his arm wrap around her more tightly and she watched him bend down to brush his lips lightly against hers. But rather than watch him pull away, Lisbon decided to move closer herself to kiss him again.
The kiss wasn't long, but she felt it in her knees. And afterwards Lisbon let herself fall into his arms, wrapping her own around his waist.
Jane'd wanted to hold her since he'd first confronted his own stupidity. Now he never wanted to let her go. Reminding himself that the two of them really did need to talk, Jane began to release her, only to feel her hands tighten around his waist. Deciding that talking could wait a few more minutes he slid back into her arms, and felt her answering smile against his neck. "I've missed you Teresa," he whispered against her hair. Feeling her smile widen, he kissed her temple softly.
"You will stay now, right?" Lisbon double-checked. She knew the answer to the question but she needed to hear him say it.
Jane took a breath. Would he stay? Was she kidding? "God yes," he whispered.
Hearing the emotion in his voice Lisbon began to tremble again. "You idiot," she muttered. "You stupid, stupid, idiot."
Jane did break away then, knowing her anger had been a long time coming. "Lisbon, I know that I made a mistake," he started to tell her.
But she interrupted him. "You left me Jane! You were the one who left!"
"I know," he said softly.
"You didn't even send me an e-mail to let me know that you weren't dead in a ditch somewhere!" she snapped. "After everything we'd been through together I had to hear about your new job from Hightower of all people!"
"I'm so sorry..." Jane started.
"Oh, don't apologize!" she replied in irritation. "That's not... I missed you. Of course I did. I certainly don't need you, but you know what Jane? There were days that I really wished I could have talked to you. And don't you dare get all smug about it."
In his defence, Jane looked far more pained than smug, but that didn't seem to pacify Lisbon, who was now on a roll.
"Then you come back," she told him. "And I was pretty sure you still hated me. And then suddenly you didn't. And you confused the hell out of me. And then, right before I think you're going to be out the door again the next day, you write me this letter," she said, taking it out of her back pocket. "Which is completely lovely by the way, and you have the nerve to imply that I'm going to throw you out again! That I don't want you to stay..." Lisbon shook her head and started backing up into the other room.
"Don't you know that all you ever had to do was ask?" she demanded waving her arms for emphasis. "Don't you..." she paused, attempting to collect herself she wandered further into her living room. Jane following, unable to take his eyes off her. This wasn't exactly what he'd been expecting her to be angry about.
""You stupid, stupid idiot!" she snapped. "You were the one who was angry!" Lisbon accused him. "I never was. I understood! Don't you think I understood? Of course I did. It was Red John and it was your family. And you left! I never expected to see you again, but that doesn't mean I didn't want to. You idiot!"
Lisbon abruptly found herself in his arms again. "I know," Jane told her. "Well, I know that now. Before, I... I hoped. You have absolutely no idea how much. But I'd been gone a year, and then I was pretty horrible to you when I did come back. I figured you couldn't possibly want me around anymore. That I didn't have the right to expect anything."
"I missed you too, you moron," Lisbon told him softly, snuggling closer. Jane felt her start to tremble again and he tightened his grip. Her body relaxed against his, though he could still hear snatches of other insults being muttered into his vest.
"I don't deserve you," he whispered.
She pulled back, frowning at that. "Jane..." she started.
But he shook his head as he released her, and began to count off his sins on one hand. "Let's look at this objectively shall we?" he asked. "You put up with me for years, always bailing me out of trouble. Then you do one thing I don't like, and I'll admit, it was a big thing, but I bailed on you without even a backwards glance. Then I waltz into your territory a year later without so much as a warning, generally treat you with the barest minimum of professionalism, while being perfectly friendly to everyone else, flirt with another woman in front of you, defy a direct order, almost getting myself and someone else killed, and forcing you to rush in and play superhero yet again." He sighed. "Have I missed anything?"
Lisbon looked at him, "Well, let's see. How about how I felt about any of it? How about that I liked having you around when you finally managed to get over yourself? That I liked that it felt like old times? Yes, I'll always stand by my decision to keep you out of the plan to catch Red John. But I did hurt you Jane. And besides, when you got back, well, I wasn't jealous of your flirting with Lou, not really."
"Not really?" Jane asked, somewhat amused.
"No," Lisbon replied. "I wasn't jealous because you were flirting with her. You flirt with everybody. I'm used to that. I know most of the time it doesn't mean anything, but I was jealous that she got to be friends with you," she whispered.
"Oh, Lisbon," he whispered back, the remorse obvious on his face.
"And I was forced to be the stick in the mud following procedures and protocols while everyone else got to have a bit of fun," she added.
"See, you should be angry with me," Jane told her.
"I don't think I was angry," Lisbon told him. "Not really. I think I was hurt. And I think I even resented my own colleagues for their easy friendship with you." That had stung a bit, she admitted. And if Jane was going to insist on feeling guilty, it may as well be about the things that actually hurt.
"Well, if it makes you feel any better," Jane replied, wrapping an arm around her waist again. "You were always secretly my favourite, even when I didn't want to admit it."
"That does make me feel a little better," she admitted with a grin.
"I was jealous of that idiot Elliot," Jane told him. "Who I could just about kill right now."
"You had no reason to be," Lisbon replied, though the idea made her smile. She might be forgiving, but she was still human.
"You say that now," Jane told her. "But at the time we had no idea how big a creep he really was."
"But I never really liked him all that well," Lisbon explained.
"What?" Jane asked surprised. She hadn't... But he'd been stupid perfect Elliot! Who apparently everybody'd adored, but the one person who mattered. "I thought, the way you were acting..."
Lisbon shrugged, "He seemed nice, and everyone. else seemed to like him, and I thought it might be nice to have someone for a change, so I thought, why not? But something was always just, off."
"Well, I'm here now," he offered. "You can have me instead if you like."
"Oh, you're staying," Lisbon informed him. "I've decided."
"You've decided," Jane repeated, not sure whether to be shocked, amused, or just plain happy.
"Yes," Lisbon repeated. "I think past events prove that you've been making terrible decisions lately, so I decided."
Jane stared at her a moment. "Okay," he said finally. He had to admit, it seemed like a fantastic decision from his perspective.
Lisbon grinned.
"About Red John," Jane started, tentatively.
"Jane, we don't have to talk about that if you don't want to," Lisbon tried to assure him. "I know it'll probably always be painful."
"Yes we do," Jane insisted. "If we don't get this out in the open now it'll lurk in the background forever."
"Okay," she said nervously.
"I know why you did it," he told her.
"Do you?" she asked.
"Yes," he replied. "You were trying to protect me, and yourself, and you were trying to get the job done. Objectively I always knew that. I just... it hurt that you didn't trust me enough to talk to me first. It hurt that you'd deliberately gone behind my back."
"I didn't want to," Lisbon admitted, looking at the floor. "And I considered telling you. I wanted to trust you Jane, honestly I did. But in the end the risk was too high. What would happen if you snuck out and took matters into your own hands? What if you got killed and Red John escaped? Or what if you killed him and I had to arrest you for murder and put you in jail Jane? I couldn't have dealt with that. I couldn't have put the handcuffs on you and locked you away. That would have broken me. You were my best friend. So I did the only thing I could. Made the only decision I could make. Even though I wished that I didn't have to make it."
Jane stood and began walking around the room. "You hurt me then Lisbon. I'm not going to lie to you. But over the past year, well, I know you might find this hard to believe but I did manage to find some closure. About my family, about the murders, about Red John."
"I'm glad," she told him.
He walked over to her then, and began trailing his fingers around her wrist. "And I think that I've managed to come to terms with what happened, at least a little. Then after what happened a few days ago with Lou, well, I understood why you were worried about what I might do, how I might react. That forced me to look at things from your perspective; I mean really look at them," Jane told her honestly. Then he shrugged. "That's when I realized that I'd forgiven you."
"Patrick," she breathed.
"I meant what I said in that letter Teresa," Jane told her. "I have completely and utterly forgiven you, so you're not allowed to feel guilty about Red John anymore. It was the right decision in the end."
"I know," she replied. "But your family..."
"My family's killer was caught by the team I was a part of," he reminded her. "Remember?"
She nodded, not trusting her voice.
Jane ran a hand through her hair. "What did everyone think when I left?" Jane asked after a moment. "God, tell me that they didn't blame you."
Lisbon shook her head. "No, they understood. Both of our perspectives actually. No one was thrilled that you left without saying goodbye, but they knew why."
"They seem to have gotten over it," Jane told her.
"Tolerably well," Lisbon agreed. "I think Cho may have been pining for about a month though."
Jane snorted. "How could you tell?"
"Every so often he'd glance at your couch and his facial expression would almost change," Lisbon replied in a tone of exaggerated seriousness. "But don't worry, Rigsby and Van Pelt supported him through the difficult period."
"I'm so glad," Jane told her with a smile. "I'll have to find a way to make it up to him."
"He likes books," Lisbon supplied helpfully.
"Thank you ever so much," Jane said with a smirk. "I had noticed that actually."
"I'm sure Cho's not expecting anything from you now," Lisbon told him. "In fact, I think he'd probably find it awkward if you did try to have a heart to heart."
"I'm not going to try to have a heart to heart with Cho, Lisbon," Jane said in exasperation. "Can you even imagine?"
Lisbon had to admit that she could not.
"But I have to try and make it up to somebody," Jane told her, pleased when she looped her fingers through his. "Since I'll never be able to make it up to you."
She swatted him, "You don't need to make it up to me Jane. That's what I've been trying to tell you."
"But I'd like to," he told her. "I'd really like to. Come on Lisbon," he wheedled. "There must be something I can do."
Without realizing it, Lisbon paused to consider his offer.
"There!" Jane exclaimed happily. "That! Whatever you're thinking of right now. What is it?"
Lisbon glanced at him sideways, her eyes shy. "Would you make me brownies?" she asked hopefully.
Jane stared at her for a moment before chuckling. "Brownies?" he asked her. "I offer to do basically anything to apologize, and you want brownies?"
"But you make the best brownies," Lisbon muttered. "And nobody ever bakes me anything anymore. Never mind. It was stupid..."
"Oh, I'm going to do it," Jane told her candidly. If she'd told him she wanted a three-tiered cake he'd have probably stopped by the library and picked up Pastry Chefs for Dummies. "That was never my point," he added. "You do realize that most women would have me positively grovelling right now while you asked for baked goods?"
"Yeah well, I want brownies," Lisbon told him petulantly.
"Do you know if you even have the ingredients?" Jane asked her, sure he was grinning like an idiot.
"Probably not," Lisbon told him honestly.
Jane nodded to himself. He should have known. "Okay," he told her. "I'm going to check your kitchen to see what you do have, and then I'm going to go to the store and get the rest, alright?"
"Alright," Lisbon replied as she followed him into her kitchen. She watched indulgently as Jane started flipping through her cupboards, muttering under his breath.
"Lisbon, there's dust on your blender!" Jane exclaimed. "It looks like it hasn't been used in a year!"
"It probably hasn't," Lisbon admitted. "I can cook Jane, but I don't bake. That can be your job," she told him cheerfully.
Jane looked up then. "Oh, I see how it is," he told her. "You're keeping me around for my baking skills."
Lisbon nodded happily.
"I'm okay with that," Jane admitted.
A few minutes later (and after much shuffling around in Lisbon's cupboards) Jane turned back towards her. "You actually have more of the ingredients than I thought you would," he admitted. "I'll be back in about twenty minutes. Do you need anything else at the grocery store," he asked her walking towards the door.
Lisbon trailed after him, "Don't think so," she told him, leaning beside the door.
"You are going to let me back in here when I get back right?" Jane asked playfully.
Lisbon knew he meant it as a joke, but she thought she saw a hint of worry behind the twinkle in his eyes. She frowned briefly. Idiot. Taking his face in her hands, she kissed him firmly.
"So that's a yes then?" Jane asked when she broke away.
Lisbon grinned, and kissed him again.
Jane wrapped his arms around her again, deciding he could really get used to this.
"I could make you dinner too if you'd like," he promised hopefully when she moved away again.
Lisbon laughed and kissed him again, on the cheek this time. "I thought we could order in, that Thai place we used to get stuff from all the time," she told him. "You can make dinner for me another night if you want," she promised. "Now go."
When he was gone Lisbon glanced around her apartment almost giddy. Sure, her afternoon hadn't exactly started out ideally, what with Cho walking into her office and telling her a man that she'd gone out to dinner with was quite possibly a criminal. However, there'd been a definite upswing since then. Speaking of potential criminals, she wondered how her team was getting on.
Van Pelt wouldn't tell her anything if Lisbon called her, but one of the other two would probably be easier to get information from. She dialled a familiar number.
"Cho," she heard on the other end of the line.
"Hi, it's me," Lisbon told him.
"Aren't you supposed to be taking the afternoon off?" Cho asked her.
"I am," Lisbon insisted. "I was just wondering if you guys found anything."
"Van Pelt told you we'd call you if we found something," Cho reminded her. "Have we called you?"
"No," Lisbon admitted slowly.
"Then you can assume we haven't found anything," Cho told her. "Relax Lisbon. And have a nice afternoon." With that he hung up.
Lisbon stared at her phone in surprise. Then she shrugged. At least Cho was succinct. And she wouldn't have to feel at all guilty about enjoying Jane's brownies if nothing was going on at the office. And they did have the rest of the afternoon. Maybe Jane would watch a movie with her.
xxxxx
Lisbon watched as Jane took the brownies from the oven. "Are my brownies ready?" she asked him hopefully.
"Just about," he told her. "You do know that you have to let them cool right?"
Lisbon rolled her eyes.
"I was just checking," Jane muttered. "There is something that we've avoided talking about this afternoon."
"What's that?" Lisbon asked, her stomach clenching a bit at his tone.
"Hightower," Jane replied. "Apparently you have no problem taking me on again, but she might," he reminded her.
Lisbon waved that off, her sense of dread lessening. "Hightower loves you," she told him truthfully.
"Well, she used to," Jane admitted. "Maybe not so much anymore."
"Because of what happened to Lou?" Lisbon asked. "Don't worry about that, she wasn't too upset. And besides, she's on another one of her campaigns to raise the profile of the CBI. If anything you're more famous after your year of freelancing than before, at least in-state. Just play that up and you'll be fine. Especially since I'll tell her I'm all for the idea," Lisbon added.
Jane smiled, "You've decided how this is going to go already, haven't you."
"I have," Lisbon told him. "Like I said, I'm making the important decisions for a while. Even you admit that your decisions lately have been suspect. And I've decided everything'll be fine."
"And if it's not?" Jane asked, as he started cutting up the brownies.
"Then I guess you'll just have to hypnotize her," Lisbon told him with a shrug.
Jane almost dropped the knife as he whipped around to look at her. "You're not serious?"
"And if I am?" Lisbon asked. "It's a last resort," she said defensively.
"Who are you and what have you done with Teresa Lisbon?" Jane demanded.
"I told you," Lisbon repeated. "You're staying." And she wasn't going to let Hightower screw this up for her. Not this. Lisbon was finally getting something she wanted. Hightower would have to deal with that. Besides, Lisbon really wasn't anticipating it being a problem.
Jane stared at her for a long moment. She looked... determined. She really had quite simply decided that he was staying, and he suspected there was nothing that anyone, even him, could do about it. Not that he wanted to do anything about it. He loved it when her stubbornness worked in his favour. Maybe, maybe everything really would be alright. "Okay," Jane said finally, as he set the plate of brownies in front of her. "Hypnotism as a last resort."
"What about the trust thing?" Lisbon asked him.
He sighed; he should have known that would come up eventually as well. "Lisbon, I trust you," he told her. "Like I said, I was angry. But I do."
"Okay," she agreed.
"But you don't trust me," Jane surmised.
"I honestly don't know," she admitted. "I want to. I used to trust you when it came to pretty much anything but Red John," she told him. "And I trust that you'd never intentionally put me in danger or hurt me. But I need you to promise me that you'll really try never do anything as stupidly dangerous as you did a few days ago."
"Done," Jane told her. "I promise to try."
"As for the rest," Lisbon shrugged. "I can't tell you that I trust you as much as I did before you left," she told him. "Because you did leave. But I promise to try to. I will try Patrick," she repeated. "I just don't know how long it'll take, but I want to trust you. I just, I have trouble with that... I don't know if that's enough or..."
He took her hand, and kissed the back of it. "It's more than I was ever expecting Teresa," he admitted. Then he carried the plate of brownies over to the coffee table, before flopping down on the couch.
"You're sure you can trust me?" she double-checked as she sat next to him. "After I..."
"I'm sure," he told her seriously. "If it had been about anything else would you have kept it from me?"
"No," she admitted.
"See now," he told her with a shrug. "I'm not going to change overnight Teresa," he said suddenly. "I'm still me. And I'm sure I'll be getting you into trouble all the time. Are you absolutely sure that..."
"I'm sure," she interrupted. "I wasn't expecting a major transformation. I know my paperwork will triple again. I'm anticipating the complaints. I was never under any illusions that you'd be a totally different Patrick Jane," she assured him. "I don't think I'd ever want that. It wouldn't be nearly as fun. And I'm still going to yell at you when you screw up you know."
"I'm looking forward to it," Jane admitted.
"Are you sure you won't miss freelancing?" Lisbon asked him as she took a brownie. "Like you said, there is less paperwork, less protocol, and fewer rules than the CBI."
"Please, I think we can both agree that I could probably use a few rules," he told her. "Much as I'll still probably try and bend or break them daily."
"Well, I'd imagine that freelancing also pays better," Lisbon pointed out.
"Come on Lisbon, if it was just about the money we both know I could go to Vegas and win the equivalent of my current yearly salary at the poker tables in about a day. I don't give a damn about the money or the publicity, though that can sometimes be fun. I miss drinking tea in your office at midnight while you finish your paperwork and I stare at the ceiling going over things in my mind. I hate having to work with a new law enforcement professional every week. And none of them are ever as good as you. I hate having to convince them to let me work. They never understand. You understand. Sometimes you get mad, or you don't let me do what I want, but you always try. And I miss the team. I miss having people around who know me. I miss arguing with you, and how frustrated you get every time I do something insane. I miss having some who fights for me, someone who's sympathetic when I get punched in the nose, unless you're the one doing the punching. I miss your eyes Lisbon. Hell, I even miss the abuse. Basically I just miss you."
"Oh God," she muttered.
"I told you a lot of that in the letter," he reminded her. "Maybe not in quite so much detail."
"I know, but hearing it," she choked out. "It's different." And it was, especially when it was something you'd always wanted to hear, but never actually expected to.
"Then maybe you should brace yourself for this one," he murmured. He crouched in front of her on the couch. "I think I may be in love with you Teresa."
She stared at him, eyes wide for a moment. Then Jane felt her tugging him towards her by his lapels. When he felt her hands running through his hair as she kissed him, Jane figured he must have done a really good job with those brownies.
"Jane I..." she told him as she broke away. He was surprised to see that she was shaking a bit again. He grabbed a throw from the back of the couch and wrapped it around her.
"Shh..." he told her. "You don't need to say anything, I know it's probably sudden, but I... I needed to tell you."
She shook her head violently. "It's not that," she told him. "It's not... You don't understand."
"Lisbon," he told her. "You can..."
"I used to have these thoughts occasionally, especially towards the end of our partnership" she blurted out. "Like that time you kidnapped me and took me to the beach for my birthday, or once when you built a fort with the victim's kids once on a case, or sometimes when I found you asleep in my office at like nine at night after I had a late meeting, or sometimes just for no reason at all, because you were smiling at me, or trying to play some sort of stupid game. And I was attracted to you," she muttered into his shoulder, and she felt his breath catch. She ran her hand across his chest in random patterns. "But I buried it deep. I had to. I mean, there was Red John, and it was probably inappropriate. We could be friends. That was safe, but anything else..." She trailed off and took another breath. "Anything else was too dangerous for both of us. It could have destroyed what we did have. But I used to have these passing hopes that maybe... maybe after. But then you left. So I figured it wasn't going to happen. And I pushed it all back down, pretended it hadn't ever existed. And then you came back. But I figured there was no way you'd want to stay. And I couldn't ask you, because if you said no. I couldn't hear that. And then to read that letter and hear all that," she told him. "It's a bit overwhelming."
Jane tipped her face back up to his. He began placing kisses along her jaw line. "So you're attracted to me are you?" he asked his voice husky.
Lisbon shivered. "God yes," she hissed. Oh if she'd known he could do what he was doing she'd have tied him down long ago. He was definitely staying now.
Jane moved his lips across her throat, enjoying the way she sighed in approval. God the woman tasted good. "Well that's awfully convenient," he told her. "Because I can assure you the feeling is very mutual," he murmured before kissing where her throat met her shoulder.
"Jane," she whimpered.
"Patrick," he corrected.
"Patrick," she repeated.
"Hm, yes Teresa?" he asked as he kissed his way down her collar bone.
"I'm not sure if this is the best time to mention this," she said as she ran her hands over his shoulders. "But I think I might be in love with you too."
Much to Lisbon's disappointment Jane abruptly stopped what he was doing. She opened her eyes (though she didn't remember closing them) to see him leaning over her, quite simply staring. The man looked completely and utterly gobsmacked.
Lisbon bit her lip to try and control her grin. But it was no use. Which was okay, because soon they were both grinning like fools. Giggling, Lisbon threw her arms around his neck.
"You should have seen your face," she told him.
"Well, I was surprised," he replied candidly.
"I don't know why," she remarked dryly.
"You know how you mentioned things you never ever expected to actually hear," he said. "I know why I love you. That's obvious. I'm not entirely sure why you love me."
She paused before answering honestly, "You let me have fun," she whispered.
Jane leaned his forehead against hers. "Okay," he said softly.
"So now what?" she asked.
"We'll work it out Lisbon," he told her. "I'm sure we can make this work."
"And what is this exactly?" she asked him tentatively.
"I guess we never actually discussed that did we?" Jane asked.
"Nope," Lisbon confirmed.
Jane laughed softly. "Well, I don't know about you," he told her. "But I'd like to try a relationship. What do you think?"
She smirked. "I guess I'd be okay with that."
"Is this going to be a problem with Hightower?" he asked her suddenly, his expression grave.
Lisbon paused. "I don't know," she admitted. "I can't remember exactly what the fraternization policy is with consultants. I don't think it'll be a problem though."
"You don't know?" Jane repeated surprised.
"Despite what you may think Patrick Jane," she told him. "I don't have the CBI rule book memorized. That's Cho."
"I... wait a minute," Jane said. "Cho has the CBI handbook memorized?"
"He used to at least," Lisbon told him. "I was never sure exactly why."
"You really think it'll be okay?" Jane asked again. "Because I don't want to lose you."
She grinned. "I do. And if it's not, you'll just have to make it one of the conditions of your return," she told him.
"And if that doesn't work I suppose we fall back on hypnosis?" he double-checked.
"Exactly," Lisbon told him with a nodd.
"Okay," Jane agreed.
"Jane?" she asked, after a moment.
"Yes dear?"
"Do you want to watch a movie?"
"I'd love to," he said softly. "But let's order that Thai food first."
xxxxx
TBC
Alright, I really tried not to make it too corny. Fingers crossed that it worked out. Epilogue up tomorrow.